How to outdo annoying SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize this is a pretty puerile issue to even consider but here we are. My SIL has always been the jealous competitive type. She triggers me and brings out MY jealous competitive side as well. She considers herself as the harbinger of taste and style and looks down on everyone except few select wealthy people who she tries to emulate.

I do not mean to brag but I am no Lula Mae or what have you. I am pretty well cultured and traveled and come from an upper class European family. Most of these things she aspires to were sort of all ways in abundance around me so I never paid particular attention to them. I was raised to always be polite and considerate. I am well dressed and put together. I know how to do my hair and makeup. She grew up tomboy and did not know 2 things about how to style herself. Which was fine and I never cared except she was a mean girl to me and put me down always.

She is now married to a rich guy and has resources to undergo a transformation of sorts. Bye bye tom boy, hello socialite. Everything she wears is designer and carefully curated. Her house is being done by interior decorators and she gets all sorts of skincare treatments.

My husband and I do ok but I would not feel comfortable with the casual display of wealth she and her husband are into.

Anyway, as silly as it is, now I feel jealous and like an outsider and am envious of her vast resources. I too, have good taste, you know. I just can't afford to always splurge!

what did I just read. Is there a question in there?

[Anonymous]

Is this the same OP as the vegan SIL/bacon thread?!

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering if this is the same poster:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/994516.page

“I married into a MC family when I married my DH. I grew up UMC/UC when I was younger so I know that lifestyle well. Unfortunately my parents mismanaged their money so I do not have a trust fund or what have you as is customary of my set. Together DH and I make a good income now in our early thirties. 500K or so depending on how his business does per year. We are pretty happy considering. Both our sisters however, happened to marry significantly wealthy men. One is marrying an investment banker and they aren't even 30th yet and live a life very few can afford. The other is marrying a well-to-do techie who is obviously a tech superstar in addition to coming from a wealthy family who own many properties and constantly gift them getaways and other fun treats.

I know my husband and I are fortunate but now compared to the drastically different lifestyles of our immediate siblings...we feel...less than. And I am working through my own feelings and coming to terms with having a very wealthy sister in law and sister, in the back of my mind, I worry about the financial discrepancy any children we have might feel. It must be odd for a little child to grow up with cousins who live fabulously wealthy lives.

I am unsure how to navigate this issue which I know from experience will eventually come up. Advice? Thoughts?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering if this is the same poster:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/994516.page

“I married into a MC family when I married my DH. I grew up UMC/UC when I was younger so I know that lifestyle well. Unfortunately my parents mismanaged their money so I do not have a trust fund or what have you as is customary of my set. Together DH and I make a good income now in our early thirties. 500K or so depending on how his business does per year. We are pretty happy considering. Both our sisters however, happened to marry significantly wealthy men. One is marrying an investment banker and they aren't even 30th yet and live a life very few can afford. The other is marrying a well-to-do techie who is obviously a tech superstar in addition to coming from a wealthy family who own many properties and constantly gift them getaways and other fun treats.

I know my husband and I are fortunate but now compared to the drastically different lifestyles of our immediate siblings...we feel...less than. And I am working through my own feelings and coming to terms with having a very wealthy sister in law and sister, in the back of my mind, I worry about the financial discrepancy any children we have might feel. It must be odd for a little child to grow up with cousins who live fabulously wealthy lives.

I am unsure how to navigate this issue which I know from experience will eventually come up. Advice? Thoughts?”

Good call, sounds similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering if this is the same poster:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/994516.page

“I married into a MC family when I married my DH. I grew up UMC/UC when I was younger so I know that lifestyle well. Unfortunately my parents mismanaged their money so I do not have a trust fund or what have you as is customary of my set. Together DH and I make a good income now in our early thirties. 500K or so depending on how his business does per year. We are pretty happy considering. Both our sisters however, happened to marry significantly wealthy men. One is marrying an investment banker and they aren't even 30th yet and live a life very few can afford. The other is marrying a well-to-do techie who is obviously a tech superstar in addition to coming from a wealthy family who own many properties and constantly gift them getaways and other fun treats.

I know my husband and I are fortunate but now compared to the drastically different lifestyles of our immediate siblings...we feel...less than. And I am working through my own feelings and coming to terms with having a very wealthy sister in law and sister, in the back of my mind, I worry about the financial discrepancy any children we have might feel. It must be odd for a little child to grow up with cousins who live fabulously wealthy lives.

