Harsh comment on being a Sahm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp sorry I didn't read the whole post LOL. One good convo I had with my daughter who sometimes says similar things... I did remind her that I clean the entire house, it's immaculate, I make great food, I remind her all the stuff that benefits from. And also I made a comparison of office jobs like her going to school. People do it but it can be so boring. Why waste your life doing something you loathe? Now, some ppl like their jobs and that's great. I like my job of being a mom and also getting to focus on my health (I love exercise). Luckily my daughter prefers home cooked meals so I will say, do you want to do all the cooking? Do you want to do the laundry and clean the entire house? Who do you think will manage your dr appts (she has special needs). So tweens can be snarky but don't take it personally. I know it's hard when they don't appreciate.

You do realize that working families do all this too?

You SAHMs, in your desire to justify your choice to not work - which is AOK btw! - make it seem like if you did work your house would be in shambles, you’d eat out every night, and no one would ever go to the doctor.

What are you teaching them by telling them the world would fall apart if both parents work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp sorry I didn't read the whole post LOL. One good convo I had with my daughter who sometimes says similar things... I did remind her that I clean the entire house, it's immaculate, I make great food, I remind her all the stuff that benefits from. And also I made a comparison of office jobs like her going to school. People do it but it can be so boring. Why waste your life doing something you loathe? Now, some ppl like their jobs and that's great. I like my job of being a mom and also getting to focus on my health (I love exercise). Luckily my daughter prefers home cooked meals so I will say, do you want to do all the cooking? Do you want to do the laundry and clean the entire house? Who do you think will manage your dr appts (she has special needs). So tweens can be snarky but don't take it personally. I know it's hard when they don't appreciate.

You do realize that working families do all this too?

You SAHMs, in your desire to justify your choice to not work - which is AOK btw! - make it seem like if you did work your house would be in shambles, you’d eat out every night, and no one would ever go to the doctor.

What are you teaching them by telling them the world would fall apart if both parents work?

You and your spouse are choosing to do the equivalent of three full time jobs which is A-OK btw! SAHMs and their spouses choose to do the equivalent of two. It’s not complicated and no one is staying home AT you…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp sorry I didn't read the whole post LOL. One good convo I had with my daughter who sometimes says similar things... I did remind her that I clean the entire house, it's immaculate, I make great food, I remind her all the stuff that benefits from. And also I made a comparison of office jobs like her going to school. People do it but it can be so boring. Why waste your life doing something you loathe? Now, some ppl like their jobs and that's great. I like my job of being a mom and also getting to focus on my health (I love exercise). Luckily my daughter prefers home cooked meals so I will say, do you want to do all the cooking? Do you want to do the laundry and clean the entire house? Who do you think will manage your dr appts (she has special needs). So tweens can be snarky but don't take it personally. I know it's hard when they don't appreciate.

You do realize that working families do all this too?

You SAHMs, in your desire to justify your choice to not work - which is AOK btw! - make it seem like if you did work your house would be in shambles, you’d eat out every night, and no one would ever go to the doctor.

What are you teaching them by telling them the world would fall apart if both parents work?

You and your spouse are choosing to do the equivalent of three full time jobs which is A-OK btw! SAHMs and their spouses choose to do the equivalent of two. It’s not complicated and no one is staying home AT you…

I like this explanation actually. All the same work is getting done by working families and families with a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

You’re not doing your kids any favors by not reacting. You should say wow that is a really mean thing to say to me and it hurts my feelings. I would let my kids know why it’s hurtful and explain the pros and cons of being a sahp and that they should be respectful and appreciative of what you do.

Teach them respect, empathy, and that words matter.

[Anonymous]

"I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them."

Newsflash: Our kid never had to do these things himself and we both work. And we both attended his school and sports events even when they took place during the school day.

My kid now brags to his friends at college about his mom's cool career. I'm glad I raised him to be a young man who sees that women are smart and productive and also nurturing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them."

Newsflash: Our kid never had to do these things himself and we both work. And we both attended his school and sports events even when they took place during the school day.

My kid now brags to his friends at college about his mom's cool career. I'm glad I raised him to be a young man who sees that women are smart and productive and also nurturing.

Regardless of mom’s work status, I don’t think the bolded is anything to brag about.

[Anonymous]

"
I'm not even a SAHM but I 100% agree that you should just stop doing everything you do around the house so they can see the value you add to the household and how much more it is than anyone else's contribution to running it."

NOPE! There would be no house to clean and no food to cook if the other parent weren't earning money. How do you teach kids the value of money and how their effort at school relates to the life they'll one day be able to afford if you won't acknowledge the importance of money?!

