Parents- nix these behaviors in your kids before they go to college

[Anonymous]

For the person that asked, ADHD is a collection of symptoms that really show up in different combinations. It is often undiagnosed in women, although that is getting better. I had no idea I had it until my DD was diagnosed at 11. Then I learned about it and can see that I have it, my parents had it, and so on. Boys also grow out of it more than women do but women are better at developing coping mechanisms to mask it.

There is an obliviousness that many people have, except there is often also a single minded brilliance in the areas they care about. The classic “absent minded professor” has ADHD. Steve Jobs, ADHD, Jerry Seinfeld, ADHD. Getting through life and school take executive functioning skills that people with ADHD struggle with. The over educated person that cannot keep a job, possibly undiagnosed, etc.

Many highly functional people have ADHD and don’t know it. Often they struggle in their personal relationships because living with people with ADHD is very hard. Understanding the context for the obliviousness helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Spot on. My kid is kind, intelligent, thoughtful and respectful. What he isn't is focused and tuned into what his priorities should be. He misreads things, scans documents and misses important info. He oversleeps because he's an athlete that gets up at 4:30am and then has to find a nap somewhere or he falls asleep in class. ADHD and another medical condition make him very tired.
Every year in middle school and high school, about 6 of the 7 teachers are incredible. One is always some kind of jerk who says there is no such thing as ADHD and it's just an excuse. I'm hoping that's not OP. The post had some great points but it also lacks some empathy for all kids. Everyone is going through something is such an important life lesson.
Be kind, be helpful, be understanding and most importantly - be there for your students. College freshmen are still kids. Give them a minute to grow. Causing a ton of stress might be a power trip but it's a lacks a little humanity too.

I'd let those kids take the test that day if they overslept. What's the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Just one point: how are parents supposed to know about and address "talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom" even what kinds of questions they ask in class -- maybe you should be addressing high school teachers. Parents get zero information about what their kids are like in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank god for Rate my Professor.

My nephew was starting freshman year this year and a bunch of recent graduates had 1 piece of advice for him at his going away party ... do not take a class from a professor like OP.

1. Check Rate my Professor before registering
2. The 1st class, feel the professor out, if he is like OP DROP.THE.CLASS. You can't out IQ a bad professor, you can't teach yourself the class, drop.the.class. There is no getting around a bad arrogant professor, just drop the class and take an elective that is open. It gets better when you are in your last 2 years, ask friends who can teach, who is good.. take their classes.

Hey Professor care to share your name so we can look you up in Rate My Professor?

So, you won't let your child take classes from a professor who had very basic standards? The things the OP is talking about are bare minimum life skills. Bare minimum.

Oh Dear Lord, lady, your kid has no chance and you are a dingbat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just one point: how are parents supposed to know about and address "talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom" even what kinds of questions they ask in class -- maybe you should be addressing high school teachers. Parents get zero information about what their kids are like in school.

How about you just teach general respectful behaviors and emotional regulation.

The responses from so many of the defensive parents on here are embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Thank you for saying this so articulately. I agree 1000%. I would add to this thank you professor for violating my child’s civil rights by not allowing the accommodation that is clearly allowed for such as recording in class just because you didn’t particularly like that idea. Or not allowing a computer in the year 2023, again when a child has this as an accommodation (or truly ANY kid of this generation). Remember, there are very many Neuro diverse kids in your classroom.

If your kid goes to the disability office and gets a specific accommodation and communicates it to the professor through the disability office, the prof is required to honor it.

All these parents of SN kids hijacking the thread and missing the points. Many profs on here have chimed in to say we are not bothered at all by accommodating the SN kids. In fact, it's the trying hard that matters to so many teachers. OP -is- not -talking- about -your- kids!! Go start another thread to complain. OP is talking about kids who don't care and make it really obvious. Or think the world owes them everything.

Honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another professor here.

