Uncomfortable religious situations you were forced into

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family forced me to go on a mission trip with my friend's church during college so that I'd have something to do during the summer. Turns out they're some crazy Baptist Church that speaks in tongues, etc. It was the freakiest 4 weeks of my life. It was the last time I was ever involved with "low church" anything.

Do you still go to a "high church"?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Protestant, and both occured in the Catholic church. DC went to a Catholic school for middle and I recommend anyone to this school...I love everything about it. When he would be awarded something (virtue of the month) it was a big deal for him, and it was given during Mass. I respect the Catholic Church and it's routines, but it still rankled that I was denied Communion. I believe everything invovled and my feelings are strong, so to be "not good enough" was hard.

The 2nd was at a family member's funeral, and a few of us were asked to read scripture from the pupit. I grew up a preacher's kid...I've read the Bible through and have read publicly 100's of times. But we were told 15 minutes before that we needed training, and the official asked if we were Catholic, we said no, Protestant, and he said "It's ok, I've taught atheists to do this".

It took everything in my power to not walk out...I stayed for family. I did not bow to the priest.

If you believe everything involved, why not just be Catholic?

Non-Catholics shouldn’t be reading at Mass, even at a funeral.

Well then they shouldn't have invited us to read knowing we weren't Catholic, or talk down to us as Protestants as if we were "atheists" Those people are the only ones in the wrong here. As for the other misunderstanding, I believe in everything associated with communion and the meaning of communion regardless of the denomination I am in.

You are one hundred percent correct that the person should not have invited you to read. That is on them. They should not have insulted you either, although I suspect they were at most guilty of an unfunny “joke.”

You say you “believe in everything associated with communion and the meaning of communion.”

Does that mean you believe in transubstantiation; that through grace and the actions of the priest at Mass the bread and wine become in actual substance the body and blood, soul and divinity, of Jesus, with the external appearance of bread and wine remaining behind only as external “accidents?” That only a priest validly ordained in the apostolic succession can confect this miracle? That the Eucharist, that is the consecrated body and blood of Jesus under the appearance of bread and wine are the fruits of an in blood re-presentation of Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross st Calvary? That the Eucharist is the “real presence” of God, not co-presence of God in and material things, not the real presence for some people but only bread and wine for others, not a mere symbol, not a mere “memorial” of the Lord’s supper?

Because if you do not believe each and all of those things you in fact do not believe what Catholics do about the Eucharist. Catholics have “closed” communion because for them, the Eucharist is the ultimate sign of unity, and hence cannot be shared with persons in a different faith community who do not share Catholic beliefs. Those who share such beliefs but are not within the Roman Church can receive the Eucharist under specific circumstances outlined in the Church’s canon law.

I agree with you...it was an insult and not funny, not even a joke, although I think HE thought it was funny. It was rude.

You're absolutely correct on the rest also: I am NOT Catholic. I obviously worded my feelings incorrectly and will leave it at that as I don't want to get into the argument and considered an atheist again.

being considered an atheist is not the worst thing in the world.

Signed, an atheist.

PP here, and I meant no offense to you atheist poster! I took it as offense when a priest calling another christian an atheist as a "joke" to demean as not good enough for them on the christianity spectrum. My apologies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Protestant, and both occured in the Catholic church. DC went to a Catholic school for middle and I recommend anyone to this school...I love everything about it. When he would be awarded something (virtue of the month) it was a big deal for him, and it was given during Mass. I respect the Catholic Church and it's routines, but it still rankled that I was denied Communion. I believe everything invovled and my feelings are strong, so to be "not good enough" was hard.

The 2nd was at a family member's funeral, and a few of us were asked to read scripture from the pupit. I grew up a preacher's kid...I've read the Bible through and have read publicly 100's of times. But we were told 15 minutes before that we needed training, and the official asked if we were Catholic, we said no, Protestant, and he said "It's ok, I've taught atheists to do this".

It took everything in my power to not walk out...I stayed for family. I did not bow to the priest.

If you believe everything involved, why not just be Catholic?

Non-Catholics shouldn’t be reading at Mass, even at a funeral.

Well then they shouldn't have invited us to read knowing we weren't Catholic, or talk down to us as Protestants as if we were "atheists" Those people are the only ones in the wrong here. As for the other misunderstanding, I believe in everything associated with communion and the meaning of communion regardless of the denomination I am in.

