Sisters seem disappointed I'm not complaining about being a mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are trying to tell you in a polite way that you’re coming off as a smug a-hole

The only smug ahiles are people like you. OP hasn't said anything wrong or smug but you decided to have a go at her

She absolutely has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or your sisters may be trying to normalize how hard it is to be pregnant and how hard it is to be a new mother. Just because you've TTC for a long time doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel fat and/or exhausted during pregnancy or that you aren't allowed to feel exhausted/overwhelmed/depressed postpartum. There are aspects of being a new mom that are hard for everyone and it's all new, which is also a challenge.

Be happy that they aren't telling you "I thrived during those sleepless nights with Larlo... I lived for her needing me 24/7 when it was difficult to go for a walk or take a shower. I barely noticed when my breasts were painful and engorged, my clothes didn't fit, and a huge maxi pad felt like a permanent part of my outfit."

I have two (pregnant with #3) and was one of the first in my friend group to have kids. I totally try to normalize how difficult it is to my friends - not because I want them to be like "OMG, this sucks/this is so hard." Not at all. I want to normalize that it's OK to be sad/frustrated/depressed/overwhelmed/stressed during an incredibly difficult time for many. You are taking care of a helpless baby, recovering from pregnancy/childbirth, sleep deprived, and your hormones are all out of whack. No one is going to love every moment and the point is that it's ok not to love every moment!

But I don’t feel fat. I lost the weight 2 weeks pp when the fluids drained out. I’m not exhausted. The baby slept in five hour stretches and only woke one time and night since coming home from the hospital. He also has a great latch so no breastfeeding problems. I’m not overwhelmed or depressed.

I think moms complain too much. It’s really not that hard. It’s a lot of sitting around nursing while I watch tv or play on the Internet. It’s kind of boring.

Is this the same OP who said "they ask about me and the baby and I say she was up all night they'll say they remember that phase and it sucked"? Which is it? The baby has never woken more than once a night or it's awake all night and you're on Cloud 9 about it anyway?

This is either a troll or a person who needs a PPD screening, stat.

I'm the op I this is my 3rd response to this thread. I never said my daughter sleeps through the night. In fact I said the opposite in my OP, but you were so eager to be nasty to someone you didn't bother to read the thread.

I know you said the opposite. That's why I quoted it out to the person pretending to be you. Get some rest.

OP - I'm so glad things are going so well for you 7 weeks in. The bolded comment is one of the most naive and obnoxious remarks I think I've ever seen on this board. It's great that you are not having a hard time and it sounds like you're recovering well from birth, but you have NO idea what other people who complain experience. Be grateful for your experience and enjoy it. Don't assume it's universal or that you know anything about anyone else's parenting journey. Just as you don't want your sisters doing to you.

If you'd bother to read instead of racing in on your smug mommy horse you'd know that the op has a daughter and the post you are quoting isn't hers. Admit you are wrong , apologize and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I’m seeing are some really unhappy people on this board. Self-pity just leads to unhappiness, none of my friends complain - if we need support in something it’s in active tense “I could use help here”. Y’all are really weird and sad.

OP, I’m with you. I enjoy it and don’t find it that troublesome (pregnant with my second).

I think it’s overly simplistic to categorize people as happy or unhappy, struggling or succeeding. People’s lived experiences are complex and usually include all of these things. If your partner comes home from work and just wants to confide in you that they had a stressful day at a job they otherwise love, it is not empathetic to say “well, then you must be an unhappy person, stop complaining, you are lucky to be working”.

You may not be able to understand that a person can be both happy and tired, but I am not surprised your friends do not communicate any vulnerabilities or insecurities to you. Yours is a judgmental and narrow minded view to have.

Lol nope, think I - and the circle I surround myself in - are just happier humans. There are plenty of things I struggle with or stress me out (though my kids usually aren’t it). And if I need to talk about it I talk about solutions. What in the actual F is complaining about anything going to get? Again, odd and sad. You do you. And read a self-help book.

Your friends probably don't talk to you about their struggles because you are a smug a-hole who responds with bragging and condescension? Just a thought

Commiserating over early motherhood struggles with my friends was a great comfort to me. You can't "solve" having a colicky baby or a difficult birth or missing the long periods of unstructured free time you had in your old life. But it's nice to hear that others have similar struggles, so you know you are normal and things will get easier.

[Anonymous]

They aren't disappointed that you don't complain.

They are disappointed that you are shutting down their efforts to bond with you by commiserating over shared experiences.

If you want to bond with them, you could ask them questions about their experiences and trade anecdotes about your respective babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are trying to tell you in a polite way that you’re coming off as a smug a-hole

The only smug ahiles are people like you. OP hasn't said anything wrong or smug but you decided to have a go at her

She absolutely has.

Quote it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They aren't disappointed that you don't complain.

They are disappointed that you are shutting down their efforts to bond with you by commiserating over shared experiences.

If you want to bond with them, you could ask them questions about their experiences and trade anecdotes about your respective babies.

This -- there are ppl who want to open up and talk about postpartum and those who don't and act hunky dory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I’m seeing are some really unhappy people on this board. Self-pity just leads to unhappiness, none of my friends complain - if we need support in something it’s in active tense “I could use help here”. Y’all are really weird and sad.

