my husband's mother hit my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Calling swatting "violence" is exactly the kind of catastrophizing and extremist language that makes me sad on behalf of society today.

[Anonymous]

Some of these replies are clear windows into why some kids instantaneously react physically, even if it's "just swatting" their friends. Their friends in turn demonstrate their upbringing by being startled and confused by the swat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these replies are clear windows into why some kids instantaneously react physically, even if it's "just swatting" their friends. Their friends in turn demonstrate their upbringing by being startled and confused by the swat.

So I grew up in a culture with swatting. Def did not count as hitting. And I seldom saw the kind of physical roughness between kids in that country that I see here. Probably because kids understand social norms quickly and realize that swatting is something parents use to dicipline kids, and not something that kids do to each other. Kid on the whole were much gentle in their play with each other.

To be clear I'm not advocating swatting today and here, because kids wouldn't understand it and other parents would call cps. Kids definitely understand when parents are out of control with their temper, whether that involves screaming or hitting or insults, and they would certainly notice if their parents disciplined them in a way that is different from how their friends get disciplined.

The grandparent apologized. If she can promise not to do it again, why cut her off? A loving grandma is important in a kids' life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Calling swatting "violence" is exactly the kind of catastrophizing and extremist language that makes me sad on behalf of society today.

Trying to downplay violence by calling it "swatting" instead of "hitting" is the kind of justification of behavior that stops DV victims from realizing that their relationships are violent. I'm also sad on behalf of society, because who are the people shooting up schools? The kids who are abused at home.

It's telling, that people are uncomfortable saying they "hit" their children. Because that is bad, everyone knows you don't hit other people. But all of a sudden you call it "tapping" or "swatting" and it's totally fine! It's still hitting. It's still teaching children that their parents/grandparents use violence against them to get them to do what they want.

No one (besides the trolls) are telling OP to lock up grandma. What we are saying is that this can escalate, and if grandma is not equipped to handle a preschooler without resorting to violence, then she should not be babysitting the child. If other parents are fine with grandparents hitting their children, well that's their parenting style. But OP clearly does not agree, and does not want grandma hitting her kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one who hit my kid would ever, ever, ever babysit my kid again. Supervised visits only.

OP's husband will divorce her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Calling swatting "violence" is exactly the kind of catastrophizing and extremist language that makes me sad on behalf of society today.

Trying to downplay violence by calling it "swatting" instead of "hitting" is the kind of justification of behavior that stops DV victims from realizing that their relationships are violent. I'm also sad on behalf of society, because who are the people shooting up schools? The kids who are abused at home.

It's telling, that people are uncomfortable saying they "hit" their children. Because that is bad, everyone knows you don't hit other people. But all of a sudden you call it "tapping" or "swatting" and it's totally fine! It's still hitting. It's still teaching children that their parents/grandparents use violence against them to get them to do what they want.

No one (besides the trolls) are telling OP to lock up grandma. What we are saying is that this can escalate, and if grandma is not equipped to handle a preschooler without resorting to violence, then she should not be babysitting the child. If other parents are fine with grandparents hitting their children, well that's their parenting style. But OP clearly does not agree, and does not want grandma hitting her kid.

Says the mom teachers her kid that it is an "assault" when her kid gets touched by anyone at school. So exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Calling swatting "violence" is exactly the kind of catastrophizing and extremist language that makes me sad on behalf of society today.

+1000 Language is being weaponized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

That's not violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Sounds like OP and her husband should have been more proactive in education MIL about their preferences regarding physical discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one who hit my kid would ever, ever, ever babysit my kid again. Supervised visits only.

OP's husband will divorce her.

No, people don’t divorce to protect their mother’s right to hit their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

That's not violence.

So it's just the "v" word that you don't like? "Why are we giving hitting children a pass just because it's some old person?"

[Anonymous]

Are the pro-hitting people good if it’s a stranger? A teacher? Where’s the line on this permissiveness to hit children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Calling swatting "violence" is exactly the kind of catastrophizing and extremist language that makes me sad on behalf of society today.

Trying to downplay violence by calling it "swatting" instead of "hitting" is the kind of justification of behavior that stops DV victims from realizing that their relationships are violent. I'm also sad on behalf of society, because who are the people shooting up schools? The kids who are abused at home.

It's telling, that people are uncomfortable saying they "hit" their children. Because that is bad, everyone knows you don't hit other people. But all of a sudden you call it "tapping" or "swatting" and it's totally fine! It's still hitting. It's still teaching children that their parents/grandparents use violence against them to get them to do what they want.

No one (besides the trolls) are telling OP to lock up grandma. What we are saying is that this can escalate, and if grandma is not equipped to handle a preschooler without resorting to violence, then she should not be babysitting the child. If other parents are fine with grandparents hitting their children, well that's their parenting style. But OP clearly does not agree, and does not want grandma hitting her kid.

Says the mom teachers her kid that it is an "assault" when her kid gets touched by anyone at school. So exhausting.

1. This happened to a mom I know about 10 years ago. A child was on the playground and was upset. His mom left him unsupervised and in trying to calm the child, the mom put a hand on his arm. The boy's mom reported it to police and it cost the playground mom tens of thousands of dollars in lawyer fees and she became a shell of herself.

2. Every time I read this board, I think my MIL should be thanking her lucky stars she got me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the pro-hitting people good if it’s a stranger? A teacher? Where’s the line on this permissiveness to hit children?

really? How dumb are you? Would you be ok with a total stranger at the park scolding your child and putting them in a time out and the naughty chair?

This is like saying punching a kid in the face is the same as swatting a kid on the butt.

As someone who was actually abused as a kid, your comparisons are offensive and ridiculous.