Fraternity/Sorority Selection

[Anonymous]

I have a daughter at Sewanee, and although 70% of students participate in Greek life, most of their sororities and fraternities are independent and not affiliated with national sororities. Rush is pretty low key and pretty much everyone gets into one of their top choices. That said, it is a small school so the sororities are also small, and she sometimes finds her sorority a little too stifling and incestuous: everyone knows everyone's business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ooof. Sounds like your experience wasn't good. IMO you are the minority, not the majority. Sorry that it still hurts.

If PP was the only one with this experience, there would be no such thing as "recolonization".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Guys just rush and hope someone you like picks you. Go to some events in the summer and meet some guys with similar interests if it’s really important to him. They have different personalities and some are “dry”, so he wants to get to know them too.

Girls get emotionally abused for 5 sleepless, gut-wrenching days in a row then “omg, love it!!” for a year then want nothing to do with the rush process again unless they like judging people and being in control. Fun stuff. The nice girls pay a fine to avoid it. An “adult” is in charge but she never matured past her junior year in college and DGAF about the emotional trauma the poorly designed process inflicts.

Ooof. Sounds like your experience wasn't good. IMO you are the minority, not the majority. Sorry that it still hurts.

Gotta say I totally do not understand PPs post. What “adult” is in charge in a sorority? And what fines are you paying?!

The “adult” is a woman maybe 25 years old who is employed by the university to organize recruitment.

There are lots of reasons to be fined but I was specifically referring to girls who are member of a sorority but don’t want to participate in rush/selection/bids etc. The nice girls, fully aware of how emotionally traumatizing the week is EVEN if it ends well, pay a fine and stay home for the summer an extra week because they want no part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a daughter at Sewanee, and although 70% of students participate in Greek life, most of their sororities and fraternities are independent and not affiliated with national sororities. Rush is pretty low key and pretty much everyone gets into one of their top choices. That said, it is a small school so the sororities are also small, and she sometimes finds her sorority a little too stifling and incestuous: everyone knows everyone's business.

I’ve heard this from others too. I’m familiar with Sewanee and it’s very much an exception in the South.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For large Southern universities, your daughter will need a letter of recommendation from a member of each sorority. These she can get by talking to friends and colleagues of you and your family. There are also regional groups for sorority members who have graduated so she can reach out to them for a rec if she doesn’t have any connection with that particular sorority.

The location of the school doesn't determine where recommendations are needed. That is decided by the "governing" board of the national sorority. Fortunately, that policy is changing, as sororities recognize that not everyone knows someone who was in every (if any) sorority. Mine now asks for a recommendation from someone who knows the individual personally. Could be a coach, a teacher, etc. That policy applies to every chapter across the country.

Recs are a joke. Legacy matters a lot but lots of triple legacies still don’t get a bid from their mom’s house.

[Anonymous]

What I had not realized was at least at our DS’s school, after rushing and selecting a frat, there is a pledge period (I think 4-8 weeks) where they do challenges and get to know everyone before becoming full members. It’s a big time commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every school is different. At mine, there were open houses and you went to them all and tried to make a good impression. On bid day, you hoped one of the ones that you liked liked you too.

Plus 1

Also, at the end of rush week, you choose your top 3 houses, the house had 3 tiers ranking their most desired rushees, and then then houses/rushees were matched through that prioritization process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I had not realized was at least at our DS’s school, after rushing and selecting a frat, there is a pledge period (I think 4-8 weeks) where they do challenges and get to know everyone before becoming full members. It’s a big time commitment.

That's putting it mildly. Every one I know who was in a frat that had a version of hell week, some were just mild hazing and others were horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Sororities need member dues to pay nationals and afford to keep their houses. If your husband is rich, she doesn't even have to rush-she can get a snap bid where they stalk her until she joins.

That’s not what a snap bid is. A snap bid is when they have spots left and call the girls that dropped after recruitment to see if they will take a bid on the spot.

But what i think you mean is dirty rushing, which is extremely common, despite being “forbidden” on paper. Sororities seek out the wealthy and connected girls, friends of members, influencers, etc and pipeline them straight in. They show up to rush and go through the motions, but then few weeks later you’ll notice that they somehow have pictures with their big from back on bid day when they should have just met. A lot of sororities on each campus have their entire pledge class solidified before rush even starts.

The poor freshman girls that just showed up on campus and decide to rush because they don’t know anyone and are looking for a sisterhood can’t understand why they keep getting dropped from houses, because they don’t know about dirty rushing, and if they do, the internet told them that it’s forbidden. So if they get a bid, they end up in newer or less desirable sororities…which are full of perfectly lovely young women, just like them…but they had their heart set on the trendier, cooler sororities and they feel the middle school style snub all over again. That’s when a lot of them get bittter and drop, and some even transfer schools looking for another try at rush.

[Anonymous]

CAN YOU ALL PLEASE NOT FEED THE 13 YEAR OLD TROLL?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:CAN YOU ALL PLEASE NOT FEED THE 13 YEAR OLD TROLL?!

