Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be grateful that she communicated this w/you before marriage.

So many others do not.

I think if you really want children in the future - then staying w/your girlfriend will lead to pain, & a lot of resentment down the line.
Maybe she does not want children w/you for whatever reason.
Or perhaps she may change her mind later down the road.
Who really knows??

But the way things stand > you two do not have mutual future goals in line which sadly can negatively affect your relationship.
I would seriously consider breaking up, but it is entirely up to you what you feel comfortable doing.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. 💫

This 100%

[Anonymous]

Dump her and don’t look back.

You deserve someone who shares your major life priorities.

[Anonymous]

You need to move on. She will also find a much better match. The chosen childfree do not change their minds. She sound very smart and self aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you neeed to do some soul searching and see if you really want kids. So many people say I have always dreamed of my future with kids, well no offense but duh? That's the future we're sold from the time we are kids ourselves. IS that really what you want, or is just you wanting it because you think you should want it because it's what everyone else does.

If you have really thought about it and truly want kids then, you've got to break up there really isn't a compromise on this.


IT's extremely easy to be pressured into having kids, when you aren't really into it especially as a woman. Women also typically end up doing the bulk of parenting. Kudos to your girlfriend for figuring this out and being honest with you about it, and maturely explaining her change in feelings.

This is really true. My ex came from a large-ish Italian-American family. He thought he really wanted to be a family man, married, lots of kids, etc. I think he was truly surprised when he realized he did not want to be married or have a child. Too bad he realized it when DS was about 3 months old. Fast forward, I remarried, DH adopted DS, we had more kids, have been married more than 20 yrs, and exDH has never married or had kids. He's been happy (I think) with his career, travel, doing his hobbies and serial dating. He really didn't want the family life.

OP: decide what you really want. If your girlfriend truly doesn't want the same thing you do, it's better to move on now. Really. Not everyone gets lucky in their ending like I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you neeed to do some soul searching and see if you really want kids. So many people say I have always dreamed of my future with kids, well no offense but duh? That's the future we're sold from the time we are kids ourselves. IS that really what you want, or is just you wanting it because you think you should want it because it's what everyone else does.

If you have really thought about it and truly want kids then, you've got to break up there really isn't a compromise on this.


IT's extremely easy to be pressured into having kids, when you aren't really into it especially as a woman. Women also typically end up doing the bulk of parenting. Kudos to your girlfriend for figuring this out and being honest with you about it, and maturely explaining her change in feelings.

Agree. She will find a childfree guy and live a fabulous life. I’m sure Op will do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you neeed to do some soul searching and see if you really want kids. So many people say I have always dreamed of my future with kids, well no offense but duh? That's the future we're sold from the time we are kids ourselves. IS that really what you want, or is just you wanting it because you think you should want it because it's what everyone else does.

If you have really thought about it and truly want kids then, you've got to break up there really isn't a compromise on this.


IT's extremely easy to be pressured into having kids, when you aren't really into it especially as a woman. Women also typically end up doing the bulk of parenting. Kudos to your girlfriend for figuring this out and being honest with you about it, and maturely explaining her change in feelings.

This is really true. My ex came from a large-ish Italian-American family. He thought he really wanted to be a family man, married, lots of kids, etc. I think he was truly surprised when he realized he did not want to be married or have a child. Too bad he realized it when DS was about 3 months old. Fast forward, I remarried, DH adopted DS, we had more kids, have been married more than 20 yrs, and exDH has never married or had kids. He's been happy (I think) with his career, travel, doing his hobbies and serial dating. He really didn't want the family life.

OP: decide what you really want. If your girlfriend truly doesn't want the same thing you do, it's better to move on now. Really. Not everyone gets lucky in their ending like I did.

"Wanting kids" is biological, for both men and women. There are people who take exception to this, like OP's girlfriend currently believes, but that does not mean that at 50, she's not going to really look back at regret this. I know more than a few women who cavalierly thought in their 30s that they didn't want kids, and now, in their 50s, they realize what an egregious mistake that was.

OP, I'm sorry this happened to you, but I agree with the others - your girlfriend is giving you the gift of honesty of where she is right now. That's all any of us can do. You need to recogize your own reality - that this isn't the match you thought it was - and move on, sooner rather than later. You're not getting any younger either.

[Anonymous]

A woman like that is hard to find. Can I have her numbet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is tough to hear but what she is saying is she doesn't want kids with you. Your relationship is done. In a year she'll meet mr right and pump out a couple of little tikes.

People who say they do not want to get married or want kids are not fully telling you all the truth. Its not that they do not want kids or want to get married, its that they do not see you as the longterm spouse or potential father of any children they have thought about having.

