Is it still preferred for men to ask the girlfriend's family for permission before proposing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people still doing it? What's the point because if she is already dating you, either she has permission or doesn't need it. Anyways, which questions would you ask a young man who asks for your permission to propose your daughter? (If your daughter is 21-30 and unmarried)

This was not a thing thirty years ago when DH and I became engaged.

[Anonymous]

My husband did this in 2018. Wasn't something I cared about, but he was concerned about starting off an in law relationship on the wrong foot.

My dad was actually shocked that he called over this lol. But was elated with the conversation.

Funny enough, I should have asked for his hand as his parents are still not happy we married. We did not have their blessing. My parents love their new 'son'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not only is that out of date custom falling out of favor, there are fewer men proposing to women, at least in the traditional way, as a total surprise. Usually the couples are having conversations and come to an agreement. And more women are proposing…and of course more and more couples are not male-female….

This will be super unpopular but I find it so beneath the woman to propose. Ew. My husband asked my dad but mainly as a gesture because my father and I are very close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only is that out of date custom falling out of favor, there are fewer men proposing to women, at least in the traditional way, as a total surprise. Usually the couples are having conversations and come to an agreement. And more women are proposing…and of course more and more couples are not male-female….

This will be super unpopular but I find it so beneath the woman to propose. Ew. My husband asked my dad but mainly as a gesture because my father and I are very close.

What? Proposing is beneath women but one man asking other man for their hand is not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people still doing it? What's the point because if she is already dating you, either she has permission or doesn't need it. Anyways, which questions would you ask a young man who asks for your permission to propose your daughter? (If your daughter is 21-30 and unmarried)

No.

[Anonymous]

The answer depends on the woman and whether she is the type of woman who would appreciate this. In my case, yes, I was very glad my fiancé approached my parents before proposing. If you don’t know the woman well enough to know if she would want this, you shouldn’t be getting married.

[Anonymous]

I supposed it would be attractive to men/women who view see it as an shifting of responsibility from parents to a husband - even if it's referred to as a 'blessing'. But, if you want your parents' permission/blessing before your partner asks you, I'm sure you'll welcome your parents' opinions on other aspects of your marriage. You do you.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a lovely gesture if also an archaic custom. It implies he will take care of her and cherish her like her own family hopefully did and helps the parents trust and let go of their daughter. I think it’s a nice sign of respect towards a future father in law and shows that the guy was raised right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a lovely gesture if also an archaic custom. It implies he will take care of her and cherish her like her own family hopefully did and helps the parents trust and let go of their daughter. I think it’s a nice sign of respect towards a future father in law and shows that the guy was raised right.

Yeah, totally 'raised right' if you mean perpetuating the idea that patriarchy is good and that women are dependent upon men and families. Seems odd that a single question 'Do I have permission to marry your DD' would tell a 'future father-in-law' all he needs to know about the upbringing of his DD's suitor and lead to trust. I thought that was what dating was about. If parents don't trust a suitor or have reservations, they should communicate with their DD well before the marriage talks. Glad I'm raising my DDs and DSs differently than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only is that out of date custom falling out of favor, there are fewer men proposing to women, at least in the traditional way, as a total surprise. Usually the couples are having conversations and come to an agreement. And more women are proposing…and of course more and more couples are not male-female….

This will be super unpopular but I find it so beneath the woman to propose. Ew. My husband asked my dad but mainly as a gesture because my father and I are very close.

What? Proposing is beneath women but one man asking other man for their hand is not?

Yes

[Anonymous]

I would never marry the kind of man who even considered doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think nowadays the man asks the girl if they want to marry, and they decide together if he should go through the formality of asking her dad.

Can we stop with this nonsense too?
An adult female human being is a woman.

[Anonymous]

Well, my husband would have had to find my father first, I hadn't seen him in twenty years when we got married.

[Anonymous]

Where is a mother in this equation? Why no one asking her permission if its a parental thing not a man thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think nowadays the man asks the girl if they want to marry, and they decide together if he should go through the formality of asking her dad.

Can we stop with this nonsense too?
An adult female human being is a woman.

This. Why a grown man is proposing a minor?