Fraternity/Sorority Selection

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am really struggling with that in this thread. Everyone is talking about the high tier houses and competitiveness to get into those, but no one is saying that fun can be had in lower tiers. Anyway, here I am saying it. There ARE houses with normal kids, smart kids, accomplished kids, non douchey kids, who firmly believe in not hazing someone who could be their brother or sister. I do agree that those higher tier houses are where you see the most issues, so I'm trying to show OP that you do not need to focus on those.

No fun can be had in sororities desperate for members, which are often lower tier. Too disorganized a robbing for beach week and funds. To busy trying to get enough members for any fun.

Shows that you don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not talking about the bottom house that doesn’t fill. mid tiers are where the fun is. Yeah the bottom house is not fun but you don’t have to be the top to have an awesome experience.

I love how you say only top tiers have fun while also saying it was a terrible experience.

I'm not the one who said anything about top tier/high tier posters. Guess I have to write DP. I am the poster who get stalked so I assume that chapter was low tier although we mixed with the top frat so it was either a pig party or these things have a bit of a cycle to them. Among the alumni locally, the older women seemed more bonded and cooler than the graduates my age. In the SEC, they were all loyal, so those chapters may have been better. Stop assuming there is only one regretful poster or that the same poster can't be honest about BOTH the positives and negatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Guys just rush and hope someone you like picks you. Go to some events in the summer and meet some guys with similar interests if it’s really important to him. They have different personalities and some are “dry”, so he wants to get to know them too.

Girls get emotionally abused for 5 sleepless, gut-wrenching days in a row then “omg, love it!!” for a year then want nothing to do with the rush process again unless they like judging people and being in control. Fun stuff. The nice girls pay a fine to avoid it. An “adult” is in charge but she never matured past her junior year in college and DGAF about the emotional trauma the poorly designed process inflicts.

This is total B.S.

Wrong. So many thoughtless, insensitive sorority defenders on this thread proving the point that it’s often a cruel system.

It is true for a majority of girls EVEN if they’re happy at the end of the week. It’s fun on the outside and hell on the inside. And you can’t compare a NE SLAC rush with an SEC rush. Stop thinking emotional abuse is limited to name-calling. It’s a horrendous system that treats 17-18 year olds like crap. It doesn’t have to be this way but some schools choose for to be this way.

Parents: when a school does rush the week before freshman year classes start, this is a RED FLAG. They are more interested in appeasing the Greek alums’ obsession hierarchy and tradition than they are in students mental health and college adjustment. The most humane rush happens before second semester. Let them adjust to their new life and get to know the school before they feed them through the meat grinder of rush.

Notice how callous the defenders here have been and proceed with caution.

Do explain who is being callous? You have peppered this thread with your bad experiences and I do feel sorry for you but that is not every experience. Neither is every fraternity hazing, at least in such a way that the boys are in danger either mentally or physically. Again, i and my DD have had a great experience and my DS Is as well. Your generalizing and negativity is actually quite callous if I had to find some callous posts here. You are belittling others positive experiences and essentially calling them liars. I am sure you did have a bad experience but how rude to discount the entire system because of your experience.

Who called who a liar? I responded to someone who said our experience was a lie. I requested the worst be deleted so only those who have followed along saw them all, yes. Your masterful attempt to both be kind and insult me at the same time is something.

I believed all the good I heard before my child rushed. I was called naive. Every negative warning I got turned out to be accurate. My warning to parents about when schools do rush is the best advice in this thread and it doesn’t insult your precious Greek house. It’s so weird to me that adults feel the need to defend a college social activity the way you do. Either share your experience as a parent or quit doing PR for National Panhellenic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread, I'm more convinced than ever that the Greek system is something to avoid at all costs.

Found the geed who didn't get a bid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Guys just rush and hope someone you like picks you. Go to some events in the summer and meet some guys with similar interests if it’s really important to him. They have different personalities and some are “dry”, so he wants to get to know them too.

Girls get emotionally abused for 5 sleepless, gut-wrenching days in a row then “omg, love it!!” for a year then want nothing to do with the rush process again unless they like judging people and being in control. Fun stuff. The nice girls pay a fine to avoid it. An “adult” is in charge but she never matured past her junior year in college and DGAF about the emotional trauma the poorly designed process inflicts.

