Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the OP's post it sounds like there are a lot of assumptions going on and no conversations. So at one meal OP observed her Step grandson picking out vegetables from the meal. From this everyone has assumed the kid won't eat any vegetables. Start my talking to the kid's parents. My kids each have their eating quirks. One thing they all have in common is they LOVE raw veggies but will not eat cooked veggies. So if they are served something with cooked carrots in it they will pick out the carrots. Give them some raw carrots and they will eat 2 pounds of them.

OP needs to step back and find out what typical meals are for the 12 year old and then figure out what the challenges really are. Maybe actually talk to the 12 year old and cook a meal together. My 12 yr old son is very picky but also loves to cook things and is amazing at taking a recipe and figuring out how to tweak it so that he would like it. Usually that means serving it 'deconstructed" so everyone can add what they like.

OP here. I had no idea that my initial post would generate 11 pages of replies! Anyway, to clarify some of the questions some of you have raised. The reason why I say 'step' is because that is the truth. I don't have children and I'm in my early 40s. I don't see myself as a grandma but that doesn't make me terrible. The kid calls me by my first name and I am fine with that. People have commented that I don't know for sure that he doesn't eat vegetables. He once launched into a five-minute monologue about why even his grandfather shouldn't like to eat vegetables either. Of course, I won't be force-feeding him anything but I don't want to stand and listen to him complaining "Ewwww…I don't like this. I want XYZ" But at the same time, I know I was raised in a different culture and that my approach about telling him that such behavior is impolite may be seen as being too direct (based on the responses here). I'm not his servant, I'm his host. I wouldn't feel any differently even if he was an adult.

You are really, really making yourself look worse.

40 year old trophy wife/gold digger hates the grandkid who parents are the same age or older than grandma.

NOW we have the root to the problem.

You’re making a lot of assumptions that may or may very well not be true. Maybe OP’s husband isn’t rich. Maybe OP has plenty of her own money. Maybe OP married her DH for reasons having nothing to do with money, etc.

Believe it or not, not all women who marry older men are gold diggers.

-A women married to someone only slightly (3 years) older than she is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ because among our many various divorced family combinations, there are step siblings and step parents, but grandparents are grandparents - no “step”.

I assume OP never had children. You can do what you like, but a hungry kid is less likely to behave/interact well with others.

This a a 12-year-old for goodness sake, not a toddler or preschooler! Hunger stopped being an acceptable excuse for bad behavior a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a spoiled brat. Tell him to eat what is served.

Welcome back OP!!

Believe it or not, there are actually a few of us who wouldn't be allowing a kid to eat pizza for 2 weeks if he stayed with us. It really isn't child abuse to get a kid to eat vegetables.

- Not OP or PP.

+1

Lots of baseless assumptions about the OP seem to have been made on this thread by her detractors!

-also not the OP or either of the PPs

[Anonymous]

Why are some posters assuming that OP is younger than her husband’s children/the child’s parents?Plenty of people under the age of 40 have 12-year-olds. And how is that at all relevant to the topic at hand anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are some posters assuming that OP is younger than her husband’s children/the child’s parents?Plenty of people under the age of 40 have 12-year-olds. And how is that at all relevant to the topic at hand anyway?

Because OP said earlier in this thread that she does not consider herself a grandma because she is only 40 years old.

[Anonymous]

Look, my two year old eats a big variety of very healthy food. They love nothing more than to sit and read book together. So it’s not like I think the 12yonin question is totally typical and fine. I agree that there are other and arguably better ways to raise kids.

OP’s child-rearing opinions are not invalid because she’s wrong. Her opinions are invalid because IT’S NOT HER KID!

Furthermore, it’s quite clear that she doesn’t much like kids in general or this kid in particular. She keeps saying that “If he were an adult I wouldn’t cater to him.” News flash: adults are different from kids. If he were an adult and he came to stay with you and you served kugel exclusively and he hated it, he could leave! Kids get more catering because they are trapped in their situation. He isn’t choosing to visit and he isn’t able to choose to leave, so if you are a bitch to him the whole time then he will have no healthy options for responding (such as leaving) and will likely resort to unhealthy responses (such as pouting, whining or generally being miserable). Are his mealtime manners ideal? No. But it is clearly time to be the bigger person when the other party to your feud is a literal child.

But my guess is that OP would be fine with him being miserable for two weeks since he will then choose to never come back, which is her ultimate goal. She just wants her husband and doesn’t want to deal with his kid and grandkid.

Please know that undermining your husband’s relationship with his grandson is a jerk move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, my two year old eats a big variety of very healthy food. They love nothing more than to sit and read book together. So it’s not like I think the 12yonin question is totally typical and fine. I agree that there are other and arguably better ways to raise kids.

Honest question - what's the point of using a gender-neutral pronoun on an anonymous forum? I understand if you're talking about a specific situation, but for this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who in their right mind takes a visiting 11 year old boy to the library "to bond"? Unless the kids is a real bookwork, why would you think this was a fun idea?

Take him:

Go Karting
Indoor Rock Climbing
Fishing
Air and Space Museum
County Fair
Dinosaur Park
High Ropes Course like Sandy Spring Adventure Park
Kayaking
Amusement Park
Movies

So the child doesn't benefit from a library visit? How do you think that a love for reading gets cultivated? Plus, OP didn't say where she's at. Maybe they live in some boring city where there isn't much going on?

At 11 he's either a reader or he isn't. But suggesting to a visiting 11 year old "hey you know what let's do to have a fun time? Let's go to the library!!" isn't a great idea to "bond". Try some other things.

If you don't live in the DC area I'm sure there are other things to do. Lots of places have preteens and I promise you they aren't all hanging out at the library.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who in their right mind takes a visiting 11 year old boy to the library "to bond"? Unless the kids is a real bookwork, why would you think this was a fun idea?

Take him:

Go Karting
Indoor Rock Climbing
Fishing
Air and Space Museum
County Fair
Dinosaur Park
High Ropes Course like Sandy Spring Adventure Park
Kayaking
Amusement Park
Movies

So the child doesn't benefit from a library visit? How do you think that a love for reading gets cultivated? Plus, OP didn't say where she's at. Maybe they live in some boring city where there isn't much going on?

Wrong. We were in almost the exact situation for years. I posted before about DH’s father with his new German wife who didn’t like company. The only difference is she wasn’t young and we didn’t send the kids without us. It was a small town. They took us out for lots of ice cream. She barely spoke to the kids but they loved the ice cream. They also took us on a boat ride once and to a local small town to walk around. Go somewhere, anywhere, but the library.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, my two year old eats a big variety of very healthy food. They love nothing more than to sit and read book together. So it’s not like I think the 12yonin question is totally typical and fine. I agree that there are other and arguably better ways to raise kids.

Honest question - what's the point of using a gender-neutral pronoun on an anonymous forum? I understand if you're talking about a specific situation, but for this?

Actually, I have twins but left the S off the end of two year olds. So it is literally a “they.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who in their right mind takes a visiting 11 year old boy to the library "to bond"? Unless the kids is a real bookwork, why would you think this was a fun idea?

Take him:

Go Karting
Indoor Rock Climbing
Fishing
Air and Space Museum
County Fair
Dinosaur Park
High Ropes Course like Sandy Spring Adventure Park
Kayaking
Amusement Park
Movies

So the child doesn't benefit from a library visit? How do you think that a love for reading gets cultivated? Plus, OP didn't say where she's at. Maybe they live in some boring city where there isn't much going on?

It is not her job to “cultivate a love a reading”. My kid loves to read. The last place my parents or MIL would take her if she was staying with them is the library.

OP should just mKe herself scarce and let her husband spend time with his grandson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, my two year old eats a big variety of very healthy food. They love nothing more than to sit and read book together. So it’s not like I think the 12yonin question is totally typical and fine. I agree that there are other and arguably better ways to raise kids.

Honest question - what's the point of using a gender-neutral pronoun on an anonymous forum? I understand if you're talking about a specific situation, but for this?

Actually, I have twins but left the S off the end of two year olds. So it is literally a “they.”

DP, but you also realize that children change? Who your TWO year oldS are now, is not necessarily who they will be at 12. I’d probably not be quite so smug about eating and reading, as both those might change in a hot minute. They (or one of them) might decide today that they don’t like vegetables anymore.

Aside from that, you are talking about two TOTALLY different developmental stages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This child is a product of our time and so are most of the responses on this thread. You would think we were talking about a one-year-old baby by the way people suggest you cater to him.

He's a guest in your house. You cook a few meals you know he enjoys and for the rest of the meals, you cook like you usually do.
If the boy doesn't like your cooking and is still hungry after dinner, he can make himself a peanut butter sandwich later in the evening.

Going back to the beginning, this didn't seem like OP's approach. Her husband wants to have on hand alternate food. She doesn't. She wants to cook what she wants to cook, and require the young man to eat it as part of teaching him manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This child is a product of our time and so are most of the responses on this thread. You would think we were talking about a one-year-old baby by the way people suggest you cater to him.

He's a guest in your house. You cook a few meals you know he enjoys and for the rest of the meals, you cook like you usually do.
If the boy doesn't like your cooking and is still hungry after dinner, he can make himself a peanut butter sandwich later in the evening.

Going back to the beginning, this didn't seem like OP's approach. Her husband wants to have on hand alternate food. She doesn't. She wants to cook what she wants to cook, and require the young man to eat it as part of teaching him manners.

PP here : I agree that this is not her role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, my two year old eats a big variety of very healthy food. They love nothing more than to sit and read book together. So it’s not like I think the 12yonin question is totally typical and fine. I agree that there are other and arguably better ways to raise kids.

OP’s child-rearing opinions are not invalid because she’s wrong. Her opinions are invalid because IT’S NOT HER KID!

Furthermore, it’s quite clear that she doesn’t much like kids in general or this kid in particular. She keeps saying that “If he were an adult I wouldn’t cater to him.” News flash: adults are different from kids. If he were an adult and he came to stay with you and you served kugel exclusively and he hated it, he could leave! Kids get more catering because they are trapped in their situation. He isn’t choosing to visit and he isn’t able to choose to leave, so if you are a bitch to him the whole time then he will have no healthy options for responding (such as leaving) and will likely resort to unhealthy responses (such as pouting, whining or generally being miserable). Are his mealtime manners ideal? No. But it is clearly time to be the bigger person when the other party to your feud is a literal child.

But my guess is that OP would be fine with him being miserable for two weeks since he will then choose to never come back, which is her ultimate goal. She just wants her husband and doesn’t want to deal with his kid and grandkid.

Please know that undermining your husband’s relationship with his grandson is a jerk move.

Please tell us you did not just come on this thread and compare your still in diaper's behavior, food preferences and "reading" habits to that of a 12 year old, then proclaim your parenting methods superior?