How to find a husband at 30?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what are your requirements?


What has been your obstacles so far?

OP here. I have a type but I’m open.

- Looking for 30-40. Open to slightly older if everything else fits.
- No debt or very little.
- Good career making at least $120k/year. He doesn’t need to make $500k, but I do want a man who can match or exceed my salary.
- Be laid back, fun, good in bed, faithful, dependable, etc. I want to feel comfortable and safe with him.
- Be a good partner. Want to be a good husband, dad, and team player. Must want and want to be involved in the raising of future kids.

So much more but I just want a nice guy with a good career who wants to be a husband and father. A guy who takes an active role in being a husband and father and can be dependable, loving, and stable.

I hear you OP- I would have the same requirements if I were you and your age with your income. When I was 27, I made dating online my part time job and was committed to find a guy who was serious and ready for marriage. I almost gave up after 6 months but then I found my future husband on match.com. Now, that was 18 years ago, so I don't really have an advice for you. But if you want kids, you need to seriously hurry up. First you have to find someone, then date, then marry, that all can take 3 years alone; by the time you get pregnant you gonna be mid 30s. I had my first child at the age of 39, and let me tell you, I wish I had kids sooner. Now I'm 47 and my kids are so young, and I wish they were older, so that we could travel more.

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post word for word 10 years ago (except for the good cook part). My advice is to move along quickly if something just feels off. Don’t waste time trying to make something work that isn’t a fit. There are a lot of fish in the sea and online dating makes it easy to meet people.

And, be flexible in your criteria if everything else seems good. While I didn’t have a salary requirement (I earn plenty) my DH earned less than me, but that didn’t matter because I could tell that he was motivated and hard-working.

Finally, don’t be shy about what you want in terms of marriage and children. There are plenty of men who want the same thing. Now I am happily married for 7 years and I love being a wife and mom!

[Anonymous]

Date. Do online apps (Hinge and Bumble) and websites (Match, OkCupid) and figure out a formula to evaluate men. Don’t be afraid to initiate conversation or suggest meeting for coffee/drinks for first date (then let them take you out for dinner on 2nd). I personally stopped doing 1st date dinners because it took too much time and I hated being stuck having dinner if I could tell in first 5 minutes, I didn’t like him. And date multiple people at once so you don’t put too much pressure in the beginning on one guy (doesn’t mean you have to sleep with both). Be cool, not desperate but direct with what you are looking for. And then go out and do things to try and meet guys like hiking on crowded trails, going to bars, festivals, etc and flirt and approach men or be approachable. Getting a dog is also a great way to meet someone but only if you like dogs. Also tell friends, family that you are looking and open to being setup. I met my DH at 30 after ending a 5 year relationship and I suggest enjoying dating as much as you can and the freedom of being single. People are attracted to happy, healthy, content people. You will find someone but it may take a year or two and that’s okay.

[Anonymous]

After your 20s you always have to date older because the men in their 30s are looking for women in their 20s. Your dating pool mostly consists of 40 plus year old men who are probably divorced with kids. If the men are single in their 30s there is probably some issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After your 20s you always have to date older because the men in their 30s are looking for women in their 20s. Your dating pool mostly consists of 40 plus year old men who are probably divorced with kids. If the men are single in their 30s there is probably some issue.

This is bad advice. You can certainly find someone in their 30s and an unmarried man in his 40s is likely to have commitment issues. From personal experience as a 30 year old dating a few years ago, set your age range from 28-38.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After your 20s you always have to date older because the men in their 30s are looking for women in their 20s. Your dating pool mostly consists of 40 plus year old men who are probably divorced with kids. If the men are single in their 30s there is probably some issue.

This is bad advice. You can certainly find someone in their 30s and an unmarried man in his 40s is likely to have commitment issues. From personal experience as a 30 year old dating a few years ago, set your age range from 28-38.

The a 30 plus year old man is not usually looking for someone their own age. Have you checked online dating lately? The age requirements are almost always younger or at most the same age as them. A 30 year old man doesn't want to consider dating a 31 year old woman. Petty but that's reality.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I don't think her age is an issue. I met my now DH at 30. He was 36. I think your range of 30-40 is perfect. For my own case, I was upfront about what I was looking for, and my now DH was upfront about wanting the same things- marriage and kids. When people are ready, they are ready, and you will find a like-minded man.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a good catch to me…

[Anonymous]

I met my DH at work. Are there any possible connections that could be made with any guys at work? At a conference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Date. Do online apps (Hinge and Bumble) and websites (Match, OkCupid) and figure out a formula to evaluate men. Don’t be afraid to initiate conversation or suggest meeting for coffee/drinks for first date (then let them take you out for dinner on 2nd). I personally stopped doing 1st date dinners because it took too much time and I hated being stuck having dinner if I could tell in first 5 minutes, I didn’t like him. And date multiple people at once so you don’t put too much pressure in the beginning on one guy (doesn’t mean you have to sleep with both). Be cool, not desperate but direct with what you are looking for. And then go out and do things to try and meet guys like hiking on crowded trails, going to bars, festivals, etc and flirt and approach men or be approachable. Getting a dog is also a great way to meet someone but only if you like dogs. Also tell friends, family that you are looking and open to being setup. I met my DH at 30 after ending a 5 year relationship and I suggest enjoying dating as much as you can and the freedom of being single. People are attracted to happy, healthy, content people. You will find someone but it may take a year or two and that’s okay.

I totally agree with the statement of not having dinners on the 1st date. It is too long and too much pressure/expense. I just met with the guys for a quick coffee in a public/safe area and could also tell within 5 minutes, whether this date had any chance of continuing.

[Anonymous]

Read marry him by Laurie gotleib. Someone else will inevitably respond and say “that book is the worst,” but they’re not going to help you in this situation. I read the book at 23 even though it’s geared towards 30 somethings and it changed my outlook on dating immensely. So happy I read it when I did. She will help you hone in on what your essentials are when dating and what is “nice to have”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my DH at work. Are there any possible connections that could be made with any guys at work? At a conference?

OP here. I work in healthcare where most doctors are egotistical jerks. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read marry him by Laurie gotleib. Someone else will inevitably respond and say “that book is the worst,” but they’re not going to help you in this situation. I read the book at 23 even though it’s geared towards 30 somethings and it changed my outlook on dating immensely. So happy I read it when I did. She will help you hone in on what your essentials are when dating and what is “nice to have”

Don’t do this. Don’t use self help books to find a man. Most of those books are written by people who have more problems then you do. Psychologists are usually crazy and have so many problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After your 20s you always have to date older because the men in their 30s are looking for women in their 20s. Your dating pool mostly consists of 40 plus year old men who are probably divorced with kids. If the men are single in their 30s there is probably some issue.

That’s such BS. It certainly wasn’t the case with me or my friends before we met our husbands (in our 30s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After your 20s you always have to date older because the men in their 30s are looking for women in their 20s. Your dating pool mostly consists of 40 plus year old men who are probably divorced with kids. If the men are single in their 30s there is probably some issue.

This is bad advice. You can certainly find someone in their 30s and an unmarried man in his 40s is likely to have commitment issues. From personal experience as a 30 year old dating a few years ago, set your age range from 28-38.

The a 30 plus year old man is not usually looking for someone their own age. Have you checked online dating lately? The age requirements are almost always younger or at most the same age as them. A 30 year old man doesn't want to consider dating a 31 year old woman. Petty but that's reality.

That is just not true!! Stop trying to freak OP out.