Reply to Why he won't leave his wife for his mistress

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Zero time stolen from anybody. The time for mistress comes from the time that would have been spent in a romantic relationship with wife. But the wife chose to be a room mate (not a partner), and that relationship no longer needs any time for romance. It is a direct swap of time/energy/attention/sex from wife to mistress, the kids are unaffected.[/quote]

Stupid and selfish - no wonder your wife has no interest in having sex with you.  Find out how much your kids care when this all blows up in your face.
[/quote]

[b]Selfish is pretending to want sex, marrying, lose interest, but expecting him to be celibate[/b].
Any kid who actually cares about their parents sex life and hears the whole story will thank their "cheating" father for saving the marriage for as long as he was able to.
[b]The "blow up" event is not his cheating, it is her sexlessness[/b].[/quote]

Quoted for truth[/quote]

More than 800 grown children whose parents were unfaithful responded to Nogales’s online Parents Who Cheat survey.

88.4% felt angry toward the cheating parent.
62.5% felt ashamed or embarrassed.
80.2% felt that it influenced their attitudes toward love and relationships.
70.5% said their ability to trust others had been affected.
83% stated that they feel people regularly lie.
86% reported they still believe in monogamy.
By and large, adult children of infidelity know, from experience, the extent to which a family suffers with a parent’s betrayal, and so do not want to follow in their unfaithful parent’s steps. A 2007 survey found 93% respondents rated faithfulness as the single most important component of a successful marriage.[/quote]

Children feel betrayed when a parent betrays a spouse. While the betrayed parent may not expect anything from the cheating spouse, their child is left with hopeful expectations as well as a host of fears. Children often find themselves in a nightmare that offers few viable options. One option is to accept the unacceptable: that they have been betrayed by their parent, and hope that by doing this they will ensure their parent’s love and attention. Another option is to express their outrage, and in doing so risk being abandoned by a person whose love they so desperately want and need. Whether six, sixteen, or twenty-six years of age at the time of a parent’s infidelity, [b]these children are left with psychological issues that—unresolved—can plague them throughout their life.[/b]

Regardless of their age, children whose parents have been unfaithful often react with intense feelings of anger, anxiety, guilt, shame, sadness, and confusion. They may act out, regress, or withdraw. They may feel pressured to win back the love of the unfaithful parent or to become the caretaker of the betrayed parent. The bottom line is that when parents are role models of infidelity, their children can’t help but react—and they may have a particularly hard time finding their way through the challenging time of dating and marriage.

Loss of trust. When a child learns of a parent’s infidelity, they usually find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to trust that someone they love will not lie to them, reject, or abandon them. They very often learn not to put their faith in love, and may also develop the belief that they are not worthy of receiving monogamous love.

A child may feel as if the cheating parent’s sexual transgression is a black mark against them and the rest of the immediate family.

A child often draws the conclusion that marriage is a sham and love an illusion. Additionally, when parents stay married even while one or both continue having an affair, children are profoundly confused about the meaning of both love and marriage.

Acting out. Rather than confronting sad, angry, or confusing feelings directly, children may exhibit behavioral problems during childhood, sexual acting out during adolescence, and intimacy problems or sexual addiction during adult years. Issues of promiscuity may arise in an attempt to play out what a child perceived from their parents about the casualness of sex and the impermanence of love.

[b]Numerous reports teach when one parent betrays the other, a child’s inner world and sense of the world at large are shattered. The personal environment in which a child lives and from which she draws her sense of safety and security—namely her family—is fundamentally changed because the most important people in that environment have become unrecognizable.

When children learn that the most important people in their world are untrustworthy, their ability to trust others can be seriously impaired. They may be overly suspicious, emotionally distant, or refrain from committing to a relationship because they can’t trust the other person will act honorably and be there for them. Wanting to avoid being hurt in the same way they witnessed a parent being hurt, they may do whatever it takes to protect themselves from being emotionally vulnerable.[/b][/quote]

I am not a cheater, but this is some real snowflake stuff here.  I mean, I guess as a kid when things are black and white it can look surreal but as an adult, I mean c'mon.  Cheating is pretty common, and to lose all sense of self because mom got plowed by some strange seems a little over the top.

-child of divorced dad who cheated and is still with AP (whom I can't stand if that matters, the AP not the dad).[/quote]

PP is right. I know kids that don't talk to the cheating dad to this day. It's a deep betrayal to the entire family emotionally and economically. I don't know what planet you're on to think it's over the top. My bil left his wife for the AP. His two kids talk but they'll never be close. Their mother is struggling financially and I know he's sorry he left for the AP. He never married her, and is actually giving his ex money. So basically now he's backstabbing the AP who I'm sure is sorry she got involved with him. His kids won't visit him, and he rarely see the grand-kids. Yes it messes up the entire family. My dad left my step mother all the assets. Even a vacation home we had as a kid she now owns. It's a domino effect in many cases. [/quote]

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