DD is upset I told her she looked like a homeless person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll tell you this, OP. I can remember in vivid detail what feels like every single time my dad insulted my appearance. I still think about the things he said 20+ years later. I don’t remember the times he complimented me or called me beautiful, even though I know he did.

I've read somewhere that with little kids you should average 7 kind statements with every criticism if you want them to accept the criticism without it damaging their self-esteem. The point is not to encourage parents to compliment their kids constantly, but rather to think very hard before criticizing. If this rule requires you to compliment your child incessantly, it means you are criticizing way too much and need to lay off.

I don't know if this applies to teens or not, but I can say that I too remember the hurtful comments my parents made to me at this age more than I can remember a single kind thing. More than that, I can remember the expressions on their faces when they said hurtful things about my appearance -- disgust, disappointment. This becomes the voice inside of someone's head, the self-criticism that holds them back from doing things or feeling good about themselves. Why would you do that to your child? Is that what you want your legacy to be? The disgusted look on your face as you greeted your daughter after a day of school?

Agree OP should apologize and learn to keep her opinions about her daughter's appearance to herself.

[Anonymous]

Come on, OP.

You know that wasn't accurate. It takes a lot more than that to "look" homeless!

My husband patches up his jeans and wears clothes until they're too ripped and worn to be decent. Does he look homeless? He doesn't, actually. The hygiene problem is missing

Please act like a mature grown-up and don't provoke your teen for no reason. How mean of you.

[Anonymous]

Most homeless people don’t have access or the ability to prioritize optometric services or glasses. If you’re going to lob petty insults at your daughter at least make them make sense. She’ll hate you either way but at least you won’t make yourself look stupid.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP.

Teens today look like trash and have no pride in their appearance.

I saw a mom and her daughter grocery shopping in Target yesterday and the teenage daughter was wearing PJ pants. Because they were PJ pants, they were dragging along on the floor, which is gross. She had on an oversized hoodie and her hair looked like straight up bedhead.

My kids would never think of going out in public looking like that because we've instilled the importance of appearance. Looking put together and clean is the responsible, polite thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you, OP.

Teens today look like trash and have no pride in their appearance.

I saw a mom and her daughter grocery shopping in Target yesterday and the teenage daughter was wearing PJ pants. Because they were PJ pants, they were dragging along on the floor, which is gross. She had on an oversized hoodie and her hair looked like straight up bedhead.

My kids would never think of going out in public looking like that because we've instilled the importance of appearance. Looking put together and clean is the responsible, polite thing to do.

Troll. No loving parent hurls inaccurate and hurtful insults at their child, especially at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine, only speak to her in teaching-like sentences or else she throws a victim fit.

But if she still throws a fit, stonewalls, or lashes out to "Honeypants, please fix yourself up before we head to the doctors" then just let it go. She can go around with snarly hair.

Lol I can never tell if these comments are from actual terrible parents or trolls posing as them. Either way, I think your kids are going to need therapy, honeypants.

Between this and the Do. The Work. poster I am dying.

Poor OP's kid.

If OP isn't a troll, I will say I have very low requirements for teens looks:
1. brush your teeth
2. untangle hair
3. shower

My husband has chose "no PJ pants outside the house "as his hill to die on. I'm fine with PJ pants to the gym and sports practices. Really I do not care as long as general hygiene is maintained.

Even in baggy hoodies and pj pants, my daughter still looks better than I did in 1993. And I tried. I really tried.

[Anonymous]

Nobody’s going to point out that it’s shitty to use “homeless person” as an insult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody’s going to point out that it’s shitty to use “homeless person” as an insult?

Someone already did.

[Anonymous]

I think pj pants are 😎, naps, and hanging out with friends! These are things they will be nostalgic 😢 over when the are our age.op you need to say sorry 😞

[Anonymous]

My kid aesthetic is grunge so they would probably be pretty happy if I tell them they look like a homeless person (which they often do).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I do think it was too far. Mom's criticism is like death by a million little cuts

I just had a baby 2 months ago (my 3rd) and my mom told me she didn't think it was right to not go to the pool with my other kids because I thought I was fat. I either need to lose the weight or get over being fat. She also said I had body image issues. Damn that hurt so badly. I'm 5lbs over my pre pregnancy weight but the reason I wasn't going swimming is that I'm still bleeding.

I hope you told her that! I would have, in my MOST witch filled voice.

[Anonymous]

Instead of saying you look homeless you should have surprised her with a trip to the salon or the store for a new outfit. If you hate her glasses buy her different ones. Stop being so concerned about the way your kid looks to begin with would be the best idea, that’s a terrible thing to say to anyone especially a teenage daughter. Horrible horrible

[Anonymous]

I get it. I wouldn’t have said anything though. It sounds like her hair was messy? That isn’t that big of a deal.

I do have rules though: daily shower, brush teeth, brush hair at least once per day, no pajamas/exercise pants to school.

[Anonymous]

When she starts dating it will change

[Anonymous]

NP. How many of you would judge OP if you saw her with her daughter looking like this in the store? Be honest. Moms worry about their kids' appearances because other moms judge ruthlessly.