How did you not kill each other during the baby years?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different focuses. I think when everyone has plenty of sleep and plenty of time, everything gets done. When the sleep and the time get limited, people start to crack a little. My SO would do dumb shit. Like in your example, he would only do the yard work. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in months (due to bf) and you want a cookie and a pat on the back because the yard looks good? How about, I don’t know, watching your kid so I can consistently shower or take a walk alone or whatever.

Ok but that’s your choice. I think a lot of the pain of having young kids is self inflicted. There are so many moms who Moll themselves breastfeeding and don’t sleep train. Did your DH ask you to wake up every 3 hours to feed your kid? I doubt it. So it’s kind of silly to judge him. I don’t want a miserable life so I don’t breastfeed and I sleep train at a young age.

I hate women like you. I really do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to delegate stuff and then not do it or talk about it. When my kid was young my husband was in charge of dinner. I didn’t plan dinner, grocery shop or talk about it. If he didn’t figure it out, there wouldn’t be any. Yes there is takeout but even men get tired of unhealthy takeout.

+1

Have him pick some big category of stuff (cooking, laundry, or cleaning are my first go tos) that he handles, and completely stop doing anything related to that. Get yourself out of the “manager” roll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different focuses. I think when everyone has plenty of sleep and plenty of time, everything gets done. When the sleep and the time get limited, people start to crack a little. My SO would do dumb shit. Like in your example, he would only do the yard work. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in months (due to bf) and you want a cookie and a pat on the back because the yard looks good? How about, I don’t know, watching your kid so I can consistently shower or take a walk alone or whatever.

Ok but that’s your choice. I think a lot of the pain of having young kids is self inflicted. There are so many moms who Moll themselves breastfeeding and don’t sleep train. Did your DH ask you to wake up every 3 hours to feed your kid? I doubt it. So it’s kind of silly to judge him. I don’t want a miserable life so I don’t breastfeed and I sleep train at a young age.

I hate women like you. I really do.

Why? If anything you should be hating on the women who breastfeed, stay up on all night, and then complain about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different focuses. I think when everyone has plenty of sleep and plenty of time, everything gets done. When the sleep and the time get limited, people start to crack a little. My SO would do dumb shit. Like in your example, he would only do the yard work. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in months (due to bf) and you want a cookie and a pat on the back because the yard looks good? How about, I don’t know, watching your kid so I can consistently shower or take a walk alone or whatever.

Ok but that’s your choice. I think a lot of the pain of having young kids is self inflicted. There are so many moms who Moll themselves breastfeeding and don’t sleep train. Did your DH ask you to wake up every 3 hours to feed your kid? I doubt it. So it’s kind of silly to judge him. I don’t want a miserable life so I don’t breastfeed and I sleep train at a young age.

What? DH may have not asked her to wake up but the baby sure did. If possible, breastfeeding is best. That poster was doing what was in the best interest of their child. DH should be supportive. You sound selfish and lazy and that's why you don't breastfeed. Can't imagine what else you don't bother with at your child's expense.

Wow. You can call me selfish and lazy, but my child is happy and so am I. I sleep 8-9 hours a night and have a great life. I don’t see any point in breastfeeding and staying up all night with a kid. It’s not like anyone has any idea years later which kids were breastfed and which kids screamed and cried all night because of it.

Regardless you missed the point. Breastfeeding and tending to a kid all night is optional. OP’s husband isn’t doing it, right? OP doesn’t have to either. Some men aren’t going to be that bothered that you’re exhausted because you’re doing something completely optional.

Of course I live my life like a man. I sleep, value my career and have an active social life. I don’t make my life harder by not sleep training or breastfeeding. I would reconsider if there were a benefit, but I don’t see one.

You have so much internal hatred towards women. You "live life like a man= sleep, valuing a career and an active social life" so to you being a woman means no sleep, no valued career, and no friends. There is never an indication in your posts that men should do more its always for women to do less, lest they "martyr" themselves on the cross of motherhood. Well, you only martyr if you are doing it yourself. If you have an active partner who sees the value in participating in providing safety, security, and love for children outside of their monetary contributions then you tend to have less problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different focuses. I think when everyone has plenty of sleep and plenty of time, everything gets done. When the sleep and the time get limited, people start to crack a little. My SO would do dumb shit. Like in your example, he would only do the yard work. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in months (due to bf) and you want a cookie and a pat on the back because the yard looks good? How about, I don’t know, watching your kid so I can consistently shower or take a walk alone or whatever.