I think the troll is more like 65.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CAN YOU ALL PLEASE NOT FEED THE 13 YEAR OLD TROLL?!

I think the troll is more like 65.

There are ZERO adults worried about this. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Guys just rush and hope someone you like picks you. Go to some events in the summer and meet some guys with similar interests if it’s really important to him. They have different personalities and some are “dry”, so he wants to get to know them too.

Girls get emotionally abused for 5 sleepless, gut-wrenching days in a row then “omg, love it!!” for a year then want nothing to do with the rush process again unless they like judging people and being in control. Fun stuff. The nice girls pay a fine to avoid it. An “adult” is in charge but she never matured past her junior year in college and DGAF about the emotional trauma the poorly designed process inflicts.

Ooof. Sounds like your experience wasn't good. IMO you are the minority, not the majority. Sorry that it still hurts.

Well. There were a lot of girls in the same position that year because the school added a sorority that wasn’t popular and they limited pledge class sizes despite increased recruitment numbers to force girls into this new house so it would grow. Maybe if you’re from, say Vermont, and it’s all new to you, it doesn’t matter and you don’t notice or care. My daughter graduated from high school nearby and knew the drill. So more than 100 girls had no choices by mid week: just the one new house that no one wanted. In a normal rush, you have three houses to rank on the last night. Of course, the local paper said 98% matched because they don’t count the girls who drop out mid week regardless of the reason. It’s a phenomenally bad way to begin your college “experience” - feeling heartbroken, rejected, and lonely while watching so many girls proudly come to class in their new shirts and colors. A 25ish year old woman ran the whole thing and was applauded despite a record setting number of girls dropping out mid week with no match. They attempted to fill a house at the expense of about 100 18 year old girls’ first week experience on campus and their self-esteem. The “adult” sat with girls while they cried for a minute then said “she had to go”. It’s the cruelest, ugliest, dumbest thing I’ve personally experienced. That university will never get a dime from us.

So she felt rejected and judged, and then she rejected and judged the girls in that remaining sorority. That’s adorable.

You’re adorable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Guys just rush and hope someone you like picks you. Go to some events in the summer and meet some guys with similar interests if it’s really important to him. They have different personalities and some are “dry”, so he wants to get to know them too.

Girls get emotionally abused for 5 sleepless, gut-wrenching days in a row then “omg, love it!!” for a year then want nothing to do with the rush process again unless they like judging people and being in control. Fun stuff. The nice girls pay a fine to avoid it. An “adult” is in charge but she never matured past her junior year in college and DGAF about the emotional trauma the poorly designed process inflicts.

Ooof. Sounds like your experience wasn't good. IMO you are the minority, not the majority. Sorry that it still hurts.

Well. There were a lot of girls in the same position that year because the school added a sorority that wasn’t popular and they limited pledge class sizes despite increased recruitment numbers to force girls into this new house so it would grow. Maybe if you’re from, say Vermont, and it’s all new to you, it doesn’t matter and you don’t notice or care. My daughter graduated from high school nearby and knew the drill. So more than 100 girls had no choices by mid week: just the one new house that no one wanted. In a normal rush, you have three houses to rank on the last night. Of course, the local paper said 98% matched because they don’t count the girls who drop out mid week regardless of the reason. It’s a phenomenally bad way to begin your college “experience” - feeling heartbroken, rejected, and lonely while watching so many girls proudly come to class in their new shirts and colors. A 25ish year old woman ran the whole thing and was applauded despite a record setting number of girls dropping out mid week with no match. They attempted to fill a house at the expense of about 100 18 year old girls’ first week experience on campus and their self-esteem. The “adult” sat with girls while they cried for a minute then said “she had to go”. It’s the cruelest, ugliest, dumbest thing I’ve personally experienced. That university will never get a dime from us.

So she felt rejected and judged, and then she rejected and judged the girls in that remaining sorority. That’s adorable.

This-^ My DD rushed this spring (and by the way I think fall freshman rush is awful - how the heck can they know anything at that point??). She had her sights set in mid to upper mid tier sororities but she was flexible. She had some rush dates and was a legacy with another house so she felt she would have some good options. Well she was dropped by 11 houses after one 15 minutes zoom meeting, including the place she was a legacy at and all the places she did rush dates with. You might say, wow what a loser! But in fact she’s a great kid, very popular but not rich and probably came across a bit quieter on the zoom than she did in real life. The fact of the matter is that it’s a numbers game. She thought seriously of dropping but found several friends in the same boat and they all decided to continue for the time being. She went through the process to the end and ended up at a house she has never heard of and was not on her radar and it’s perfect for her. My point in telling this sordid story is that the girls in the above story that had the option of the new sorority had the opportunity to start something new but they were so set on being in the “popular” sorority that they decided to forgo altogether. It’s important to go into rush with no pre conceived notions and just be open to let the process work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GET SOME SPERRY'S AND VINEYARD VINES FOR RUSH

No where to be seen when my DC rushed. What the h l are you talking about?