Is it still preferred for men to ask the girlfriend's family for permission before proposing?

[Anonymous]

Permission? If she is 15.

[Anonymous]

NO. It's gross and weird. She's not her family's property.

[Anonymous]

I think it is polite to announce intentions to marry but it is the couple’s decision so permission should not be needed. Respectful Good communication helps future relations.

[Anonymous]

I was 32. I joked that I wouldn't marry someone who asked someone else before they asked me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people still doing it? What's the point because if she is already dating you, either she has permission or doesn't need it. Anyways, which questions would you ask a young man who asks for your permission to propose your daughter? (If your daughter is 21-30 and unmarried)

Age? Education? Profession? Income? Religion? Race? Property documents? I guess that's what fathers use to ask?

[Anonymous]

My step son just did. They're both in their 30's. I personally find it offensive, but no one asked me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is polite to announce intentions to marry but it is the couple’s decision so permission should not be needed. Respectful Good communication helps future relations.

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people still doing it? What's the point because if she is already dating you, either she has permission or doesn't need it. Anyways, which questions would you ask a young man who asks for your permission to propose your daughter? (If your daughter is 21-30 and unmarried)

No, on the the permission. Yes, on the meeting him and asking the role he wants in the wedding.

What if you are only getting engaged and have no plans to marry for years?

Then why are you getting engaged?? You should get engaged when you want to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its 2022, she can decide for herself.

In 2002, I decided for myself, and DH did not seek permission. And I'm Asian American. My somewhat conservative parents would've also found it weird.

Having stated that, back in 1992 or so, my sister's (eldest child) then BF did "formally" ask my parents. And even though my dad was not keen on the guy, he gave his "permission" -- really, it was a rubber stamp. Side note: they divorced a couple of years later. My dad was right to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its 2022, she can decide for herself.

In 2002, I decided for myself, and DH did not seek permission. And I'm Asian American. My somewhat conservative parents would've also found it weird.

Having stated that, back in 1992 or so, my sister's (eldest child) then BF did "formally" ask my parents. And even though my dad was not keen on the guy, he gave his "permission" -- really, it was a rubber stamp. Side note: they divorced a couple of years later. My dad was right to be concerned.

I got engaged in the 90s and my now-spouse asked my dad (who was born in the 20s), but only after he asked me (A) to marry him and (B) if he should ask my dad/parents. I said that, in a vacuum, my mom wouldn't care if he asked her, but my dad would want to be asked, and my mom would not like it if he asked my dad and not her. Did you follow that?

Years later, my dad remembered that my husband had asked. My mom did not, but if he hadn't? She would for sure be nursing that grudge.

I hope my kids don't go for any of that nonsense -- asking permission, the big-deal proposal, the wedding extravaganza.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO. It's gross and weird. She's not her family's property.

+1. I would have said no if my husband had asked my father first. It is beyond offensive to even suggest he needed my father’s permission to marry me!

[Anonymous]

I think its only ceremonial and not a real ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people still doing it? What's the point because if she is already dating you, either she has permission or doesn't need it. Anyways, which questions would you ask a young man who asks for your permission to propose your daughter? (If your daughter is 21-30 and unmarried)

No, on the the permission. Yes, on the meeting him and asking the role he wants in the wedding.

What if you are only getting engaged and have no plans to marry for years?

Then why are you getting engaged?? You should get engaged when you want to marry.

To make it an official and for the romantic side, probably still working on grad school or career. Why would one rush to marry right after the rngagement? Next you would say why marry if you are not planning to have kids right away? Times have changed.

[Anonymous]

My husband didn't ask for "permission" but more included my parents/family. That was important to me as they are a fundamental part of our life and this is a huge life changing moment.

[Anonymous]

As long as it's merely ceremonial and asking for a blessing rather than permission, I think it can be a nice male bonding experience and a way for the husband-to-be and bride's father to have a nice moment together.

My husband and my dad are both pretty traditional, so there was an "ask" made over a golf outing and cigars. We had been dating for a decade and only got married when we were ready to have kids, so the whole thing was given a lot of eye rolls by me, but it was important to them, so whatever...