Ok but that’s your choice. I think a lot of the pain of having young kids is self inflicted. There are so many moms who Moll themselves breastfeeding and don’t sleep train. Did your DH ask you to wake up every 3 hours to feed your kid? I doubt it. So it’s kind of silly to judge him. I don’t want a miserable life so I don’t breastfeed and I sleep train at a young age.

I hate women like you. I really do.

Why? If anything you should be hating on the women who breastfeed, stay up on all night, and then complain about it.

See my post below and realize how much hatred you have towards women. Or women who dont act like "men". Im sure if you could pay someone to have your children for you, you would, which is fine, but the end result here is you placing perceived burdens on someone else so that you dont have to carry them- literally and figuratively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different focuses. I think when everyone has plenty of sleep and plenty of time, everything gets done. When the sleep and the time get limited, people start to crack a little. My SO would do dumb shit. Like in your example, he would only do the yard work. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in months (due to bf) and you want a cookie and a pat on the back because the yard looks good? How about, I don’t know, watching your kid so I can consistently shower or take a walk alone or whatever.

Ok but that’s your choice. I think a lot of the pain of having young kids is self inflicted. There are so many moms who Moll themselves breastfeeding and don’t sleep train. Did your DH ask you to wake up every 3 hours to feed your kid? I doubt it. So it’s kind of silly to judge him. I don’t want a miserable life so I don’t breastfeed and I sleep train at a young age.

Breastfeeding or not, no one is getting enough sleep when baby is 2 months old. Feeding bottles might help a little (my ex wouldn't even give a bottle - formula, pumped breastmilk, it didn't matter what was needed - if baby woke up it was my problem) but at 2 months old, babies are exhausting no matter how you feed them.

OP - I think this is when you need to realize that both of you are exhausted, fried, tired, and you might need to hire outside help. A postpartum doula might be a great help to you, or having your mom (or another helpful family member) come visit or stay a few weeks could really help. I'd also suggest trying to find a few minutes to reconnect with your husband and trying to spend some time enjoying each others company every day.

This period is really hard. It will pass one day at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different focuses. I think when everyone has plenty of sleep and plenty of time, everything gets done. When the sleep and the time get limited, people start to crack a little. My SO would do dumb shit. Like in your example, he would only do the yard work. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in months (due to bf) and you want a cookie and a pat on the back because the yard looks good? How about, I don’t know, watching your kid so I can consistently shower or take a walk alone or whatever.

Ok but that’s your choice. I think a lot of the pain of having young kids is self inflicted. There are so many moms who Moll themselves breastfeeding and don’t sleep train. Did your DH ask you to wake up every 3 hours to feed your kid? I doubt it. So it’s kind of silly to judge him. I don’t want a miserable life so I don’t breastfeed and I sleep train at a young age.

What? DH may have not asked her to wake up but the baby sure did. If possible, breastfeeding is best. That poster was doing what was in the best interest of their child. DH should be supportive. You sound selfish and lazy and that's why you don't breastfeed. Can't imagine what else you don't bother with at your child's expense.

Wow. You can call me selfish and lazy, but my child is happy and so am I. I sleep 8-9 hours a night and have a great life. I don’t see any point in breastfeeding and staying up all night with a kid. It’s not like anyone has any idea years later which kids were breastfed and which kids screamed and cried all night because of it.

Regardless you missed the point. Breastfeeding and tending to a kid all night is optional. OP’s husband isn’t doing it, right? OP doesn’t have to either. Some men aren’t going to be that bothered that you’re exhausted because you’re doing something completely optional.

Of course I live my life like a man. I sleep, value my career and have an active social life. I don’t make my life harder by not sleep training or breastfeeding. I would reconsider if there were a benefit, but I don’t see one.

You have so much internal hatred towards women. You "live life like a man= sleep, valuing a career and an active social life" so to you being a woman means no sleep, no valued career, and no friends. There is never an indication in your posts that men should do more its always for women to do less, lest they "martyr" themselves on the cross of motherhood. Well, you only martyr if you are doing it yourself. If you have an active partner who sees the value in participating in providing safety, security, and love for children outside of their monetary contributions then you tend to have less problems.

I didn’t know that OP was a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different focuses. I think when everyone has plenty of sleep and plenty of time, everything gets done. When the sleep and the time get limited, people start to crack a little. My SO would do dumb shit. Like in your example, he would only do the yard work. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in months (due to bf) and you want a cookie and a pat on the back because the yard looks good? How about, I don’t know, watching your kid so I can consistently shower or take a walk alone or whatever.