You are one hundred percent correct that the person should not have invited you to read. That is on them. They should not have insulted you either, although I suspect they were at most guilty of an unfunny “joke.”

You say you “believe in everything associated with communion and the meaning of communion.”

Does that mean you believe in transubstantiation; that through grace and the actions of the priest at Mass the bread and wine become in actual substance the body and blood, soul and divinity, of Jesus, with the external appearance of bread and wine remaining behind only as external “accidents?” That only a priest validly ordained in the apostolic succession can confect this miracle? That the Eucharist, that is the consecrated body and blood of Jesus under the appearance of bread and wine are the fruits of an in blood re-presentation of Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross st Calvary? That the Eucharist is the “real presence” of God, not co-presence of God in and material things, not the real presence for some people but only bread and wine for others, not a mere symbol, not a mere “memorial” of the Lord’s supper?

Because if you do not believe each and all of those things you in fact do not believe what Catholics do about the Eucharist. Catholics have “closed” communion because for them, the Eucharist is the ultimate sign of unity, and hence cannot be shared with persons in a different faith community who do not share Catholic beliefs. Those who share such beliefs but are not within the Roman Church can receive the Eucharist under specific circumstances outlined in the Church’s canon law.

I agree with you...it was an insult and not funny, not even a joke, although I think HE thought it was funny. It was rude.

You're absolutely correct on the rest also: I am NOT Catholic. I obviously worded my feelings incorrectly and will leave it at that as I don't want to get into the argument and considered an atheist again.

being considered an atheist is not the worst thing in the world.

Signed, an atheist.

PP here, and I meant no offense to you atheist poster! I took it as offense when a priest calling another christian an atheist as a "joke" to demean as not good enough for them on the christianity spectrum. My apologies!

Thank you. At some level, most of us are learning that we have been reflexively and unwittingly insulting people because they are somehow different from whatever is considered to be the mainstream.

I recall being with a member of a demeaned ethnic group, when I made a joke about my own ethnic group, assuming she knew my ethnicity and that it was a joke.

Her response? "Oh THOSE people!" -- as if it's ok to demean people of different ethnicities if you think they are not present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Thank you. At some level, most of us are learning that we have been reflexively and unwittingly insulting people because they are somehow different from whatever is considered to be the mainstream.

I recall being with a member of a demeaned ethnic group, when I made a joke about my own ethnic group, assuming she knew my ethnicity and that it was a joke.

Her response? "Oh THOSE people!" -- as if it's ok to demean people of different ethnicities if you think they are not present.[/quote

This happens to a Jewish friend of mine a lot. She married a non-Jew, and his family often forgets she's there, and slip up. She doesn't "look Jewish" either, so people often speak in derogatory stereotypes in front of her, without realizing that she's Jewish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents weren't regular church goers when I was growing up, so a lot of my friend's parents would invite me over on Saturday night, and remind me to bring a nice outfit because "maybe we'll go out for pancakes in the morning!" or some garbage like that. Never got the pancakes, always got taken to various churches where I didn't know the traditions and had no idea what to do. But over time I got better at faking it, so I do think it helped me to be very aware of social cues. In high school, even kids who didn't like me would invite me to their "youth festivals" or whatever their new member recruitment event was. Baptists were the most aggressive; Jewish kids mercifully didn't pull these stunts.

I'm an atheist now, but I still like pancakes.

Yeah, we were NEVER talked to about recruiting fresh meat. Honestly, if anyone ever invited you to temple, it was because they had to go and wanted someone who was a friend there, to make it more fun. I spent many a Friday night huddled in the coat closet petting fur coats rich ladies had had their husbands hang for them, and giggling with other kids who'd also escaped the service.

Same in the Greek Orthodox church. One parent must be Orthodox or one must go thru boot camp to get admitted. We're not proselytizing at all.

[Anonymous]

When I was in Catholic school, one kid's mom led a prayer group for us in class,

and started speaking in tounges!

