Boyfriend told me he'd leave if I'm infertile. I'm considering moving on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having biological children is incredibly important to most people. He was just being honest. This is also a hypothetical scenario as I understand. You could end up breaking up for any other reason in the future. No need to think about it now.

+1

[Anonymous]

Look guys, I'm pretty sure someone has talked about me making them uncomfortable at some point at the internet without making it clear in any way that it was me. How do I go about figuring out where it happened, and when, so that I can get appropriately worked out about it and take it out on them?

Is there some kind of list? Maybe a subscription service. I bet Bezos is involved.

[Anonymous]

a picture

Oh no, they didn't cover this in Harridan School, friends, and I don't know what to doooooooooo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

As soon as OP admitted she knows her bf has the right to want to have biological children with whoever ends up being his wife, and she tried to shame him out of that by saying it made her uncomfortable, the thread was over, except all the demented posters trying to get her on and enable her.

This^. I'm all for supporting fellow women but being neutral and honest helps them more than everyone trying to proof them right and righteous.

[Anonymous]

Proof them? Like bread dough?

[Anonymous]

*prove

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As soon as OP admitted she knows her bf has the right to want to have biological children with whoever ends up being his wife, and she tried to shame him out of that by saying it made her uncomfortable, the thread was over, except all the demented posters trying to get her on and enable her.

This^. I'm all for supporting fellow women but being neutral and honest helps them more than everyone trying to proof them right and righteous.

Is the boyfriend in the thread with us right now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

OP didn't say she has fertility issues. She was shyte testing him. He didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

OP hasn't even stated that she actually wants to have children. Or not. Biological or otherwise.

Further, she's trying to demonize him for honestly communicating with her in response to her question.

OP, you should have asked him the real question you had in mind--would he want to stay with you if you decided you wanted to not have children?

That's the real issue hear since OP does not say she is infertile.

OP knows he wants children, she isn't sure about that. Rather than just being honest with him that she isn't sure they are compatible because she isn't sure she wants children with him (perfectly fine of she wants to be child free by the way), she frames it so she can blame him for the end of the relationship rather than being truthful about her feelings on having children.

He is not bad or evil because he has different preferences than you do OP. Youre just incompatible--he is being honest with you, you not so much with him.

OP here:

You're pulling stuff out of your arse. I never said I didn't have children. I'm not shit testing him either. I just asked him a question and the answered revealed him as someone I'd not be comfortable dating. Not sure where you got the idea I'm unsure about kids.

Did you tell him you wanted to have children with him, if you where physically able, or not? Look, what happened here is obvious--you wanted to get your bf to agree to a child free relationship under a hypothetical circumstance, infertility, because you're not really sure that you want to have children with him at all. That fine you don't have to have children if you don't want to.

But the purpose of trying to extract that concession from him was so that in the event you decide you don't really want to have children with him, you can accuse him of hypocrisy, because he was ready to accept a child free relationship if you should be infertile.

He answered your question honestly. He didn't cave into entertaining your hypothetical that he should accept a relationship with an infertile woman

I mean you could ask a thousand questions like that.

Would he love you and stay with you if you were terribly disfigured in a car accident?

Would he stay with you if you did have a child but developed terrible post partum depression?

Would he love you and stay with you if his long lost high school sweetheart reappeared on the scene and was available to be in a relationship with him again?

And so forth.

If you actually loved HIM, and wanted to absolutely have children and make a family with HIM, without any doubt, you wouldn't be asking questions like you did at all.

You really need to stop wasting your time in dead end relationships or stop sabotaging your relationships this way.

Why did you break up with that other guy you mentioned?

Not OP. You desperately need therapy. This is super weird. You've made up an entire story based on no information and spent hours posting about how angry the made-up situation makes you.

You must have missed OPs follow up post where she claims she didn't break up with her prior bf because of a job loss. But then turns around and says she broke up with him after he lost his job.. She doesn't say what the reason was but please trust her on this.

Don't worry, I read it. I expressed my concerns fully aware of that.

OPs had two failed relationships she's admitted to, the current one(her fault) and the prior one (also likely Jer fault since she refuses to say why it failed). And no doubt a long string of prior failed relationships.

Coming to DCUM to be told it's not her fault, it's always the guys fault, won't help her to have a successful relationship in the future.

You're projecting your personal hatred toward and resentment of women onto OP and inventing details of her story to fit your own narrative. Take it to therapy.

Nah not at all...How many times does OP have to faceplant her relationships before she acknowledges it's a her problem not a them problem? I suspect you've been there yourself. Probably still are.

I'm a married lesbian. So further proof that you're projecting.

