Silently resentful of my sisters for marrying well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sisters married well...one to a complete dork, who has only become dorkier as the years go on, and one to a control freak.

I'd rather live my own life rather than be tied to a dork who thinks the "Life is Good" shirts are so cool and provide a good message to the kids, or two a man who ensures I go for a five mile run or bike ride every morning. No excuses, only way to start the day.

Sure they will die with larger bank accounts, but I will die having lived my best life.

Not surprised you are single. A guy wears silly t-shirts. The horror!

[Anonymous]

Some of your story doesn't quite fit. How was your sister's father not able to support his family well enough if he later made a lot of money in BIGLAW? That's not how BIGLAW is structured. BIGLAW pushes people out as they get older, they don't recruit broke lawyers to come in when they are much older. I knew "BIGLAW" lawyers in the 1980s as that was the occupation of many of my friends' fathers. Their wives didn't work because they were paid well enough in their early careers so their kids weren't the latchkey kids.

Nonetheless, much later, after the divorce, your mother and your father were broke grad students working on PhDs, but yet your mother was able to take care of you so you weren't a latchkey kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, their dad died, so I wouldn’t say it’s all been ducks and rainbows for them. I mean, he was nothing to you, but it was till their dad.

Maybe stop competing with them. It doesn’t sound that your life has been that much of a challenge, so maybe appreciate that privilege in itself.

They haven’t had to work, much of their money comes from their dead father, but it’s not exactly like you’ve risen from being homeless now, is it?

My dad has also passed away - his assets however are joint with my mother’s. Also, my sister’s dad bought her the house when he was still alive and working for Big Law. He left them even more when he died. Of course it feels gross to look at things this way, death should never be thought of in terms of who gets more. It was hard for all of us. Either way, combination of rich parent + husband got them a standard of living they didn’t personally earn.

To the other PP, yes, I’m privileged (not quite DCUM privilege!) in the grand scheme of things, all of us were and are. Life is generally pretty good. Maybe ultimately I wish I could get more recognition and respect among the family for being a hard worker and supporting myself, and not be teased ten years later about how I was kept on my mom’s cell phone plan in school. Again, it’s not something that comes out all the time, but my sisters still kind of regard me as spoiled and helpless (“helpless” because growing up I did lack the street smarts and life skills of Gen X latchkey kids)

Why do you need so much external validation? You even had to qualify that you don’t have DCUM privilege. Most of DCUM doesn’t have “DCUM privilege”.

Has it occurred to you that they’re maybe teasing? Or is it that you know you were spoiled and don’t like being called out for it?

Aside from that - who cares if they’ve done well without hard work? Why do you have to do better than your half sisters anyway? Shouldn’t you be happy that they are happy?

And why do you care so much about what they think of you? “What other people think of you is nine of your business”


Sounds like you need therapy / counselling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(OP again) So there’s one other dynamic here that I’m thinking of - and that’s the way we were raised. My mother raised my sisters with a lot more social freedom growing up and less academic pressure. My parents in the 90s became academics (they had just gotten PhDs) and pressured me to do well in school. I don’t regret that at all - but I was raised to believe that kids who got straight As would become more successful than kids who didn’t care and got C’s. But my sisters did the opposite - they prioritized relationships and having fun. I prioritized school, brand name universities, and getting a DC job. I’ve accomplished more, professionally (being a mother IS an accomplishment, to their credit) and had more unconventional experiences, but a lower standard of living to show for my hard work.

Okaaaaay….

So you’re successful based on how you were raised - academics, work ethic, making a brand for yourself.

They’re successful based on how they were raised. Relationships, having fun, living well.

You’re so worried about “more”, without thinking it’s okay that everyone is just different.

I kind of agree with them that you do come off a little spoiled. “I did MORE… I should have MORE (than they do)”.

Stop measuring their lives with your ruler. You’ll be a lot happier.

[Anonymous]

So let me get things straight, in your youth you get some things that they did not get in their youth. They have now worked, lived longer than you, THEIR DAD DIED and left them resources.
And at 30 your hour maturity level has you devaluing their work ethic and effort, their academic effort and how much they deserve to have some things that you currently do not have. I get wanting things you have not yet achieved but what you are saying is fine right ugly. Who are you to devalue their efforts. And you are jealous of having a dead parent.
Your sisters were right years ago, you are spoiled. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

You should be proud of yourself. In you thirties and making a six figure salary! Sounds like all the sisters are doing well and that includes you. Head high, OP.

[Anonymous]

I really and truly don’t understand the people posting who have so much damn resentment for people who have gotten inheritances or been gifted things or even win the damn lottery. The way you tear people down because they have things you don’t want that they are morally inferior that they don’t work hard that they don’t have the same ethics or integrity. You are just a HATER. Mind the business that pays you instead of investing in petty jealousy.

