Post suicide attempt, coming home, help me make home safer

[Anonymous]

Am in the same boat. My DD attempted recently and we are looking into an RTC. May I ask which residential treatment center your child is going to? We are looking. It's very complicated and there are huge waiting lists so my DD is at home right now. FYI we bought safes for medication, put combination locks on laundry room door where there are tools and detergents, and a combination lock where we store medications and kitchen sharps (in our master bathroom). We confiscated computers, phones. She is never alone. Doors opened at all times. Here are some additional tips I got from other people: 1. double up the difficulties. For example, put a safe in a place that will be locked with a combination lock. 2. They can google how to open safes, so if you are really worried that you child is actively suicidal you need to buy a gun safe. They are expensive but you can't open them. 3. You can buy locks that open with your fingerprints. 4. When you suspect your kid is down you put them on suicide watch. Hope this helps and good luck on this journey!javascript:void(0);

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. BTDT mom here. You are right that you can't suicide proof your house. I tried. Here are a few that my kid did. Broke our glassware (drinking glasses, dinner plates, and also bathroom mirrors) and used it as a weapon and an instrument of self harm. Crushed glass once and walked over it both on the feet and handstands and made a bloody mess. Got glass out of neighbors' recycling bins. Razor blades. They are in razors, pencil sharpeners, box cutters, etc. Storing up medications then overdosing. Going to CVS and shoplifting Benedryl. My kid could shoplift in front of my eyes, they got so good at it. Often they stored items in their school locker and then tried to kill themselves at school.

We used to lock lots of stuff in our cars and then sleep with the keys under our pillows because, yes, otherwise our kid would find the keys and get into the cars.

Honestly, I found it far better to spend money for treatment than to try to figure out how to keep my kid safe. RTC programs are set up for safety.

Really, I am sorry you are going through this. I hope your child finds the help she needs.

OP here, I am so sorry for what you have been thru. We are spending money -- loads of it in fact -- on therapists, DBT groups, family therapy, psychiatrists etc.

I just don't want to overlook something obvious that in retrospect I feel like an idiot for not doing.

How is your kid doing now?

PP here. I know how you feel about not wanting to miss something. I realized how uncreative I was. Anyway, mine is still alive and has finished HS thanks to a really supportive IEP team. There were many hospitalizations and two stints in RTC. (I know about spending everything you have - but if I had missed something or decided not to try because finances and they died, I don’t think I could have lived with myself). They are working now and trying to figure out the future and how to have a satisfying life in the present.

It really is a struggle though. There are drugs to self medicate and a lot of ups and downs. I’m still often on edge and treatment is still expensive because what’s working isn’t covered by insurance and I’m not willing to give it up. I am hoping with age and maturity they find their place in this world and peacewith whatever they may be.

Good luck to you and your child. I am so proud that you were able to get them thru high school. A lot of these issues do sort out with maturity and time, that is the best case scenario.

I am at the beginning of this roller coaster and terrified. I know there will probably be other attempts in the future and quite possibly drugs/sex issues. She has been DX with BPD and my heart is breaking.

To the people who mentioned social media, I looked at her Tiktok acct and it is horrifying. Not what she posts, I follow her and it is just innocuous stuff. But the accounts she was following were all glamorizing mental illness and suicidal ideation. Just awful stuff. So we will be banning social media when she gets out of the psych hospital.

I also feel so terribly for her siblings who have been dealing with this, and will have their lives altered by of this.

FYI there is a wonderful facebook group called Parents with Children with Bordeline Personality Disorder that has saved my life.

[Anonymous]

Second the recommendation for Bark. Would lock down social media for several reasons, but especially since kids use it for messaging to get around apps like Bark. Sending you love and support.

[Anonymous]

Sending so much love to the parents on this thread--not a club you ever wanted to be a part of, I know.

[Anonymous]

Look at the group "Wilderness Therapy and Residential Search Support" on FB - and work with an educational consultant.....not all RTC are equal.....or safe....but the good ones are amazing.

[Anonymous]

New poster. My DD is 13 and I just learned 4 days ago that she was suicidal. This is a kid who plays sports, has tons of friends who she sees and interacts with daily, loves school and gets high honors. She is now in an inpatient hospital. I’m in shock and feel like I’m in Wonderland with all of the shocks that I get since this happened. I found her hate letters to herself, her blood smears from cutting (behind furniture that she had moved), her posts on these awful websites that allow kids to support each other and sympathize with the suicide ideation. I found the rope that she planned to use. And I found out that she has been self harming since she was 11! I’m a single mom and she told the psychiatrist that she was still alive because she didn’t want to cause me any more stress.

