Is it still preferred for men to ask the girlfriend's family for permission before proposing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people still doing it? What's the point because if she is already dating you, either she has permission or doesn't need it. Anyways, which questions would you ask a young man who asks for your permission to propose your daughter? (If your daughter is 21-30 and unmarried)

Women are no longer considered chattle and we are capable of making our own decisions. Giving the bride away is a throwback to the days when eomen were chattle and had to give a dowry of money or barnyard animals. A woman with a college education and who has been working for a few years does not need a father to give her away in marriage. Just another dark age tradition to keep women as second class citizens.

My father giving me away was one of the sweetest moments of my life. Why does every little tradition or gesture have to mean some sort of affront to your civil liberties? Calm the f$&k down.

Giving the bride away is not a tradition, so apparently, you have no objection to bring considered chattle. How many goats, cows, and chickens comprised your dowry. How do you feel about the top man in the village having first night privileges or hanging sheet out for all to see blood from broken hymen proving your virginity. Perhaps your mommy gave you a tiny vial of blood so you would not be ostracized and, like Hester, and you having to wear a scarlet A.

[Anonymous]

Yuck. I'd have hoped that it's not been the "preference" since the 19th century.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think nowadays the man asks the girl if they want to marry, and they decide together if he should go through the formality of asking her dad.

What if the woman asks the boy if they want to marry, and they decide together if she should go through the formality of asking his mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think nowadays the man asks the girl if they want to marry, and they decide together if he should go through the formality of asking her dad.

What if the woman asks the boy if they want to marry, and they decide together if she should go through the formality of asking his mother?

I would laugh and say "no" if my son's girlfriend asked for his hand in marry.

[Anonymous]

Dh spoke with my parents. My family loves nods to tradition even if it's more informal than in the past. My family and DH clearly know I don't need permission, but the gesture of secretly meeting with my parents to let them know how he feels about me, assure them that he loves me AND them, and really just including them in the process. It was sweet.

[Anonymous]

I could never figure out why my mom, who seemed to like DH back when we were dating, suddenly flipped a switch and hated him once we got engaged. Years later, I discovered it was because he hadn't asked my father for permission.

I hate this "tradition."

[Anonymous]

Oh heavens. I am 65 and I would have hated if my dh did that. This isn't Saudia Arabia or some other atrocious country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh heavens. I am 65 and I would have hated if my dh did that. This isn't Saudia Arabia or some other atrocious country.

This isn’t a tradition of some “atrocious country” but of western countries and not a very old one, still very common and socially acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think nowadays the man asks the girl if they want to marry, and they decide together if he should go through the formality of asking her dad.

What if the woman asks the boy if they want to marry, and they decide together if she should go through the formality of asking his mother?

I would laugh and say "no" if my son's girlfriend asked for his hand in marry.

She’ll win my seal of approval if she did. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think nowadays the man asks the girl if they want to marry, and they decide together if he should go through the formality of asking her dad.

What if the woman asks the boy if they want to marry, and they decide together if she should go through the formality of asking his mother?

I would laugh and say "no" if my son's girlfriend asked for his hand in marry.

She’ll win my seal of approval if she did. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

… any more than a man asking his FIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely ask my son to get to declare the intent to marry and seek the blessing from his girlfriend’s parents.

Why? Women aren’t property. Insisting this suggests you see it as the father passing his property off to the new “owner” and not only see it but approve of it. Disgusting. Also, trying to disguise it as asking for their “blessing” rather than permission doesn’t fool anyone. The implication is that approval is needed. Adult couples don’t need others’ approval of their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and forget thee not the divine right of kings to deflower the virgin bride…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is polite to announce intentions to marry but it is the couple’s decision so permission should not be needed. Respectful Good communication helps future relations.

100%

I agree with this. My DH took both of my parents out to lunch to tell them he was going to propose and ask for their blessing. From my mom's perspective, it was a 'passing of the torch' gesture for them to give their blessing as their last parenting act, since after DH and I married he would be my primary family. I don't see anything offensive or wrong with that approach.

We have also never had any in-law issues during out marriage (18 years). I get along with his family and he gets along with mine just fine.

Did you ask for his parents blessing too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh heavens. I am 65 and I would have hated if my dh did that. This isn't Saudia Arabia or some other atrocious country.

This isn’t a tradition of some “atrocious country” but of western countries and not a very old one, still very common and socially acceptable.

It doesn't mean it's right. It's an offensive tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people still doing it? What's the point because if she is already dating you, either she has permission or doesn't need it. Anyways, which questions would you ask a young man who asks for your permission to propose your daughter? (If your daughter is 21-30 and unmarried)

I have a list of 423 questions for my daughter’s suitor, which I got from Jim Bob Duggar.

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/18928-pre-courtship-questionnaire/