Reply to Is it still preferred for men to ask the girlfriend's family for permission before proposing?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Is it still preferred for men to ask the girlfriend's family for permission before proposing? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Its 2022, she can decide for herself. [/quote]
In 2002, I decided for myself, and DH did not seek permission. And I'm Asian American.  My somewhat conservative parents would've also found it weird.

Having stated that, back in 1992 or so, my sister's (eldest child) then BF did "formally" ask my parents.  And even though my dad was not keen on the guy, he gave his "permission" -- really, it was a rubber stamp.  Side note: they divorced a couple of years later.   My dad was right to be concerned.[/quote]

I got engaged in the 90s and my now-spouse asked my dad (who was born in the 20s), but only after he asked me (A) to marry him and (B) if he should ask my dad/parents. I said that, in a vacuum, my mom wouldn't care if he asked her, but my dad would want to be asked, and my mom would not like it if he asked my dad and not her. Did you follow that?

Years later, my dad remembered that my husband had asked. My mom did not, but if he hadn't? She would for sure be nursing that grudge.

I hope my kids don't go for any of that nonsense -- asking permission, the big-deal proposal, the wedding extravaganza. [/quote]
PP here.. I doubt my sister's fiancee asked my mom's permission since, traditionally, it was the dad's permission needed, not the mom.

It was 10 years between me getting married and my sister getting married, and she was already divorced when I got engaged, so I think my parents just decided to let me do what I want since I had a pretty good head on my shoulders.  I think it also really helped that they knew my DH was very mature and settled, whereas my sister's ex was not (hence the divorce later).

This is all very traditional, and I guess there are those who still follow this tradition, but IMO, it's archaic, though I can understand why some people, especially the dads, would want to keep this tradition.

I don't think my DH would expect this at all for our DD.  If my DS has to do this with his future fiancee, I'd give the ILs a side eye and tell DS that's a bit of a red flag.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics