Parents- nix these behaviors in your kids before they go to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine and agreed with most of these things (though your tone is a bit much)

-mom of 2 college students (including one new freshman)

In exchange, please

do not cancel office hours without letting students know
respond to student's emails in a timely manner, even if the answer is no or you don't know
timely grade work so students can learn from mistakes

And maybe give new kids time to settle in - despite doing laundry and being a good high school student, new freshman are learning to live alone and navigate academic and social realities and a little grace wouldn't hurt, especially at the beginning of the year.

Totally agree. College kids need to show up with some of these basic skills but the OP sounds incredibly jaded and maybe a little entitled themselves.

A lot of these sounds like the kinds of things professors complained about when I went to school in the 90s, especially the stuff about not dressing appropriately for class and being bad at communication (a lot of us got our FIRST email account ever while attending college, so it was an extremely new thing and no one knew how to use it).

I am certain I made a lot of boneheaded mistakes in college and yet I became I an upstanding citizen who communicates very well both at work in my private life, is appropriately dressed for all events, is punctual, etc. Some of this is just kids learning through failure and college is the appropriate place to do that because they are no longer living in their parents' homes. You can teach your child so much, but once you are no longer there to reinforce, it's sink or swim.

Been teaching 30+ years.

It's much much much worse now. I put the students in groups day one and ask them to set up group chat so they can ask each other about assignments if they miss class (even though it is on the syllabus). They can also ask me, but I am just one person, and they can get an answer from the group faster. I still get questions like "what's on the test?" and "what is the assignment?" and like OP said, they don't identify what class.

They also e-mail me for IT questions when they have problems with Zoom, Canvas, and Blackboard and I have to explain to them that they need to contact the help desk.

Another thing is coming in 4-6 weeks after class started and expecting that they can just make up for all the classes they never attended and they don't have medical reasons. If it's an online class many will say "I thought it was asynchronous" when it is clearly labelled as synchronous and has a set schedule. The class requires participation and cameras on.

[Anonymous]

Another professor here.

Disagree strongly with your email etiquette gripe. Not all kids have the benefit of being born into a family or attending a high school that conveys these skills. As educators, yes, even college educators with precious research agendas, it's our job to convey knowledge but also soft skills. Or at least point students in the right direction and have tolerance and empathy as they learn. It sounds like you teach Freshmen, so you especially should temper the expectation that all students arrive on campus "polished."

Honestly, it's annoying when students are rude and lacking any motivation. But unless every single student you teach is privileged, which how could you know that?, have some empathy and patience and don't assume the worst and be a positive force. Take 5 minutes to talk about these things to get everyone up to speed. THEN you can complain. But asking parents to teach this stuff so you don't have to is ignorant to the fact that not all parents can.

Rant over!

[Anonymous]

My favorite is when a student misses a class and I get asked "did I miss anything important?"

Sigh. No, we just messed around for an hour.

[Anonymous]

Dear Prof,

I’m the one who largely did all your work. I had parents calling me about their kids’ grades when I was your GTA. Calmly tell them to either call their child or take it up with the department chair. I usually gave them the department chair’s name and phone number. Usually within 30 minutes, the department chair would walk down to my office, laugh, and trash the parent.

Also kids in their late teens and early 20s are kind of annoying. They aren’t getting worse, you’re just getting older. You were annoying at that age too.

Last note, be nice to your GTAs. We do your dirty work.

[Anonymous]

dear college professor,

why did you go into education if you are not willing to do the job of educating people?

you sound like the kind of professor that nobody says take their class, they are awesome.

signed most people

[Anonymous]

With re to the emails, teach your kids to use Grammarly. My 12 yo downloaded it for me and uses it regularly before submitting an assignment at school. My 12 yo (ADHD, inherited from me) is also teaching me other AI skills to better organize my life. I think the future looks bright!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:dear college professor,

why did you go into education if you are not willing to do the job of educating people?

you sound like the kind of professor that nobody says take their class, they are awesome.

signed most people

Profs are subject matter experts, not etiquette or communication educators.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Oh FFS stop using their disabilities like a crutch. The professor is right and if your poor addled ADHD kids you have probably hovered over and made excuses for and bulldozed a path for over the years can’t meet basic expectations, you failed them.