[Anonymous]

I’ve only known a handful of people who truly don’t want kids, and they are very open about it. There is no cooing over a baby and saying “that will be us someday” no talk of kids, none of that. They wouldn’t start a relationship and talk of kids, dream of kids, only to pull it back once you’ve fallen in love. You aren’t dealing with a woman who “decided she didnt want kids”.

It sounds to me like she either read too much negative stuff during the big rainstorm last week, or she listened to someone vent. Either that, or she’s met someone maybe an older guy who is telling her how much his teens suck, I once heard someone say that he knew Abraham’s son wasn’t a teenager because if he were, killing him “wouldn’t have been a sacrifice”

As for me, I’d not want to date someone who “sat me down” like a schoolboy on a beautiful fall weekend to tell me they decided to fundamentally alter the future we were planning on. I wouldn’t “give her time” for anything, this is a choice she’s making.

You certainly don’t want to “give her time” and stick around to do all the boy jobs you did when you were dating, bring her food when she’s had a rough week, do fun date activities, only to have her say in a couple years “I told you I didn’t want kids”.

From where I sit, I don’t know why you love her.

I’d end the relationship and find someone who wants the same future you do.

If you two were married, I’d have a discussion about depression, but as a girlfriend, no. The reason is that there is very little you can do for a girlfriend so if she is depressed, you’ll be put into the role of never ending support, support on her terms when you could be finding a life partner who shares your goals and dreams.


For what it’s worth, I’m a woman. I have 3 kids, and I don’t regret having them. The state of the world doesn’t bother me a bit. Is it perfect, no, but then it never is. It is also not a bad place to be with the right attitude. As context, my teenager was being an ass this morning, our tv has a crack in the screen, and it seems like school wants a covid test every five minutes. All that being said, I enjoy my kids at least most of the time. They are nice, good, people. The world is a better place with them in it then it would be without them.

My advice would be the same for a woman who’s boyfriend didn’t want kids, find someone who shares your goals and is just as excited as you are. As I tell my kids “you don’t go to a baseball stadium and expect to see a hockey game”.

[Anonymous]

OP I got married at 22 and planned that one day, in the far off future, that we would have kids. In my mid to late 20s, my husband and I started having a lot of conversations about what having kids would be like and how we should start planning for them. As we had these conversations we both slowly came to the realization that it wasn't something that either of us wanted. I wasn't depressed, I didn't have a horrible experience with children, I just decided the things I want to do in life would be much easier and more enjoyable without kids.

When we finally made the decision to live a childfree life, it was like I was finally truly excited about our future. It felt like the fog cleared. We could actually think about what we really wanted out of life together and not how to prepare for future kids. My husband even got a vasectomy, that's how certain we were.

It's been 6 years now since we made the decision to be childfree. I'm 32 and still have no regrets. I love our life together. My husband is my best friend and I'm so excited about all the future adventures we have planned. I guess my point is that it needs to be something you definitely want too. We would not be as happy and content with our life as we are if we knew one of us had to give up something we truly wanted. That's not to say that there are not always compromises that need to be made in a marriage, but kids is honestly one of the only things you can't really compromise on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you neeed to do some soul searching and see if you really want kids. So many people say I have always dreamed of my future with kids, well no offense but duh? That's the future we're sold from the time we are kids ourselves. IS that really what you want, or is just you wanting it because you think you should want it because it's what everyone else does.

If you have really thought about it and truly want kids then, you've got to break up there really isn't a compromise on this.


IT's extremely easy to be pressured into having kids, when you aren't really into it especially as a woman. Women also typically end up doing the bulk of parenting. Kudos to your girlfriend for figuring this out and being honest with you about it, and maturely explaining her change in feelings.

This is really true. My ex came from a large-ish Italian-American family. He thought he really wanted to be a family man, married, lots of kids, etc. I think he was truly surprised when he realized he did not want to be married or have a child. Too bad he realized it when DS was about 3 months old. Fast forward, I remarried, DH adopted DS, we had more kids, have been married more than 20 yrs, and exDH has never married or had kids. He's been happy (I think) with his career, travel, doing his hobbies and serial dating. He really didn't want the family life.

OP: decide what you really want. If your girlfriend truly doesn't want the same thing you do, it's better to move on now. Really. Not everyone gets lucky in their ending like I did.

"Wanting kids" is biological, for both men and women. There are people who take exception to this, like OP's girlfriend currently believes, but that does not mean that at 50, she's not going to really look back at regret this. I know more than a few women who cavalierly thought in their 30s that they didn't want kids, and now, in their 50s, they realize what an egregious mistake that was.

OP, I'm sorry this happened to you, but I agree with the others - your girlfriend is giving you the gift of honesty of where she is right now. That's all any of us can do. You need to recogize your own reality - that this isn't the match you thought it was - and move on, sooner rather than later. You're not getting any younger either.

Many, women regret having kids. I'm so glad we're living in a time when more people aren't blindly following the " it's biological" mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is tough to hear but what she is saying is she doesn't want kids with you. Your relationship is done. In a year she'll meet mr right and pump out a couple of little tikes.