OP, I’m with you. I enjoy it and don’t find it that troublesome (pregnant with my second).

I think it’s overly simplistic to categorize people as happy or unhappy, struggling or succeeding. People’s lived experiences are complex and usually include all of these things. If your partner comes home from work and just wants to confide in you that they had a stressful day at a job they otherwise love, it is not empathetic to say “well, then you must be an unhappy person, stop complaining, you are lucky to be working”.

You may not be able to understand that a person can be both happy and tired, but I am not surprised your friends do not communicate any vulnerabilities or insecurities to you. Yours is a judgmental and narrow minded view to have.

Lol nope, think I - and the circle I surround myself in - are just happier humans. There are plenty of things I struggle with or stress me out (though my kids usually aren’t it). And if I need to talk about it I talk about solutions. What in the actual F is complaining about anything going to get? Again, odd and sad. You do you. And read a self-help book.

Your friends probably don't talk to you about their struggles because you are a smug a-hole who responds with bragging and condescension? Just a thought

Commiserating over early motherhood struggles with my friends was a great comfort to me. You can't "solve" having a colicky baby or a difficult birth or missing the long periods of unstructured free time you had in your old life. But it's nice to hear that others have similar struggles, so you know you are normal and things will get easier.

+1. Genuinely wondering how you deal with pain or stress that does not have an immediate solution. Are you able to listen to someone or be a shoulder to cry on without bringing up solutions or self help books? You say you are a happy person but you do not sound like one. A deeply happy person is able to embrace all facets of life, good and bad. Plus, you are a bit judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are trying to tell you in a polite way that you’re coming off as a smug a-hole

The only smug ahiles are people like you. OP hasn't said anything wrong or smug but you decided to have a go at her

She absolutely has.

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They aren't disappointed that you don't complain.

They are disappointed that you are shutting down their efforts to bond with you by commiserating over shared experiences.

If you want to bond with them, you could ask them questions about their experiences and trade anecdotes about your respective babies.

This -- there are ppl who want to open up and talk about postpartum and those who don't and act hunky dory.

I was the hunky dory type with my first. I wanted to come off as strong and capable, I was so afraid people would see me as less than perfect. Turns out, it’s lonely being perfect and having those walls up all the time.

[Anonymous]

Do you think your sisters may just be trying to connect with you? Deep connection requires vulnerability. If you love them and believe that they love you I wouldn’t assume the worst and expect that they are just waiting for you to fail. Your sisters may actually be encouraging you to open up and bond with them.

[Anonymous]

I would be really put off by the 'give up the baby' comments. I get the obvious sentiment, but I still would have responded like you did, OP. I just can't commiserate with that and would have looked for a way to move on from the convo. I also struggled to conceive (IVF mom) and it brings up all sorts of issues for me. Is this maybe something that you can relate to? Is that perhaps part of the issue?

I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to commiserate. You can open up to whoever you feel comfortable with on this subject (or no one if you truly feel fine), and you can bond with your sisters about something else. Your kid is so young, like you said, there will be plenty of other things to complain (or otherwise bond about) down the line.

The fact that you thought to post about it here, however, is a little concerning. It does seem like there might be some PPD issues? If there are, you should reach out to your Dr. It's so important to take care of yourself right now.

[Anonymous]

My second baby was sleeping 6 hour stretches at 6 weeks and life was great. I thought I had finally gotten a baby who slept. Then we had to stop using the swaddle when he began rolling and we started hitting the sleep regressions, illness, and teething, and good sleep has now evaded me for months. The arc of parenthood is long OP — don’t assume an easy 6 weeks postpartum is indicative of your parenting journey, don’t be smug, and realize that all of us get punched in the face with parenting sometimes. You will get knocked down eventually - might be food allergies, sleep regressions, a learning disability, All kinds of illnesses, etc. I find people unwilling to connect about life’s challenges people who I do not want to be close with or form deep relationships to, because they are so busy keeping up an image of themselves as capable and having their life together. It’s frankly insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are trying to tell you in a polite way that you’re coming off as a smug a-hole

The only smug ahiles are people like you. OP hasn't said anything wrong or smug but you decided to have a go at her

Except for saying that being a mother is easy, she doesn’t know why mothers complain, she finds motherhood boring because there is so much free time, etc. You really don’t think that is smug?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are trying to tell you in a polite way that you’re coming off as a smug a-hole

The only smug ahiles are people like you. OP hasn't said anything wrong or smug but you decided to have a go at her

Except for saying that being a mother is easy, she doesn’t know why mothers complain, she finds motherhood boring because there is so much free time, etc. You really don’t think that is smug?

Np. That wasn't OP's response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they complain 24/7 when they had their first kids? Maybe they thought you'd be miserable as well instead of grateful as you are. Good for you OP.

Actually, I read the OP as a little too anxious and if I was her sisters I would be concerned about PPD. She tells her sister the baby was up all night and immediately backpedals that it was actually fine! No problem whatsoever! She loves her baby and is so grateful to the chance to be a mom. It’s like she’s walking on eggshells and terrified that admitting there are negative sides to parenting will tempt fate. I think her sisters are trying their best to create a safe space for her.

I wish OP would respond to this.