Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend of a year sat me down over the weekend and told me she no longer wants kids. We both wanted kids when we met and talked about it many times throughout the last year. I noticed the couple of months she hasn’t talked about it much or changed the subject when kids are brought up, but I just thought it was because she really wanted them and it was a sore spot. She said she loves me and wants to spend the rest our lives together, but it was important to her I know she has decided she no longer wants to be a parent. She will give me time to think things over and decide what’s best for me. I’m devastated. We had this amazing future planned of marriage, a house, kids, etc., and now that’s gone. I love her but I see my life with kids in it. I know I will be happy with her but I’m not sure if I will grow to resent her 10 years down the road if we don’t have kids. I need some advice from people who are experienced about these situations. Reddit was no help.

[Anonymous]

I would not continue this relationship. You might be happy for a while, but years down the road you will be bitter and angry. Get out now and consider it a gift that she told you before marriage, etc.

[Anonymous]

One thing I learned about marriage is that resentments grow and fester. You need to be fully content and even happy about the decision to not have children if you want to marry her. If you feel you can’t get there, and it doesn’t seem like you will, you need to break it off.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you will eventually resent her because you had to compromise on something you really wanted in life. You'll never really get over acquiescing.

[Anonymous]

How old are you guys? Do you know why she changed her mind? These questions are just my curiosity.

For most people, wanting or not wanting kids is a dealbreaker. I know for me, it’s something I wanted more than anything else in the world. I wouldn’t have married my dh if he didn’t want to be part of a family with children. You have to figure out where your heart is on this issue.

[Anonymous]

I do not have kids. It was a choice, we were both ambivalent when we got married and we thank all of our stars that we landed in the same spot. If you want this deeply and she does not then this is not a place where either one of you should compromise. I am sorry you are facing this challenge.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me except the reverse (I am the woman and had told my boyfriend the first month of dating I was pretty sure I did not want kids and that he needed to be ok with that and he said he was and then after several years of dating he changed his mind).

It's okay for this to be a dealbreaker. That said, you are the man, so if ten years from now you decide you want kids, you could divorce her and find someone else. But that's not really fair to her. She'd probably rather end it now and find someone who is ok with no kids if you want them and would divorce her later.

Take some time to think about it. Honestly, there are lots of great women out there who do want kids, so you could probably find someone else, especially if you are college educated, not overweight, and make at least 115k a year (sorry, just being honest).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me except the reverse (I am the woman and had told my boyfriend the first month of dating I was pretty sure I did not want kids and that he needed to be ok with that and he said he was and then after several years of dating he changed his mind).

It's okay for this to be a dealbreaker. That said, you are the man, so if ten years from now you decide you want kids, you could divorce her and find someone else. But that's not really fair to her. She'd probably rather end it now and find someone who is ok with no kids if you want them and would divorce her later.

Take some time to think about it. Honestly, there are lots of great women out there who do want kids, so you could probably find someone else, especially if you are college educated, not overweight, and make at least 115k a year (sorry, just being honest).

+1

It's great she told you, and no shame to either of you if this is irreconcilable. I couldn't enter into/continue a relationship with someone who didn't also want kids, personally, because raising children has been the most important future goal of my life for years. (I have little ones now; no regrets.) That being said, I have many happy childfree friends, single and coupled. But if you can't imagine a future without kids and she can't imagine one with kids, it's better you both find someone who will suit you better.

I'm sorry you're going through this and good luck.

[Anonymous]

This is tough to hear but what she is saying is she doesn't want kids with you. Your relationship is done. In a year she'll meet mr right and pump out a couple of little tikes.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but don't waste another second and get out now.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. Please walk away. As other posters said resentment grows

[Anonymous]

She says that now, but I 99 percent guarantee she’ll end up having kids with some other guy down the road.

[Anonymous]

Love and being able to build a life together are 2 different things.

Tell her you love her truly and wish her the best life she can find.

Love her but don’t marry her or continue the relationship.

[Anonymous]

You should probably break it off.
But keep in mind just because you want kids doesn't guarantee you can have them. You could get married and find out you or she are infertile or she can't carry to term.

[Anonymous]

You’ve got to end it. This is just one of those things you can’t really compromise on in a relationship.