Fraternity/Sorority Selection

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boys have it easy. Very laid back recruitment. Girls are a whole different world.

I wouldn’t call death from alcohol poisoning “easy.”

I believe i described it earlier. Fraternity rush is fun, pledging sucks and sorority rush is soul crushing, pledging is fun. Boys need to be VERY careful about their choice and once they have a bid, keep their eyes open and be willing to drop if they experience something they are not comfortable with. My DS has thoroughly enjoyed pledging but I do know kids who are having a very tough time.

Just clarifying that the reason my DS is enjoying it is because the house he chose is vehemently anti hazing and have been straight with that since day 1. The ones that are having a tough time are in different fraternities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I just don’t see how it’s the schools “fault”. They lowered quotas so that They could populate a new house and the girls did not want that. Well that happens everywhere. There’s a bottom house at every school and no one is guaranteed a bid from anything higher.

No one “lowered the quotas.” That doesn’t happen. Nationals would shut the whole thing down if that was the case.
Trust me. That is just a rumor perpetuated by girls who felt slighted. Quotas are not even set until after preference round, so if a girl
only had their least desired sorority left before preference and dropped, they were never impacted by the quotas. Quota is the number of girls that each sorority gets and it is evenly distributed across all sororities based on the number of girls that remain in recruitment until bid day. So if “favorite” sorority got to pick a list of 30 girls, so did every other one, including “least favorite” sorority.

I’m our situation, the university representative admitted this is what they did. This entire thread makes it very obvious that each school experience is unique so it seems obvious that none of us can generalize or insist “that’s not how it’s done “

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
NP. My God, this all sounds exhausting and traumatizing. Do these kids ever study?? What an awful process.

They keep a "file" of old exams. What they don't tell you is those exams are all "F"s with the occasional "D". Plus you get fined if you have to study a miss a party. They also don't tell you the girl selling you her high GPA is an Art History major (and they hide the huge percentage of these) trying to land a rich guy like it is the 80s.

Good lord, your sour grapes are showing. I was in a sorority myself and was never fined for missing a party, never given old tests to study, none of this. And i was on the executive board so i'd know if this was going on.

My DD is in a sorority now and has never been fined for missing a mixer or event, heck she even goes to other sororities mixers with her friends in those houses. Not sure what crazy sorority you were in or experienced, but this is the exception not the rule. My DD is pre-med and having NO trouble balancing the sorority and studying.

Yes, art history + biochem until admissions get posted. You can buy her into a D.O. program (like 4th tier law schools for doctors). But what sour grapes are you talking about? I was in Alpha Phi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
NP. My God, this all sounds exhausting and traumatizing. Do these kids ever study?? What an awful process.

They keep a "file" of old exams. What they don't tell you is those exams are all "F"s with the occasional "D". Plus you get fined if you have to study a miss a party. They also don't tell you the girl selling you her high GPA is an Art History major (and they hide the huge percentage of these) trying to land a rich guy like it is the 80s.

Good lord, your sour grapes are showing. I was in a sorority myself and was never fined for missing a party, never given old tests to study, none of this. And i was on the executive board so i'd know if this was going on.

My DD is in a sorority now and has never been fined for missing a mixer or event, heck she even goes to other sororities mixers with her friends in those houses. Not sure what crazy sorority you were in or experienced, but this is the exception not the rule. My DD is pre-med and having NO trouble balancing the sorority and studying.

Yes, art history + biochem until admissions get posted. You can buy her into a D.O. program (like 4th tier law schools for doctors). But what sour grapes are you talking about? I was in Alpha Phi.

Well that explains it lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boys have it easy. Very laid back recruitment. Girls are a whole different world.

I wouldn’t call death from alcohol poisoning “easy.”

I believe i described it earlier. Fraternity rush is fun, pledging sucks and sorority rush is soul crushing, pledging is fun. Boys need to be VERY careful about their choice and once they have a bid, keep their eyes open and be willing to drop if they experience something they are not comfortable with. My DS has thoroughly enjoyed pledging but I do know kids who are having a very tough time.

Just clarifying that the reason my DS is enjoying it is because the house he chose is vehemently anti hazing and have been straight with that since day 1. The ones that are having a tough time are in different fraternities.

They all say they don't haze. They have to-it's illegal in 44 states and even states that don't have a law against it, most schools will. But the fraternities still haze. Your son has been hazed and he has participated in the hazing of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boys have it easy. Very laid back recruitment. Girls are a whole different world.

I wouldn’t call death from alcohol poisoning “easy.”

