How to outdo annoying SIL

[Anonymous]

Have an affair with her rich DH. That will show her.

[Anonymous]

Try Ben Wa Balls.

[Anonymous]

I think she showed you how to outdo her! just do what she did!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the troll detectives and haters. I think it takes a lot of self awareness and humility to admit your jealousy and angst. And also to be rational enough to realize it’s irrational.

This is not about money or class, or even envy. It’s about kindness, regret over circumstances you have no control over, and a twist of role reversal.

Kindness: you were kind to her regardless of her station in life or upbringing. You were raised to believe it was charitable to be kind to everyone, including those lower than you. While this was well intentioned, it was actually a very condescending instinct that was instilled in you. Be “kind” to everyone, including those so far beneath you.

Regret: if you are the OP of the other post, you’ve got a shit ton of designer baggage. That silver spoon you were fed with has tarnished, through no fault of your own. Your resentment over your parents’ irresponsibly is understandable. They had everything at their fingertips and they screwed it up. But it was never your “everything” to assume indefinitely. It’s sucks. But you didn’t earn it, it was never yours. Their wealth afforded you massive temporary privileges. Some of which, you will carry with you forever (education, experiences, exposure, etc.). So it’s like losing found money.

Role reversal: see above for my analysis on kindness.

I hope this response doesn’t come off too harsh, because I genuinely feel for you OP. It’s a crappy situation. But it’s largely out of your control. Focus on not equating money with worth. Is she kind to you? Are their non-material ways to find common ground?

I really don’t have any constructive advice for you, OP. But I completely understand your feelings. You’re not a bad person for feeling them.

Some feelings are bad and shameful. OP should be ashamed of her jealousy, snobbery, inability to be happy for her family, and ingratitude. Those feelings are nothing to be proud of, celebrated, or patted on the back for. What is wrong with you? The only good thing is she's aware of it. Now she needs to work on being a better person and not a loathsome green eyed monster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol this is foul. You felt superior to her until she landed more wealth and better status than you and now you gotta figure out a way to reassert yourself as superior. Kinda weird, sis. Poop on her doorstep or something, idk.

OP here. This is exactly it. I had more status than her all these years and I could tell she was jealous of me and would be a mean-girl and put me down even though I was always nice and wanted to be a friend. Turns out, she wanted what I had in spades and now that she has more resources than me, she is outdoing me in every way possible!

It IS really weird but I feel so awkward.

Sorry but you deserve this.

[Anonymous]

I had a SIL like you. Trust me, your SIL is loving watching you be jealous

[Anonymous]

You simply can not outdo her financially anymore, don't even try. You outdo her with how you act and conduct yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol this is foul. You felt superior to her until she landed more wealth and better status than you and now you gotta figure out a way to reassert yourself as superior. Kinda weird, sis. Poop on her doorstep or something, idk.

OP here. This is exactly it. I had more status than her all these years and I could tell she was jealous of me and would be a mean-girl and put me down even though I was always nice and wanted to be a friend. Turns out, she wanted what I had in spades and now that she has more resources than me, she is outdoing me in every way possible!

It IS really weird but I feel so awkward.

Sorry but you deserve this.

Agree. What comes around goes around. Now you want what she has. You only got along with her because you felt benevolent towards her and now that she has surpassed you, you are unable to cope. You never truly liked her or considered her a friend.

[Anonymous]

My SIL was like this. She completed with everything especially her house. When they married BIL had 250k saved up, which seemed like a lot back then. DH had nothing saved and they made the same income.

SIL flaunted that she could afford more. She bought a new build and then we bought a new build also. Ours was around 50k more than hers, she was irate. She bought another new house while waiting for the first new build. It was about 200k more. All she talked about is how her house was custom and ours was not. So she tried to back out of the first house but they said no. So she was on the hook owning 2 homes. She listed the first one as soon as she got possession of it and sold at a loss. There are many more examples.

She also instructed her husband to ask mine how big my diamond engagement ring was. Then surprise, hers was just a bit bigger.

Also she kissed ass to MIL and tried to act like they are best friends to rub my nose in it because MIL and I had issues. Happiest day of my life was when BIL filed for divorce and her and my MIL imploded.

Oh the best part was my DH ended up making triple what her husband makes and we could afford a much nicer house down the road, like 2.5 million. I am sure that killed her. I think it may have led to her divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL was like this. She completed with everything especially her house. When they married BIL had 250k saved up, which seemed like a lot back then. DH had nothing saved and they made the same income.

SIL flaunted that she could afford more. She bought a new build and then we bought a new build also. Ours was around 50k more than hers, she was irate. She bought another new house while waiting for the first new build. It was about 200k more. All she talked about is how her house was custom and ours was not. So she tried to back out of the first house but they said no. So she was on the hook owning 2 homes. She listed the first one as soon as she got possession of it and sold at a loss. There are many more examples.

She also instructed her husband to ask mine how big my diamond engagement ring was. Then surprise, hers was just a bit bigger.

Also she kissed ass to MIL and tried to act like they are best friends to rub my nose in it because MIL and I had issues. Happiest day of my life was when BIL filed for divorce and her and my MIL imploded.

Oh the best part was my DH ended up making triple what her husband makes and we could afford a much nicer house down the road, like 2.5 million. I am sure that killed her. I think it may have led to her divorce

Who are you describing as just like your SIL , OP or her SIL? It's hard to tell. Also in both of these examples seems like both people are actively playing the petty one upping game. if you weren't how would you know all the details? You sound just as money conscious as your former SIL. Why would you care if she had a bigger ring?

[Anonymous]

The best revenge to someone so obsessed with status and display of wealth is to ignore their display. Don’t put it down but don’t fawn either. Just refuse to be jealous or impressed. Pretend for yourself that you could do all the things she does and more - but you choose not to because those aren’t your priorities or values.