It's true a lot of these kids don't learn except with very hard concrete consequences. I've tried teaching my kid all of these things over and over and then over some more. His non-HFA younger brother has been able to do them for years. I kept expecting his middle and high school teachers to lay down some consequences. But nope. So, if it happens in college, so be it. I'm glad these professors have some standards. My HFA kid thinks the world is full of people that want to attend work with him without him taking a shower. I get that it's harder for him, but still if he's working with others he needs to understand. I hope the real world teaches him that this probably won't work out for him except in a couple of fields. You go professor! The high school teachers are too scared to lay down any standards and most of the HFA kids have gone off the rails and won't listen to mom or dad anymore. You are our last hope before the consequences happen during a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dear college professor,

why did you go into education if you are not willing to do the job of educating people?

you sound like the kind of professor that nobody says take their class, they are awesome.

signed most people

Profs are subject matter experts, not etiquette or communication educators.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College professor year. I've been a professor for 24 years and every year it's worse! Parents please try to nix these behaviors in your HS kids before they go to college AND teach them a few basic life skills. I promise spending some time on these will ensure your kid has a better experience in college and in life.

Behaviors to nix:
1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google. I can't tell you how many times a lazy kid will ask me something in class that is on the syllabus, and/or I've said repeatedly in class, and/or has nothing to do with the class that they could easily figure out on their own. It all comes down to pure LAZINESS.

2. Give your kid consequences for bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that. These kids today are clearly being raised without consequence.

3. Have your kid practice sending you and email, with you being the professor. Make sure they know how to properly address the person. Make sure they know how to type full sentences and make their question clear.

I routinely get emails like this:

Yo, whats on the test and do I need to read the textbook please let me know right away.

Notice that they 1) don't identify what class they are referring to, they don't really have a question I can answer, and they clearly didn't spend much time thinking about or writing the email. I usually just ignore this or send a quick reply to refer to the syllabus.

4) Do NOT, and I mean do NOT, tell them that if they have an issue with a professor that they should call you (the parent) and let you (the parent) contact the professor. I don't care who you are, there's this law called FERPA which means I can't discuss your kid's academic record unless they are present and have given permission to do so. Furthermore, I like to treat your kid as an adult and you probably should too.

I could go on but I won't.

Now for essential life skills:

A. For god's sakes teach them how to do laundry and have basic pride in their personal cleanliness. I can't tell you how many times some kid walks into my office stinking to high heaven and wearing clothes that look like they haven't been washed for weeks. Now I would normally think perhaps they struggle financially but when they whip out their iphone 14 or 15 and talk to with me airpods in, it makes me think they probably can afford to do laundry. They just don't and/or they don't know how.

B. How to set an alarm clock. Every quarter some kid misses an exam because they slept in and then they get mad when I won't let them take a makeup exam.

C. Same thing with how to use a calendar and write down important dates.

D. Finally, tell them to take out their airpods and put their phone down when speaking to someone. It's really disrespectful when a kid comes to my office and won't even lift their head up from their phone.

Public school kids. Would not happen with most private school kids, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Oh FFS stop using their disabilities like a crutch. The professor is right and if your poor addled ADHD kids you have probably hovered over and made excuses for and bulldozed a path for over the years can’t meet basic expectations, you failed them.

It's true a lot of these kids don't learn except with very hard concrete consequences. I've tried teaching my kid all of these things over and over and then over some more. His non-HFA younger brother has been able to do them for years. I kept expecting his middle and high school teachers to lay down some consequences. But nope. So, if it happens in college, so be it. I'm glad these professors have some standards. My HFA kid thinks the world is full of people that want to attend work with him without him taking a shower. I get that it's harder for him, but still if he's working with others he needs to understand. I hope the real world teaches him that this probably won't work out for him except in a couple of fields. You go professor! The high school teachers are too scared to lay down any standards and most of the HFA kids have gone off the rails and won't listen to mom or dad anymore. You are our last hope before the consequences happen during a job.

+1

Agree entirely. I don't know any job, even IT, that does not fully expect their employees to have basic grooming skills, be clean, be able to function on their own, and do their job properly. You are fdoing your kids no favors by making excuses or cutesie names/titles for them. Their colleagues will not make excuses for them, trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Oh FFS stop using their disabilities like a crutch. The professor is right and if your poor addled ADHD kids you have probably hovered over and made excuses for and bulldozed a path for over the years can’t meet basic expectations, you failed them.

