DD is upset I told her she looked like a homeless person
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| DD (F16) appeared a little disheveled, wearing glasses and her hair was a bit of a mess (but otherwise looks normal) when I picked her up from school for a doctor's appointment. I told her to clean up when she got home and that she looked like a homeless person. She gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the ride home and when she went back in and told me that I took it too far and sorry for looking a little tired when she's wearing glasses. I'm just trying to get her to look nice! Is that too much to ask? |
Anonymous
| Yes, it is. You are awful! |
Anonymous
|
I'd let that one go and so should she.
talk about manufactured drama and overreaction to a benign comment. Is she jonesing for kid gloves 24/7 and nice, mature communication and everyone needs to walk on eggshells or else she is the verbage police? |
Anonymous
| What is the issue with her wearing glasses? |
Anonymous
|
Fine, only speak to her in teaching-like sentences or else she throws a victim fit.
But if she still throws a fit, stonewalls, or lashes out to "Honeypants, please fix yourself up before we head to the doctors" then just let it go. She can go around with snarly hair. |
Anonymous
|
It was rude, and her response seems normal. Do you like being told you look homeless? Ordered to clean yourself up? No, no one likes this.
My mom would say stuff like that to me all the time when I was a teen, but she's ultra-sensitive about her appearance and will freak out if anyone comments on it at all (even a compliment, she does not want any attention draw to her looks at all). It's very obvious her unkind comments to me and her efforts to control how I looked were about her own insecurities and projecting her feelings onto me. She still does this sometimes but I just ignore her. Also, while I'd never say this to my mom because it would be hurtful (and I'm not rude like you are), it's hard to take the advice from someone who doesn't look that great. Is your appearance impeccable at all times? If not, one day your daughter might decide to return your favors and let you know exactly how imperfect you look. Good luck with that. |
Anonymous
Wondering the same thing. In any case, why malign homeless people? If you think she looks disheveled or unkempt, just tell her that. She's entitled to respond how she has regardless. |
Anonymous
Lol I can never tell if these comments are from actual terrible parents or trolls posing as them. Either way, I think your kids are going to need therapy, honeypants. |
Anonymous
|
As a full-time wearer of glasses (and a human whose hair sometimes gets messe up), I'm offended on behalf of your daughter. You sound judgy and superficial, and your focus on appearances is not healthy for anyone, especially not a teen girl.
I wouldn't care if, when you were leaving the house with her, you mentioned that she might want to run a brush through her hair. But that's about the limit. |
Anonymous
|
Yes I do think it was too far. Mom's criticism is like death by a million little cuts
I just had a baby 2 months ago (my 3rd) and my mom told me she didn't think it was right to not go to the pool with my other kids because I thought I was fat. I either need to lose the weight or get over being fat. She also said I had body image issues. Damn that hurt so badly. I'm 5lbs over my pre pregnancy weight but the reason I wasn't going swimming is that I'm still bleeding. |
Anonymous
| Its rude to comment on someone appearance like that. My mom did this sort od thing all the time. I know it came from a place of caring but always came across as "you better shape up since you're making me look bad". If you want your teen to trust you with any information you have to be supportive and let the appearance go. As ling as its not a health issue. I have daughters but they are little and i already catch myself on this sort of commentary and try to control it. Her value is not in how she looks. |
Anonymous
This is so true. The same words from your mother hit so different than from any other person. |
Anonymous
| Cut the snark and cut waaay back on your appearance non-negotiables. Otherwise, I wouldn't be surprised to see more "homeless" looks from your daughter moving forward. The teenage f-u is real. Save your ammo for when it really counts. |
Anonymous
| 20 years from now: my daughter never lets me see my grandkids, won't let me host holidays, never wants to vacation with me. |
Anonymous
|
I'll go one further: OP, you should apologize to your DD and say it's okay to look casual. (I know she looked worse than casual, but just saying). You need to repair this.
I'm a mom of two older teen DDs and you really need to not go down this road. Please read "Yes your teen is crazy!" |