Ready to cut brothers out of mother’s Will!

Be careful what you wish for, OP. My mom’s brothers tried to pull similar shenanigans when my grandfather was on his deathbed. My mom and her sisters contested the changed will and won. Her brothers ended up with less than they would have got under the original will.

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09/24/2021 17:52

Subject: Ready to cut brothers out of mother’s Will!

quote

Anonymous

But OP your brothers wanted to put her in an AL located DOWN THE STREET FROM WHERE THEY LIVE.

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09/24/2021 17:54

Subject: Ready to cut brothers out of mother’s Will!

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound dramatic and awful.

Asking someone to take a dog is a big responsibility. Just because he's not married and doesn't have kids doesn't mean he wants a dog. If the dog is old it'll have a lot of medical problems. Has it occurred to you that maybe the brother doesn't have pets because he doesn't WANT that responsibility?

Maybe your brothers wanted to put your mom in a place where she'd be nearby and they could visit her regularly. Just because you invested a few hours to find a different place doesn't leave you entitled to tons of money.

Stop being greedy and a martyr. Man, you really just sound like an awful person.

And what about OP? She is contributing her time and effort into finding solutions that work for THEIR mom. The minimum her brother can do is take care of the dog. And did you read the part where brother wanted to put mom into that hole to save money?

It sounds like the brothers' solution would have worked for their mother, too. It just didn't work for OP.

Thing is, for some, daily visits would be better than a nice view. So OPs choice might not be all that great.

Exactly.

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09/25/2021 10:03

Subject: Ready to cut brothers out of mother’s Will!

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound dramatic and awful.

Asking someone to take a dog is a big responsibility. Just because he's not married and doesn't have kids doesn't mean he wants a dog. If the dog is old it'll have a lot of medical problems. Has it occurred to you that maybe the brother doesn't have pets because he doesn't WANT that responsibility?

Maybe your brothers wanted to put your mom in a place where she'd be nearby and they could visit her regularly. Just because you invested a few hours to find a different place doesn't leave you entitled to tons of money.

Stop being greedy and a martyr. Man, you really just sound like an awful person.

And what about OP? She is contributing her time and effort into finding solutions that work for THEIR mom. The minimum her brother can do is take care of the dog. And did you read the part where brother wanted to put mom into that hole to save money?

It sounds like the brothers' solution would have worked for their mother, too. It just didn't work for OP.

Thing is, for some, daily visits would be better than a nice view. So OPs choice might not be all that great.

Exactly.

This. Also if you bleed all her money going for fancy things she may not be able to stay there. Better to have something she can afford and visit. But, OP, you are apparently God and know best. Good luck to you with your savior complex.

report

09/26/2021 09:23

Subject: Ready to cut brothers out of mother’s Will!

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound dramatic and awful.

Asking someone to take a dog is a big responsibility. Just because he's not married and doesn't have kids doesn't mean he wants a dog. If the dog is old it'll have a lot of medical problems. Has it occurred to you that maybe the brother doesn't have pets because he doesn't WANT that responsibility?

Maybe your brothers wanted to put your mom in a place where she'd be nearby and they could visit her regularly. Just because you invested a few hours to find a different place doesn't leave you entitled to tons of money.

Stop being greedy and a martyr. Man, you really just sound like an awful person.

And what about OP? She is contributing her time and effort into finding solutions that work for THEIR mom. The minimum her brother can do is take care of the dog. And did you read the part where brother wanted to put mom into that hole to save money?

It sounds like the brothers' solution would have worked for their mother, too. It just didn't work for OP.

Thing is, for some, daily visits would be better than a nice view. So OPs choice might not be all that great.

Yeah, my mom got COVID in an assisted living facility and died. (And this was well into the pandemic when mitigation was in place, it was just not followed.) So finding proper care is the issue here, not a "a nice view." A dirty facility is a giant red flag. And there's absolutely no way of knowing that her mom would have gotten daily visits from the brothers anyway (ask me how I know!).

To the OP, when my parents got sick and had to be moved to a facility, and then a different facility, and then my dad had to go to yet another place after my mom died... it was by far the most stressful period of my life. It's hard when you have siblings who don't agree (and in my family's case it was all respectful, but it's still hard!). And it's been my experience, and the experience of many people I know, is that the daughters are the ones doing the bulk of the work. It's not fair but it's the truth.