People who say they do not want to get married or want kids are not fully telling you all the truth. Its not that they do not want kids or want to get married, its that they do not see you as the longterm spouse or potential father of any children they have thought about having.

This is such bull shit some people really don't want kids or marriage. Life is much easier when you accept things as they are instead of assuming everyone is duplicitous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve only known a handful of people who truly don’t want kids, and they are very open about it. There is no cooing over a baby and saying “that will be us someday” no talk of kids, none of that. They wouldn’t start a relationship and talk of kids, dream of kids, only to pull it back once you’ve fallen in love. You aren’t dealing with a woman who “decided she didnt want kids”.

It sounds to me like she either read too much negative stuff during the big rainstorm last week, or she listened to someone vent. Either that, or she’s met someone maybe an older guy who is telling her how much his teens suck, I once heard someone say that he knew Abraham’s son wasn’t a teenager because if he were, killing him “wouldn’t have been a sacrifice”

As for me, I’d not want to date someone who “sat me down” like a schoolboy on a beautiful fall weekend to tell me they decided to fundamentally alter the future we were planning on. I wouldn’t “give her time” for anything, this is a choice she’s making.

You certainly don’t want to “give her time” and stick around to do all the boy jobs you did when you were dating, bring her food when she’s had a rough week, do fun date activities, only to have her say in a couple years “I told you I didn’t want kids”.

From where I sit, I don’t know why you love her.

I’d end the relationship and find someone who wants the same future you do.

If you two were married, I’d have a discussion about depression, but as a girlfriend, no. The reason is that there is very little you can do for a girlfriend so if she is depressed, you’ll be put into the role of never ending support, support on her terms when you could be finding a life partner who shares your goals and dreams.


For what it’s worth, I’m a woman. I have 3 kids, and I don’t regret having them. The state of the world doesn’t bother me a bit. Is it perfect, no, but then it never is. It is also not a bad place to be with the right attitude. As context, my teenager was being an ass this morning, our tv has a crack in the screen, and it seems like school wants a covid test every five minutes. All that being said, I enjoy my kids at least most of the time. They are nice, good, people. The world is a better place with them in it then it would be without them.

My advice would be the same for a woman who’s boyfriend didn’t want kids, find someone who shares your goals and is just as excited as you are. As I tell my kids “you don’t go to a baseball stadium and expect to see a hockey game”.

I cooed over hundreds of babies cuddled, missed and held them. I was a nanny for years. At one point I envisioned myself as a mom of 6. In my 30s I realized I actually didn't want to be a mother. No older man no one talked me out of it. Just a lit of soul searching. We'd be better off if more people put some thought into becoming parents rather than thinking because they find kids cute and daydream about Pinterest fall themed photoshoots they should be parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you neeed to do some soul searching and see if you really want kids. So many people say I have always dreamed of my future with kids, well no offense but duh? That's the future we're sold from the time we are kids ourselves. IS that really what you want, or is just you wanting it because you think you should want it because it's what everyone else does.

If you have really thought about it and truly want kids then, you've got to break up there really isn't a compromise on this.


IT's extremely easy to be pressured into having kids, when you aren't really into it especially as a woman. Women also typically end up doing the bulk of parenting. Kudos to your girlfriend for figuring this out and being honest with you about it, and maturely explaining her change in feelings.

This is really true. My ex came from a large-ish Italian-American family. He thought he really wanted to be a family man, married, lots of kids, etc. I think he was truly surprised when he realized he did not want to be married or have a child. Too bad he realized it when DS was about 3 months old. Fast forward, I remarried, DH adopted DS, we had more kids, have been married more than 20 yrs, and exDH has never married or had kids. He's been happy (I think) with his career, travel, doing his hobbies and serial dating. He really didn't want the family life.

OP: decide what you really want. If your girlfriend truly doesn't want the same thing you do, it's better to move on now. Really. Not everyone gets lucky in their ending like I did.

I'm sorry this happened to you glad and your son have DH though

Unfortunately this scenario isn't all that uncommon. The typical answer on this thread is to breakup.

Which op should move on if he truly wants kids.

But everyone , OP include should really think if they want kids or just think they should have them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is tough to hear but what she is saying is she doesn't want kids with you. Your relationship is done. In a year she'll meet mr right and pump out a couple of little tikes.

People who say they do not want to get married or want kids are not fully telling you all the truth. Its not that they do not want kids or want to get married, its that they do not see you as the longterm spouse or potential father of any children they have thought about having.

This is such bull shit some people really don't want kids or marriage. Life is much easier when you accept things as they are instead of assuming everyone is duplicitous

Women are particularly duplicitous when it comes to these types of issues. PP wouldn't have said that unless the stereotype fit. And it does.