Told the wife she has no right to demand an answer...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I, in our 50s, have a pretty poor sex life, maybe 6-8x/year over the past few years with menopause, etc.

She asked me last year what I wanted for my birthday. I said passionate, intense sex. And she kind of chuckled and rolled her eyes. I said, "What's so funny about that?" She said no, really, what do you want. And I said exactly that. She was so dismissive. It led to an argument, not so much about the sex frequency, but about dismissing so easily what is important to me, and asking a question, getting an honest answer, and then not treating it that way.

all I want for christmas is a clean house with things put away where they below.

4 years and still waiting....

To withhold sex because the chores are not done is childish and immature.

When someone isn't pulling their weight, or saying nasty things to their spouse sex shouldn't be expected.

Sounds like a crappy marriage. Divorce your horrible evil partner!
But .... if you choose to stay, do not expect monogamy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was I wrong to tell her it’s no longer her business as she’s made it clear she has no interest, or obligation, in sex with me?

Can't say if it was right or wrong but damn sure sounds juvenile.

OP here. It was not a well thought through reply. Juvenile? I don't know... I wish it was only limited to that... but I don't know of a single adult out there that isn't guilty of it at some time or another. So... what's your point?

OP, you are either a troll who wants to see how many pages he/she can get to by responding to so many comments, or you are showing yourself to be really quite bad at communication. You acknowledge the response was mean, but keep doubling down on defending it. What your comment did was close of the possibility of any positive, constructive communication about your sex life and marital problems in that moment, and punish your wife for bringing it up. If you want to solve this problem as a couple, then you can't be pushing her away like this. You have to be welcoming intimate communication, whether physically or emotionally intimate. If your wife was trying to initiate a conversation in good-faith, what you did is the equivalent of slamming the bedroom door and yelling "go away!" Do you want try to work this out with your wife or not? Have you already talked it to death and there's just no solution or do you shut her down every time she tries to talk about it?

OP here. I'll skip the intro to your message... and just answer the later part. You seem to stereotype women as being "better" or "good at" communication and always eager to talk... That's not he case for us. She's almost completely closed for any conversation about his matter. Even if I were the person you seem to think I am - I'd have nothing to shut down in this case.

The only example you've ever given is her asking a question about your sex life and you telling her to STFU and implying you're cheating on her on top of it. So there's no real "stereotype" involved in saying that you shut down the possibility of constructive communication and punished her for bringing it up. That's not a men vs women thing, that's the actual OP you presented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, the amount of flack OP is getting is unreal. I know there's a double standard on this site, but this is absurd.

OP, I'm a married woman. While I don't think your response was ideal, I understand why you said it. Now, I'd use it to open up a larger conversation about the future of your marriage. First decide what you want. I assume that is either an open marriage or scheduled sex once a week or something. Then, you have to decide if you're willing to divorce if she says the only option for her is continuing on the way things are. Making this decision ahead of time will affect how you approach the conversation with your wife.

As far as avoiding divorce for the kids, I always remember what my uncle told me. He and my aunt had a lousy marriage (both good people, just very different and not compatible) but waited until their youngest was in college to divorce. My uncle later said that his only regret about waiting was that his kids did not know what a healthy, loving relationship should look like. It wasn't something he thought of when the kids were younger, but now that they were adults he was seeing that the effects of that might follow them a lot longer than the effects of having amicably divorced parents would have. (The amicable being key, though.)

Open marriages are not a true marriage unless both people play. Otherwise it's a sexless marriage where one cheats.

Wrong. If the sexless marriage is unilaterally chosen, then it is perfectly fair to unilaterally declare the marriage open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I, in our 50s, have a pretty poor sex life, maybe 6-8x/year over the past few years with menopause, etc.

She asked me last year what I wanted for my birthday. I said passionate, intense sex. And she kind of chuckled and rolled her eyes. I said, "What's so funny about that?" She said no, really, what do you want. And I said exactly that. She was so dismissive. It led to an argument, not so much about the sex frequency, but about dismissing so easily what is important to me, and asking a question, getting an honest answer, and then not treating it that way.

all I want for christmas is a clean house with things put away where they below.

4 years and still waiting....

To withhold sex because the chores are not done is childish and immature.

