DD is upset I told her she looked like a homeless person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD (F16) appeared a little disheveled, wearing glasses and her hair was a bit of a mess (but otherwise looks normal) when I picked her up from school for a doctor's appointment. I told her to clean up when she got home and that she looked like a homeless person. She gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the ride home and when she went back in and told me that I took it too far and sorry for looking a little tired when she's wearing glasses. I'm just trying to get her to look nice! Is that too much to ask?

You do not get to control another persons appearance so yes it is too much to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the issue with her wearing glasses?

Wondering the same thing. In any case, why malign homeless people? If you think she looks disheveled or unkempt, just tell her that. She's entitled to respond how she has regardless.

Fixating on your daughter's appearance and sneering at unhoused people -- we can only hope your daughter uses these experience to be a better person than you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD (F16) appeared a little disheveled, wearing glasses and her hair was a bit of a mess (but otherwise looks normal) when I picked her up from school for a doctor's appointment. I told her to clean up when she got home and that she looked like a homeless person. She gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the ride home and when she went back in and told me that I took it too far and sorry for looking a little tired when she's wearing glasses. I'm just trying to get her to look nice! Is that too much to ask?

This kind of bullsh*t ruined my relationship with my mother. I'm begging you, OP: don't make your daughter think you're looking her over every time you see her. She will pull away from you to protect herself. Reverse course, take her out for ice cream, and never look back.

[Anonymous]

What do glasses have to do with anything? Your comment was rude.

[Anonymous]

I hope this post is a troll. OP cannot be this clueless.

[Anonymous]

She was probably mad because you said “homeless” instead of “unhoused.” Do. The. Work.

[Anonymous]

I’ll tell you this, OP. I can remember in vivid detail what feels like every single time my dad insulted my appearance. I still think about the things he said 20+ years later. I don’t remember the times he complimented me or called me beautiful, even though I know he did.

[Anonymous]

Some parents just want trouble.

Your DD can look nice most of the time your OP seems to imply. She's 16. She can handle it from here. Hyperbole to get your point across to a teenager? Your DD must be an exceptionally nice kid if this is the first time she told you that this kind of talk is crossing a line.

[Anonymous]

Wearing glasses plus some hair out of place warrants a "you look homeless" and orders to clean up her appearance in order to be around her own family in her own home?

You sound bonkers, OP. I assume that this not the first time and you've probably been wearing down your daughter's self esteem over time. It's probably a good thing (for her) that she can still work up the energy to get upset about it and hasn't just shut down in defeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope this post is a troll. OP cannot be this clueless.

+1. I mean, it can’t be real, can it?

[Anonymous]

You suck, OP.

Not only are you maligning unhoused individuals, but you are telling your teen daughter that it is somehow her responsibility to be attractive.

That's not a message I want any teen girl to internalize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some parents just want trouble.

Your DD can look nice most of the time your OP seems to imply. She's 16. She can handle it from here. Hyperbole to get your point across to a teenager? Your DD must be an exceptionally nice kid if this is the first time she told you that this kind of talk is crossing a line.

And the kid apologized for looking tired and wearing glasses??!?!

[Anonymous]

OP, I have teen daughters. It's best to keep your mouth shut. Baggy clothes with windblown-looking hair is on-trend. Do I bite my lip sometimes when my HS senior walks downstairs in the morning wearing baggy jeans, and oversize shirt and messy hair in a clip? Oh, yes.

But I don't say anything because I know that a mother's words carry a ton of weight with daughters. You might not think what you said is a big deal, OP, but it's something she will remember that you said for the rest of her life. But it won't make her change how she looks right now. If anything, it will make her dig in her shoe heels harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD (F16) appeared a little disheveled, wearing glasses and her hair was a bit of a mess (but otherwise looks normal) when I picked her up from school for a doctor's appointment. I told her to clean up when she got home and that she looked like a homeless person. She gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the ride home and when she went back in and told me that I took it too far and sorry for looking a little tired when she's wearing glasses. I'm just trying to get her to look nice! Is that too much to ask?

Really brings back all of my mother's hurtful digs, slights, and comments about my appearance. Unless your DD is dressed inappropriately for venues like school, weddings, funerals, etc. I would keep it to yourself.

[Anonymous]

I had a mother like you, OP. Right now, I'm a successful professional, dressed in baggy Christmas PJs with my hair in a messy bun. I dug my heels in during my teenage years.... Now I'm in my 40s and as slovenly as ever.