Ok but that’s your choice. I think a lot of the pain of having young kids is self inflicted. There are so many moms who Moll themselves breastfeeding and don’t sleep train. Did your DH ask you to wake up every 3 hours to feed your kid? I doubt it. So it’s kind of silly to judge him. I don’t want a miserable life so I don’t breastfeed and I sleep train at a young age.

Breastfeeding or not, no one is getting enough sleep when baby is 2 months old. Feeding bottles might help a little (my ex wouldn't even give a bottle - formula, pumped breastmilk, it didn't matter what was needed - if baby woke up it was my problem) but at 2 months old, babies are exhausting no matter how you feed them.

OP - I think this is when you need to realize that both of you are exhausted, fried, tired, and you might need to hire outside help. A postpartum doula might be a great help to you, or having your mom (or another helpful family member) come visit or stay a few weeks could really help. I'd also suggest trying to find a few minutes to reconnect with your husband and trying to spend some time enjoying each others company every day.

This period is really hard. It will pass one day at a time.

Formula feed

Husband is in charge from 8 - 2 AM
Mom 2 Am - 8 AM

Everyone should get a 5 hour window of sleep.

Not that hard. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different focuses. I think when everyone has plenty of sleep and plenty of time, everything gets done. When the sleep and the time get limited, people start to crack a little. My SO would do dumb shit. Like in your example, he would only do the yard work. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in months (due to bf) and you want a cookie and a pat on the back because the yard looks good? How about, I don’t know, watching your kid so I can consistently shower or take a walk alone or whatever.

Ok but that’s your choice. I think a lot of the pain of having young kids is self inflicted. There are so many moms who Moll themselves breastfeeding and don’t sleep train. Did your DH ask you to wake up every 3 hours to feed your kid? I doubt it. So it’s kind of silly to judge him. I don’t want a miserable life so I don’t breastfeed and I sleep train at a young age.

I hate women like you. I really do.

Why? If anything you should be hating on the women who breastfeed, stay up on all night, and then complain about it.

See my post below and realize how much hatred you have towards women. Or women who dont act like "men". Im sure if you could pay someone to have your children for you, you would, which is fine, but the end result here is you placing perceived burdens on someone else so that you dont have to carry them- literally and figuratively.

You sound angry that I’m well rested and am not a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. This is such a hard time. Getting a reasonable amount of sleep helped me so much in this situation. A few options -- if DH stays up late on his phone, can he handle the first shift? You go to bed as early as you can, and he manages everything with baby from 7 PM to 2 AM, and then switch off so you handle wake ups after that point (and ideally go back to bed when baby goes down mid-morning)?

With my second, we also alternated nights. Parent who was not "on" slept in guest room with tons of white noise, total darkness, for as long as possible. Parent who was "on" dealt with all baby waking and feeding for that night, knowing that they would get a full night's sleep the next night. When I was not "on," I sometimes had to wake up, pump, and try to go back to sleep, but it was still worth it for the promise of the longer stretch.

This doesn't address the unequal workload question, but I was able to think more clearly and with a lot less rage when I'd been able to get some sleep. Sending good thoughts your way!

[Anonymous]

Also -- depending on when baby is waking, can you try a dream feed? Don't wait for baby to cry, instead go in and nurse or bottle-feed semi-awake baby at 10 PM (or whatever) to see if you can get a longer stretch of sleep between the dream feed time and the early morning hours.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP who said your husband can’t read your mind. Lay out everything you want, and then discuss the priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different focuses. I think when everyone has plenty of sleep and plenty of time, everything gets done. When the sleep and the time get limited, people start to crack a little. My SO would do dumb shit. Like in your example, he would only do the yard work. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in months (due to bf) and you want a cookie and a pat on the back because the yard looks good? How about, I don’t know, watching your kid so I can consistently shower or take a walk alone or whatever.

Ok but that’s your choice. I think a lot of the pain of having young kids is self inflicted. There are so many moms who Moll themselves breastfeeding and don’t sleep train. Did your DH ask you to wake up every 3 hours to feed your kid? I doubt it. So it’s kind of silly to judge him. I don’t want a miserable life so I don’t breastfeed and I sleep train at a young age.

Breastfeeding or not, no one is getting enough sleep when baby is 2 months old. Feeding bottles might help a little (my ex wouldn't even give a bottle - formula, pumped breastmilk, it didn't matter what was needed - if baby woke up it was my problem) but at 2 months old, babies are exhausting no matter how you feed them.