When someone isn't pulling their weight, or saying nasty things to their spouse sex shouldn't be expected.

And how will withholding sex make things better. And women wonder why men cheat when they have immature attitudes like yours. If he is talking to you in this manner, you need to divorce him on the grounds of emotional abuse.

How is treating your spouse poorly making things better? And men wonder why women don't want to have sex when they refuse to step up to the plate. Very immature.

If your spouse is not stepping up to the plate, divorce him. But don't stay married, withhold sex, while expecting him not to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was I wrong to tell her it’s no longer her business as she’s made it clear she has no interest, or obligation, in sex with me?

Can't say if it was right or wrong but damn sure sounds juvenile.

OP here. It was not a well thought through reply. Juvenile? I don't know... I wish it was only limited to that... but I don't know of a single adult out there that isn't guilty of it at some time or another. So... what's your point?

OP, you are either a troll who wants to see how many pages he/she can get to by responding to so many comments, or you are showing yourself to be really quite bad at communication. You acknowledge the response was mean, but keep doubling down on defending it. What your comment did was close of the possibility of any positive, constructive communication about your sex life and marital problems in that moment, and punish your wife for bringing it up. If you want to solve this problem as a couple, then you can't be pushing her away like this. You have to be welcoming intimate communication, whether physically or emotionally intimate. If your wife was trying to initiate a conversation in good-faith, what you did is the equivalent of slamming the bedroom door and yelling "go away!" Do you want try to work this out with your wife or not? Have you already talked it to death and there's just no solution or do you shut her down every time she tries to talk about it?

OP here. I'll skip the intro to your message... and just answer the later part. You seem to stereotype women as being "better" or "good at" communication and always eager to talk... That's not he case for us. She's almost completely closed for any conversation about his matter. Even if I were the person you seem to think I am - I'd have nothing to shut down in this case.

The only example you've ever given is her asking a question about your sex life and you telling her to STFU and implying you're cheating on her on top of it. So there's no real "stereotype" involved in saying that you shut down the possibility of constructive communication and punished her for bringing it up. That's not a men vs women thing, that's the actual OP you presented.

OP here. You seem to imply that our full range of communication is only limited to what I've written here... I couldn't even start to correct your impression as no post on an internet forum could ever claim to do that. You must have a very good opinion on the depths of this media in order think like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was I wrong to tell her it’s no longer her business as she’s made it clear she has no interest, or obligation, in sex with me?

Can't say if it was right or wrong but damn sure sounds juvenile.

OP here. It was not a well thought through reply. Juvenile? I don't know... I wish it was only limited to that... but I don't know of a single adult out there that isn't guilty of it at some time or another. So... what's your point?

OP, you are either a troll who wants to see how many pages he/she can get to by responding to so many comments, or you are showing yourself to be really quite bad at communication. You acknowledge the response was mean, but keep doubling down on defending it. What your comment did was close of the possibility of any positive, constructive communication about your sex life and marital problems in that moment, and punish your wife for bringing it up. If you want to solve this problem as a couple, then you can't be pushing her away like this. You have to be welcoming intimate communication, whether physically or emotionally intimate. If your wife was trying to initiate a conversation in good-faith, what you did is the equivalent of slamming the bedroom door and yelling "go away!" Do you want try to work this out with your wife or not? Have you already talked it to death and there's just no solution or do you shut her down every time she tries to talk about it?

OP here. I'll skip the intro to your message... and just answer the later part. You seem to stereotype women as being "better" or "good at" communication and always eager to talk... That's not he case for us. She's almost completely closed for any conversation about his matter. Even if I were the person you seem to think I am - I'd have nothing to shut down in this case.

The only example you've ever given is her asking a question about your sex life and you telling her to STFU and implying you're cheating on her on top of it. So there's no real "stereotype" involved in saying that you shut down the possibility of constructive communication and punished her for bringing it up. That's not a men vs women thing, that's the actual OP you presented.

OP here. You seem to imply that our full range of communication is only limited to what I've written here... I couldn't even start to correct your impression as no post on an internet forum could ever claim to do that. You must have a very good opinion on the depths of this media in order think like that.

