DD is upset I told her she looked like a homeless person

[Anonymous]

It’s not so much what you say but how you say it.

I joke with my kids like that all the time. They don’t take offense to it, in fact they laugh.

If you have a more sensitive child or rather a non-humorous relationship with your kid then act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Another meh, I tell my kids this all the time and I love living in sweats!

It's mostly when they don't bother to fold and their clothes are a wrinkled mess - yes, that's my line. I don't expect a lot of effort, just some effort.

[Anonymous]

I guess OP isn't going to tell us what her problem is with glasses.

[Anonymous]

People, it's a troll.

[Anonymous]

Wow you were really mean. They always say that our moms are our first bullies. I’m glad she can leave your house in 2 years.

[Anonymous]

My teen is super touchy regardless of what I say or how I say it these days. It's to the the point I'd rather just not talk to her at all to be honest.

[Anonymous]

I told my father he looked like a homeless bum when I met him at the train station in France with a scruffy beard and a large bulky winter jacket that was, to put it politely, dirty.

It's fine to call people out. All this sensitivity is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Meh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you, OP.

Teens today look like trash and have no pride in their appearance.

I saw a mom and her daughter grocery shopping in Target yesterday and the teenage daughter was wearing PJ pants. Because they were PJ pants, they were dragging along on the floor, which is gross. She had on an oversized hoodie and her hair looked like straight up bedhead.

My kids would never think of going out in public looking like that because we've instilled the importance of appearance. Looking put together and clean is the responsible, polite thing to do.

NP here. Instilling a sense of importance about appearance and being cruelly critical of someone's appearance are completely different. There are positive ways to instill a respect for one's appearance without being insulting and condescending like OP.

She could have nicely asked her daughter to tidy up her appearance for the doctor's appointment without being mean and insulting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you, OP.

Teens today look like trash and have no pride in their appearance.

I saw a mom and her daughter grocery shopping in Target yesterday and the teenage daughter was wearing PJ pants. Because they were PJ pants, they were dragging along on the floor, which is gross. She had on an oversized hoodie and her hair looked like straight up bedhead.

My kids would never think of going out in public looking like that because we've instilled the importance of appearance. Looking put together and clean is the responsible, polite thing to do.

NP here. Instilling a sense of importance about appearance and being cruelly critical of someone's appearance are completely different. There are positive ways to instill a respect for one's appearance without being insulting and condescending like OP.

She could have nicely asked her daughter to tidy up her appearance for the doctor's appointment without being mean and insulting.

Dollars to donuts the Mom did just that 10-20x to no avail or response or acknowledgement.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's not a hill to die on. If your daughter feels hurt by what you said, you should acknowledge that and apologize.

My daughter is surprisingly careless about her appearance and I take it as a good sign that she isn't obsessed with what people think of her. It's a sign of confidence. Worry ore about how she treats people, that she has friends and gets exercise and is she's managing her work without excessive anxiety or stress.

[Anonymous]

Death by 1000 paper cuts. You prob offer lots of helpful observations. Over time it’s heavy. Consider maybe she was in a really awesome mood and then you critiqued her appearance ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Death by 1000 paper cuts. You prob offer lots of helpful observations. Over time it’s heavy. Consider maybe she was in a really awesome mood and then you critiqued her appearance ?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not so much what you say but how you say it.

I joke with my kids like that all the time. They don’t take offense to it, in fact they laugh.

If you have a more sensitive child or rather a non-humorous relationship with your kid then act accordingly.

So agree with this. I've said my DD looks like a homeless person too when her hair was a complete mess after she was playing with friends for 4 hours. She said I'm mean and shrugged it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD (F16) appeared a little disheveled, wearing glasses and her hair was a bit of a mess (but otherwise looks normal) when I picked her up from school for a doctor's appointment. I told her to clean up when she got home and that she looked like a homeless person. She gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the ride home and when she went back in and told me that I took it too far and sorry for looking a little tired when she's wearing glasses. I'm just trying to get her to look nice! Is that too much to ask?

So mean. How do you welcome a loved one in this way?