I’m numb and can’t think. No dad in the picture. I’m lucky I have good friends who have some experience. Not a lot but some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster. My DD is 13 and I just learned 4 days ago that she was suicidal. This is a kid who plays sports, has tons of friends who she sees and interacts with daily, loves school and gets high honors. She is now in an inpatient hospital. I’m in shock and feel like I’m in Wonderland with all of the shocks that I get since this happened. I found her hate letters to herself, her blood smears from cutting (behind furniture that she had moved), her posts on these awful websites that allow kids to support each other and sympathize with the suicide ideation. I found the rope that she planned to use. And I found out that she has been self harming since she was 11! I’m a single mom and she told the psychiatrist that she was still alive because she didn’t want to cause me any more stress.

I’m numb and can’t think. No dad in the picture. I’m lucky I have good friends who have some experience. Not a lot but some.

I am so sorry. I’m a BTDT mom whose kid had several suicide attempts, many inpatient hospitalizations and a couple of stints in residential treatment. Please know, no one sees this coming. You could not have predicted it and, given that your daughter is alive and in the care of professionals, know that you have done an amazing job at being her mom.

You probably have a tough road ahead but you will get a lot of support and advice here if you ask.

I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster. My DD is 13 and I just learned 4 days ago that she was suicidal. This is a kid who plays sports, has tons of friends who she sees and interacts with daily, loves school and gets high honors. She is now in an inpatient hospital. I’m in shock and feel like I’m in Wonderland with all of the shocks that I get since this happened. I found her hate letters to herself, her blood smears from cutting (behind furniture that she had moved), her posts on these awful websites that allow kids to support each other and sympathize with the suicide ideation. I found the rope that she planned to use. And I found out that she has been self harming since she was 11! I’m a single mom and she told the psychiatrist that she was still alive because she didn’t want to cause me any more stress.

I’m numb and can’t think. No dad in the picture. I’m lucky I have good friends who have some experience. Not a lot but some.

I am so sorry. I’m a BTDT mom whose kid had several suicide attempts, many inpatient hospitalizations and a couple of stints in residential treatment. Please know, no one sees this coming. You could not have predicted it and, given that your daughter is alive and in the care of professionals, know that you have done an amazing job at being her mom.

You probably have a tough road ahead but you will get a lot of support and advice here if you ask.

I am so sorry.

+ 1. Hugs OP

[Anonymous]

Hugs OP and everyone else dealing with this.

One thing I haven't seen mentioned - someone I know self harmed by purposively scalding themselves with hot water in the bathtub. If you can set your hot water heater lower, I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs OP and everyone else dealing with this.

One thing I haven't seen mentioned - someone I know self harmed by purposively scalding themselves with hot water in the bathtub. If you can set your hot water heater lower, I would.

I didn’t think of that. In addition to the cutting she was biting herself and banging her head. She told the crisis counselor that she has memory issues and brain fog from what she has done. There was a poster earlier about her DS who stole glass from a neighbor’s trash can to self harm. I just don’t understand. I was severely depressed in high school but am learning that I may have “only” been majorly depressed since I didn’t self harm or even think of that.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I am so sorry that your daughter is struggling. Many posters here have provided good suggestions for safe-proofing your house.

But while this advice addresses the immediate pragmatics of preventing your daughter from self-harm, it might help to consider the long view as well, to which you have already alluded in noting what is likely to come.

BPD reflects abnormalities in brain structure and function. BPD cannot, therefore, be cured. As a cluster B personality disorder, it is a chronic condition that might be managed, but only if the person with it is willing to work hard through years of therapy (which most with BPD are not).

Given that your daughter's future is ultimately dependent on her choices and not on yours which is to say that there is only so much control you have over this situation,
I would encourage you not to feel guilty about limiting the extent to which your daughter's needs dictate the tenor and rituals of your family's life. Safe-proof and fund therapy as you must, but don't feel bad about seeking joy where you can find it by prioritizing your relationships with your other children who presumably are capable, adjusting for age-appropriateness, of maintaining healthy connections with others. Their needs are no less important than your daughter's; the nurturing you give them ultimately will have a positive impact in terms of their ability to function as stable, healthy adults; and, just as importantly, demonstrating through your nurture and attention that they are no less important than their sister will likely result in a close relationship with you when they are adults.

[Anonymous]

New poster here with another 13YO DD in a mental health crisis. Currently hospitalized in Dominion. Was hospitalized 2 weeks ago for the first time in another hospital. This thread helped me in two ways: I got a window alarm and I got Bark. Bark was an app that I saw mentioned here for the first time. I got it during her first hospitalization and it really helped me get in front of what was going to be her first real suicide attempt. I was able to get her to talk with the suicide hotline and the next morning to put her safety plan in action. I don't think Bark is 100% but it let me know enough to know her plans. The window alarm was helpful because she wasn't able to sneak out to CVS to buy the pills she had been planning to buy (which I know thanks to Bark).