She does things things for attention - don’t give it to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol this is foul. You felt superior to her until she landed more wealth and better status than you and now you gotta figure out a way to reassert yourself as superior. Kinda weird, sis. Poop on her doorstep or something, idk.

OP here. This is exactly it. I had more status than her all these years and I could tell she was jealous of me and would be a mean-girl and put me down even though I was always nice and wanted to be a friend. Turns out, she wanted what I had in spades and now that she has more resources than me, she is outdoing me in every way possible!

It IS really weird but I feel so awkward.

Sorry but you deserve this.

Agree. What comes around goes around. Now you want what she has. You only got along with her because you felt benevolent towards her and now that she has surpassed you, you are unable to cope. You never truly liked her or considered her a friend.

Op here. I completely understand my petty feelings are ridiculous and not very gracious. But it’s not cool that you accuse me of being unkind to her. SHE openly mocked and hated me since the day my DH brought me home. She made fun of everything I said or wanted and made me feel bad. I was utterly perplexed for the longest time and I couldn’t understand why she would be so hell bent on making me miserable when I was nothing but nice. But I kept my distance as it was obvious that she didn’t not want me around. It was only when she started having the resources through new rich DH that I noticed she…wanted to be me the whole time. And was utterly jealous and insecure she couldn’t stand to be around me. Everything she made fun of me for, she is now buying, getting at a much grander level than I ever thought to. All the while she gives her brother (my husband) and I annoying pitying looks.

So of course I’m annoyed and wish I could put her back in her place!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL was like this. She completed with everything especially her house. When they married BIL had 250k saved up, which seemed like a lot back then. DH had nothing saved and they made the same income.

SIL flaunted that she could afford more. She bought a new build and then we bought a new build also. Ours was around 50k more than hers, she was irate. She bought another new house while waiting for the first new build. It was about 200k more. All she talked about is how her house was custom and ours was not. So she tried to back out of the first house but they said no. So she was on the hook owning 2 homes. She listed the first one as soon as she got possession of it and sold at a loss. There are many more examples.

She also instructed her husband to ask mine how big my diamond engagement ring was. Then surprise, hers was just a bit bigger.

Also she kissed ass to MIL and tried to act like they are best friends to rub my nose in it because MIL and I had issues. Happiest day of my life was when BIL filed for divorce and her and my MIL imploded.

Oh the best part was my DH ended up making triple what her husband makes and we could afford a much nicer house down the road, like 2.5 million. I am sure that killed her. I think it may have led to her divorce

Who are you describing as just like your SIL , OP or her SIL? It's hard to tell. Also in both of these examples seems like both people are actively playing the petty one upping game. if you weren't how would you know all the details? You sound just as money conscious as your former SIL. Why would you care if she had a bigger ring?

q

I knew the details because SIL would brag about her 1.6 carat ring every time. And the otger details.. of course I knew BIL would tell DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol this is foul. You felt superior to her until she landed more wealth and better status than you and now you gotta figure out a way to reassert yourself as superior. Kinda weird, sis. Poop on her doorstep or something, idk.

OP here. This is exactly it. I had more status than her all these years and I could tell she was jealous of me and would be a mean-girl and put me down even though I was always nice and wanted to be a friend. Turns out, she wanted what I had in spades and now that she has more resources than me, she is outdoing me in every way possible!

It IS really weird but I feel so awkward.

Sorry but you deserve this.

Agree. What comes around goes around. Now you want what she has. You only got along with her because you felt benevolent towards her and now that she has surpassed you, you are unable to cope. You never truly liked her or considered her a friend.

Op here. I completely understand my petty feelings are ridiculous and not very gracious. But it’s not cool that you accuse me of being unkind to her. SHE openly mocked and hated me since the day my DH brought me home. She made fun of everything I said or wanted and made me feel bad. I was utterly perplexed for the longest time and I couldn’t understand why she would be so hell bent on making me miserable when I was nothing but nice. But I kept my distance as it was obvious that she didn’t not want me around. It was only when she started having the resources through new rich DH that I noticed she…wanted to be me the whole time. And was utterly jealous and insecure she couldn’t stand to be around me. Everything she made fun of me for, she is now buying, getting at a much grander level than I ever thought to. All the while she gives her brother (my husband) and I annoying pitying looks.

So of course I’m annoyed and wish I could put her back in her place!

Wow you are pretty despicable and unlikable. Cry more with your paltry $500k annual income you poor thing. Try volunteering and thinking about someone other than yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize this is a pretty puerile issue to even consider but here we are. My SIL has always been the jealous competitive type. She triggers me and brings out MY jealous competitive side as well. She considers herself as the harbinger of taste and style and looks down on everyone except few select wealthy people who she tries to emulate.

I do not mean to brag but I am no Lula Mae or what have you. I am pretty well cultured and traveled and come from an upper class European family. Most of these things she aspires to were sort of all ways in abundance around me so I never paid particular attention to them. I was raised to always be polite and considerate. I am well dressed and put together. I know how to do my hair and makeup. She grew up tomboy and did not know 2 things about how to style herself. Which was fine and I never cared except she was a mean girl to me and put me down always.

She is now married to a rich guy and has resources to undergo a transformation of sorts. Bye bye tom boy, hello socialite. Everything she wears is designer and carefully curated. Her house is being done by interior decorators and she gets all sorts of skincare treatments.

My husband and I do ok but I would not feel comfortable with the casual display of wealth she and her husband are into.

Anyway, as silly as it is, now I feel jealous and like an outsider and am envious of her vast resources. I too, have good taste, you know. I just can't afford to always splurge!

These feelings are natural but understanding their pettiness and toxicity and rising above it is what makes you a better person.