I believe i described it earlier. Fraternity rush is fun, pledging sucks and sorority rush is soul crushing, pledging is fun. Boys need to be VERY careful about their choice and once they have a bid, keep their eyes open and be willing to drop if they experience something they are not comfortable with. My DS has thoroughly enjoyed pledging but I do know kids who are having a very tough time.

Just clarifying that the reason my DS is enjoying it is because the house he chose is vehemently anti hazing and have been straight with that since day 1. The ones that are having a tough time are in different fraternities.

They all say they don't haze. They have to-it's illegal in 44 states and even states that don't have a law against it, most schools will. But the fraternities still haze. Your son has been hazed and he has participated in the hazing of others.

Nope he has not. He said he would drop at the first hint and he has not. In fact I asked him how his pledge meetings went and he said “so fun!” They do silly things like delivering flowers to a sorority pledge or being designated driver during parties, but he has never been forced to do anything. Again I know kids who are having a very tough time and are being hazed but they are in different fraternities.

[Anonymous]

I was in a "top 6" sorority at UT and the UT poster here is right on. I know she identified herself in at least one post but there are other posts here that are extremely accurate about the toxic process (and the years after) so I assume those are her too.

I stayed away from rush and paid the fines after my sophomore year so I guess I was one of those 'nice' ones. Haha.

I have all boys but I would not encourage my dd to endure that experience unless she (as the post earlier said) attended the right camps and/or high school. The same goes for the boys to some extent but it's not as bad at least when it comes to rush. But the scene seems a little douchey and insular now in this more connected world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who never participated in Greek Life (my college did not have sororities/fraternities) I am curious how students choose which ones to rush or how it works in general. Let's say a kid goes to school in the south and decides to rush for a fraternity, has no family who has ever done it and no idea which one is which, how does one select? Or do you rush and hope one selects you?

Sororities need member dues to pay nationals and afford to keep their houses. If your husband is rich, she doesn't even have to rush-she can get a snap bid where they stalk her until she joins.

Your husband?

Sororities ask "What does your daddy do? Seemingly unimpressed with how successful one's mother is. OP didn't ask about "coveted" in which case one needs more than a rich daddies and other posters are right about SEC schools being competitive. However, they are COMPLETE liars by saying I wasn't in a sorority and that I made up the term "snap bid". At UVa there was a pretty blond who got callbacks from every sorority but rejected from all upon financial revelation.

I went to U of Texas where rush is very cut throat. Yes, “snap bid” was a thing but it was something lower tiered sororities did. To get into one of the better sororities, you have to have graduated from one of the right high schools, gone to one of the right summer camps or otherwise have some strong connection. Just having a rich dad does nothing for you. Many, many girls have rich families. And the decent sororities have no issue paying their national dues. This isn’t even a consideration.

At a Midwest sorority where it’s not very competitive at all - CWRU - only the least popular sororities had snap bids to give out and they went to people who suicide bid and didn’t get their 1 choice or people who transferred in as sophomores. I don’t think Panhellenic rules allow giving snap bids prior to formal rush.

It was also the case for me that living in a sorority house and being on their meal plan was cheaper than than dorms - even after monthly dues.

Advice for OP - during rush a rushee should aim to be themselves, but the best version of themselves, like a job interview. Look polished, prepare interesting things to talk about and go meet people. The student will know where they feel like they could fit in and make friends. It’s a two way decision and you are looking for a good fit. Once the student narrows it down, there should be a point in rush where the organizations break down their fees / dues / housing costs so that the student knows if they can afford to join if they get a bid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a "top 6" sorority at UT and the UT poster here is right on. I know she identified herself in at least one post but there are other posts here that are extremely accurate about the toxic process (and the years after) so I assume those are her too.

I stayed away from rush and paid the fines after my sophomore year so I guess I was one of those 'nice' ones. Haha.

I have all boys but I would not encourage my dd to endure that experience unless she (as the post earlier said) attended the right camps and/or high school. The same goes for the boys to some extent but it's not as bad at least when it comes to rush. But the scene seems a little douchey and insular now in this more connected world.

so you just detailed that you did not have a good experience in your "top 6" sorority so if your kids were to rush, why would you aim them to the higher tier houses? There ARE other, yes lower tier, houses where the kids make good friends and have good experiences. In fact, I'd argue, the lower the tier, the better time the kid would have. I have a DD in a lower mid tier house and my DS chose a lower tier house . They both are having great experiences and meeting great people without any hazing nor cattiness like you and the other PP describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a "top 6" sorority at UT and the UT poster here is right on. I know she identified herself in at least one post but there are other posts here that are extremely accurate about the toxic process (and the years after) so I assume those are her too.

I stayed away from rush and paid the fines after my sophomore year so I guess I was one of those 'nice' ones. Haha.