Am currently looking at PHPs in the area for her next stop on this horrible journey. But thinking about school too. She's only in 7th grade. What kind of IEP should I start thinking about? What kind of school support should I be asking for when she goes to a PHP? (Partial hospitalization program)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here with another 13YO DD in a mental health crisis. Currently hospitalized in Dominion. Was hospitalized 2 weeks ago for the first time in another hospital. This thread helped me in two ways: I got a window alarm and I got Bark. Bark was an app that I saw mentioned here for the first time. I got it during her first hospitalization and it really helped me get in front of what was going to be her first real suicide attempt. I was able to get her to talk with the suicide hotline and the next morning to put her safety plan in action. I don't think Bark is 100% but it let me know enough to know her plans. The window alarm was helpful because she wasn't able to sneak out to CVS to buy the pills she had been planning to buy (which I know thanks to Bark).

Am currently looking at PHPs in the area for her next stop on this horrible journey. But thinking about school too. She's only in 7th grade. What kind of IEP should I start thinking about? What kind of school support should I be asking for when she goes to a PHP? (Partial hospitalization program)

I’m sorry. It’s a tough place to be in. Definitely start the IEP process. It takes awhile to get it in place and might not even be in place before this PHP. So you might need to informally work with counselors to make sure school work is sent to the PHP if they request it. You might also need the equivalent of home and hospital services if your daughter is capable.

As to IEP services for PHP, it will depend on what type of PHP - daily during the school day, after school?

You will also need supports for going back to school. Will you need a special placement or can she return to her home school - that will have to be decided.

There are things like a flash pass and extra time which are pretty generic to everyone. But the specifics of her plan are going to depend on her condition. Most important thing is to get the IEP ball rolling. It was a long process for us because things had to keep getting moved due to frequent hospitalizations. It took four extra months to get a plan in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I’m sorry. It’s a tough place to be in. Definitely start the IEP process. It takes awhile to get it in place and might not even be in place before this PHP. So you might need to informally work with counselors to make sure school work is sent to the PHP if they request it. You might also need the equivalent of home and hospital services if your daughter is capable.

As to IEP services for PHP, it will depend on what type of PHP - daily during the school day, after school?

You will also need supports for going back to school. Will you need a special placement or can she return to her home school - that will have to be decided.

There are things like a flash pass and extra time which are pretty generic to everyone. But the specifics of her plan are going to depend on her condition. Most important thing is to get the IEP ball rolling. It was a long process for us because things had to keep getting moved due to frequent hospitalizations. It took four extra months to get a plan in place.

Thanks for this. What are home and hospital services that could be available? Do I speak with the hospital's social worker when we start discussing discharge?

The PHP I am looking at is during the school day. I had hoped with her first hospitalization that it would be after school, but with a second hospitalization less than a week later, I'm thinking she needs more intensive treatment. I do not know if she will be allowed to return to her home school. She threatened suicide at school and had a plan. Does anyone know the point at which MCPS would say she needs a special placement? She is pretty popular in school and very athletic so leaving the school for a different one would add to her anxiety.

She already has a 504 with the flash pass and extra time. What other items should I be considering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’m sorry. It’s a tough place to be in. Definitely start the IEP process. It takes awhile to get it in place and might not even be in place before this PHP. So you might need to informally work with counselors to make sure school work is sent to the PHP if they request it. You might also need the equivalent of home and hospital services if your daughter is capable.

As to IEP services for PHP, it will depend on what type of PHP - daily during the school day, after school?

You will also need supports for going back to school. Will you need a special placement or can she return to her home school - that will have to be decided.

There are things like a flash pass and extra time which are pretty generic to everyone. But the specifics of her plan are going to depend on her condition. Most important thing is to get the IEP ball rolling. It was a long process for us because things had to keep getting moved due to frequent hospitalizations. It took four extra months to get a plan in place.

Thanks for this. What are home and hospital services that could be available? Do I speak with the hospital's social worker when we start discussing discharge?

The PHP I am looking at is during the school day. I had hoped with her first hospitalization that it would be after school, but with a second hospitalization less than a week later, I'm thinking she needs more intensive treatment. I do not know if she will be allowed to return to her home school. She threatened suicide at school and had a plan. Does anyone know the point at which MCPS would say she needs a special placement? She is pretty popular in school and very athletic so leaving the school for a different one would add to her anxiety.

She already has a 504 with the flash pass and extra time. What other items should I be considering?

I am so sorry your family is struggling with this and wanted to send out big hugs.

Our DD (16) has struggled with suicidal ideation, major depression and anxiety for awhile. She has an IEP that includes:

* Flash pass when needs to take a break from class.
* Essential assignments only for grading (additional assignments that can be completed are added in but not a requirement for grade)
* Access to small group classrooms
* Extra time on tests
* Access to a quiet space for assessments/tests
* Ability to leave class to meet with counselor (students in general should be able to do this)
* Access to Emotional Disability/CSS program within school pyramid

Trying to remember what else we have in the IEP, but those are the big ones. If she is with Fairfax County, they waive the child's responsibility for assignments and tests while hospitalized or in day-time PHP. That way the child can focus on their mental health during those times. I would imagine other school systems do the same, but please check to verify. That way you don't have to worry about her struggling to catch up on assignments and tests for grading.