Move it along.

LOL so a married lesbian wants to butt in to a thread involving a heterosexual couple concerning whether or not they should have biological children with each other and under what conditions.

Tell me, just how many bio children have you had with your spouse?

LOL DCUM you never fail in absurdity

Last time I checked, lesbians are also in relationships, conceive children, and deal with fertility issues. I did reciprocal IVF.

DP. Except it’s a given you guys will have non-biological children. It’s impossible for you to both share bio children between you so you don’t experience the same conflict, obviously.

Obviously the boyfriend only cares about he himself having bio children. He’s not passionate about making bio children with OP, hence his willingness to leave her for fertility issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

OP didn't say she has fertility issues. She was shyte testing him. He didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

OP hasn't even stated that she actually wants to have children. Or not. Biological or otherwise.

Further, she's trying to demonize him for honestly communicating with her in response to her question.

OP, you should have asked him the real question you had in mind--would he want to stay with you if you decided you wanted to not have children?

That's the real issue hear since OP does not say she is infertile.

OP knows he wants children, she isn't sure about that. Rather than just being honest with him that she isn't sure they are compatible because she isn't sure she wants children with him (perfectly fine of she wants to be child free by the way), she frames it so she can blame him for the end of the relationship rather than being truthful about her feelings on having children.

He is not bad or evil because he has different preferences than you do OP. Youre just incompatible--he is being honest with you, you not so much with him.

OP here:

You're pulling stuff out of your arse. I never said I didn't have children. I'm not shit testing him either. I just asked him a question and the answered revealed him as someone I'd not be comfortable dating. Not sure where you got the idea I'm unsure about kids.

Did you tell him you wanted to have children with him, if you where physically able, or not? Look, what happened here is obvious--you wanted to get your bf to agree to a child free relationship under a hypothetical circumstance, infertility, because you're not really sure that you want to have children with him at all. That fine you don't have to have children if you don't want to.

But the purpose of trying to extract that concession from him was so that in the event you decide you don't really want to have children with him, you can accuse him of hypocrisy, because he was ready to accept a child free relationship if you should be infertile.

He answered your question honestly. He didn't cave into entertaining your hypothetical that he should accept a relationship with an infertile woman

I mean you could ask a thousand questions like that.

Would he love you and stay with you if you were terribly disfigured in a car accident?

Would he stay with you if you did have a child but developed terrible post partum depression?

Would he love you and stay with you if his long lost high school sweetheart reappeared on the scene and was available to be in a relationship with him again?

And so forth.

If you actually loved HIM, and wanted to absolutely have children and make a family with HIM, without any doubt, you wouldn't be asking questions like you did at all.

You really need to stop wasting your time in dead end relationships or stop sabotaging your relationships this way.

Why did you break up with that other guy you mentioned?

Not OP. You desperately need therapy. This is super weird. You've made up an entire story based on no information and spent hours posting about how angry the made-up situation makes you.

You must have missed OPs follow up post where she claims she didn't break up with her prior bf because of a job loss. But then turns around and says she broke up with him after he lost his job.. She doesn't say what the reason was but please trust her on this.

Don't worry, I read it. I expressed my concerns fully aware of that.

OPs had two failed relationships she's admitted to, the current one(her fault) and the prior one (also likely Jer fault since she refuses to say why it failed). And no doubt a long string of prior failed relationships.

Coming to DCUM to be told it's not her fault, it's always the guys fault, won't help her to have a successful relationship in the future.

You're projecting your personal hatred toward and resentment of women onto OP and inventing details of her story to fit your own narrative. Take it to therapy.

Nah not at all...How many times does OP have to faceplant her relationships before she acknowledges it's a her problem not a them problem? I suspect you've been there yourself. Probably still are.

I'm a married lesbian. So further proof that you're projecting.

Move it along.

LOL so a married lesbian wants to butt in to a thread involving a heterosexual couple concerning whether or not they should have biological children with each other and under what conditions.

Tell me, just how many bio children have you had with your spouse?

LOL DCUM you never fail in absurdity

Last time I checked, lesbians are also in relationships, conceive children, and deal with fertility issues. I did reciprocal IVF.

DP. Except it’s a given you guys will have non-biological children. It’s impossible for you to both share bio children between you so you don’t experience the same conflict, obviously.

How dare you say the children of two lesbians aren't biological./s.

Yeah she already knows all that it doesn't matter.

Science doesn't matter, logic doesn't matter, common sense doesn't matter.

As soon as OP admitted she knows her bf has the right to want to have biological children with whoever ends up being his wife, and she tried to shame him out of that by saying it made her uncomfortable, the thread was over, except all the demented posters trying to get her on and enable her.

