Sisters seem disappointed I'm not complaining about being a mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or your sisters may be trying to normalize how hard it is to be pregnant and how hard it is to be a new mother. Just because you've TTC for a long time doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel fat and/or exhausted during pregnancy or that you aren't allowed to feel exhausted/overwhelmed/depressed postpartum. There are aspects of being a new mom that are hard for everyone and it's all new, which is also a challenge.

Be happy that they aren't telling you "I thrived during those sleepless nights with Larlo... I lived for her needing me 24/7 when it was difficult to go for a walk or take a shower. I barely noticed when my breasts were painful and engorged, my clothes didn't fit, and a huge maxi pad felt like a permanent part of my outfit."

I have two (pregnant with #3) and was one of the first in my friend group to have kids. I totally try to normalize how difficult it is to my friends - not because I want them to be like "OMG, this sucks/this is so hard." Not at all. I want to normalize that it's OK to be sad/frustrated/depressed/overwhelmed/stressed during an incredibly difficult time for many. You are taking care of a helpless baby, recovering from pregnancy/childbirth, sleep deprived, and your hormones are all out of whack. No one is going to love every moment and the point is that it's ok not to love every moment!

But I don’t feel fat. I lost the weight 2 weeks pp when the fluids drained out. I’m not exhausted. The baby slept in five hour stretches and only woke one time and night since coming home from the hospital. He also has a great latch so no breastfeeding problems. I’m not overwhelmed or depressed.

I think moms complain too much. It’s really not that hard. It’s a lot of sitting around nursing while I watch tv or play on the Internet. It’s kind of boring.

For many babies, the sleepless nights actually begin around 3 mo and stretch through the first year. Some kids have to be sleep trained over and over again; some are not trainable. Some kids sleep well and have myriad other issues. In the newborn days it is all about sleeping and eating. But as they get older, those aren’t the only things that can make motherhood stressful. The list gets longer as they get older. Have the humility not to count your chickens before they hatch.

And for those mothers who had rich interesting lives before children, the boredom IS something worth complaining about. Many women are struck by how demanding having a baby is physically, and how little room it leaves for you to actually talk and think about interesting things. Maybe that’s not you, but it seems like you can at least acknowledge the boredom side.

I disagree with the posters who say that women should stop complaining about motherhood. Women should be rioting in the streets about the conditions under which we give birth, return to work, seek childcare, and take on parental responsibility in this country. I think women actually complaining is a step ahead where we were last generation, in which our mothers silently bore it all because it was so taboo to talk about it.

+1. I remember with my first child I felt like complaining or even admitting that I wasn’t feeling great and so happy at all times was somehow a reflection of my parenting. Good moms never get tired or frustrated, they live for their children but are still able to effortlessly balance motherhood with an active social life and successful career, right? Admitting that I was tired or sore or overwhelmed felt like I was admitting that I was a failure. This is such a messed up way of thinking and, now, I welcome other moms who are open about their struggles and I share mine. Parenthood is amazing but it is also hard sometimes and that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was you OP! Not really sisters, but other people's complaining didn't make any sense to me after my first. I had an easy pregnancy, a tough delivery, but a healthy baby who was generally pretty easy. I loved my maternity leave.

Then my sweet little baby turned 2 AND I had another baby and holy sh*t did my "I'm so filled with gratitude and love" way of feeling hit the damn FAN. I adore my children, I am so glad to have them, I feel lucky I can have them, but I can also understand all those "harried mom" memes WAY more now than ever before.

So my only advice is to enjoy it now! But also be careful not to slip into smug. If they are venting, just come up with something like "ugh yes, that sounds hard" and move on.

+1. Hahaha yup same experience. Enjoy the easy parts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a question here?

No. OP just wants everyone and her sisters to know what a perfect doting mom she is who is joyful every chance she gets to see her babe even all night long because she doesn't even need sleep, so perfect that she is.

Also, surely how she feels with a seven week old is representative of how she will be as a mother in the future. All hail op!

To be fair, I had no idea what I was doing when my first was 7 weeks and 13 year later, I still don’t!

A humble person would acknowledge they don't now what they don't know and not try to come across as superior, unlike OP.

Would you like to acknowledge that you didn't read the thread at all and only joined into bully me,?

Because right there in my OP I said my daughter is only 7 weeks old and I'm sure eventually I'll feel like complaining but right now I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or your sisters may be trying to normalize how hard it is to be pregnant and how hard it is to be a new mother. Just because you've TTC for a long time doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel fat and/or exhausted during pregnancy or that you aren't allowed to feel exhausted/overwhelmed/depressed postpartum. There are aspects of being a new mom that are hard for everyone and it's all new, which is also a challenge.

Be happy that they aren't telling you "I thrived during those sleepless nights with Larlo... I lived for her needing me 24/7 when it was difficult to go for a walk or take a shower. I barely noticed when my breasts were painful and engorged, my clothes didn't fit, and a huge maxi pad felt like a permanent part of my outfit."