This is a lot of dancing around to keep accusing different posters (I'm not the first one you originally accused of stereotyping) of being incorrect about impressions of you. But you're not addressing the two important factual issues: 1) you're the one who presented the only example we have of the two of you communicating, so being offended that people are using that example to address your OP is mildly ridiculous, and 2) this is page infinity of this thread and the many times you've been asked to present other examples -- whether you have tried to talk about the lack of sex, whether this was the first/only time she's brought it up, even whether you apologized -- you agonize and evade instead of providing further examples. So yes, you appear to be the poor communicator here, both with your wife and with the faceless anonymous forum you're trying to get to tell you it's okay to be very rude to your wife.

But sure, go ahead, keep vaguely implying you're a good communicator without actually, you know, communicating any information. And if anyone asks you for an example or uses the only example that you've bothered providing, in 300 posts, they must be delusional or sexist.
It's all very convincing.

[Anonymous]

How is the sex when you have it? Do you go out of your way to give her a toe clenching O?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is the sex when you have it? Do you go out of your way to give her a toe clenching O?

He says it's once a year. I'm guessing it's pretty awkward and he's ready to blow from the get go. Hilarious that he should be expected to be the super lover when he's been cut off all year long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is the sex when you have it? Do you go out of your way to give her a toe clenching O?

He says it's once a year. I'm guessing it's pretty awkward and he's ready to blow from the get go. Hilarious that he should be expected to be the super lover when he's been cut off all year long.

Well even if does does come early, he can still go downtown.

But look I’m tired how all these men complaining about lack of sex all pretend to be fit, good looking, good providers, 50/50 helpers, and super studs in bed.

Yet their wives won’t f^ck them.

Dude there’s a reason and you ought to start by looking at yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, isn't it awkward in your house to not have sex? I just don't get it. How do a married couple live in the same close quarters with each other without having sex?

It may be awkward, but it's not hard to imagine why you might now want to sleep with someone who's told you he may be putting his penis in someone else.

More often than not, the thought that another woman wants her husband's penis is the only thing that shakes a wife out of her sexual indifference.

+1

Agreed. When she feels secure again, it is back to no-sexlandia.

Mmmmmm penis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ there a a ton of pissed off, sexless, older women in this thread

True. I think there is a subset of older woman who feel that they should get to stop having sex at some point with no consequence to their marriage. There is also a subset of men who are complaining about not getting sex from their wives (not pointing at OP here) with no intention of doing anything about it other than complaining. And then there is “declare open marriage” guy. This vocal coterie tends to drown out the vast majority of more sensible people in threads like these, which are extremely common and which have become rather repetitive and boring.

The answer is pretty simple though. The partner not having enough sex needs to attempt to improve their attractiveness and deal with underlying relationship problems as a first step.. That often, but not always, fixes the issue. If it doesn’t, you are left with cheat, leave, or suffer. All bad options. Pick one. That’s it. Not all stories have happy endings.

So the abnormal sexless partner gets a free pass? I disagree.

No free pass, but the partner who wants more or better sex can’t control what their partner does, and it is best just to accept that reality. If the effort to improve the sex issue fails, there is a pretty short list of options, two of which hardly constitute a free pass to the “sexless” partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is the sex when you have it? Do you go out of your way to give her a toe clenching O?

He says it's once a year. I'm guessing it's pretty awkward and he's ready to blow from the get go. Hilarious that he should be expected to be the super lover when he's been cut off all year long.

Well even if does does come early, he can still go downtown.

But look I’m tired how all these men complaining about lack of sex all pretend to be fit, good looking, good providers, 50/50 helpers, and super studs in bed.

Yet their wives won’t f^ck them.

Dude there’s a reason and you ought to start by looking at yourself.

If he was so bad in bed, why did she marry him in the first place? If he is so ugly, why did she marry him? If he is not a good partner or a good provider, why hasn't she divorced him long ago? Just admit that some women do not want sex with their husbands. Fine, they are free to make that decision. Just as he is free to decide to meet his needs elsewhere. The married-but-looking market will determine his desirability (so he better hit the gym).

[Anonymous]

Hate to say this, but it wasn’t the wisest choice of words. I probably would have said something close, but not those exact words.

[Anonymous]

I just had sex with my husband as a result of following this thread today.

[Anonymous]

Ah, it’s been a while since we’ve had solid red pill thread around here. Well done, bros, well done.