DH doesn’t remember any birthdays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's a boy. it's a thing.

No, it’s not. It’s a “I don’t want to take care of this” thing.

You could counch it that way. Just like I don't track how many miles have been put on my car between oil changes. Which you could consider an "I don't know, I don't care, I don't want to take care of this" thing. Or a girl thing.

Nothing difficult about remembering a bday or annual oil change or executing a system to remember it.

The problem is when “the system” is ask mom or your wife. Or just sit back and wait for them to tell you what’s up all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he remember much of anything, ie executive functioning issues, or just bdays or anniversaries?

Tell him to make some new traditions.

Doing nothing is just pathetic and selfish. Esp as a parent or SO.

To clarify, he usually does something, after I remind him of the upcoming birthdays. This is a big improvement from how I used to plan for and buy gifts/cards for all his family members’ birthdays. But I drew the line at some point. Now I would like him to go one step further and remember them on his own without reminders from me. I’m pretty forgetful myself, and it’s hard enough remembering everything else, let alone being responsible for reminding my husband of birthdays.

He has an exceptional memory but only limited to certain things. The everyday practical things completely escape him. He does not know our anniversary date either, and I have grown to not really care. I do have to remind him constantly of social things on our calendar and kid related activities and things.

Lol

Out of the fog, OP, out of the fog you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's a boy. it's a thing.

No, it’s not. It’s a “I don’t want to take care of this” thing.

You could counch it that way. Just like I don't track how many miles have been put on my car between oil changes. Which you could consider an "I don't know, I don't care, I don't want to take care of this" thing. Or a girl thing.

What's there to take care of? I don't send birthday gifts. I know my spouse, kids, sibling and parents birthdays. I've been married for 20 years and do not remember my Inlaws or his niece/nephews birthdays. I don't know my nephews birthdays (months yes, not days).

I also don't know when my last oil change was. My husband does take care of that, but if I had to, I would make a reminder in my phone.

- wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some people that cannot remember dates/events. Just like there are people who are face-blind, or people who cannot remember numbers or people who have problems remembering certain words.

Does he use a calendar program on his phone? Put the dates on the shared calendar and have them pop up reminders X days before the event so that it pops up on his phone. I put a bunch of reminders for myself on my phone and I adjust the notification times based on when I need a reminder. So, for days when my kids have early dismissal and I need to pick them up, I put it for about 4 hours before so that it reminds me before I put the kids to bed. For birthdays I have to buy something for, I put the notification like 3 days beforehand so that I can remember to get something before the event. For birthdays that I just have to acknowledge with a text or email, I let it notify me on the date of the event. And so on. Either talk to him about sitting down and filling out the calendar or do it for him and then let the phone do the work for you.

Maybe he and I need to sit down together and figure out a system that will work for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he remember much of anything, ie executive functioning issues, or just bdays or anniversaries?

Tell him to make some new traditions.

Doing nothing is just pathetic and selfish. Esp as a parent or SO.

To clarify, he usually does something, after I remind him of the upcoming birthdays. This is a big improvement from how I used to plan for and buy gifts/cards for all his family members’ birthdays. But I drew the line at some point. Now I would like him to go one step further and remember them on his own without reminders from me. I’m pretty forgetful myself, and it’s hard enough remembering everything else, let alone being responsible for reminding my husband of birthdays.

He has an exceptional memory but only limited to certain things. The everyday practical things completely escape him. He does not know our anniversary date either, and I have grown to not really care. I do have to remind him constantly of social things on our calendar and kid related activities and things.

Lol

Out of the fog, OP, out of the fog you go.

What does this mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's a boy. it's a thing.

No, it’s not. It’s a “I don’t want to take care of this” thing.

You could counch it that way. Just like I don't track how many miles have been put on my car between oil changes. Which you could consider an "I don't know, I don't care, I don't want to take care of this" thing. Or a girl thing.

What's there to take care of? I don't send birthday gifts. I know my spouse, kids, sibling and parents birthdays. I've been married for 20 years and do not remember my Inlaws or his niece/nephews birthdays. I don't know my nephews birthdays (months yes, not days).