This is total B.S.

Wrong. So many thoughtless, insensitive sorority defenders on this thread proving the point that it’s often a cruel system.

It is true for a majority of girls EVEN if they’re happy at the end of the week. It’s fun on the outside and hell on the inside. And you can’t compare a NE SLAC rush with an SEC rush. Stop thinking emotional abuse is limited to name-calling. It’s a horrendous system that treats 17-18 year olds like crap. It doesn’t have to be this way but some schools choose for to be this way.

Parents: when a school does rush the week before freshman year classes start, this is a RED FLAG. They are more interested in appeasing the Greek alums’ obsession hierarchy and tradition than they are in students mental health and college adjustment. The most humane rush happens before second semester. Let them adjust to their new life and get to know the school before they feed them through the meat grinder of rush.

Notice how callous the defenders here have been and proceed with caution.

Do explain who is being callous? You have peppered this thread with your bad experiences and I do feel sorry for you but that is not every experience. Neither is every fraternity hazing, at least in such a way that the boys are in danger either mentally or physically. Again, i and my DD have had a great experience and my DS Is as well. Your generalizing and negativity is actually quite callous if I had to find some callous posts here. You are belittling others positive experiences and essentially calling them liars. I am sure you did have a bad experience but how rude to discount the entire system because of your experience.

Who called who a liar? I responded to someone who said our experience was a lie. I requested the worst be deleted so only those who have followed along saw them all, yes. Your masterful attempt to both be kind and insult me at the same time is something.

I believed all the good I heard before my child rushed. I was called naive. Every negative warning I got turned out to be accurate. My warning to parents about when schools do rush is the best advice in this thread and it doesn’t insult your precious Greek house. It’s so weird to me that adults feel the need to defend a college social activity the way you do. Either share your experience as a parent or quit doing PR for National Panhellenic.

Err thats exactly what I have done yet YOU choose not to believe it. I am not naive. I know full well what is going on and I know it's been a great experience for my kids. Not for every kid by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just trying to provide a balanced view since people are coming on here essentially saying "I hope my kid never goes greek after reading this", when one size does not fit all and one person's experience does not describe everyones. I personally know a fraternity at my DS's school that has lost quite a few pledges this spring dropping because of hazing, and another that is likely going to be shut down due to hazing. I know my DS is lucky but he went in eyes wide open and knew what he wanted, and what he did not, and he made the right choice. With boys, i am certainly much more wary than I am with girls. I would not have supported his decision unless it was for this particular fraternity because we knew where they stood against hazing very clearly (and know older kids in the frat). I was never hazed neither was my DD and these are two top sororities that we were with. My DD was unsure about the whole thing and did not get into the house she initially wanted, but they have an 6-8 week long pledging process designed to get to know the other sisters and pledges and she is initiated this weekend. She can drop at any point before then and try again next year or stay out of greek life. That is pretty low risk in my opinion. She does know however some friends who were hazed and initiated within a week, so they had no choice and no time to get to know the other girls. Everyone knows this particular house does that and it's known to be a poor sisterhood. You need to do research plain and simple.

The DC has to make the right decisions based on the reputation of the house on campus and THEN make a decision.

[Anonymous]

I should also add that my husband, brother and father all rushed and dropped during pledging. I feel very badly for the parents and kids who have had to deal with hazing, it's 100% wrong and stupid and again I think the boys need to really check out the reputation of the house before joining. I will not defend fraternities at all.

That said, sororities are a different animal and you can have a great experience that is not what is detailed by some of the posters here.

[Anonymous]

Abuse is not limited to hazing. The entire process of rushing is emotionally abusive at some schools. If you don’t know how stressful and awful rush week is even for girls who end up happily running into their new sister’s arms at the end of the week, your experience must be limited to a SLAC. I was never worried for a second that my kid would be hazed. I WAS worried she might become suicidal, not do well in classes, or transfer schools and lose a full ride merit-based scholarship. I have said -several times- that you cannot compare rush at a SLAC with rush in the SEC. I will never downplay our experience and it confirmed all my perceptions from my own college years: it’s a lot of drama, extra work, and extra pressure for people who feel the need to belong to groups and are obsessed with hierarchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Guys just rush and hope someone you like picks you. Go to some events in the summer and meet some guys with similar interests if it’s really important to him. They have different personalities and some are “dry”, so he wants to get to know them too.