I am unsure how to navigate this issue which I know from experience will eventually come up. Advice? Thoughts?”

Good call, sounds similar.

Absolutely the same troll! Well done!

[Anonymous]

Thanks! There’s definitely a troll here who is obsessed with status and class level. Sad that I’m on here enough to notice the similarities!

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound really insecure and that you got some perverted enjoyment out of being “better” than your SIL. Why did you feel the need to feel superior to her? Can you see how if you tried to one-up her before that it might have led to insecure feelings on her end? Can you be happy for her that she’s in a better place now? You will never find happiness in comparisons.

[Anonymous]

Get a boob job.

[Anonymous]

But, as a previous poster noted, the use of 'puerile' and 'harbinger' are super-classy and denote a high echelon of education.

[Anonymous]

You sound pathetic, OP. And you don’t come off as terribly cultured or monied, based on your writing.

[Anonymous]

Is your SIL a vegan who won't eat bacon in her lasagna?

LORDY!! The trolls are coming out of the woodworks!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering if this is the same poster:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/994516.page

“I married into a MC family when I married my DH. I grew up UMC/UC when I was younger so I know that lifestyle well. Unfortunately my parents mismanaged their money so I do not have a trust fund or what have you as is customary of my set. Together DH and I make a good income now in our early thirties. 500K or so depending on how his business does per year. We are pretty happy considering. Both our sisters however, happened to marry significantly wealthy men. One is marrying an investment banker and they aren't even 30th yet and live a life very few can afford. The other is marrying a well-to-do techie who is obviously a tech superstar in addition to coming from a wealthy family who own many properties and constantly gift them getaways and other fun treats.

I know my husband and I are fortunate but now compared to the drastically different lifestyles of our immediate siblings...we feel...less than. And I am working through my own feelings and coming to terms with having a very wealthy sister in law and sister, in the back of my mind, I worry about the financial discrepancy any children we have might feel. It must be odd for a little child to grow up with cousins who live fabulously wealthy lives.

I am unsure how to navigate this issue which I know from experience will eventually come up. Advice? Thoughts?”

Good call, sounds similar.

Absolutely the same troll! Well done!

Maybe put this on the Website Feedback forum and ask Jeff if this is a troll? He recently outed the crazy troll in Family Relationships forum who has started a thousand thread, and she confessed to making things up. She is the one who wrote about having a sensitive SIL who would not eat bacon in a lasagna because she is vegetarian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s phony. Why do you want to stoop to that? Rise above and don’t play into her shallowness.

This is your husband’s sister?

So, your husband was also raised in the same low-class American household as his sister?? What a first class Bi1tch you are OP!

[Anonymous]

At least you're admitting it. You sound super jealous and annoying, but good for you for owning it, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the troll detectives and haters. I think it takes a lot of self awareness and humility to admit your jealousy and angst. And also to be rational enough to realize it’s irrational.

This is not about money or class, or even envy. It’s about kindness, regret over circumstances you have no control over, and a twist of role reversal.

Kindness: you were kind to her regardless of her station in life or upbringing. You were raised to believe it was charitable to be kind to everyone, including those lower than you. While this was well intentioned, it was actually a very condescending instinct that was instilled in you. Be “kind” to everyone, including those so far beneath you.

Regret: if you are the OP of the other post, you’ve got a shit ton of designer baggage. That silver spoon you were fed with has tarnished, through no fault of your own. Your resentment over your parents’ irresponsibly is understandable. They had everything at their fingertips and they screwed it up. But it was never your “everything” to assume indefinitely. It’s sucks. But you didn’t earn it, it was never yours. Their wealth afforded you massive temporary privileges. Some of which, you will carry with you forever (education, experiences, exposure, etc.). So it’s like losing found money.

Role reversal: see above for my analysis on kindness.

I hope this response doesn’t come off too harsh, because I genuinely feel for you OP. It’s a crappy situation. But it’s largely out of your control. Focus on not equating money with worth. Is she kind to you? Are their non-material ways to find common ground?

I really don’t have any constructive advice for you, OP. But I completely understand your feelings. You’re not a bad person for feeling them.