Parents- nix these behaviors in your kids before they go to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

It hurts everyone. You, his siblings, his future wife and kids, his future coworkers and boss. Everyone.

Think long and hard the best match profession and life for an asd/adhd person. Or else grandma will need to be on call picking up the pieces forever.

+1

Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should not be working with college students, OP, given your level of distain for them. I say this as a person who used to teach law school and quit teaching when I realized I didn’t like the students that much anymore. Get out. It’s time.

You taught law school and can’t spell disdain? Christ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

It hurts everyone. You, his siblings, his future wife and kids, his future coworkers and boss. Everyone.

Think long and hard the best match profession and life for an asd/adhd person. Or else grandma will need to be on call picking up the pieces forever.

+1

Absolutely.

I agree with OP but I’m curious what kind of life you envision for a person with ADHD/ASD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Spot on. My kid is kind, intelligent, thoughtful and respectful. What he isn't is focused and tuned into what his priorities should be. He misreads things, scans documents and misses important info. He oversleeps because he's an athlete that gets up at 4:30am and then has to find a nap somewhere or he falls asleep in class. ADHD and another medical condition make him very tired.
Every year in middle school and high school, about 6 of the 7 teachers are incredible. One is always some kind of jerk who says there is no such thing as ADHD and it's just an excuse. I'm hoping that's not OP. The post had some great points but it also lacks some empathy for all kids. Everyone is going through something is such an important life lesson.
Be kind, be helpful, be understanding and most importantly - be there for your students. College freshmen are still kids. Give them a minute to grow. Causing a ton of stress might be a power trip but it's a lacks a little humanity too.

I'd let those kids take the test that day if they overslept. What's the big deal?

Isn’t the problem with taking the 9am test at 2pm because you will ask everyone which problems and concepts are in the test? Citing adhd and that you “slept in” due to not having athletics practice isn’t going to cut it. Unscrupulous people will cheat.

And professors then have to come up with entirely new tests and answer keys if they are “accommodating” cheaters or people who can’t wake up on time.

Btw, as an alum do you want “people who can’t wake up on time,” representing the brand at work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another professor here.

Disagree strongly with your email etiquette gripe. Not all kids have the benefit of being born into a family or attending a high school that conveys these skills. As educators, yes, even college educators with precious research agendas, it's our job to convey knowledge but also soft skills. Or at least point students in the right direction and have tolerance and empathy as they learn. It sounds like you teach Freshmen, so you especially should temper the expectation that all students arrive on campus "polished."

Honestly, it's annoying when students are rude and lacking any motivation. But unless every single student you teach is privileged, which how could you know that?, have some empathy and patience and don't assume the worst and be a positive force. Take 5 minutes to talk about these things to get everyone up to speed. THEN you can complain. But asking parents to teach this stuff so you don't have to is ignorant to the fact that not all parents can.

Rant over!

Sorry, but what you call “privileged”, I call well raised and mannered. I am with OP here. No way an adolescent should ever be addressing anyone with Yo. Never ever.

+1. The responses on this thread are evidence of why the OP is seeing what he/she does in terms of student behavior. This whole attitude of “i pay - - so you raise my kid” is prevalent throughout society. No - it is not the professor’s job to teach basic etiquette. And to the prior PP - of the “rate my professor” nonsense - good grief, I suspect you think paying tuition means your child is entitled to be rude and lacking in basic social graces. Heads up - the prof is not your nanny. No. Just no.

“Privileged” - the new label stuck on anything and everything that does not conform to the race to the bottom mentality.

+1

As if basic manners is now a “privilege.”

What a hoot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not be working with college students, OP, given your level of distain for them. I say this as a person who used to teach law school and quit teaching when I realized I didn’t like the students that much anymore. Get out. It’s time.

You taught law school and can’t spell disdain? Christ.

+1

I am a professor and think OP sounds very burnt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Thank you for saying this so articulately. I agree 1000%. I would add to this thank you professor for violating my child’s civil rights by not allowing the accommodation that is clearly allowed for such as recording in class just because you didn’t particularly like that idea. Or not allowing a computer in the year 2023, again when a child has this as an accommodation (or truly ANY kid of this generation). Remember, there are very many Neuro diverse kids in your classroom.

If your kid goes to the disability office and gets a specific accommodation and communicates it to the professor through the disability office, the prof is required to honor it.

Yes, they are required to, but they do not always. And yes, it is a complete violation of civil rights. This at one of the top universities in the country. We are no longer at that university.

So why are you protecting their identity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Oh FFS stop using their disabilities like a crutch. The professor is right and if your poor addled ADHD kids you have probably hovered over and made excuses for and bulldozed a path for over the years can’t meet basic expectations, you failed them.

dp.. obviously, people with ADHD have a harder time, but seriously, you cannot keep using this crutch into the workplace. Your boss won't care that you miss deadlines, and your coworkers won't care if you have adhd when you smell so badly no one wants to be in the conference room with you.

