Fraternity/Sorority Selection

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Guys just rush and hope someone you like picks you. Go to some events in the summer and meet some guys with similar interests if it’s really important to him. They have different personalities and some are “dry”, so he wants to get to know them too.

Girls get emotionally abused for 5 sleepless, gut-wrenching days in a row then “omg, love it!!” for a year then want nothing to do with the rush process again unless they like judging people and being in control. Fun stuff. The nice girls pay a fine to avoid it. An “adult” is in charge but she never matured past her junior year in college and DGAF about the emotional trauma the poorly designed process inflicts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GET SOME SPERRY'S AND VINEYARD VINES FOR RUSH

Ummm no. At 90% of the schools in this country you’d be laughed out the door immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Guys just rush and hope someone you like picks you. Go to some events in the summer and meet some guys with similar interests if it’s really important to him. They have different personalities and some are “dry”, so he wants to get to know them too.

Girls get emotionally abused for 5 sleepless, gut-wrenching days in a row then “omg, love it!!” for a year then want nothing to do with the rush process again unless they like judging people and being in control. Fun stuff. The nice girls pay a fine to avoid it. An “adult” is in charge but she never matured past her junior year in college and DGAF about the emotional trauma the poorly designed process inflicts.

Kind of.

Most schools don’t have any dry frats, so there’s that. But guys can get multiple bids and choose which one to accept.

And I’d like to add that after the rollercoaster of rejection and lasting emotional trauma that they call rush, if your daughter is lucky enough to end up in a sorority, no, the girls aren’t all friends. There’s a base level of niceties, and an expected facade to maintain that is upheld to woo the next pledge class, but cliques run deep, and the sorting hat isn’t left at the door. A social pecking order exists within each sorority itself, and it’s a constant competition to get a big to choose you, to run for exec positions, to get a little to chose you, it goes on and on and on. Some girls drop by junior year. A lot are over it by senior year and more drop. Some hang in there but just stop going to a lot of stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Sororities need member dues to pay nationals and afford to keep their houses. If your husband is rich, she doesn't even have to rush-she can get a snap bid where they stalk her until she joins.

Your husband?

Sororities ask "What does your daddy do? Seemingly unimpressed with how successful one's mother is. OP didn't ask about "coveted" in which case one needs more than a rich daddies and other posters are right about SEC schools being competitive. However, they are COMPLETE liars by saying I wasn't in a sorority and that I made up the term "snap bid". At UVa there was a pretty blond who got callbacks from every sorority but rejected from all upon financial revelation.

Oh, they don’t ask. They look both of your parents up on linked in and look your house up on Zillow.

[Anonymous]

Heads up…southern Greek life is vastly different than northern Greek life. If your kids are going anywhere in VA or north, let them know that everything they read on the internet and everything they see on Pinterest is just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an example, I can tell you how it works at UVA (not really a "southern" school but a large and competitive greek population). They rush in the spring so first years get some time to get to know the different fraternities by attending parties etc.

When spring comes they sign up to rush formally, which happens shortly after they return from winter break. They may already have been "dirty rushed" by a particular frat or two in the fall so they probably will spend most of their time focused on those houses. It is kind of happenstance how they determine which ones to focus on, asking friends etc.

This year it was virtual for the first event, which is open house. Technically you are able to go to any and all houses that you want during open house. The next round starts the invite only part of rush. At that both, both the houses and the rushees make decisions and move forward with the ones they are interested in. It took about 2-3 weeks to go through all the different rounds and is very busy and fun apparently. On the last day, they go to their final three choices (if they have that many) and the next day is bid day.

For sororities, its much more formal and this year was almost entirely virtual. The first phase is "round robin" and you are require to attend a short meeting with each of the 15 houses. After that they start cutting (both the houses and the girls). Girls rush is about 10 days and can be quite intense and stressful - not nearly as fun and laid back as the fraternities.

The net net is that you need to make some connections in the fall for both fraternities and sororities and then those connections will help you though the rush process. Doesn't guarantee that you will get a bid from their house, but it helps, especially with the "higher tier" or more popular houses.

Thanks for the explanation. The virtual rushing sounds intense.

Only one of our kids currently in college rushed (not at UVA) and I don't think it was nearly as intense as what you describe for UVA. He ended up being very happy at his fraternity. My husband and I are still very close with our big brothers/sisters and many of our housemates. It was an experience I wouldn't trade for the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Guys just rush and hope someone you like picks you. Go to some events in the summer and meet some guys with similar interests if it’s really important to him. They have different personalities and some are “dry”, so he wants to get to know them too.

