Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about this rule: if you're interested in someone at work or elsewhere, first ask them out (as long as it's not someone you supervise because then the power dynamic is off). Don't start by trying to touch their body or make lewd comments to them. And if they say no to going out, then drop it and look elsewhere.

Seems fairly simple to me.

Dating colleagues is so incredibly stupid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's funny. I've actually got into trouble with women at the office because I did *not* complement them on their new hair style ("You don't like my new hair??"/"You didn't say anything. Is it that bad?").

You have not "gotten into trouble." The appropriate response to those questions is, "I did notice, but I try not to comment on people's personal appearance at work. I'm sorry you felt slighted." and then move on.

The point is that some women actually appreciate and sometimes expect men to compliment them on their appearance. Yes, we can stop doing that, but it is revisionist history to claim that women have always hated this.

I think there was a PP that made the point that context matters. It was a different time even 30 years ago so to say “women haven’t always hated this” could depend on what else was going on at the time. Maybe they were raised to behave x way to get a husband because they wouldn’t be able to support themselves. Maybe they didn’t like it then but would get in trouble for speaking up.

I know that I would be uncomfortable if my boss was complimenting my appearance at work. I also think there is difference between saying “oh, where did you get the sweater, I want to get one for myself or to observe “wow, everyone is wearing yellow shirts today I guess I missed the memo” versus “ that sweater looks good on you” or “that green shirt brings out your eyes”. There are certain things in life that when you are in doubt, you are better to not say it. It’s like I go with, oh is that your daughter versus granddaughter when striking up a conversation with a fellow adult at Gymboree. Or I never ask a woman “are you pregnant” and let her say something about the pregnancy first ...again err on the side of caution.

But what if erring on the side of caution results in a guy not having sex with as many women as one of his buddies? Then he'd be regarded as less of a man by the other guys. Betcha didn't even consider that!