Reply to Sisters seem disappointed I'm not complaining about being a mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Or your sisters may be trying to normalize how hard it is to be pregnant and how hard it is to be a new mother. Just because you've TTC for a long time doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel fat and/or exhausted during pregnancy or that you aren't allowed to feel exhausted/overwhelmed/depressed postpartum. There are aspects of being a new mom that are hard for everyone and it's all new, which is also a challenge.

Be happy that they aren't telling you "I thrived during those sleepless nights with Larlo... I lived for her needing me 24/7 when it was difficult to go for a walk or take a shower. I barely noticed when my breasts were painful and engorged, my clothes didn't fit, and a huge maxi pad felt like a permanent part of my outfit."

I have two (pregnant with #3) and was one of the first in my friend group to have kids. I totally try to normalize how difficult it is to my friends - not because I want them to be like "OMG, this sucks/this is so hard." Not at all. I want to normalize that it's OK to be sad/frustrated/depressed/overwhelmed/stressed during an incredibly difficult time for many. You are taking care of a helpless baby, recovering from pregnancy/childbirth, sleep deprived, and your hormones are all out of whack. No one is going to love every moment and the point is that it's ok not to love every moment! [/quote]

But I don’t feel fat. I lost the weight 2 weeks pp when the fluids drained out. I’m not exhausted. The baby slept in five hour stretches and only woke one time and night since coming home from the hospital. He also has a great latch so no breastfeeding problems. I’m not overwhelmed or depressed.

I think moms complain too much. It’s really not that hard. It’s a lot of sitting around nursing while I watch tv or play on the Internet. It’s kind of boring. [/quote]

For many babies, the sleepless nights actually begin around 3 mo and stretch through the first year. Some kids have to be sleep trained over and over again; some are not trainable. Some kids sleep well and have myriad other issues. In the newborn days it is all about sleeping and eating. But as they get older, those aren’t the only things that can make motherhood stressful. The list gets longer as they get older. Have the humility not to count your chickens before they hatch.

And for those mothers who had rich interesting lives before children, the boredom IS something worth complaining about. Many women are struck by how demanding having a baby is physically, and how little room it leaves for you to actually talk and think about interesting things. Maybe that’s not you, but it seems like you can at least acknowledge the boredom side.

[b]I disagree with the posters who say that women should stop complaining about motherhood. Women should be rioting in the streets about the conditions under which we give birth, return to work, seek childcare, and take on parental responsibility in this country. I think women actually complaining is a step ahead where we were last generation, in which our mothers silently bore it all because it was so taboo to talk about it. [/quote][/b]

+1. I remember with my first child I felt like complaining or even admitting that I wasn’t feeling great and so happy at all times was somehow a reflection of my parenting. Good moms never get tired or frustrated, they live for their children but are still able to effortlessly balance motherhood with an active social life and successful career, right? Admitting that I was tired or sore or overwhelmed felt like I was admitting that I was a failure. This is such a messed up way of thinking and, now, I welcome other moms who are open about their struggles and I share mine. Parenthood is amazing but it is also hard sometimes and that’s ok. [/quote]

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