Please tell me that you aren't teaching your kid to grow up believing it's okay to not be able to be self-sufficient. And I really hope you're not teaching your daughters to expect that they can exchange mopping floors and sex for a roof over their head.

[Anonymous]

Sure, being a SAHM is exhausting; I did it for several years. But it is *nowhere* as exhausting as being the primary parent while also holding down a full time job. The "SAHM" duties don't disappear. You have more to do and less time to do it in, especially if you are someone (like me and the majority of the world) who can't afford to hire help.

That said, your kids have no right to be so disrespectful. I am sorry for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp sorry I didn't read the whole post LOL. One good convo I had with my daughter who sometimes says similar things... I did remind her that I clean the entire house, it's immaculate, I make great food, I remind her all the stuff that benefits from. And also I made a comparison of office jobs like her going to school. People do it but it can be so boring. Why waste your life doing something you loathe? Now, some ppl like their jobs and that's great. I like my job of being a mom and also getting to focus on my health (I love exercise). Luckily my daughter prefers home cooked meals so I will say, do you want to do all the cooking? Do you want to do the laundry and clean the entire house? Who do you think will manage your dr appts (she has special needs). So tweens can be snarky but don't take it personally. I know it's hard when they don't appreciate.

You do realize that working families do all this too?

You SAHMs, in your desire to justify your choice to not work - which is AOK btw! - make it seem like if you did work your house would be in shambles, you’d eat out every night, and no one would ever go to the doctor.

What are you teaching them by telling them the world would fall apart if both parents work?

You and your spouse are choosing to do the equivalent of three full time jobs which is A-OK btw! SAHMs and their spouses choose to do the equivalent of two. It’s not complicated and no one is staying home AT you…

I like this explanation actually. All the same work is getting done by working families and families with a SAHM.

I’ve done all of the combinations of SAHM, WOH, and WAH and the short answer to this is no, it isn’t. All of the same work isn’t being done. I took my role as SAHM very seriously with growing some of our own food, careful budget and nutrition-conscious meal planning and execution that simply isn’t reasonably possible with 2 parents working fully out of the home, with commutes. That is only one example. I could also not be nearly as involved in my kids school and activities as a full time WOH mom. Not even close.

While theoretically possible, if you are saying the “same work is being done” that means either a pretty lazy SAHM or a WOHM who doesn’t do any self care or have even 20 minutes of time for herself. Neither of which are things to aspire to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, being a SAHM is exhausting; I did it for several years. But it is *nowhere* as exhausting as being the primary parent while also holding down a full time job. The "SAHM" duties don't disappear. You have more to do and less time to do it in, especially if you are someone (like me and the majority of the world) who can't afford to hire help.

That said, your kids have no right to be so disrespectful. I am sorry for that.

This is true, but is it a contest? Do we want medals?
Should we want to be martyrs?
Should this be the gold standard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"
I'm not even a SAHM but I 100% agree that you should just stop doing everything you do around the house so they can see the value you add to the household and how much more it is than anyone else's contribution to running it."

NOPE! There would be no house to clean and no food to cook if the other parent weren't earning money. How do you teach kids the value of money and how their effort at school relates to the life they'll one day be able to afford if you won't acknowledge the importance of money?!

Please tell me that you aren't teaching your kid to grow up believing it's okay to not be able to be self-sufficient. And I really hope you're not teaching your daughters to expect that they can exchange mopping floors and sex for a roof over their head.

This is incredibly misogynistic. Almost to the level I considered reporting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"
I'm not even a SAHM but I 100% agree that you should just stop doing everything you do around the house so they can see the value you add to the household and how much more it is than anyone else's contribution to running it."

NOPE! There would be no house to clean and no food to cook if the other parent weren't earning money. How do you teach kids the value of money and how their effort at school relates to the life they'll one day be able to afford if you won't acknowledge the importance of money?!

Please tell me that you aren't teaching your kid to grow up believing it's okay to not be able to be self-sufficient. And I really hope you're not teaching your daughters to expect that they can exchange mopping floors and sex for a roof over their head.

Question: how do you view people who make their living by mopping floors? Because many immigrants, POC, and less privileged people make their living by mopping floors. Do you think they are less valuable human beings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp sorry I didn't read the whole post LOL. One good convo I had with my daughter who sometimes says similar things... I did remind her that I clean the entire house, it's immaculate, I make great food, I remind her all the stuff that benefits from. And also I made a comparison of office jobs like her going to school. People do it but it can be so boring. Why waste your life doing something you loathe? Now, some ppl like their jobs and that's great. I like my job of being a mom and also getting to focus on my health (I love exercise). Luckily my daughter prefers home cooked meals so I will say, do you want to do all the cooking? Do you want to do the laundry and clean the entire house? Who do you think will manage your dr appts (she has special needs). So tweens can be snarky but don't take it personally. I know it's hard when they don't appreciate.