Disagree strongly with your email etiquette gripe. Not all kids have the benefit of being born into a family or attending a high school that conveys these skills. As educators, yes, even college educators with precious research agendas, it's our job to convey knowledge but also soft skills. Or at least point students in the right direction and have tolerance and empathy as they learn. It sounds like you teach Freshmen, so you especially should temper the expectation that all students arrive on campus "polished."

Honestly, it's annoying when students are rude and lacking any motivation. But unless every single student you teach is privileged, which how could you know that?, have some empathy and patience and don't assume the worst and be a positive force. Take 5 minutes to talk about these things to get everyone up to speed. THEN you can complain. But asking parents to teach this stuff so you don't have to is ignorant to the fact that not all parents can.

Rant over!

Sorry, but what you call “privileged”, I call well raised and mannered. I am with OP here. No way an adolescent should ever be addressing anyone with Yo. Never ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dear college professor,

why did you go into education if you are not willing to do the job of educating people?

you sound like the kind of professor that nobody says take their class, they are awesome.

signed most people

Dear Nitwit,

It is not the job of professors to teach kids to work hard, be respectful, write proper emails, bathe, do laundry, and show up on time. That's the job of parents, many of whom are failing.

Signed,

Not the OP

💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The post answers speak for themselves: for the parents who can sympathize with the professor--good for you. He's not complaining about your kids. For the parents who are all defensive and think that the professor is off base--take a minute. It's your kids he's talking about. Just saying.

Indeed! Thank you. The professor did not strike a nerve with me because I know my DDs would never be those kids. They are already respectful and mannered, and they are only tweens! But I work hard on this with them every single day. I don’t outsource them to nannies and burry my head in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Thank you for saying this so articulately. I agree 1000%. I would add to this thank you professor for violating my child’s civil rights by not allowing the accommodation that is clearly allowed for such as recording in class just because you didn’t particularly like that idea. Or not allowing a computer in the year 2023, again when a child has this as an accommodation (or truly ANY kid of this generation). Remember, there are very many Neuro diverse kids in your classroom.

If your kid goes to the disability office and gets a specific accommodation and communicates it to the professor through the disability office, the prof is required to honor it.

Yes, they are required to, but they do not always. And yes, it is a complete violation of civil rights. This at one of the top universities in the country. We are no longer at that university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another professor here.

Disagree strongly with your email etiquette gripe. Not all kids have the benefit of being born into a family or attending a high school that conveys these skills. As educators, yes, even college educators with precious research agendas, it's our job to convey knowledge but also soft skills. Or at least point students in the right direction and have tolerance and empathy as they learn. It sounds like you teach Freshmen, so you especially should temper the expectation that all students arrive on campus "polished."

Honestly, it's annoying when students are rude and lacking any motivation. But unless every single student you teach is privileged, which how could you know that?, have some empathy and patience and don't assume the worst and be a positive force. Take 5 minutes to talk about these things to get everyone up to speed. THEN you can complain. But asking parents to teach this stuff so you don't have to is ignorant to the fact that not all parents can.

Rant over!

Sorry, but what you call “privileged”, I call well raised and mannered. I am with OP here. No way an adolescent should ever be addressing anyone with Yo. Never ever.

+1. The responses on this thread are evidence of why the OP is seeing what he/she does in terms of student behavior. This whole attitude of “i pay - - so you raise my kid” is prevalent throughout society. No - it is not the professor’s job to teach basic etiquette. And to the prior PP - of the “rate my professor” nonsense - good grief, I suspect you think paying tuition means your child is entitled to be rude and lacking in basic social graces. Heads up - the prof is not your nanny. No. Just no.

“Privileged” - the new label stuck on anything and everything that does not conform to the race to the bottom mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'd let those kids take the test that day if they overslept. What's the big deal?

College isn’t too early for people to be held accountable for their actions & mistakes.

When I was starting out, I was lenient about makeup exams, & once I’d allow one or two, word got around & pretty soon half the class was missing exams due to a dying grandparent, a flat tire, or diarrhea. Finally I instituted a “no makups for any reason” policy & magically no grandparents died, no tires were flat, & nobody got diarrhea. You’d be amazed what people can do if they are EXPECTED to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'd let those kids take the test that day if they overslept. What's the big deal?