[Anonymous]

I can definitely see why OP is single

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fyi it’s a lot harder to excel in school when you are working and don’t have parental guidance and support so I wouldn’t pat yourself in the back too much-it sounds like you WERE a bit spoiled compared to them and those things likely made it easier for you to fo well in school.

+1. Day and night, really. I worked to pay my school expenses, took out student loans and borrowed money from friends. It was really tough and my grades suffered. I was also under constant stress and couldn’t afford the fees to pay for the extra things my peers did. I don’t think you give your half-sisters the credit they deserve.

[Anonymous]

"My sisters got free mansions"? Can you even hear how ridiculous you sound?

You never know what burdens someone else might be carrying, even in your own family. And their fortunes might change at any time. Work on your own life and security.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, their dad died, so I wouldn’t say it’s all been ducks and rainbows for them. I mean, he was nothing to you, but it was till their dad.

Maybe stop competing with them. It doesn’t sound that your life has been that much of a challenge, so maybe appreciate that privilege in itself.

They haven’t had to work, much of their money comes from their dead father, but it’s not exactly like you’ve risen from being homeless now, is it?

My dad has also passed away - his assets however are joint with my mother’s. Also, my sister’s dad bought her the house when he was still alive and working for Big Law. He left them even more when he died. Of course it feels gross to look at things this way, death should never be thought of in terms of who gets more. It was hard for all of us. Either way, combination of rich parent + husband got them a standard of living they didn’t personally earn.

To the other PP, yes, I’m privileged (not quite DCUM privilege!) in the grand scheme of things, all of us were and are. Life is generally pretty good. Maybe ultimately I wish I could get more recognition and respect among the family for being a hard worker and supporting myself, and not be teased ten years later about how I was kept on my mom’s cell phone plan in school. Again, it’s not something that comes out all the time, but my sisters still kind of regard me as spoiled and helpless (“helpless” because growing up I did lack the street smarts and life skills of Gen X latchkey kids)

Based on your own pots, the exact same thing could be said for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, play the victim and never be happy. If you spend all of your time mulling how your older sisters have it so much better, then you'll never get around to you. Look forward, not back. What is your plan for your 30s? Do you want to get married and have a family of your own? If so, what is your plan to make those things happen? What other goals do you have that you would like to make happen by 50? Focus on those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sisters married well...one to a complete dork, who has only become dorkier as the years go on, and one to a control freak.

I'd rather live my own life rather than be tied to a dork who thinks the "Life is Good" shirts are so cool and provide a good message to the kids, or two a man who ensures I go for a five mile run or bike ride every morning. No excuses, only way to start the day.

Sure they will die with larger bank accounts, but I will die having lived my best life.

Not surprised you are single. A guy wears silly t-shirts. The horror!

1. I'm not single

2. I'm fine with guys wearing "silly t-shirts", but he doesn't see them as silly. He gave us a good five minutes speech about how he loves their message to teens, and buys his teens these overpriced dork shirts every time he travels. Total nerd who doesn't have a clue on how to dress outside of the office. Nothing I'm going to chain myself to just for a bigger house and larger bank account. My niece and nephews do not wear them. They shove them in a dresser drawer until they are donated or someone needs a shirt to go home in.

[Anonymous]

LOL, you WERE comparatively spoiled as a child. My dad left our family when I was two and had another child ten years later. She had every advantage; private lessons, trips to Europe, a new car on her 16th birthday, all things my single mother never could have afforded. She feels like she got screwed, though, because she missed out on growing up with brothers and sisters and our funny poor upbringing.

We are at very different places in our lives but have learned to cherish our relationship. Focus on what you have in common and you will be much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sisters married well...one to a complete dork, who has only become dorkier as the years go on, and one to a control freak.

I'd rather live my own life rather than be tied to a dork who thinks the "Life is Good" shirts are so cool and provide a good message to the kids, or two a man who ensures I go for a five mile run or bike ride every morning. No excuses, only way to start the day.

Sure they will die with larger bank accounts, but I will die having lived my best life.

Not surprised you are single. A guy wears silly t-shirts. The horror!

1. I'm not single

2. I'm fine with guys wearing "silly t-shirts", but he doesn't see them as silly. He gave us a good five minutes speech about how he loves their message to teens, and buys his teens these overpriced dork shirts every time he travels. Total nerd who doesn't have a clue on how to dress outside of the office. Nothing I'm going to chain myself to just for a bigger house and larger bank account. My niece and nephews do not wear them. They shove them in a dresser drawer until they are donated or someone needs a shirt to go home in.

Hmmmm.

You seem very angry. I wonder if the anger is from something other than your within the bounds of normal family. A "lack of street smarts" doesn't = "not a latch key kid". You seem now to resent the pressure to follow in your parent's path of academic intensity. You might find reading "The Drama of the Gifted Child" illuminating.