I

He doesn’t need her to have his own bio children! That’s why he’s content to swap her out with someone with a superior uterus if that’s what it takes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

OP didn't say she has fertility issues. She was shyte testing him. He didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

OP hasn't even stated that she actually wants to have children. Or not. Biological or otherwise.

Further, she's trying to demonize him for honestly communicating with her in response to her question.

OP, you should have asked him the real question you had in mind--would he want to stay with you if you decided you wanted to not have children?

That's the real issue hear since OP does not say she is infertile.

OP knows he wants children, she isn't sure about that. Rather than just being honest with him that she isn't sure they are compatible because she isn't sure she wants children with him (perfectly fine of she wants to be child free by the way), she frames it so she can blame him for the end of the relationship rather than being truthful about her feelings on having children.

He is not bad or evil because he has different preferences than you do OP. Youre just incompatible--he is being honest with you, you not so much with him.

OP here:

You're pulling stuff out of your arse. I never said I didn't have children. I'm not shit testing him either. I just asked him a question and the answered revealed him as someone I'd not be comfortable dating. Not sure where you got the idea I'm unsure about kids.

Did you tell him you wanted to have children with him, if you where physically able, or not? Look, what happened here is obvious--you wanted to get your bf to agree to a child free relationship under a hypothetical circumstance, infertility, because you're not really sure that you want to have children with him at all. That fine you don't have to have children if you don't want to.

But the purpose of trying to extract that concession from him was so that in the event you decide you don't really want to have children with him, you can accuse him of hypocrisy, because he was ready to accept a child free relationship if you should be infertile.

He answered your question honestly. He didn't cave into entertaining your hypothetical that he should accept a relationship with an infertile woman

I mean you could ask a thousand questions like that.

Would he love you and stay with you if you were terribly disfigured in a car accident?

Would he stay with you if you did have a child but developed terrible post partum depression?

Would he love you and stay with you if his long lost high school sweetheart reappeared on the scene and was available to be in a relationship with him again?

And so forth.

If you actually loved HIM, and wanted to absolutely have children and make a family with HIM, without any doubt, you wouldn't be asking questions like you did at all.

You really need to stop wasting your time in dead end relationships or stop sabotaging your relationships this way.

Why did you break up with that other guy you mentioned?

Not OP. You desperately need therapy. This is super weird. You've made up an entire story based on no information and spent hours posting about how angry the made-up situation makes you.

You must have missed OPs follow up post where she claims she didn't break up with her prior bf because of a job loss. But then turns around and says she broke up with him after he lost his job.. She doesn't say what the reason was but please trust her on this.

Don't worry, I read it. I expressed my concerns fully aware of that.

OPs had two failed relationships she's admitted to, the current one(her fault) and the prior one (also likely Jer fault since she refuses to say why it failed). And no doubt a long string of prior failed relationships.

Coming to DCUM to be told it's not her fault, it's always the guys fault, won't help her to have a successful relationship in the future.

You're projecting your personal hatred toward and resentment of women onto OP and inventing details of her story to fit your own narrative. Take it to therapy.

Nah not at all...How many times does OP have to faceplant her relationships before she acknowledges it's a her problem not a them problem? I suspect you've been there yourself. Probably still are.

I'm a married lesbian. So further proof that you're projecting.

Move it along.

LOL so a married lesbian wants to butt in to a thread involving a heterosexual couple concerning whether or not they should have biological children with each other and under what conditions.

Tell me, just how many bio children have you had with your spouse?

LOL DCUM you never fail in absurdity

Last time I checked, lesbians are also in relationships, conceive children, and deal with fertility issues. I did reciprocal IVF.

DP. Except it’s a given you guys will have non-biological children. It’s impossible for you to both share bio children between you so you don’t experience the same conflict, obviously.

Obviously the boyfriend only cares about he himself having bio children. He’s not passionate about making bio children with OP, hence his willingness to leave her for fertility issues.

Is that obvious? It sounds like the guy wants the mother of his child to be the biological mother of his child (which is redundant, but I digress). The vast majority of normal, straight people of modest means will not be interested in surrogacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

OP didn't say she has fertility issues. She was shyte testing him. He didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

OP hasn't even stated that she actually wants to have children. Or not. Biological or otherwise.

Further, she's trying to demonize him for honestly communicating with her in response to her question.

OP, you should have asked him the real question you had in mind--would he want to stay with you if you decided you wanted to not have children?

That's the real issue hear since OP does not say she is infertile.