I also don't know when my last oil change was. My husband does take care of that, but if I had to, I would make a reminder in my phone.

- wife

So the difference is, you actually remember your parents and siblings’ birthdays and probably at least call them. You also remember your own children’s birthdays. My husband does not remember them at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he remember much of anything, ie executive functioning issues, or just bdays or anniversaries?

Tell him to make some new traditions.

Doing nothing is just pathetic and selfish. Esp as a parent or SO.

To clarify, he usually does something, after I remind him of the upcoming birthdays. This is a big improvement from how I used to plan for and buy gifts/cards for all his family members’ birthdays. But I drew the line at some point. Now I would like him to go one step further and remember them on his own without reminders from me. I’m pretty forgetful myself, and it’s hard enough remembering everything else, let alone being responsible for reminding my husband of birthdays.

He has an exceptional memory but only limited to certain things. The everyday practical things completely escape him. He does not know our anniversary date either, and I have grown to not really care. I do have to remind him constantly of social things on our calendar and kid related activities and things.

Just stopped reminding him of his family stuff and let him deal with the fallout. I’m the woman that doesn’t remember this stuff. If my husband decided to stop reminding me, the world would not end.

Yes, but he has parents who care very much about this type of thing. And get very upset if they are forgotten. They also remember and get us something for every one of our special occasions, like our anniversary and birthdays.

Curious if BOTH his parents share this sentiment or only one of them does and the other is exactly like your husband (can’t remember! Don’t care! Whatever!).

It would be more accurate to say that only one of them really care, but the other fully backs up and supports the one who gets upset. I do feel somewhat compelled to remind my husband because they go out of the way to buy things for me on my birthday, on Mother’s Day, and on Valentine’s Day. In addition to our anniversaries and Christmases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman and don’t remember this stuff. My husband reminds me of my family’s birthdays. I remind him of 10 million other things. It is fine.

This stuff just was never important in my family of origin.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some people that cannot remember dates/events. Just like there are people who are face-blind, or people who cannot remember numbers or people who have problems remembering certain words.

Does he use a calendar program on his phone? Put the dates on the shared calendar and have them pop up reminders X days before the event so that it pops up on his phone. I put a bunch of reminders for myself on my phone and I adjust the notification times based on when I need a reminder. So, for days when my kids have early dismissal and I need to pick them up, I put it for about 4 hours before so that it reminds me before I put the kids to bed. For birthdays I have to buy something for, I put the notification like 3 days beforehand so that I can remember to get something before the event. For birthdays that I just have to acknowledge with a text or email, I let it notify me on the date of the event. And so on. Either talk to him about sitting down and filling out the calendar or do it for him and then let the phone do the work for you.

Maybe he and I need to sit down together and figure out a system that will work for him.

Yep. You need to sit down, explain that you are having problems keeping track of everything you need to track and everything that he needs to track. So, he will now be responsible for tracking events like birthdays for his side of the family and he needs to take ownership of events like remembering his own anniversary, your and the kids birthdays. He needs to identify a system or reminders that he will actually pay attention to and then either he configures it or you do. In my case, I don't monitor email reminders (I used to try that), but I have things that are important pop up to me on my phone the evening before I go to bed (I am a night owl, so I usually set my reminders to show up on my phone about an hour after the kids bedtime, so that I am likely to have fewer distractions and can take note). So I put everything on the Google calendar and I set reminders for the night before. As I said, if I have to buy something, then I'll usually make it 3 days + the night before. But having it pop up on my phone works for me.

So, talk to him, help him figure out what reminder he will not ignore and then he has to set up the notifications. You can help him with dates and getting the reminders set up and then it's up to him to maintain and actually register and use the notifications.

