Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine married at 21 to a guy 10 years older who said he never wanted kids. She thought he'd change his mind as time went on. He didn't. She was divorced at 32 and has been single and childless since - she is now 45 and it's probably too late for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of a year sat me down over the weekend and told me she no longer wants kids. We both wanted kids when we met and talked about it many times throughout the last year. I noticed the couple of months she hasn’t talked about it much or changed the subject when kids are brought up, but I just thought it was because she really wanted them and it was a sore spot. She said she loves me and wants to spend the rest our lives together, but it was important to her I know she has decided she no longer wants to be a parent. She will give me time to think things over and decide what’s best for me. I’m devastated. We had this amazing future planned of marriage, a house, kids, etc., and now that’s gone. I love her but I see my life with kids in it. I know I will be happy with her but I’m not sure if I will grow to resent her 10 years down the road if we don’t have kids. I need some advice from people who are experienced about these situations. Reddit was no help.

Did she give a reason? She should.

Would she be willing to adopt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is tough to hear but what she is saying is she doesn't want kids with you. Your relationship is done. In a year she'll meet mr right and pump out a couple of little tikes.

This could definitely be a cover.

Which is why she owes you an explanation. Yes she could make one up. Or maybe she really is down in her childhood, giving birth, genetic disorders in her family, no patience for parenting, climate change, etc.

Sorry OP. She really dumped this decision on you. Tragic but time to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you guys? Do you know why she changed her mind? These questions are just my curiosity.

For most people, wanting or not wanting kids is a dealbreaker. I know for me, it’s something I wanted more than anything else in the world. I wouldn’t have married my dh if he didn’t want to be part of a family with children. You have to figure out where your heart is on this issue.

OP here. We are both in our thirties. I asked her why she chose her mind and she listed things like kids are a huge responsibility, this world is crazy and only getting worse and doesn’t feel right raising kids in today’s society, doesn’t want to give up her job, etc. It’s mostly for her about leaving kids in this world that will likely just get worse since it’s going downhill fast.

Man this city sure gets people down and out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of a year sat me down over the weekend and told me she no longer wants kids. We both wanted kids when we met and talked about it many times throughout the last year. I noticed the couple of months she hasn’t talked about it much or changed the subject when kids are brought up, but I just thought it was because she really wanted them and it was a sore spot. She said she loves me and wants to spend the rest our lives together, but it was important to her I know she has decided she no longer wants to be a parent. She will give me time to think things over and decide what’s best for me. I’m devastated. We had this amazing future planned of marriage, a house, kids, etc., and now that’s gone. I love her but I see my life with kids in it. I know I will be happy with her but I’m not sure if I will grow to resent her 10 years down the road if we don’t have kids. I need some advice from people who are experienced about these situations. Reddit was no help.

Did she give a reason? She should.

Would she be willing to adopt?

Your logic is dumb. She doesn’t want kids but you ask if she would be willing to do adopt? It doesn’t sounds like it’s a pregnancy issue - she’s doesn’t want to raise kids. So, do you not raise kids that need to be adopted? Probably the dumbest answer I’ve seen on here.

[Anonymous]

Is she dead set or just worried and anxious about the responsibility? If the former, it's a deal breaker. It's just too big of a difference. Even if the latter, I'd personally break up. You really need to WANT to be a mom. Go to the parenting board. Some women confess they regret having a child. That is a really tough situation to be in. As you know, parenting takes SO much out of you. I love being a mom and having my two kids is the best thing I did, but it's still so all consuming. You don't want a wife who doesn't want kids or ends up regretting having a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of a year sat me down over the weekend and told me she no longer wants kids. We both wanted kids when we met and talked about it many times throughout the last year. I noticed the couple of months she hasn’t talked about it much or changed the subject when kids are brought up, but I just thought it was because she really wanted them and it was a sore spot. She said she loves me and wants to spend the rest our lives together, but it was important to her I know she has decided she no longer wants to be a parent. She will give me time to think things over and decide what’s best for me. I’m devastated. We had this amazing future planned of marriage, a house, kids, etc., and now that’s gone. I love her but I see my life with kids in it. I know I will be happy with her but I’m not sure if I will grow to resent her 10 years down the road if we don’t have kids. I need some advice from people who are experienced about these situations. Reddit was no help.

Did she give a reason? She should.

Would she be willing to adopt?

Your logic is dumb. She doesn’t want kids but you ask if she would be willing to do adopt? It doesn’t sounds like it’s a pregnancy issue - she’s doesn’t want to raise kids. So, do you not raise kids that need to be adopted? Probably the dumbest answer I’ve seen on here.

+1. If she doesn’t want kids, why do you think she would want to adopt? You know you have to be a parent and raise that child, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of a year sat me down over the weekend and told me she no longer wants kids. We both wanted kids when we met and talked about it many times throughout the last year. I noticed the couple of months she hasn’t talked about it much or changed the subject when kids are brought up, but I just thought it was because she really wanted them and it was a sore spot. She said she loves me and wants to spend the rest our lives together, but it was important to her I know she has decided she no longer wants to be a parent. She will give me time to think things over and decide what’s best for me. I’m devastated. We had this amazing future planned of marriage, a house, kids, etc., and now that’s gone. I love her but I see my life with kids in it. I know I will be happy with her but I’m not sure if I will grow to resent her 10 years down the road if we don’t have kids. I need some advice from people who are experienced about these situations. Reddit was no help.