Girls get emotionally abused for 5 sleepless, gut-wrenching days in a row then “omg, love it!!” for a year then want nothing to do with the rush process again unless they like judging people and being in control. Fun stuff. The nice girls pay a fine to avoid it. An “adult” is in charge but she never matured past her junior year in college and DGAF about the emotional trauma the poorly designed process inflicts.

This is total B.S.

Wrong. So many thoughtless, insensitive sorority defenders on this thread proving the point that it’s often a cruel system.

It is true for a majority of girls EVEN if they’re happy at the end of the week. It’s fun on the outside and hell on the inside. And you can’t compare a NE SLAC rush with an SEC rush. Stop thinking emotional abuse is limited to name-calling. It’s a horrendous system that treats 17-18 year olds like crap. It doesn’t have to be this way but some schools choose for to be this way.

Parents: when a school does rush the week before freshman year classes start, this is a RED FLAG. They are more interested in appeasing the Greek alums’ obsession hierarchy and tradition than they are in students mental health and college adjustment. The most humane rush happens before second semester. Let them adjust to their new life and get to know the school before they feed them through the meat grinder of rush.

Notice how callous the defenders here have been and proceed with caution.

Do explain who is being callous? You have peppered this thread with your bad experiences and I do feel sorry for you but that is not every experience. Neither is every fraternity hazing, at least in such a way that the boys are in danger either mentally or physically. Again, i and my DD have had a great experience and my DS Is as well. Your generalizing and negativity is actually quite callous if I had to find some callous posts here. You are belittling others positive experiences and essentially calling them liars. I am sure you did have a bad experience but how rude to discount the entire system because of your experience.

Who called who a liar? I responded to someone who said our experience was a lie. I requested the worst be deleted so only those who have followed along saw them all, yes. Your masterful attempt to both be kind and insult me at the same time is something.

I believed all the good I heard before my child rushed. I was called naive. Every negative warning I got turned out to be accurate. My warning to parents about when schools do rush is the best advice in this thread and it doesn’t insult your precious Greek house. It’s so weird to me that adults feel the need to defend a college social activity the way you do. Either share your experience as a parent or quit doing PR for National Panhellenic.

Err thats exactly what I have done yet YOU choose not to believe it. I am not naive. I know full well what is going on and I know it's been a great experience for my kids. Not for every kid by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just trying to provide a balanced view since people are coming on here essentially saying "I hope my kid never goes greek after reading this", when one size does not fit all and one person's experience does not describe everyones. I personally know a fraternity at my DS's school that has lost quite a few pledges this spring dropping because of hazing, and another that is likely going to be shut down due to hazing. I know my DS is lucky but he went in eyes wide open and knew what he wanted, and what he did not, and he made the right choice. With boys, i am certainly much more wary than I am with girls. I would not have supported his decision unless it was for this particular fraternity because we knew where they stood against hazing very clearly (and know older kids in the frat). I was never hazed neither was my DD and these are two top sororities that we were with. My DD was unsure about the whole thing and did not get into the house she initially wanted, but they have an 6-8 week long pledging process designed to get to know the other sisters and pledges and she is initiated this weekend. She can drop at any point before then and try again next year or stay out of greek life. That is pretty low risk in my opinion. She does know however some friends who were hazed and initiated within a week, so they had no choice and no time to get to know the other girls. Everyone knows this particular house does that and it's known to be a poor sisterhood. You need to do research plain and simple.

The DC has to make the right decisions based on the reputation of the house on campus and THEN make a decision.

I think you’re arguing with multiple people assuming they’re the same person. It’s the only way this response makes sense. Being anon makes it hard to follow - it’s easy to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread, I'm more convinced than ever that the Greek system is something to avoid at all costs.

Found the geed who didn't get a bid!

Actually, chose a non-Greek school to begin with so I could surround myself with real friends. Nice try, though!