College isn’t too early for people to be held accountable for their actions & mistakes.

When I was starting out, I was lenient about makeup exams, & once I’d allow one or two, word got around & pretty soon half the class was missing exams due to a dying grandparent, a flat tire, or diarrhea. Finally I instituted a “no makups for any reason” policy & magically no grandparents died, no tires were flat, & nobody got diarrhea. You’d be amazed what people can do if they are EXPECTED to do it.

+1

THis is true, I was a TA, and the lenient profs were totally taken advantage of. Kids need to grow up - and college is the perfect time - work time and the real world is much harder, and the parent/s will not be there to hold their hand at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank god for Rate my Professor.

My nephew was starting freshman year this year and a bunch of recent graduates had 1 piece of advice for him at his going away party ... do not take a class from a professor like OP.

1. Check Rate my Professor before registering
2. The 1st class, feel the professor out, if he is like OP DROP.THE.CLASS. You can't out IQ a bad professor, you can't teach yourself the class, drop.the.class. There is no getting around a bad arrogant professor, just drop the class and take an elective that is open. It gets better when you are in your last 2 years, ask friends who can teach, who is good.. take their classes.

Hey Professor care to share your name so we can look you up in Rate My Professor?

RatemyProfessor often ends up favoring easy profs--and often adjuncts who are young. What a waste of resources for your kids to take classes from the people who are not the top in their field and who may be nice and understanding but have lower demands. I guess if your aim is to get through school with the least amount of work possible.

Well they all graduated and have great jobs.

So sad you think college has to be a slog.

Works Smart not hard.

If I'm going to send my kids to a top college, I'd rather they'd learn from the faculty that make it a top college, not the adjuncts that are there to fill in the gaps. I think it's good to work smart and hard--not just grab the credential the easiest way possible. Life is long and a solid education builds your brain, not just gets you a job.

Then you should send them to a SLAC. More and more large schools are using adjuncts at every level of teaching. And you know, they're often quite good! There's just a glut of PhDs, so not everyone can get a full-time tenure track position. Schools have to save their money for administrative bloat, don't you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank god for Rate my Professor.

My nephew was starting freshman year this year and a bunch of recent graduates had 1 piece of advice for him at his going away party ... do not take a class from a professor like OP.

1. Check Rate my Professor before registering
2. The 1st class, feel the professor out, if he is like OP DROP.THE.CLASS. You can't out IQ a bad professor, you can't teach yourself the class, drop.the.class. There is no getting around a bad arrogant professor, just drop the class and take an elective that is open. It gets better when you are in your last 2 years, ask friends who can teach, who is good.. take their classes.

Hey Professor care to share your name so we can look you up in Rate My Professor?

RatemyProfessor often ends up favoring easy profs--and often adjuncts who are young. What a waste of resources for your kids to take classes from the people who are not the top in their field and who may be nice and understanding but have lower demands. I guess if your aim is to get through school with the least amount of work possible.

Well they all graduated and have great jobs.

So sad you think college has to be a slog.

Works Smart not hard.

If I'm going to send my kids to a top college, I'd rather they'd learn from the faculty that make it a top college, not the adjuncts that are there to fill in the gaps. I think it's good to work smart and hard--not just grab the credential the easiest way possible. Life is long and a solid education builds your brain, not just gets you a job.

Then you should send them to a SLAC. More and more large schools are using adjuncts at every level of teaching. And you know, they're often quite good! There's just a glut of PhDs, so not everyone can get a full-time tenure track position. Schools have to save their money for administrative bloat, don't you know.

It depends on your major. If your kid is majoring in Business or Marketing or something, many of the top programs will have adjuncts that are very accomplished in the Business world. Nobody cares that the Head of M&A at Goldman Sachs (as an example) that decides to teach a class at NYU does not have a PhD...and in fact would much prefer folks with real-world experience vs. many finance PhDs that provide theoretical knowledge (although, most PhDs at top business programs make a fortune consulting for large companies, so they are not 100% theoretical).