[Anonymous]

My DH (of 33 years) isn’t great about remembering everyone’s birthdays. He always remembers mine. We have five adult kids. Two are married. So, add two DILs. We have two grandkids. Plus all four of our parents are still alive and healthy. Add in our sisters and brothers, etc….it’s a lot. I’ve always been the one to handle all the birthdays on both sides of the family. It’s not a big deal. I’m just better at keeping up with this kind of stuff. There are things he handles that I’m not great about. That’s how marriage works. We are a team. We each have our strengths and weaknesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some people that cannot remember dates/events. Just like there are people who are face-blind, or people who cannot remember numbers or people who have problems remembering certain words.

Does he use a calendar program on his phone? Put the dates on the shared calendar and have them pop up reminders X days before the event so that it pops up on his phone. I put a bunch of reminders for myself on my phone and I adjust the notification times based on when I need a reminder. So, for days when my kids have early dismissal and I need to pick them up, I put it for about 4 hours before so that it reminds me before I put the kids to bed. For birthdays I have to buy something for, I put the notification like 3 days beforehand so that I can remember to get something before the event. For birthdays that I just have to acknowledge with a text or email, I let it notify me on the date of the event. And so on. Either talk to him about sitting down and filling out the calendar or do it for him and then let the phone do the work for you.

Maybe he and I need to sit down together and figure out a system that will work for him.

Yep. You need to sit down, explain that you are having problems keeping track of everything you need to track and everything that he needs to track. So, he will now be responsible for tracking events like birthdays for his side of the family and he needs to take ownership of events like remembering his own anniversary, your and the kids birthdays. He needs to identify a system or reminders that he will actually pay attention to and then either he configures it or you do. In my case, I don't monitor email reminders (I used to try that), but I have things that are important pop up to me on my phone the evening before I go to bed (I am a night owl, so I usually set my reminders to show up on my phone about an hour after the kids bedtime, so that I am likely to have fewer distractions and can take note). So I put everything on the Google calendar and I set reminders for the night before. As I said, if I have to buy something, then I'll usually make it 3 days + the night before. But having it pop up on my phone works for me.

So, talk to him, help him figure out what reminder he will not ignore and then he has to set up the notifications. You can help him with dates and getting the reminders set up and then it's up to him to maintain and actually register and use the notifications.

These are great suggestions. Thanks! I’m going to use this technique for myself- I am actually pretty forgetful myself

[Anonymous]

This is NOT uncommon. I don't know my parent b-days or my siblings... I've written my kids b-days down in my wallet for when I need to fill out forms...
Men are not women. There is not right or wrong about this. It just is. I'm sure there are A LOT of things your husband can't believe you don't know or do the right way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's a boy. it's a thing.

No, it’s not. It’s a “I don’t want to take care of this” thing.

You could counch it that way. Just like I don't track how many miles have been put on my car between oil changes. Which you could consider an "I don't know, I don't care, I don't want to take care of this" thing. Or a girl thing.

Nothing difficult about remembering a bday or annual oil change or executing a system to remember it.

The problem is when “the system” is ask mom or your wife. Or just sit back and wait for them to tell you what’s up all the time.

holly crap. normal maintenance is certainly more than 1 time a year...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is NOT uncommon. I don't know my parent b-days or my siblings... I've written my kids b-days down in my wallet for when I need to fill out forms...
Men are not women. There is not right or wrong about this. It just is. I'm sure there are A LOT of things your husband can't believe you don't know or do the right way.

You don’t know your parents’ birthdays? Or your siblings?

Sorry, just find that so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's a boy. it's a thing.

No, it’s not. It’s a “I don’t want to take care of this” thing.

You could counch it that way. Just like I don't track how many miles have been put on my car between oil changes. Which you could consider an "I don't know, I don't care, I don't want to take care of this" thing. Or a girl thing.

Nothing difficult about remembering a bday or annual oil change or executing a system to remember it.

The problem is when “the system” is ask mom or your wife. Or just sit back and wait for them to tell you what’s up all the time.

holly crap. normal maintenance is certainly more than 1 time a year...

Like what? What’s vehicle checks and maintenance need to be done more frequently than once a year?
You’ve been driving more than 15k miles every 6 months during Covid?