Parents- nix these behaviors in your kids before they go to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Thank you for saying this so articulately. I agree 1000%. I would add to this thank you professor for violating my child’s civil rights by not allowing the accommodation that is clearly allowed for such as recording in class just because you didn’t particularly like that idea. Or not allowing a computer in the year 2023, again when a child has this as an accommodation (or truly ANY kid of this generation). Remember, there are very many Neuro diverse kids in your classroom.

If your kid goes to the disability office and gets a specific accommodation and communicates it to the professor through the disability office, the prof is required to honor it.

But the “honoring it” is sometimes at profs discretion. My kid was eligible for extra time. But the profs way of allowing that would be to take all exams in a separate room, where you don’t have easy access to ask the ta/prof questions during the test. the thought of that gave my kid more anxiety so they didn’t get the extra time. So yeah they were “honoring it” but in a way that made it worse for many kids, mine included. So nobody used it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank god for Rate my Professor.

My nephew was starting freshman year this year and a bunch of recent graduates had 1 piece of advice for him at his going away party ... do not take a class from a professor like OP.

1. Check Rate my Professor before registering
2. The 1st class, feel the professor out, if he is like OP DROP.THE.CLASS. You can't out IQ a bad professor, you can't teach yourself the class, drop.the.class. There is no getting around a bad arrogant professor, just drop the class and take an elective that is open. It gets better when you are in your last 2 years, ask friends who can teach, who is good.. take their classes.

Hey Professor care to share your name so we can look you up in Rate My Professor?

RatemyProfessor often ends up favoring easy profs--and often adjuncts who are young. What a waste of resources for your kids to take classes from the people who are not the top in their field and who may be nice and understanding but have lower demands. I guess if your aim is to get through school with the least amount of work possible.

Well they all graduated and have great jobs.

So sad you think college has to be a slog.

Works Smart not hard.

If I'm going to send my kids to a top college, I'd rather they'd learn from the faculty that make it a top college, not the adjuncts that are there to fill in the gaps. I think it's good to work smart and hard--not just grab the credential the easiest way possible. Life is long and a solid education builds your brain, not just gets you a job.

Then you should send them to a SLAC. More and more large schools are using adjuncts at every level of teaching. And you know, they're often quite good! There's just a glut of PhDs, so not everyone can get a full-time tenure track position. Schools have to save their money for administrative bloat, don't you know.

But adjuncts are time-pressed, low paid and usually don't have a long-term relationship with the school--they are far less likely to be a conduit to research projects, to getting letters of recommendations etc. You often can't go back a few years later to get a recommendation. Some can be good, some aren't great--but they rarely are the top scholars/researchrs/practitioners in their field and they aren't going to have the pull that full-time faculty have. They are also utterly dependent on student evaluations of teaching so they pressured not to be too challenging, to let lots of things slip etc. Plus the less work they assign, the less they have to grade. Sure there are occasional "superstars" who adjunct every now and then--a professional basketball coach, a top lawyer, etc. who want to pass on their knowledge--but most universities have a different title for these and they are more one-off specialty courses.

[Anonymous]

So, it sounds like many parents here are in favor of their college age kids exhibiting the following behaviors?

1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google.

2. Bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that.

3. Not know how to send emails, including properly address a person, type full sentences or make their question clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, it sounds like many parents here are in favor of their college age kids exhibiting the following behaviors?

1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google.

2. Bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that.

3. Not know how to send emails, including properly address a person, type full sentences or make their question clear.

Every single one of these happen in the workforce. So, why are we bashing teens? This thread needs to die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, it sounds like many parents here are in favor of their college age kids exhibiting the following behaviors?

1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google.

2. Bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that.

3. Not know how to send emails, including properly address a person, type full sentences or make their question clear.

Every single one of these happen in the workforce. So, why are we bashing teens? This thread needs to die.

so that they don't continue to do this in the work place. Yes, it's bad enough we see it in the workplace. We don't need to perpetuate the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, it sounds like many parents here are in favor of their college age kids exhibiting the following behaviors?

1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google.

2. Bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that.

3. Not know how to send emails, including properly address a person, type full sentences or make their question clear.

Every single one of these happen in the workforce. So, why are we bashing teens? This thread needs to die.

Yes, I was just in a meeting given by a cabinet secretary about the impending shut down. There were people asking really dumb questions that had been answered plain as day in the 1-page email the secretary's office sent out an hour earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College professor year. I've been a professor for 24 years and every year it's worse! Parents please try to nix these behaviors in your HS kids before they go to college AND teach them a few basic life skills. I promise spending some time on these will ensure your kid has a better experience in college and in life.

Behaviors to nix:
1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google. I can't tell you how many times a lazy kid will ask me something in class that is on the syllabus, and/or I've said repeatedly in class, and/or has nothing to do with the class that they could easily figure out on their own. It all comes down to pure LAZINESS.

2. Give your kid consequences for bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that. These kids today are clearly being raised without consequence.

3. Have your kid practice sending you and email, with you being the professor. Make sure they know how to properly address the person. Make sure they know how to type full sentences and make their question clear.