OP knows he wants children, she isn't sure about that. Rather than just being honest with him that she isn't sure they are compatible because she isn't sure she wants children with him (perfectly fine of she wants to be child free by the way), she frames it so she can blame him for the end of the relationship rather than being truthful about her feelings on having children.

He is not bad or evil because he has different preferences than you do OP. Youre just incompatible--he is being honest with you, you not so much with him.

OP here:

You're pulling stuff out of your arse. I never said I didn't have children. I'm not shit testing him either. I just asked him a question and the answered revealed him as someone I'd not be comfortable dating. Not sure where you got the idea I'm unsure about kids.

Did you tell him you wanted to have children with him, if you where physically able, or not? Look, what happened here is obvious--you wanted to get your bf to agree to a child free relationship under a hypothetical circumstance, infertility, because you're not really sure that you want to have children with him at all. That fine you don't have to have children if you don't want to.

But the purpose of trying to extract that concession from him was so that in the event you decide you don't really want to have children with him, you can accuse him of hypocrisy, because he was ready to accept a child free relationship if you should be infertile.

He answered your question honestly. He didn't cave into entertaining your hypothetical that he should accept a relationship with an infertile woman

I mean you could ask a thousand questions like that.

Would he love you and stay with you if you were terribly disfigured in a car accident?

Would he stay with you if you did have a child but developed terrible post partum depression?

Would he love you and stay with you if his long lost high school sweetheart reappeared on the scene and was available to be in a relationship with him again?

And so forth.

If you actually loved HIM, and wanted to absolutely have children and make a family with HIM, without any doubt, you wouldn't be asking questions like you did at all.

You really need to stop wasting your time in dead end relationships or stop sabotaging your relationships this way.

Why did you break up with that other guy you mentioned?

Not OP. You desperately need therapy. This is super weird. You've made up an entire story based on no information and spent hours posting about how angry the made-up situation makes you.

You must have missed OPs follow up post where she claims she didn't break up with her prior bf because of a job loss. But then turns around and says she broke up with him after he lost his job.. She doesn't say what the reason was but please trust her on this.

Don't worry, I read it. I expressed my concerns fully aware of that.

OPs had two failed relationships she's admitted to, the current one(her fault) and the prior one (also likely Jer fault since she refuses to say why it failed). And no doubt a long string of prior failed relationships.

Coming to DCUM to be told it's not her fault, it's always the guys fault, won't help her to have a successful relationship in the future.

You're projecting your personal hatred toward and resentment of women onto OP and inventing details of her story to fit your own narrative. Take it to therapy.

Nah not at all...How many times does OP have to faceplant her relationships before she acknowledges it's a her problem not a them problem? I suspect you've been there yourself. Probably still are.

I'm a married lesbian. So further proof that you're projecting.

Move it along.

LOL so a married lesbian wants to butt in to a thread involving a heterosexual couple concerning whether or not they should have biological children with each other and under what conditions.

Tell me, just how many bio children have you had with your spouse?

LOL DCUM you never fail in absurdity

Last time I checked, lesbians are also in relationships, conceive children, and deal with fertility issues. I did reciprocal IVF.

DP. Except it’s a given you guys will have non-biological children. It’s impossible for you to both share bio children between you so you don’t experience the same conflict, obviously.

Obviously the boyfriend only cares about he himself having bio children. He’s not passionate about making bio children with OP, hence his willingness to leave her for fertility issues.

Is that obvious? It sounds like the guy wants the mother of his child to be the biological mother of his child (which is redundant, but I digress). The vast majority of normal, straight people of modest means will not be interested in surrogacy.

You can do egg donation too... Surrogacy isn't the only option on the table.

[Anonymous]

This just all seems so sad. My mom and dad BOTH wanted kids. A lot. It turned out my mom couldn't have kids. It never occurred to my dad that he should even consider leaving my mom. They adopted. They just celebrated their 50th anniversary, have a happy marriage, and were wonderful parents. If having your own biological kids is more important to you than raising those kids with the person you supposedly love....well, I don't think much of you. Good on you for knowing your limits, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I'm thinking about this one guy ... who made me uncomfortable ... once.

Have I shamed him by telling all of you?

[Anonymous]

I think it's ok for the husband or boyfriend to leave. But even having written that, it's not that simple. It sounds like the only way to reach an agreement to marry is to get pregnant beforehand. Not only get pregnant, but deliver. And the baby better be completely healthy. And the child better have an ordinary life span. Because, at what point does the man relax, decide he's satisfied and feels ok about staying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
a picture

Oh no, they didn't cover this in Harridan School, friends, and I don't know what to doooooooooo

Wow a single word really stung you, didn't it?

It must have hit very close to the wart.