Is it still preferred for men to ask the girlfriend's family for permission before proposing?

[Anonymous]

My husband mentioned doing that and I told him I was not my father's property and if he did that I would consider him not enough of a feminist for me to want to marry him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is polite to announce intentions to marry but it is the couple’s decision so permission should not be needed. Respectful Good communication helps future relations.

100%

I agree with this. My DH took both of my parents out to lunch to tell them he was going to propose and ask for their blessing. From my mom's perspective, it was a 'passing of the torch' gesture for them to give their blessing as their last parenting act, since after DH and I married he would be my primary family. I don't see anything offensive or wrong with that approach.

We have also never had any in-law issues during out marriage (18 years). I get along with his family and he gets along with mine just fine.

[Anonymous]

I think nowadays the man asks the girl if they want to marry, and they decide together if he should go through the formality of asking her dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people still doing it? What's the point because if she is already dating you, either she has permission or doesn't need it. Anyways, which questions would you ask a young man who asks for your permission to propose your daughter? (If your daughter is 21-30 and unmarried)

NO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
To make it an official and for the romantic side, probably still working on grad school or career. Why would one rush to marry right after the rngagement? Next you would say why marry if you are not planning to have kids right away? Times have changed.

Is there some benefit to making it official? And how is that "romantic"?

[Anonymous]

My DS got engaged about a year ago. He did speak to the bride’s dad, but it wasn’t asking permission, more of a timeframe since they would be both graduating from grad school plus living together.

Get ready because things have changed. Now, some of the parents tag along to the proposal and jump out from behind the shrubs when the girl says YES! Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its 2022, she can decide for herself.

In 2002, I decided for myself, and DH did not seek permission. And I'm Asian American. My somewhat conservative parents would've also found it weird.

Having stated that, back in 1992 or so, my sister's (eldest child) then BF did "formally" ask my parents. And even though my dad was not keen on the guy, he gave his "permission" -- really, it was a rubber stamp. Side note: they divorced a couple of years later. My dad was right to be concerned.

I got engaged in the 90s and my now-spouse asked my dad (who was born in the 20s), but only after he asked me (A) to marry him and (B) if he should ask my dad/parents. I said that, in a vacuum, my mom wouldn't care if he asked her, but my dad would want to be asked, and my mom would not like it if he asked my dad and not her. Did you follow that?

Years later, my dad remembered that my husband had asked. My mom did not, but if he hadn't? She would for sure be nursing that grudge.

I hope my kids don't go for any of that nonsense -- asking permission, the big-deal proposal, the wedding extravaganza.

PP here.. I doubt my sister's fiancee asked my mom's permission since, traditionally, it was the dad's permission needed, not the mom.

It was 10 years between me getting married and my sister getting married, and she was already divorced when I got engaged, so I think my parents just decided to let me do what I want since I had a pretty good head on my shoulders. I think it also really helped that they knew my DH was very mature and settled, whereas my sister's ex was not (hence the divorce later).

This is all very traditional, and I guess there are those who still follow this tradition, but IMO, it's archaic, though I can understand why some people, especially the dads, would want to keep this tradition.

I don't think my DH would expect this at all for our DD. If my DS has to do this with his future fiancee, I'd give the ILs a side eye and tell DS that's a bit of a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think nowadays the man asks the girl if they want to marry, and they decide together if he should go through the formality of asking her dad.

I still think that's werid now a days. Maybe if you are like 22, but 32? Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people still doing it? What's the point because if she is already dating you, either she has permission or doesn't need it. Anyways, which questions would you ask a young man who asks for your permission to propose your daughter? (If your daughter is 21-30 and unmarried)

No, on the the permission. Yes, on the meeting him and asking the role he wants in the wedding.

What if you are only getting engaged and have no plans to marry for years?

Then why are you getting engaged?? You should get engaged when you want to marry.

To make it an official and for the romantic side, probably still working on grad school or career. Why would one rush to marry right after the rngagement? Next you would say why marry if you are not planning to have kids right away? Times have changed.

Translation--to mislead and get more P*$$*. PSA to all single women-make him have someone else make a non-refundable deposit either on a flight or venue, etc. Engagements can go 10 years and male infertility, while rampant, is all hush hush.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely ask my son to get to declare the intent to marry and seek the blessing from his girlfriend’s parents.

[Anonymous]

Know your partner.

Some women (me) would be totally offended and stay questioning the relationship (does he even know me!?) if a man even asked for a blessing in advance, much less permission.

Other women would have the same reaction if he didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This tradition was for underage and dependent daughters, but for some reason people kept doing it even for grown women.

This. I’m from an old fashioned southern family and my dad would’ve freaked if my DH had done this. “What in the h*ll are you asking me for, she’s a grown a$$ adult and she makes her own choices!” Would not have started us out on the right foot!

+1 I'm 57 and had my DH even entertained ideas of this I would not have married him as it smacks of sexism. I am not chattel. I don't need the permission of my parents, especially my father, to do anything. If 'blessings' are desired, they can come after we, as a couple, decide to marry.

[Anonymous]

I asked for the "blessing," because I figured marriage is about joining a family and it was nice to show a little respect ... But if he'd said 'no' I would've said "gee I'm sorry you feel that way ... we'll let you know when the wedding is."

[Anonymous]

My SO asked my father's permission, which was granted as "Sure, you can ask her". But it was appreciated that he asked. It is an opening to discuss any serious reservations he had with him while also acknowledging the ultimate decision was up to me.

[Anonymous]

No.

My dad literally said you are both adults, decide for yourself and work things out yourself. He also added that his one request was to make his daughter happy.