OP - I think this is when you need to realize that both of you are exhausted, fried, tired, and you might need to hire outside help. A postpartum doula might be a great help to you, or having your mom (or another helpful family member) come visit or stay a few weeks could really help. I'd also suggest trying to find a few minutes to reconnect with your husband and trying to spend some time enjoying each others company every day.

This period is really hard. It will pass one day at a time.

Formula feed

Husband is in charge from 8 - 2 AM
Mom 2 Am - 8 AM

Everyone should get a 5 hour window of sleep.

Not that hard. The end.

Who cares whether it’s formula or breast milk? Would OP’s husband even take a night shift? Based on the post it sounds like he won’t do the dishes at night, never mind change, feed, and resettle his child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different focuses. I think when everyone has plenty of sleep and plenty of time, everything gets done. When the sleep and the time get limited, people start to crack a little. My SO would do dumb shit. Like in your example, he would only do the yard work. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in months (due to bf) and you want a cookie and a pat on the back because the yard looks good? How about, I don’t know, watching your kid so I can consistently shower or take a walk alone or whatever.

Ok but that’s your choice. I think a lot of the pain of having young kids is self inflicted. There are so many moms who Moll themselves breastfeeding and don’t sleep train. Did your DH ask you to wake up every 3 hours to feed your kid? I doubt it. So it’s kind of silly to judge him. I don’t want a miserable life so I don’t breastfeed and I sleep train at a young age.

Breastfeeding or not, no one is getting enough sleep when baby is 2 months old. Feeding bottles might help a little (my ex wouldn't even give a bottle - formula, pumped breastmilk, it didn't matter what was needed - if baby woke up it was my problem) but at 2 months old, babies are exhausting no matter how you feed them.

OP - I think this is when you need to realize that both of you are exhausted, fried, tired, and you might need to hire outside help. A postpartum doula might be a great help to you, or having your mom (or another helpful family member) come visit or stay a few weeks could really help. I'd also suggest trying to find a few minutes to reconnect with your husband and trying to spend some time enjoying each others company every day.

This period is really hard. It will pass one day at a time.

Formula feed

Husband is in charge from 8 - 2 AM
Mom 2 Am - 8 AM

Everyone should get a 5 hour window of sleep.

Not that hard. The end.

Who cares whether it’s formula or breast milk? Would OP’s husband even take a night shift? Based on the post it sounds like he won’t do the dishes at night, never mind change, feed, and resettle his child.

Don’t give him an option. Go to bed and let the child scream. Tell him if he doesn’t want it to scream he has to tend to it or hire a night nanny at $40 an hour.

Also don’t do the dishes. Let them pile up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have different focuses. I think when everyone has plenty of sleep and plenty of time, everything gets done. When the sleep and the time get limited, people start to crack a little. My SO would do dumb shit. Like in your example, he would only do the yard work. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in months (due to bf) and you want a cookie and a pat on the back because the yard looks good? How about, I don’t know, watching your kid so I can consistently shower or take a walk alone or whatever.

Ok but that’s your choice. I think a lot of the pain of having young kids is self inflicted. There are so many moms who Moll themselves breastfeeding and don’t sleep train. Did your DH ask you to wake up every 3 hours to feed your kid? I doubt it. So it’s kind of silly to judge him. I don’t want a miserable life so I don’t breastfeed and I sleep train at a young age.

Breastfeeding or not, no one is getting enough sleep when baby is 2 months old. Feeding bottles might help a little (my ex wouldn't even give a bottle - formula, pumped breastmilk, it didn't matter what was needed - if baby woke up it was my problem) but at 2 months old, babies are exhausting no matter how you feed them.

OP - I think this is when you need to realize that both of you are exhausted, fried, tired, and you might need to hire outside help. A postpartum doula might be a great help to you, or having your mom (or another helpful family member) come visit or stay a few weeks could really help. I'd also suggest trying to find a few minutes to reconnect with your husband and trying to spend some time enjoying each others company every day.

This period is really hard. It will pass one day at a time.

Formula feed

Husband is in charge from 8 - 2 AM
Mom 2 Am - 8 AM

Everyone should get a 5 hour window of sleep.

Not that hard. The end.

Who cares whether it’s formula or breast milk? Would OP’s husband even take a night shift? Based on the post it sounds like he won’t do the dishes at night, never mind change, feed, and resettle his child.

I doubt the husband will refuse to do these things. He’s most likely your typical male who will let the wife do everything if possible. He is not going to take over anything unless told and unless there are consequences.