How do I gently pull away from a friend who keeps hurting me?

[Anonymous]

You have a relationship with the kids, not her. Be polite to her, but don't try to cultivate beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're only hurt by her because your expectations are unreasonable.

You want to be invited to your godchilds FRIENDS birthday party??

Yeah, I'm not understanding that? I also think it's fine if your friend just wants to spend time with her parents/family without you there.

Even if you don't want to recognize it, OP, you have inappropriate expectations and boundary issues. Therapy would probably help because I think there's likely some underlying cause for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're only hurt by her because your expectations are unreasonable.

You want to be invited to your godchilds FRIENDS birthday party??

I think OP is talking about the child's "friends party" as in the birthday party to which friends are invited, as opposed to a family birthday party. I was also confused at first.

Some people are really distinct about these parties. I can see being hurt if this was the only birthday party they held for the child, so OP was excluded from the only birthday part for her godchild. I think it's less reasonable if there was a family celebration to which OP was invited, and then they had a separate party with the child's friends and did not invite OP because the focus of the party was on the kids. So context is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're only hurt by her because your expectations are unreasonable.

You want to be invited to your godchilds FRIENDS birthday party??

I read it was the godchild’s birthday party with her friends (as opposed to a family-only party). Is that right, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're only hurt by her because your expectations are unreasonable.

You want to be invited to your godchilds FRIENDS birthday party??

I read it was the godchild’s birthday party with her friends (as opposed to a family-only party). Is that right, OP?

That was my very generous reading too, but I'm not sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t do anything for her anymore. Recognize that your “friend” is a user. It reflects her character, not yours. To ask you to leave early after inviting you - that’s not a friend I’d want to spend time with.

Only go to events for the kids, but have zero expectations. Quite frankly, I would let go entirely. This relationship will continue to cause you pain, unless you fully accept that she is not a real friend. Again, that has nothing to do with your value. She’s thoughtless.

+1 This! NP here and this is now I read it, too. The friend valued you when she needed free babysitting and now that they moved doesn’t value you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're only hurt by her because your expectations are unreasonable.

You want to be invited to your godchilds FRIENDS birthday party??

I read it was the godchild’s birthday party with her friends (as opposed to a family-only party). Is that right, OP?

OP here and yes. It was my Godchild’s birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're only hurt by her because your expectations are unreasonable.

You want to be invited to your godchilds FRIENDS birthday party??

I read it was the godchild’s birthday party with her friends (as opposed to a family-only party). Is that right, OP?

OP here and yes. It was my Godchild’s birthday party.

It sounds like your friend wants this relationship to end including the one with her children and is trying to build some distance between you and them. She may have good reason for that. I don't know, but it seems you need to pull all the way back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're only hurt by her because your expectations are unreasonable.

You want to be invited to your godchilds FRIENDS birthday party??

I read it was the godchild’s birthday party with her friends (as opposed to a family-only party). Is that right, OP?

OP here and yes. It was my Godchild’s birthday party.

Op, by age 8 it's pretty normal for the bday parties to be more focused on the same age friends than on the adults in the child's life.

[Anonymous]

A godchild’s FRIEND’S birthday party?!

You are insane. Seek help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're only hurt by her because your expectations are unreasonable.

You want to be invited to your godchilds FRIENDS birthday party??

I read it was the godchild’s birthday party with her friends (as opposed to a family-only party). Is that right, OP?

OP here and yes. It was my Godchild’s birthday party.

It sounds like your friend wants this relationship to end including the one with her children and is trying to build some distance between you and them. She may have good reason for that. I don't know, but it seems you need to pull all the way back.

Yup, just pull away and find some other ways to feel fulfilled. Your friend's child is not yours. She will probably regret taking you for granted, but this obsession with your friend and her children is not good for you. Move on.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you talk with her about it, when you were asked to leave early and then were not invited to the party? What did she say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you be invited to a children's bday party?! That is just weird, op.

I think you're clingy. If you pull away, your friend will be fine with it.

Why? Because the OP has always been invited in the past and the kid wanted her to come! Seriously, dude, that’s not hard to figure out and is hurtful when her primary relationship seems to be with the kids.

And please stop with the insults. It’s not what we do here. Help or move on.

Any 8yp's friend bday?! Not a family bday where there are lots of other adults, but a bday with just other children. What grown woman wod expect to be invited to that?!

I would! Do you generally have 8 yr old birthday parties with only 8 yr olds and no adults?! No grandparents or aunts and uncles?! No kids parents?!!!

They’re 8 not 16!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you be invited to a children's bday party?! That is just weird, op.

I think you're clingy. If you pull away, your friend will be fine with it.

Why? Because the OP has always been invited in the past and the kid wanted her to come! Seriously, dude, that’s not hard to figure out and is hurtful when her primary relationship seems to be with the kids.

And please stop with the insults. It’s not what we do here. Help or move on.

Any 8yp's friend bday?! Not a family bday where there are lots of other adults, but a bday with just other children. What grown woman wod expect to be invited to that?!

I would! Do you generally have 8 yr old birthday parties with only 8 yr olds and no adults?! No grandparents or aunts and uncles?! No kids parents?!!!

They’re 8 not 16!

Some parents hang around, some don't. Regardless, it's strange for an unrelated adult to be there and so involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're only hurt by her because your expectations are unreasonable.

You want to be invited to your godchilds FRIENDS birthday party??

I read it was the godchild’s birthday party with her friends (as opposed to a family-only party). Is that right, OP?

OP here and yes. It was my Godchild’s birthday party.

Op, by age 8 it's pretty normal for the bday parties to be more focused on the same age friends than on the adults in the child's life.

+1 Also, did your friend tell you about the party and not specifically invite you, or you found out about the party later or through someone else? Either way not sure it's best to take this one so personally. As a PP wrote, by age 8 kids' parties are mostly just attended by the kids; any adults are background. Do you think it's possible your friend knew this and was considerate of your 90-minute drive?