[Anonymous]

Prayer at work so beyond awful. Wrangler Jeans in Greensboro , NC

[Anonymous]

The religion of my family of origin had so many negative implications for me, but it was mostly because we were only 50% committed to a religion that requires 100% commitment to work, so I was stuck in a pattern of participation and rebellion. The teachings were so strongly ingrained that every time I'd pull away, I'd come back and just get stuck in a cycle of shame and self loathing. I don't want to call out the religion because I am still so entrenched that even after being out of it for almost 20 years, I would feel like an apostate, for which there is no redemption.

When I was a teenager, I used to have to attend yearly meetings or confessions with a church leader, who was always a man, alone in a room. He would ask me questions that were totally inappropriate for any middle aged man to ask a young girl alone, without her parents present, about things I didn't even understand yet. I left feeling so violated and distrustful of men.

Most damaging of all, I was taught that sex outside of marriage is a sin second only to murder. So when I slipped up and had sex with my BF at 19, I felt like I had to marry him to make things right. What followed was 10 years of a terrible marriage for both of us, but mostly for me. He is not a good man (and his a criminal record for evidence of his poor character), and I suffered greatly, and leaving was extremely difficult because I am the first person in my family to ever get a divorce, and in my family's religion, marriages are forever. I have to raise a child with a man who is a terrible person and even more terrible coparent. It cost me so much. Happy ending - I left, remained single for quite a while and my career took off (which is unusual for a woman in my family and from my community and religion), eventually met a great man was raised in another religion who is so compassionate and understanding, and we have made a mostly happy life together, but I still struggle with all the consequences of my past. Fortunately, my family chose to love and support me even after I left the church and started a new life that doesn't look like the life they wanted for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The religion of my family of origin had so many negative implications for me, but it was mostly because we were only 50% committed to a religion that requires 100% commitment to work, so I was stuck in a pattern of participation and rebellion. The teachings were so strongly ingrained that every time I'd pull away, I'd come back and just get stuck in a cycle of shame and self loathing. I don't want to call out the religion because I am still so entrenched that even after being out of it for almost 20 years, I would feel like an apostate, for which there is no redemption.

When I was a teenager, I used to have to attend yearly meetings or confessions with a church leader, who was always a man, alone in a room. He would ask me questions that were totally inappropriate for any middle aged man to ask a young girl alone, without her parents present, about things I didn't even understand yet. I left feeling so violated and distrustful of men.

Most damaging of all, I was taught that sex outside of marriage is a sin second only to murder. So when I slipped up and had sex with my BF at 19, I felt like I had to marry him to make things right. What followed was 10 years of a terrible marriage for both of us, but mostly for me. He is not a good man (and his a criminal record for evidence of his poor character), and I suffered greatly, and leaving was extremely difficult because I am the first person in my family to ever get a divorce, and in my family's religion, marriages are forever. I have to raise a child with a man who is a terrible person and even more terrible coparent. It cost me so much. Happy ending - I left, remained single for quite a while and my career took off (which is unusual for a woman in my family and from my community and religion), eventually met a great man was raised in another religion who is so compassionate and understanding, and we have made a mostly happy life together, but I still struggle with all the consequences of my past. Fortunately, my family chose to love and support me even after I left the church and started a new life that doesn't look like the life they wanted for me.

Wow -- talk about the negative effects of religious brainwashing! glad you found a way out of it, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in Catholic school, one kid's mom led a prayer group for us in class,

and started speaking in tounges!

I presume she was not Catholic, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank you. At some level, most of us are learning that we have been reflexively and unwittingly insulting people because they are somehow different from whatever is considered to be the mainstream.

I recall being with a member of a demeaned ethnic group, when I made a joke about my own ethnic group, assuming she knew my ethnicity and that it was a joke.

Her response? "Oh THOSE people!" -- as if it's ok to demean people of different ethnicities if you think they are not present.[/quote

This happens to a Jewish friend of mine a lot. She married a non-Jew, and his family often forgets she's there, and slip up. She doesn't "look Jewish" either, so people often speak in derogatory stereotypes in front of her, without realizing that she's Jewish.

I've seen it happen to Jews, Then later, if people find out that the person is Jewish, they start talking about all the great things Jews have accomplished.

Sorry - it doesn't work - they've already shown their colors.