I have two (pregnant with #3) and was one of the first in my friend group to have kids. I totally try to normalize how difficult it is to my friends - not because I want them to be like "OMG, this sucks/this is so hard." Not at all. I want to normalize that it's OK to be sad/frustrated/depressed/overwhelmed/stressed during an incredibly difficult time for many. You are taking care of a helpless baby, recovering from pregnancy/childbirth, sleep deprived, and your hormones are all out of whack. No one is going to love every moment and the point is that it's ok not to love every moment!

But I don’t feel fat. I lost the weight 2 weeks pp when the fluids drained out. I’m not exhausted. The baby slept in five hour stretches and only woke one time and night since coming home from the hospital. He also has a great latch so no breastfeeding problems. I’m not overwhelmed or depressed.

I think moms complain too much. It’s really not that hard. It’s a lot of sitting around nursing while I watch tv or play on the Internet. It’s kind of boring.

Is this the same OP who said "they ask about me and the baby and I say she was up all night they'll say they remember that phase and it sucked"? Which is it? The baby has never woken more than once a night or it's awake all night and you're on Cloud 9 about it anyway?

This is either a troll or a person who needs a PPD screening, stat.

I'm the op I this is my 3rd response to this thread. I never said my daughter sleeps through the night. In fact I said the opposite in my OP, but you were so eager to be nasty to someone you didn't bother to read the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or your sisters may be trying to normalize how hard it is to be pregnant and how hard it is to be a new mother. Just because you've TTC for a long time doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel fat and/or exhausted during pregnancy or that you aren't allowed to feel exhausted/overwhelmed/depressed postpartum. There are aspects of being a new mom that are hard for everyone and it's all new, which is also a challenge.

Be happy that they aren't telling you "I thrived during those sleepless nights with Larlo... I lived for her needing me 24/7 when it was difficult to go for a walk or take a shower. I barely noticed when my breasts were painful and engorged, my clothes didn't fit, and a huge maxi pad felt like a permanent part of my outfit."

I have two (pregnant with #3) and was one of the first in my friend group to have kids. I totally try to normalize how difficult it is to my friends - not because I want them to be like "OMG, this sucks/this is so hard." Not at all. I want to normalize that it's OK to be sad/frustrated/depressed/overwhelmed/stressed during an incredibly difficult time for many. You are taking care of a helpless baby, recovering from pregnancy/childbirth, sleep deprived, and your hormones are all out of whack. No one is going to love every moment and the point is that it's ok not to love every moment!

But I don’t feel fat. I lost the weight 2 weeks pp when the fluids drained out. I’m not exhausted. The baby slept in five hour stretches and only woke one time and night since coming home from the hospital. He also has a great latch so no breastfeeding problems. I’m not overwhelmed or depressed.

I think moms complain too much. It’s really not that hard. It’s a lot of sitting around nursing while I watch tv or play on the Internet. It’s kind of boring.

Is this the same OP who said "they ask about me and the baby and I say she was up all night they'll say they remember that phase and it sucked"? Which is it? The baby has never woken more than once a night or it's awake all night and you're on Cloud 9 about it anyway?

This is either a troll or a person who needs a PPD screening, stat.

I'm the op I this is my 3rd response to this thread. I never said my daughter sleeps through the night. In fact I said the opposite in my OP, but you were so eager to be nasty to someone you didn't bother to read the thread.

I know you said the opposite. That's why I quoted it out to the person pretending to be you. Get some rest.

[Anonymous]

All I’m seeing are some really unhappy people on this board. Self-pity just leads to unhappiness, none of my friends complain - if we need support in something it’s in active tense “I could use help here”. Y’all are really weird and sad.

OP, I’m with you. I enjoy it and don’t find it that troublesome (pregnant with my second).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I wish I was like you. I had repeated miscarriages and longed for motherhood and then I had a healthy wonderful baby...and complained! Such is human nature (for some at least).

I will say, I am surprised how much complaining about parenthood is a vernacular among parents of little kids. I wonder if it is specific to the US. We have a very imbalanced approach to parenting as part of life, imo. Like poor work-life balance except for American parents, it's poor parent-life balance.

This is exactly it. We have little to no social safety net in the US. And who makes up the difference? Women, particularly mothers. WOMEN are the USA's social safety net. They take care of children, they go to work bleeding post-miscarriage/birth, they nurse their elderly parents and their disabled family members. WOMEN.

So yes, the complaining is just a symptom of a much bigger problem. Well, and some of it is funny.

Had my first outside the US in a country with a big social safety net. There was a lot of complaining about the early sleepless nights - mostly because it's a way to bond!

OP - it's great that you are genuinely feeling ok where you are. Many women don't and are afraid to admit they are struggling. Sleep deprivation and early feeding is HARD. So your sisters may be trying to create a safe space for you to admit that you are having a hard time or not feeling #blessed or #enjoyingeveryminute. It is so wonderful that you are feeling that way, but if you want to view it in the most favorable light, think that they are trying to look out for you and offer you space to vent if you needed it - rather than being disappointed you aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or your sisters may be trying to normalize how hard it is to be pregnant and how hard it is to be a new mother. Just because you've TTC for a long time doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel fat and/or exhausted during pregnancy or that you aren't allowed to feel exhausted/overwhelmed/depressed postpartum. There are aspects of being a new mom that are hard for everyone and it's all new, which is also a challenge.

