Huge Fight w/Mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoa. It is your mom's house. You (and your kids) need to live by your mom's rules while you are there. Since you don't seem to be able to do that then a hotel is the better option. IMO you need to apologize to your mom for your kids' behavior and for you not making sure that her house rules were followed.

+1 Well said.

Agreed. OP was being taken to task by her mom because the kids were going wild and tried to defend her lack of discipline by saying "at least I don't yell at my kids". But, whatever she is doing isn't working either. So why does OP think this is about her mom being frustrated with just her sister? Grandma is tired of all the noise and chaos of all the kids in the house and wants all their parents to step up and parent them, including OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I literally have no idea why you wouldn't stay at a hotel from the get go---that is WAY too many people in one house, especially given your mom likes to keep the house pristine. In the future stay in a hotel, and only be around the others for 2-3 hours at a time, and then take a break. Make sure your kids are fed protein at regular intervals and also getting outside to burn off energy at regular intervals. This is a problem you could have prevented at least to some degree.

That said, acknowledge whatever your role was, learn from it, and let it blow over.

This.

Next time, give about five minutes of thought before you put yourself in a situation like this. Live and learn!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. What started the fight is the grandkids were going crazy and my mom started critiquing how each of us disciplined our kids. My sister joined in (she thinks her kids are perfect) and I said well I don’t believe in screaming at my kids and everyone chimed in etc.

All you had to do was ignore whatever the discussion between the adults was and get control of the kids.

Do better next time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The part re money is relevant to the part identified above that my mom has control over my siblings and they have to take her crap/advice re their life choices.

As to my kids, all the kids (except the babies) were running around and being silly. I should add the 7 oldest of the 10 are all boys. Anyways, I don’t care who was at fault. I’m fine apologizing for my part in it all even if no one else does. But the biggest piece of advice here that I’ll take is consider this a lesson learned. This is way too many people/personalities under one roof! Thanks, all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The part re money is relevant to the part identified above that my mom has control over my siblings and they have to take her crap/advice re their life choices.

As to my kids, all the kids (except the babies) were running around and being silly. I should add the 7 oldest of the 10 are all boys. Anyways, I don’t care who was at fault. I’m fine apologizing for my part in it all even if no one else does. But the biggest piece of advice here that I’ll take is consider this a lesson learned. This is way too many people/personalities under one roof! Thanks, all!

OP, you seem intent on missing the point and accepting responsibility for your role in this. That is my "lesson learned" about you. I feel badly for your mom that you are casting her as the bad guy when really it was you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The part re money is relevant to the part identified above that my mom has control over my siblings and they have to take her crap/advice re their life choices.

As to my kids, all the kids (except the babies) were running around and being silly. I should add the 7 oldest of the 10 are all boys. Anyways, I don’t care who was at fault. I’m fine apologizing for my part in it all even if no one else does. But the biggest piece of advice here that I’ll take is consider this a lesson learned. This is way too many people/personalities under one roof! Thanks, all!

Stay in a hotel Miss Moneybags and then you don't have to deal with half of this. Why mention the money if you aren't willing or able to spend it appropriately?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would wait a few weeks and then call my mom. This is certainly not something I’d cut my mom off over especially given the circumstances of a sick in law, crowded home etc. She is only human even if she was out of line. Family like all people aren’t perfect. If she doesn’t bring it up and seems willing to move on, then I would do that. If she does want to bring it up, then have a calm discussion about what exactly happened. It doesn’t mean you have to apologize if you don’t feel you did anything wrong. If your kids did do something, then apologize for that. (Hard to know what “going crazy” means - for example were they running around indoors and she asked them to take the play outside for example? They still have to behave even if hyper and excited.). If you want to tell her that you don’t want her screaming at you and your husband, then say that. But I think it would depend on her general reaction when you call, and again I think you should give it some time before you do.

This.

[Anonymous]

OP - forget it every happened. Let everyone cool off. Probably for months. Draw back by about 1/2 from contact, for awhile. Again, just to let some time/space do it's job.

Do not talk to your husband about this. Concentrate on other pleasant things going on in your lives. Do not press him re: how things will be in the future

But in the future ~ maybe initially you *only* go, maybe that's the first trip. ALWAYS stay in a hotel. Always. It's not talked about, it's not a big deal -- you just always do it. Always, from now on.

Your husband will come around to seeing them, in the future, when he sees he can arrange his own schedule to see them/ or not to see them -- and stay at the hotel. Your family should find other reasons to be in the area, other things that are pleasant to do in the area. What brings you to the area doesn't have to be just being with family.

[Anonymous]

I told my mom that my family and I leave when that behavior starts. Mother stopped. Yay!

Now one of my siblings has taken on the role of yelling person who lies about others, yells at many of us, and constantly complains. Boo!

[Anonymous]

^ always hotel though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoa. It is your mom's house. You (and your kids) need to live by your mom's rules while you are there. Since you don't seem to be able to do that then a hotel is the better option. IMO you need to apologize to your mom for your kids' behavior and for you not making sure that her house rules were followed.

+1 Well said.

Sorry, grandkids are not "guests" in a grandparent's house, particularly when the grandparent insists the family stay there. It's one thing if they are getting into off-limits areas or something, but they certainly do not need to abide by every whim of a grandparent just because they are physically in her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoa. It is your mom's house. You (and your kids) need to live by your mom's rules while you are there. Since you don't seem to be able to do that then a hotel is the better option. IMO you need to apologize to your mom for your kids' behavior and for you not making sure that her house rules were followed.

+1 Well said.

Sorry, grandkids are not "guests" in a grandparent's house, particularly when the grandparent insists the family stay there. It's one thing if they are getting into off-limits areas or something, but they certainly do not need to abide by every whim of a grandparent just because they are physically in her house.

No, they are definitely house guests and if the house rules aren’t acceptable to OP, then she needs to stay elsewhere like the hotel she moved to.

[Anonymous]

Your little “I don’t scream at my kids” was nothing to be proud of, either. In the future, don’t put yourself and your kids in horrible situations to begin with. That’s too many people staying under one roof, and you know it. Stay in a hotel the whole time.

And by the way, parent your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoa. It is your mom's house. You (and your kids) need to live by your mom's rules while you are there. Since you don't seem to be able to do that then a hotel is the better option. IMO you need to apologize to your mom for your kids' behavior and for you not making sure that her house rules were followed.

+1 Well said.

Sorry, grandkids are not "guests" in a grandparent's house, particularly when the grandparent insists the family stay there. It's one thing if they are getting into off-limits areas or something, but they certainly do not need to abide by every whim of a grandparent just because they are physically in her house.

No, they are definitely house guests and if the house rules aren’t acceptable to OP, then she needs to stay elsewhere like the hotel she moved to.

Your saying it doesn’t make it so. Grandkids aren’t “guests” in any healthy family.

[Anonymous]

There are a couple of posters in this thread assuming details that OP hasn't shared and drawing conclusions on those assumptions.