[Anonymous]

Oh man I had 2 really uncomfortable religious experiences. I'll share about one: I was traveling in an African country for professional purposes. I was visiting a local school and they paired us with schoolchildren to chat for a while. The two teen girls started quickly interrogating me about my religious beliefs. I was wholly unprepared for that. I am an atheist and I didn't feel comfortable lying but they were completely aghast at my atheism. It was super uncomfortable and I felt like they thought I was some sort of evil presence by the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The religion of my family of origin had so many negative implications for me, but it was mostly because we were only 50% committed to a religion that requires 100% commitment to work, so I was stuck in a pattern of participation and rebellion. The teachings were so strongly ingrained that every time I'd pull away, I'd come back and just get stuck in a cycle of shame and self loathing. I don't want to call out the religion because I am still so entrenched that even after being out of it for almost 20 years, I would feel like an apostate, for which there is no redemption.

When I was a teenager, I used to have to attend yearly meetings or confessions with a church leader, who was always a man, alone in a room. He would ask me questions that were totally inappropriate for any middle aged man to ask a young girl alone, without her parents present, about things I didn't even understand yet. I left feeling so violated and distrustful of men.

Most damaging of all, I was taught that sex outside of marriage is a sin second only to murder. So when I slipped up and had sex with my BF at 19, I felt like I had to marry him to make things right. What followed was 10 years of a terrible marriage for both of us, but mostly for me. He is not a good man (and his a criminal record for evidence of his poor character), and I suffered greatly, and leaving was extremely difficult because I am the first person in my family to ever get a divorce, and in my family's religion, marriages are forever. I have to raise a child with a man who is a terrible person and even more terrible coparent. It cost me so much. Happy ending - I left, remained single for quite a while and my career took off (which is unusual for a woman in my family and from my community and religion), eventually met a great man was raised in another religion who is so compassionate and understanding, and we have made a mostly happy life together, but I still struggle with all the consequences of my past. Fortunately, my family chose to love and support me even after I left the church and started a new life that doesn't look like the life they wanted for me.

LDS, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I wasn't super "uncomfortable", but weird.

when I was in 4th grade (late 90s) my friend invited me to go to her evangelical megachurch with her. she invited me by delivering me (and some of our other friends who didn't go to that church) a handwritten invitation, birthday-party style, at school with information that made it sound like there was this big event at her church where we could win prizes and such. "Come to Church Night with me and we could win a ride in a Hummer limo!" it sounded fun! and this megachurch was visible from the interstate near our neighborhood and as a catholic(ish) kid I was always super intrigued by this "church" that looked like a college campus, so I begged my mom to let me go. she had no problem with it. so I went, and was very, um, in awe of the lighting effects, the dancing, the louuuud, pop-sounding music, etc. I was with the big group for awhile and then me, and all of the other kids there who were guests of a regular attendee, got pulled into a separate room where we had to fill out sheets about what church we usually go to, "do you believe in Jesus?", get told that Jesus "saves"...almost like a sales pitch for us and our families to come to this church and/or become evangelical christians. It was so weird. They also gave us a bunch of brochures and pencils and crap emblazoned with the church logo to bring home. When the friend's mom dropped me off at home, I threw the "goodie" bag in the trash before I even walked inside. I knew my parents would've had some choice words to say about it!

Fast forward to high school and young adulthood, and I know SO many formerly normal and balanced people who got suckered into that church and kinda just abandoned all of their non-evangelical friends and instead spent all their time with church friends and doing church stuff. Church is still going strong and I find it very cultlike.

I'm curious -- what was your family's religion at the time? Are you still religious - belong to a church, etc?

I would describe my family as "culturally Catholic" at the time- we'd go to mass on Christmas and Easter and my parents sent us to CCD classes, because that's just what you did I guess, but we weren't all that religious. My parents are both big ol' liberals and stopped having anything to do with the church once the sex abuse scandal came out.

No, I'm not religious nor belong to a church.

[Anonymous]

I was in college in a choir in a Catholic country when Pope JP2 died. Our choir sang at a "mass" for him and as we were singing the audience took communion. I was relieved that I didn't need to stand aside or remain sitting while my other choirmates took communion since we got skipped. But then, at the end of mass, the nun approached the choir and said "Oh, you didn't get to take communion! Here, everyone," and she went down the choir in a row and everyone stared at me as I had to step to the side. Awkward.