I routinely get emails like this:

Yo, whats on the test and do I need to read the textbook please let me know right away.

Notice that they 1) don't identify what class they are referring to, they don't really have a question I can answer, and they clearly didn't spend much time thinking about or writing the email. I usually just ignore this or send a quick reply to refer to the syllabus.

4) Do NOT, and I mean do NOT, tell them that if they have an issue with a professor that they should call you (the parent) and let you (the parent) contact the professor. I don't care who you are, there's this law called FERPA which means I can't discuss your kid's academic record unless they are present and have given permission to do so. Furthermore, I like to treat your kid as an adult and you probably should too.

I could go on but I won't.

Now for essential life skills:

A. For god's sakes teach them how to do laundry and have basic pride in their personal cleanliness. I can't tell you how many times some kid walks into my office stinking to high heaven and wearing clothes that look like they haven't been washed for weeks. Now I would normally think perhaps they struggle financially but when they whip out their iphone 14 or 15 and talk to with me airpods in, it makes me think they probably can afford to do laundry. They just don't and/or they don't know how.

B. How to set an alarm clock. Every quarter some kid misses an exam because they slept in and then they get mad when I won't let them take a makeup exam.

C. Same thing with how to use a calendar and write down important dates.

D. Finally, tell them to take out their airpods and put their phone down when speaking to someone. It's really disrespectful when a kid comes to my office and won't even lift their head up from their phone.

You probably shouldn't be lobbing allegations of "disrespectful" with a post like yours. While I would agree with most, if not all, of what you say, it gets lost in the smug superiority of the tone. And the implication that kids have not dealt with many (not all) of the things listed above since . . . forever.

And, furthermore, I'd look at your own practices and policies. I've had professors do unbelievable cruel things to students. I've seem them be completely and utterly incompetent, as well as disorganized. Unless you're perfect, maybe show a little bit of respect and grace for the students and parents (esp of first years) who are dealing with an overwhelming, sometimes emotional, and expensive time in their lives. Some may be disrespectful. Others are just keeping their heads above water. Maybe recognize that.

+1 Don't disagree with content of the original post (and my public school kid knows these skills--to answer the private school parent who thinks his coddled rich kid is the only one who does) but jeez, your tone and resentment are a little much. If you hate your college teaching job so much, do something else. There are 1,000 graduate students or recent PhDs who'd kill to have the tenured job you seem to think beneath you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, it sounds like many parents here are in favor of their college age kids exhibiting the following behaviors?

1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google.

2. Bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that.

3. Not know how to send emails, including properly address a person, type full sentences or make their question clear.

Every single one of these happen in the workforce. So, why are we bashing teens? This thread needs to die.

Yes, I was just in a meeting given by a cabinet secretary about the impending shut down. There were people asking really dumb questions that had been answered plain as day in the 1-page email the secretary's office sent out an hour earlier.

Eww, you still read email? That's so 2010s.

/s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College professor year. I've been a professor for 24 years and every year it's worse! Parents please try to nix these behaviors in your HS kids before they go to college AND teach them a few basic life skills. I promise spending some time on these will ensure your kid has a better experience in college and in life.

Behaviors to nix:
1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google. I can't tell you how many times a lazy kid will ask me something in class that is on the syllabus, and/or I've said repeatedly in class, and/or has nothing to do with the class that they could easily figure out on their own. It all comes down to pure LAZINESS.

2. Give your kid consequences for bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that. These kids today are clearly being raised without consequence.

3. Have your kid practice sending you and email, with you being the professor. Make sure they know how to properly address the person. Make sure they know how to type full sentences and make their question clear.

I routinely get emails like this:

Yo, whats on the test and do I need to read the textbook please let me know right away.

Notice that they 1) don't identify what class they are referring to, they don't really have a question I can answer, and they clearly didn't spend much time thinking about or writing the email. I usually just ignore this or send a quick reply to refer to the syllabus.

4) Do NOT, and I mean do NOT, tell them that if they have an issue with a professor that they should call you (the parent) and let you (the parent) contact the professor. I don't care who you are, there's this law called FERPA which means I can't discuss your kid's academic record unless they are present and have given permission to do so. Furthermore, I like to treat your kid as an adult and you probably should too.

I could go on but I won't.

Now for essential life skills:

A. For god's sakes teach them how to do laundry and have basic pride in their personal cleanliness. I can't tell you how many times some kid walks into my office stinking to high heaven and wearing clothes that look like they haven't been washed for weeks. Now I would normally think perhaps they struggle financially but when they whip out their iphone 14 or 15 and talk to with me airpods in, it makes me think they probably can afford to do laundry. They just don't and/or they don't know how.

B. How to set an alarm clock. Every quarter some kid misses an exam because they slept in and then they get mad when I won't let them take a makeup exam.

C. Same thing with how to use a calendar and write down important dates.

D. Finally, tell them to take out their airpods and put their phone down when speaking to someone. It's really disrespectful when a kid comes to my office and won't even lift their head up from their phone.