You do realize that working families do all this too?

You SAHMs, in your desire to justify your choice to not work - which is AOK btw! - make it seem like if you did work your house would be in shambles, you’d eat out every night, and no one would ever go to the doctor.

What are you teaching them by telling them the world would fall apart if both parents work?

You and your spouse are choosing to do the equivalent of three full time jobs which is A-OK btw! SAHMs and their spouses choose to do the equivalent of two. It’s not complicated and no one is staying home AT you…

I like this explanation actually. All the same work is getting done by working families and families with a SAHM.

I’ve done all of the combinations of SAHM, WOH, and WAH and the short answer to this is no, it isn’t. All of the same work isn’t being done. I took my role as SAHM very seriously with growing some of our own food, careful budget and nutrition-conscious meal planning and execution that simply isn’t reasonably possible with 2 parents working fully out of the home, with commutes. That is only one example. I could also not be nearly as involved in my kids school and activities as a full time WOH mom. Not even close.

While theoretically possible, if you are saying the “same work is being done” that means either a pretty lazy SAHM or a WOHM who doesn’t do any self care or have even 20 minutes of time for herself. Neither of which are things to aspire to.

I came to post something similar. I've done various combinations too, and although I never grew my own food, I do more/better work -- not the "same" work -- on the household and parenting fronts now that I am a SAHM than when I was a FT WOHM. The correct comparison here is to oneself -- I'm sure some WOHM do *more* or *the same" as some SAHMs out there. But so what? The question is what your own life looks like under the two scenarios. With 50 hours of both time and mental energy back in my week, I absolutely did A LOT more on the home front. The house was more organized, our meals were more home-cooked and healthier, I was much more involved in my kids' schooling, more involved in their ECs, more involved in our community. And then there was stuff that is harder to describe/quantify -- like being more readily aware of a problem they might be experiencing and addressing it timely and effectively. I'd grade myself a B on the home/parenting front when I was working (which really isn't bad at all) but an A to A+ when a SAHM.

Also -- and I realize this is a separate issue -- when I worked full time, my DH and I split the household and hands-on parenting chores equitably. So we BOTH had very little time for exercising, nurturing friendships, or hobbies, and neither of us got enough sleep. Now we BOTH have time for all of these things and are BOTH less stressed and more well-rested. My DH would grade himself higher at work now.

My degree is not being wasted -- I worked for 20 years. Our current financial picture, including the home we live in, would be completely different if I had not worked those 20 years. Is one's degree a waste unless they work until age 65? Does one have to earn a certain amount of money to trigger "not a waste"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp sorry I didn't read the whole post LOL. One good convo I had with my daughter who sometimes says similar things... I did remind her that I clean the entire house, it's immaculate, I make great food, I remind her all the stuff that benefits from. And also I made a comparison of office jobs like her going to school. People do it but it can be so boring. Why waste your life doing something you loathe? Now, some ppl like their jobs and that's great. I like my job of being a mom and also getting to focus on my health (I love exercise). Luckily my daughter prefers home cooked meals so I will say, do you want to do all the cooking? Do you want to do the laundry and clean the entire house? Who do you think will manage your dr appts (she has special needs). So tweens can be snarky but don't take it personally. I know it's hard when they don't appreciate.

Again...this kind of justification falls on deaf ears for a teen. Honestly, it will make them respect you less.

Basically, you are telling them that you are the "help". It sounds pathetic.

Be honest...you are a SAHM because whatever job you had you didn't like. You are in the financial position to have this choice. Own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"
I'm not even a SAHM but I 100% agree that you should just stop doing everything you do around the house so they can see the value you add to the household and how much more it is than anyone else's contribution to running it."

NOPE! There would be no house to clean and no food to cook if the other parent weren't earning money. How do you teach kids the value of money and how their effort at school relates to the life they'll one day be able to afford if you won't acknowledge the importance of money?!

Please tell me that you aren't teaching your kid to grow up believing it's okay to not be able to be self-sufficient. And I really hope you're not teaching your daughters to expect that they can exchange mopping floors and sex for a roof over their head.

Question: how do you view people who make their living by mopping floors? Because many immigrants, POC, and less privileged people make their living by mopping floors. Do you think they are less valuable human beings?

Of course not. They are working for a wage, which is entirely different proposition than exchanging sex for housing.