How to find a husband at 30?

[Anonymous]

You sound great, OP - a catch, as PP said.

[Anonymous]

I like the advice about making dating a part time job. Also I med DH after I made a commitment to say yes to every social opportunity I could even if I didn’t feel like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be a SMBC

What is that?

Single Mom By Choice. Either via a sperm donor or adoption.

No, she shouldn’t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read marry him by Laurie gotleib. Someone else will inevitably respond and say “that book is the worst,” but they’re not going to help you in this situation. I read the book at 23 even though it’s geared towards 30 somethings and it changed my outlook on dating immensely. So happy I read it when I did. She will help you hone in on what your essentials are when dating and what is “nice to have”

Don’t do this. Don’t use self help books to find a man. Most of those books are written by people who have more problems then you do. Psychologists are usually crazy and have so many problems.

Respectfully disagree. That particular book made me much more aware of the stupid reasons I was still dating the wrong guys who always ended up disappointing me. I was prioritizing the wrong things in dating and relationships. This book helped me distill my priorities and open my mind. You have to be relatively certain of what your few non negotiable traits are in a spouse (things like common religion, intelligence, similar lifestyle/religion, kindness, humor, and so on), view the rest of your list as “nice to have” and be open minded about what your person who possesses the traits most important to you ends up being like.

Most of us either have a very specific picture of we want or get charmed/distracted by someone who doesn’t meet our core needs. If OP is serious about getting married, she needs to know a few things she’s looking for and focus on finding that (OP- if you find “egomaniac” doctors annoying, maybe one of your core needs is humility. But you don’t get more than three to five of these.) You’re going to have to compromise, because nobody will fit your ideal, and the pool only narrows as you get older as people pair off and individuals generally become even more selective. But compromising is not settling.

[Anonymous]

I met mine on a blind date set up by a mutual friend. Met at 31 dated and dated for exactly one year before becoming engaged. It all just came together from beginning. It was easy after a few relationships not being easy.

8 mos engagement to plan wedding, and had first child one month after first year anniversary.

Tell everyone you know that you are looking for a nice guy. A cousin was set- up by his dentist. Both were mid40s, great careers, never married. They went to same dentist. He thought they’d click and they did. They are just perfect for each other.

[Anonymous]

Speaking from experience, like so many...
At 27 years old I had a little revelation I was dating the wrong men. I decided to break off from the ones on my radar who were obviously not marriage material. I decided to hire a personal trainer. Got a haircut. Invested in myself a little.
Went to a networking event and met... A very unique and special person. He stood out from everyone. Everyone else was schmoozing; he was humble and cute and shy even when others were bragging on him.
Long story short, we met for tea 4 days later, he declared his love for me and we kissed another 4 days after that...and we were married within a year. That was less than 5 years ago, and we now have 3 children!!! LOL!

This all happened in DC. I am sharing this because... There is hope. You sound very even-headed and your hopes/expectations sound realistic and good.

My biggest advice: get out there in person. I realize everyone does online dating these days, but you know who doesn't? Many people who have all the qualities you're asking for but are a little more introverted/not interested in apps (like my husband). Get out to fun/interesting events and who knows who you might run into?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After your 20s you always have to date older because the men in their 30s are looking for women in their 20s. Your dating pool mostly consists of 40 plus year old men who are probably divorced with kids. If the men are single in their 30s there is probably some issue.

This is bad advice. You can certainly find someone in their 30s and an unmarried man in his 40s is likely to have commitment issues. From personal experience as a 30 year old dating a few years ago, set your age range from 28-38.

The a 30 plus year old man is not usually looking for someone their own age. Have you checked online dating lately? The age requirements are almost always younger or at most the same age as them. A 30 year old man doesn't want to consider dating a 31 year old woman. Petty but that's reality.

That is just not true!! Stop trying to freak OP out.

NP

It kind of is but I have a feeling that OP is actually hot enough to where it's irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Pics???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like the advice about making dating a part time job. Also I med DH after I made a commitment to say yes to every social opportunity I could even if I didn’t feel like it.

When I met my long term boyfriend I had made dating a part time job. I easily spent 20 hours a week on dating. Meet a lot of men. Don't get in relationships too quickly. The guy will keep asking you out if he is interested. Have fun! Also work on meeting people through clubs, bars, classes, houses of worship etc.

I'm a bit old school. I still think it is better if the guy makes the first approach on dating apps.

I averaged meeting about 3-4 new men a week.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the others to make yourself very approachable in your daily life. Strike up random conversations with guys you meet around town. Weirdly, just today, I was talking with a guy about avocados in the fruit/veggie dept at the grocery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After your 20s you always have to date older because the men in their 30s are looking for women in their 20s. Your dating pool mostly consists of 40 plus year old men who are probably divorced with kids. If the men are single in their 30s there is probably some issue.

That’s such BS. It certainly wasn’t the case with me or my friends before we met our husbands (in our 30s).

Not really. Most men who have not settled down by their 30s are not looking to do so anytime soon but most women in their 30s are looking to. Therefore it follows these men look for women in their 20s to buy time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After your 20s you always have to date older because the men in their 30s are looking for women in their 20s. Your dating pool mostly consists of 40 plus year old men who are probably divorced with kids. If the men are single in their 30s there is probably some issue.

uh...no. I've always dated younger men.

OP, I met my husband at 31, he was 27. I saw him and he looked interesting so I went over and started making conversation. The challenge isn't meeting men. The challenge is throwing back the ones who aren't a good match or don't want a commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met my DH at work. Are there any possible connections that could be made with any guys at work? At a conference?

OP here. I work in healthcare where most doctors are egotistical jerks. No thanks.

Oh you're THAT poster. What thread are we on now,? 10 . Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound great, OP - a catch, as PP said.

She's not especially if she's the same poster who posts the same story every other month and if she's not there's a reason she's still single and it's probably the thing she's picky about that she keeps being vague about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After your 20s you always have to date older because the men in their 30s are looking for women in their 20s. Your dating pool mostly consists of 40 plus year old men who are probably divorced with kids. If the men are single in their 30s there is probably some issue.

Wtf? No. Met my now DH when I was 33 and he was 32.