You probably shouldn't be lobbing allegations of "disrespectful" with a post like yours. While I would agree with most, if not all, of what you say, it gets lost in the smug superiority of the tone. And the implication that kids have not dealt with many (not all) of the things listed above since . . . forever.

And, furthermore, I'd look at your own practices and policies. I've had professors do unbelievable cruel things to students. I've seem them be completely and utterly incompetent, as well as disorganized. Unless you're perfect, maybe show a little bit of respect and grace for the students and parents (esp of first years) who are dealing with an overwhelming, sometimes emotional, and expensive time in their lives. Some may be disrespectful. Others are just keeping their heads above water. Maybe recognize that.

+1 Don't disagree with content of the original post (and my public school kid knows these skills--to answer the private school parent who thinks his coddled rich kid is the only one who does) but jeez, your tone and resentment are a little much. If you hate your college teaching job so much, do something else. There are 1,000 graduate students or recent PhDs who'd kill to have the tenured job you seem to think beneath you.

You should have put a period after the word “post,” & forgotten the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, it sounds like many parents here are in favor of their college age kids exhibiting the following behaviors?

1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google.

2. Bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that.

3. Not know how to send emails, including properly address a person, type full sentences or make their question clear.

Every single one of these happen in the workforce. So, why are we bashing teens? This thread needs to die.

I work with competent educated professionals so none of that happens in my workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Oh FFS stop using their disabilities like a crutch. The professor is right and if your poor addled ADHD kids you have probably hovered over and made excuses for and bulldozed a path for over the years can’t meet basic expectations, you failed them.

dp.. obviously, people with ADHD have a harder time, but seriously, you cannot keep using this crutch into the workplace. Your boss won't care that you miss deadlines, and your coworkers won't care if you have adhd when you smell so badly no one wants to be in the conference room with you.

I often wonder what the plan is for all these SNs college grads. Do you steer them into becoming a CPA or actuary or computer programmer, etc. where they perhaps don't have to interact much with clients/customers? I mean the descriptions seem to indicate they have real problems functioning in the world.

No, my ADHD/anxiety/no EF kid got out of HS with a 3.5UW, went to a T100 school. Started as a premed/PT major and quickly learned that was not going to work. Had to learn how to go to all the extra session, talk to profs and decide when to drop the course for a W and figure out how to try and stay on track for their program. Then had to ultimately come to the self realization that the major/career path they desired might not work out for them, so had to deal with that and try to figure out what they wanted to major in. For my ADHD kid, this all came to a head in March of Freshman year when at 9pm the night before they needed to register for Fall sophomore year courses (10am registration slot). it was a 3+ hour phone call with them to let them vent and discuss and make "suggestions" and help them come and accept that their dream career wasn't going to happen---they just couldn't hack the science and memorization (medical field) and intensity of that---it's gut wrenching to have to help your kid come to that realization (they feel stupid and worthless when they've wanted to do this for years). So you talk to them and help them realize figure out the next steps.
Then since registration is at 10am, you help them map out what they need to do to switch majors and try to get into the courses they need for their new major (finance/business so they are a full year behind the intro courses and want to graduate in 4 years).

My kid was up, prepared and waiting at 7:55am for the first office to open at 8am. Got guidance from the "gatekeeper" for his original major for how to undeclared with them and then moved onto the business school "gatekeeper" and successfully registered for courses they needed at 10am.
It's was stressful but they did it.
It's a huge accomplishment when you are doing all of this all while feeling like your are worthless and "can't do anything right".
Notice, I didn't do any of it. I simply worked with my kid to make sure they knew everything they might need to do so they wouldn't get screwed up and not get classes.
Now my next kid, I have never had to do any of that, not since MS. They are self motivated, organized, no EF at all (probably have near photographic memory and extremely smart where everything comes easy to them). With them college is a different experience....there is not making sure they are on the right track or anything like that. They manage everything themselves...but they do not have ADHD.

Seems a bit of a disservice to let them go through high school fixated on that med school dream to the exclusion of other ideas. Assessing one’s own DC’s standardized test scores and AP chem, AP bio and AP calc grades and scores in addition to an hour on the Internet regarding the path to medical school would be wise for any parent with child with a premed dream.

[Anonymous]

Yo where you teach at?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, it sounds like many parents here are in favor of their college age kids exhibiting the following behaviors?

1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google.

2. Bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that.

3. Not know how to send emails, including properly address a person, type full sentences or make their question clear.

Every single one of these happen in the workforce. So, why are we bashing teens? This thread needs to die.

I work with competent educated professionals so none of that happens in my workplace.

Yeah, none of this rings true in my current or prior workplaces either.

[Anonymous]

You should not be working with college students, OP, given your level of distain for them. I say this as a person who used to teach law school and quit teaching when I realized I didn’t like the students that much anymore. Get out. It’s time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

It hurts everyone. You, his siblings, his future wife and kids, his future coworkers and boss. Everyone.

Think long and hard the best match profession and life for an asd/adhd person. Or else grandma will need to be on call picking up the pieces forever.