I have all boys but I would not encourage my dd to endure that experience unless she (as the post earlier said) attended the right camps and/or high school. The same goes for the boys to some extent but it's not as bad at least when it comes to rush. But the scene seems a little douchey and insular now in this more connected world.

so you just detailed that you did not have a good experience in your "top 6" sorority so if your kids were to rush, why would you aim them to the higher tier houses? There ARE other, yes lower tier, houses where the kids make good friends and have good experiences. In fact, I'd argue, the lower the tier, the better time the kid would have. I have a DD in a lower mid tier house and my DS chose a lower tier house . They both are having great experiences and meeting great people without any hazing nor cattiness like you and the other PP describe.

I guess because the toxicity rubbed off on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a "top 6" sorority at UT and the UT poster here is right on. I know she identified herself in at least one post but there are other posts here that are extremely accurate about the toxic process (and the years after) so I assume those are her too.

I stayed away from rush and paid the fines after my sophomore year so I guess I was one of those 'nice' ones. Haha.

I have all boys but I would not encourage my dd to endure that experience unless she (as the post earlier said) attended the right camps and/or high school. The same goes for the boys to some extent but it's not as bad at least when it comes to rush. But the scene seems a little douchey and insular now in this more connected world.

so you just detailed that you did not have a good experience in your "top 6" sorority so if your kids were to rush, why would you aim them to the higher tier houses? There ARE other, yes lower tier, houses where the kids make good friends and have good experiences. In fact, I'd argue, the lower the tier, the better time the kid would have. I have a DD in a lower mid tier house and my DS chose a lower tier house . They both are having great experiences and meeting great people without any hazing nor cattiness like you and the other PP describe.

I guess because the toxicity rubbed off on me.

I am really struggling with that in this thread. Everyone is talking about the high tier houses and competitiveness to get into those, but no one is saying that fun can be had in lower tiers. Anyway, here I am saying it. There ARE houses with normal kids, smart kids, accomplished kids, non douchey kids, who firmly believe in not hazing someone who could be their brother or sister. I do agree that those higher tier houses are where you see the most issues, so I'm trying to show OP that you do not need to focus on those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I just don’t see how it’s the schools “fault”. They lowered quotas so that They could populate a new house and the girls did not want that. Well that happens everywhere. There’s a bottom house at every school and no one is guaranteed a bid from anything higher.

No one “lowered the quotas.” That doesn’t happen. Nationals would shut the whole thing down if that was the case.
Trust me. That is just a rumor perpetuated by girls who felt slighted. Quotas are not even set until after preference round, so if a girl
only had their least desired sorority left before preference and dropped, they were never impacted by the quotas. Quota is the number of girls that each sorority gets and it is evenly distributed across all sororities based on the number of girls that remain in recruitment until bid day. So if “favorite” sorority got to pick a list of 30 girls, so did every other one, including “least favorite” sorority.

I’m our situation, the university representative admitted this is what they did. This entire thread makes it very obvious that each school experience is unique so it seems obvious that none of us can generalize or insist “that’s not how it’s done “

What university? You might as well name it. No one knows who you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I just don’t see how it’s the schools “fault”. They lowered quotas so that They could populate a new house and the girls did not want that. Well that happens everywhere. There’s a bottom house at every school and no one is guaranteed a bid from anything higher.

No one “lowered the quotas.” That doesn’t happen. Nationals would shut the whole thing down if that was the case.
Trust me. That is just a rumor perpetuated by girls who felt slighted. Quotas are not even set until after preference round, so if a girl
only had their least desired sorority left before preference and dropped, they were never impacted by the quotas. Quota is the number of girls that each sorority gets and it is evenly distributed across all sororities based on the number of girls that remain in recruitment until bid day. So if “favorite” sorority got to pick a list of 30 girls, so did every other one, including “least favorite” sorority.

I’m our situation, the university representative admitted this is what they did. This entire thread makes it very obvious that each school experience is unique so it seems obvious that none of us can generalize or insist “that’s not how it’s done “

What university? You might as well name it. No one knows who you are.

They also did this at my DD’s school this winter. The school specifically stated it in the parent information session prior to rush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I so admire the kids who choose not to rush at all and make their friends the old-fashioned way.

drinking in the dorm?

PP here, and yes. Just hanging out with friends they didn't have to buy and audition for, to put it bluntly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I had not realized was at least at our DS’s school, after rushing and selecting a frat, there is a pledge period (I think 4-8 weeks) where they do challenges and get to know everyone before becoming full members. It’s a big time commitment.

That’s an interesting way to say “binge drink and get hazed.” Or don’t the kids do that anymore? That’s what it was when I went through it.