As for the will, first of all, it's not your decision, but secondly, no one should be making major life decisions like that in the midst of a crisis. Don't do something you'll forget.

The PP who said that whomever is taking care of your mom should get paid is correct. The bulk of taking care of my parents (before they went into AL) fell on my sisters. They were paid for their time out of my parents' accounts. It's the most equitable way to handle things. At this point there probably won't be much of an inheritance for anyone, but I am glad that their money went for their care. That's a lot more important than an inheritance.

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09/26/2021 10:45

Subject: Ready to cut brothers out of mother’s Will!

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound dramatic and awful.

Asking someone to take a dog is a big responsibility. Just because he's not married and doesn't have kids doesn't mean he wants a dog. If the dog is old it'll have a lot of medical problems. Has it occurred to you that maybe the brother doesn't have pets because he doesn't WANT that responsibility?

Maybe your brothers wanted to put your mom in a place where she'd be nearby and they could visit her regularly. Just because you invested a few hours to find a different place doesn't leave you entitled to tons of money.

Stop being greedy and a martyr. Man, you really just sound like an awful person.

And what about OP? She is contributing her time and effort into finding solutions that work for THEIR mom. The minimum her brother can do is take care of the dog. And did you read the part where brother wanted to put mom into that hole to save money?

It sounds like the brothers' solution would have worked for their mother, too. It just didn't work for OP.

Thing is, for some, daily visits would be better than a nice view. So OPs choice might not be all that great.

Exactly.

This. Also if you bleed all her money going for fancy things she may not be able to stay there. Better to have something she can afford and visit. But, OP, you are apparently God and know best. Good luck to you with your savior complex.

+1 to all the above. Given OP's assumptions about her brother taking the dog, I don't consider her a reliable reporter. It's unreasonable for her to disagree with her brothers about her mother and then complain about the extra work she chooses to put into it.

report

09/29/2021 10:03

Subject: Ready to cut brothers out of mother’s Will!

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound dramatic and awful.

Asking someone to take a dog is a big responsibility. Just because he's not married and doesn't have kids doesn't mean he wants a dog. If the dog is old it'll have a lot of medical problems. Has it occurred to you that maybe the brother doesn't have pets because he doesn't WANT that responsibility?

Maybe your brothers wanted to put your mom in a place where she'd be nearby and they could visit her regularly. Just because you invested a few hours to find a different place doesn't leave you entitled to tons of money.

Stop being greedy and a martyr. Man, you really just sound like an awful person.

And what about OP? She is contributing her time and effort into finding solutions that work for THEIR mom. The minimum her brother can do is take care of the dog. And did you read the part where brother wanted to put mom into that hole to save money?

It sounds like the brothers' solution would have worked for their mother, too. It just didn't work for OP.

Thing is, for some, daily visits would be better than a nice view. So OPs choice might not be all that great.

Yeah, my mom got COVID in an assisted living facility and died. (And this was well into the pandemic when mitigation was in place, it was just not followed.) So finding proper care is the issue here, not a "a nice view." A dirty facility is a giant red flag. And there's absolutely no way of knowing that her mom would have gotten daily visits from the brothers anyway (ask me how I know!).

To the OP, when my parents got sick and had to be moved to a facility, and then a different facility, and then my dad had to go to yet another place after my mom died... it was by far the most stressful period of my life. It's hard when you have siblings who don't agree (and in my family's case it was all respectful, but it's still hard!). And it's been my experience, and the experience of many people I know, is that the daughters are the ones doing the bulk of the work. It's not fair but it's the truth.

As for the will, first of all, it's not your decision, but secondly, no one should be making major life decisions like that in the midst of a crisis. Don't do something you'll forget.

The PP who said that whomever is taking care of your mom should get paid is correct. The bulk of taking care of my parents (before they went into AL) fell on my sisters. They were paid for their time out of my parents' accounts. It's the most equitable way to handle things. At this point there probably won't be much of an inheritance for anyone, but I am glad that their money went for their care. That's a lot more important than an inheritance.

Yes, but those of us spectating on this post have no idea about the facilities. My in-laws got fantastic care for years at a facility that was very "dated." (Think linoleum, beige, 1960's vibe.) My fancy sister would have been aghast, because she's incapable of looking beneath the surface. Had it been her in-laws, she would have easily been bilked into shelling out 2k more for a "view" if the building were recently built. But that means nothing about whether it's actually dirty or whether the care is actually good.