Girls get emotionally abused for 5 sleepless, gut-wrenching days in a row then “omg, love it!!” for a year then want nothing to do with the rush process again unless they like judging people and being in control. Fun stuff. The nice girls pay a fine to avoid it. An “adult” is in charge but she never matured past her junior year in college and DGAF about the emotional trauma the poorly designed process inflicts.

Ooof. Sounds like your experience wasn't good. IMO you are the minority, not the majority. Sorry that it still hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Guys just rush and hope someone you like picks you. Go to some events in the summer and meet some guys with similar interests if it’s really important to him. They have different personalities and some are “dry”, so he wants to get to know them too.

Girls get emotionally abused for 5 sleepless, gut-wrenching days in a row then “omg, love it!!” for a year then want nothing to do with the rush process again unless they like judging people and being in control. Fun stuff. The nice girls pay a fine to avoid it. An “adult” is in charge but she never matured past her junior year in college and DGAF about the emotional trauma the poorly designed process inflicts.

Ooof. Sounds like your experience wasn't good. IMO you are the minority, not the majority. Sorry that it still hurts.

Gotta say I totally do not understand PPs post. What “adult” is in charge in a sorority? And what fines are you paying?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Gotta say I totally do not understand PPs post. What “adult” is in charge in a sorority? And what fines are you paying?!

Not PP, but you get fined for missing round robins, theme, and prefs. If you try to quit some send your name to a collection agency even if you were never late on or never missed a payment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Gotta say I totally do not understand PPs post. What “adult” is in charge in a sorority? And what fines are you paying?!

Not PP, but you get fined for missing round robins, theme, and prefs. If you try to quit some send your name to a collection agency even if you were never late on or never missed a payment.

Hmm never experienced that but I also was a happy attender and didn't drop. We’ll see what happens with my DD who is pledging so far she loves it and has a pledge class of 60+ and a house of 180 or so. Plenty of room for cliques yes but also plenty of great friends to meet.

[Anonymous]

What I'm getting from this thread is that fraternities are for guys who like to drink and party, and sororities are for mean girls, queenbees, and wannabees? Are there non-greeks at these schools having normal parties and hanging out without judgement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I'm getting from this thread is that fraternities are for guys who like to drink and party, and sororities are for mean girls, queenbees, and wannabees? Are there non-greeks at these schools having normal parties and hanging out without judgement?

well the latter is not true. My DD is in a great sorority which she loves and it has changed her experience in college for the better. Yes there are some sororities filled with mean girls, but the smart girls don't choose those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Guys just rush and hope someone you like picks you. Go to some events in the summer and meet some guys with similar interests if it’s really important to him. They have different personalities and some are “dry”, so he wants to get to know them too.

Girls get emotionally abused for 5 sleepless, gut-wrenching days in a row then “omg, love it!!” for a year then want nothing to do with the rush process again unless they like judging people and being in control. Fun stuff. The nice girls pay a fine to avoid it. An “adult” is in charge but she never matured past her junior year in college and DGAF about the emotional trauma the poorly designed process inflicts.

Kind of.

Most schools don’t have any dry frats, so there’s that. But guys can get multiple bids and choose which one to accept.

And I’d like to add that after the rollercoaster of rejection and lasting emotional trauma that they call rush, if your daughter is lucky enough to end up in a sorority, no, the girls aren’t all friends. There’s a base level of niceties, and an expected facade to maintain that is upheld to woo the next pledge class, but cliques run deep, and the sorting hat isn’t left at the door. A social pecking order exists within each sorority itself, and it’s a constant competition to get a big to choose you, to run for exec positions, to get a little to chose you, it goes on and on and on. Some girls drop by junior year. A lot are over it by senior year and more drop. Some hang in there but just stop going to a lot of stuff.

OR, as a sorority member, you just hang out at the sorority house, go to the parties and let those who want to do all the administrative work. I was in a sorority in a very Greek-centric Southern school, and there wasn’t a “pecking order” within the sorority. There were people who wanted to be officers, and that was fine, because most of us didn’t. That was it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For large Southern universities, your daughter will need a letter of recommendation from a member of each sorority. These she can get by talking to friends and colleagues of you and your family. There are also regional groups for sorority members who have graduated so she can reach out to them for a rec if she doesn’t have any connection with that particular sorority.

The location of the school doesn't determine where recommendations are needed. That is decided by the "governing" board of the national sorority. Fortunately, that policy is changing, as sororities recognize that not everyone knows someone who was in every (if any) sorority. Mine now asks for a recommendation from someone who knows the individual personally. Could be a coach, a teacher, etc. That policy applies to every chapter across the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Sororities need member dues to pay nationals and afford to keep their houses. If your husband is rich, she doesn't even have to rush-she can get a snap bid where they stalk her until she joins.

+1

Buy your way in, you slouch!