It's true a lot of these kids don't learn except with very hard concrete consequences. I've tried teaching my kid all of these things over and over and then over some more. His non-HFA younger brother has been able to do them for years. I kept expecting his middle and high school teachers to lay down some consequences. But nope. So, if it happens in college, so be it. I'm glad these professors have some standards. My HFA kid thinks the world is full of people that want to attend work with him without him taking a shower. I get that it's harder for him, but still if he's working with others he needs to understand. I hope the real world teaches him that this probably won't work out for him except in a couple of fields. You go professor! The high school teachers are too scared to lay down any standards and most of the HFA kids have gone off the rails and won't listen to mom or dad anymore. You are our last hope before the consequences happen during a job.

+1

No discipline or standards in public school is what’s causing this. I’ve taught public for years, btw. It’s also coming from the lack of discipline at home that trickles into the classroom on a larger scale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

This. I have two SN kids - yes working with Disability Services at both schools - Professor needs to realize that not every child can measure up to his expectations. Learn some charity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dear college professor,

why did you go into education if you are not willing to do the job of educating people?

you sound like the kind of professor that nobody says take their class, they are awesome.

signed most people

Profs are subject matter experts, not etiquette or communication educators.

+1

-1

If you want a pure SME role, don’t go into education at any level. Professors often wear many hats, one of which is teaching. If it’s *that* odious, find a different use of your subject matter expertise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College professor year. I've been a professor for 24 years and every year it's worse! Parents please try to nix these behaviors in your HS kids before they go to college AND teach them a few basic life skills. I promise spending some time on these will ensure your kid has a better experience in college and in life.

Behaviors to nix:
1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google. I can't tell you how many times a lazy kid will ask me something in class that is on the syllabus, and/or I've said repeatedly in class, and/or has nothing to do with the class that they could easily figure out on their own. It all comes down to pure LAZINESS.

2. Give your kid consequences for bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that. These kids today are clearly being raised without consequence.

3. Have your kid practice sending you and email, with you being the professor. Make sure they know how to properly address the person. Make sure they know how to type full sentences and make their question clear.

I routinely get emails like this:

Yo, whats on the test and do I need to read the textbook please let me know right away.

Notice that they 1) don't identify what class they are referring to, they don't really have a question I can answer, and they clearly didn't spend much time thinking about or writing the email. I usually just ignore this or send a quick reply to refer to the syllabus.

4) Do NOT, and I mean do NOT, tell them that if they have an issue with a professor that they should call you (the parent) and let you (the parent) contact the professor. I don't care who you are, there's this law called FERPA which means I can't discuss your kid's academic record unless they are present and have given permission to do so. Furthermore, I like to treat your kid as an adult and you probably should too.

I could go on but I won't.

Now for essential life skills:

A. For god's sakes teach them how to do laundry and have basic pride in their personal cleanliness. I can't tell you how many times some kid walks into my office stinking to high heaven and wearing clothes that look like they haven't been washed for weeks. Now I would normally think perhaps they struggle financially but when they whip out their iphone 14 or 15 and talk to with me airpods in, it makes me think they probably can afford to do laundry. They just don't and/or they don't know how.

B. How to set an alarm clock. Every quarter some kid misses an exam because they slept in and then they get mad when I won't let them take a makeup exam.

C. Same thing with how to use a calendar and write down important dates.

D. Finally, tell them to take out their airpods and put their phone down when speaking to someone. It's really disrespectful when a kid comes to my office and won't even lift their head up from their phone.

You probably shouldn't be lobbing allegations of "disrespectful" with a post like yours. While I would agree with most, if not all, of what you say, it gets lost in the smug superiority of the tone. And the implication that kids have not dealt with many (not all) of the things listed above since . . . forever.

And, furthermore, I'd look at your own practices and policies. I've had professors do unbelievable cruel things to students. I've seem them be completely and utterly incompetent, as well as disorganized. Unless you're perfect, maybe show a little bit of respect and grace for the students and parents (esp of first years) who are dealing with an overwhelming, sometimes emotional, and expensive time in their lives. Some may be disrespectful. Others are just keeping their heads above water. Maybe recognize that.