Be happy that they aren't telling you "I thrived during those sleepless nights with Larlo... I lived for her needing me 24/7 when it was difficult to go for a walk or take a shower. I barely noticed when my breasts were painful and engorged, my clothes didn't fit, and a huge maxi pad felt like a permanent part of my outfit."

I have two (pregnant with #3) and was one of the first in my friend group to have kids. I totally try to normalize how difficult it is to my friends - not because I want them to be like "OMG, this sucks/this is so hard." Not at all. I want to normalize that it's OK to be sad/frustrated/depressed/overwhelmed/stressed during an incredibly difficult time for many. You are taking care of a helpless baby, recovering from pregnancy/childbirth, sleep deprived, and your hormones are all out of whack. No one is going to love every moment and the point is that it's ok not to love every moment!

But I don’t feel fat. I lost the weight 2 weeks pp when the fluids drained out. I’m not exhausted. The baby slept in five hour stretches and only woke one time and night since coming home from the hospital. He also has a great latch so no breastfeeding problems. I’m not overwhelmed or depressed.

I think moms complain too much. It’s really not that hard. It’s a lot of sitting around nursing while I watch tv or play on the Internet. It’s kind of boring.

Is this the same OP who said "they ask about me and the baby and I say she was up all night they'll say they remember that phase and it sucked"? Which is it? The baby has never woken more than once a night or it's awake all night and you're on Cloud 9 about it anyway?

This is either a troll or a person who needs a PPD screening, stat.

I'm the op I this is my 3rd response to this thread. I never said my daughter sleeps through the night. In fact I said the opposite in my OP, but you were so eager to be nasty to someone you didn't bother to read the thread.

I know you said the opposite. That's why I quoted it out to the person pretending to be you. Get some rest.

OP - I'm so glad things are going so well for you 7 weeks in. The bolded comment is one of the most naive and obnoxious remarks I think I've ever seen on this board. It's great that you are not having a hard time and it sounds like you're recovering well from birth, but you have NO idea what other people who complain experience. Be grateful for your experience and enjoy it. Don't assume it's universal or that you know anything about anyone else's parenting journey. Just as you don't want your sisters doing to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I’m seeing are some really unhappy people on this board. Self-pity just leads to unhappiness, none of my friends complain - if we need support in something it’s in active tense “I could use help here”. Y’all are really weird and sad.

OP, I’m with you. I enjoy it and don’t find it that troublesome (pregnant with my second).

I think it’s overly simplistic to categorize people as happy or unhappy, struggling or succeeding. People’s lived experiences are complex and usually include all of these things. If your partner comes home from work and just wants to confide in you that they had a stressful day at a job they otherwise love, it is not empathetic to say “well, then you must be an unhappy person, stop complaining, you are lucky to be working”.

You may not be able to understand that a person can be both happy and tired, but I am not surprised your friends do not communicate any vulnerabilities or insecurities to you. Yours is a judgmental and narrow minded view to have.

[Anonymous]

What do you view as complaining?

When my sister called me after her first child in tears because she was exhausted and hormonal I did not see her as a negative Nancy complainer, I saw a person who was reaching out for support and who wanted to talk to me because, having had kids myself, I could relate.

[Anonymous]

Good for you? I had a nightmare baby and a horrible time with him as a newborn. Glad it’s so easy for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you? I had a nightmare baby and a horrible time with him as a newborn. Glad it’s so easy for you.

I had such perfect babies. Truly, they were angels.

Now I have toddlers…

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are trying to tell you in a polite way that you’re coming off as a smug a-hole

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are trying to tell you in a polite way that you’re coming off as a smug a-hole

The only smug ahiles are people like you. OP hasn't said anything wrong or smug but you decided to have a go at her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I’m seeing are some really unhappy people on this board. Self-pity just leads to unhappiness, none of my friends complain - if we need support in something it’s in active tense “I could use help here”. Y’all are really weird and sad.

OP, I’m with you. I enjoy it and don’t find it that troublesome (pregnant with my second).

I think it’s overly simplistic to categorize people as happy or unhappy, struggling or succeeding. People’s lived experiences are complex and usually include all of these things. If your partner comes home from work and just wants to confide in you that they had a stressful day at a job they otherwise love, it is not empathetic to say “well, then you must be an unhappy person, stop complaining, you are lucky to be working”.

You may not be able to understand that a person can be both happy and tired, but I am not surprised your friends do not communicate any vulnerabilities or insecurities to you. Yours is a judgmental and narrow minded view to have.

Lol nope, think I - and the circle I surround myself in - are just happier humans. There are plenty of things I struggle with or stress me out (though my kids usually aren’t it). And if I need to talk about it I talk about solutions. What in the actual F is complaining about anything going to get? Again, odd and sad. You do you. And read a self-help book.