Did she give a reason? She should.

Would she be willing to adopt?

Your logic is dumb. She doesn’t want kids but you ask if she would be willing to do adopt? It doesn’t sounds like it’s a pregnancy issue - she’s doesn’t want to raise kids. So, do you not raise kids that need to be adopted? Probably the dumbest answer I’ve seen on here.

+1. If she doesn’t want kids, why do you think she would want to adopt? You know you have to be a parent and raise that child, right?

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she dead set or just worried and anxious about the responsibility? If the former, it's a deal breaker. It's just too big of a difference. Even if the latter, I'd personally break up. You really need to WANT to be a mom. Go to the parenting board. Some women confess they regret having a child. That is a really tough situation to be in. As you know, parenting takes SO much out of you. I love being a mom and having my two kids is the best thing I did, but it's still so all consuming. You don't want a wife who doesn't want kids or ends up regretting having a kid.

She sounds dead set against it. Even if she was anxious about the responsibility, he should still take no for an answer.
You sounds like it is ok go push it if it was the former. She does not want kids. Why people can’t accept when women say this is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend of a year sat me down over the weekend and told me she no longer wants kids. We both wanted kids when we met and talked about it many times throughout the last year. I noticed the couple of months she hasn’t talked about it much or changed the subject when kids are brought up, but I just thought it was because she really wanted them and it was a sore spot. She said she loves me and wants to spend the rest our lives together, but it was important to her I know she has decided she no longer wants to be a parent. She will give me time to think things over and decide what’s best for me. I’m devastated. We had this amazing future planned of marriage, a house, kids, etc., and now that’s gone. I love her but I see my life with kids in it. I know I will be happy with her but I’m not sure if I will grow to resent her 10 years down the road if we don’t have kids. I need some advice from people who are experienced about these situations. Reddit was no help.

Did she give a reason? She should.

Would she be willing to adopt?

Your logic is dumb. She doesn’t want kids but you ask if she would be willing to do adopt? It doesn’t sounds like it’s a pregnancy issue - she’s doesn’t want to raise kids. So, do you not raise kids that need to be adopted? Probably the dumbest answer I’ve seen on here.

Wow you get worked up.

I didnt read the thread if OP explained her reasoning ever, but if her reason for not birthing kids was not wanting to raise kids, sure.
But if her reason was alcoholism or autism or sickle cell runs genetically in her family then adopt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is tough to hear but what she is saying is she doesn't want kids with you. Your relationship is done. In a year she'll meet mr right and pump out a couple of little tikes.

People who say they do not want to get married or want kids are not fully telling you all the truth. Its not that they do not want kids or want to get married, its that they do not see you as the longterm spouse or potential father of any children they have thought about having.

I’ve absolutely dumped people by telling them I didn’t want kids when I meant I didn’t want kids with them. I’m currently pregnant with my third at 41 after four years of telling my post-divorce partners that I didn’t want more children. Even if this isn’t the girlfriend’s situation, she’s telling you to walk, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I forgot I posted on here. Thanks everyone for the advice and replies.

Update: We broke up. I love her and I know she loves me but this is one thing I can’t really budge on.

She is not making it up or she doesn’t want to have kids with just me. It wasn’t a rushed decision either. She told me she had been thinking about this for months and talked to a therapist about it. She kept it quiet until she made a decision. She didn’t know if it was just nerves and things changing or if she really didn’t want kids. After talking to a therapist and thinking about it, she came to the conclusion that kids are not for her. It has nothing to do with family history or anything genetic. She doesn’t want to raise kids. She wanted to waited until she was sure of her decision before telling me. I respect it and we have decided to part ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I forgot I posted on here. Thanks everyone for the advice and replies.

Update: We broke up. I love her and I know she loves me but this is one thing I can’t really budge on.

She is not making it up or she doesn’t want to have kids with just me. It wasn’t a rushed decision either. She told me she had been thinking about this for months and talked to a therapist about it. She kept it quiet until she made a decision. She didn’t know if it was just nerves and things changing or if she really didn’t want kids. After talking to a therapist and thinking about it, she came to the conclusion that kids are not for her. It has nothing to do with family history or anything genetic. She doesn’t want to raise kids. She wanted to waited until she was sure of her decision before telling me. I respect it and we have decided to part ways.

Good on her for joining the CFBC movement!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I forgot I posted on here. Thanks everyone for the advice and replies.

Update: We broke up. I love her and I know she loves me but this is one thing I can’t really budge on.

She is not making it up or she doesn’t want to have kids with just me. It wasn’t a rushed decision either. She told me she had been thinking about this for months and talked to a therapist about it. She kept it quiet until she made a decision. She didn’t know if it was just nerves and things changing or if she really didn’t want kids. After talking to a therapist and thinking about it, she came to the conclusion that kids are not for her. It has nothing to do with family history or anything genetic. She doesn’t want to raise kids. She wanted to waited until she was sure of her decision before telling me. I respect it and we have decided to part ways.

Sorry to hear that OP. You dis the right thing. She is not going to change.

[Anonymous]

RUN.

She either doesn’t want kids, or she’s emotionally avoidant. It’s possible she feels too close to you and is subconsciously sabotaging the relationship so she feels more in control.

Either way, run like hell. You will be in for a world of hurt.