I often wonder what the plan is for all these SNs college grads. Do you steer them into becoming a CPA or actuary or computer programmer, etc. where they perhaps don't have to interact much with clients/customers? I mean the descriptions seem to indicate they have real problems functioning in the world.

A lot of them become academics actually. Please stop wondering about our children since it has no impact on you.

Huh...the SNs kids that have trouble functioning in college become academics. Strange why the various parents seem to claim OP is targeting them.

You know, because they are actually smart and a lot of the shit that OP mentioned really doesn't matter.

But a lot of it does matter, as seen through PPs who have mentioned seeing it in the workplace.

Ex: last week I had a guy from IT come to my office. He was well dressed. He then got closer and he smelled so bad. Dirty hair smell, unbrushed teeth smell, body odor, covered in cologne. I couldn't wait for him to leave. And for those who say he could have some issue where he always smells due to health, I had a dear friend who did have this. Different smell. This was just plain a guy who hadn't taken a shower in a few days and thought it could be covered with cologne. And also no, he wasn't from a different culture. Just a 20 something IT Bro who doesn't think showering is important to do his job. I have since learned this is a problem. He might be able to technically do his job, but the minute they can get him out they will. Plenty of good IT people who shower to take his place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

+1

But minus ASD

The prof isn't complaining because they have to suffer your kid. They are letting you know that all the money you spend on their education isn't worth it if they are going to shoot themselves in the foot. Wait a year, go to community college, let your ADHD/ASD kids get another year of executive function development/parenting if you really think they can't take notes, shower etc. in college. They are going to needlessly wreck their reputation.

NP here. I thought college admissions was more competitive than ever before. This generation comes in with more AP classes than ever, club sport and extracurriculars that surpass what most of the last generation did. If colleges have their pick of applicants, why are these kids with self-management and communication problems getting in?

They meet the acceptance standards, and it is illegal to discriminate against someone with a disability (Bozo).

[Anonymous]

Disability has become a very broad label that wealthy people can pay for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Oh FFS stop using their disabilities like a crutch. The professor is right and if your poor addled ADHD kids you have probably hovered over and made excuses for and bulldozed a path for over the years can’t meet basic expectations, you failed them.

dp.. obviously, people with ADHD have a harder time, but seriously, you cannot keep using this crutch into the workplace. Your boss won't care that you miss deadlines, and your coworkers won't care if you have adhd when you smell so badly no one wants to be in the conference room with you.

I often wonder what the plan is for all these SNs college grads. Do you steer them into becoming a CPA or actuary or computer programmer, etc. where they perhaps don't have to interact much with clients/customers? I mean the descriptions seem to indicate they have real problems functioning in the world.

A lot of them become academics actually. Please stop wondering about our children since it has no impact on you.

Huh...the SNs kids that have trouble functioning in college become academics. Strange why the various parents seem to claim OP is targeting them.

You know, because they are actually smart and a lot of the shit that OP mentioned really doesn't matter.

But a lot of it does matter, as seen through PPs who have mentioned seeing it in the workplace.

Ex: last week I had a guy from IT come to my office. He was well dressed. He then got closer and he smelled so bad. Dirty hair smell, unbrushed teeth smell, body odor, covered in cologne. I couldn't wait for him to leave. And for those who say he could have some issue where he always smells due to health, I had a dear friend who did have this. Different smell. This was just plain a guy who hadn't taken a shower in a few days and thought it could be covered with cologne. And also no, he wasn't from a different culture. Just a 20 something IT Bro who doesn't think showering is important to do his job. I have since learned this is a problem. He might be able to technically do his job, but the minute they can get him out they will. Plenty of good IT people who shower to take his place.

The seemingly ADHD woman I had to manage - she made lots of self deprecating jokes about it- never took notes at meetings, couldn’t understand repeated processes to kick off a project, and needed tons of emails and reminders to do basic stuff she was responsible for. And if two MDs asked her for work she’d prioritize things all willy nilly.

I made so many process papers and reference manuals for this individual. Yet the same mistakes and missed definitions and metrics would show up in her sloppy work. At some point she resorted to giving the intern all her work and no one gave her anymore things to do.

The kicker was she managed to lose her work iPhone FOUR times over 2.5 years. Like really leave it and lose it- on a hike, at a restaurant.

She left for business school and now is someone else’s problem. She didn’t ask us for a recommendation either so grad schools and her next employer don’t due any diligence on work habits or fit either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Good suggestions

Agree, we are working on these at homes and likely have one kid who picks these things up quickly, and does them. And then other who forgets or hems and haws. And can’t remember to turn off lights or flush her toilet.

[Anonymous]

Teach them how to dress in a professional manner. I am aghast at people turning up for graduations and convocations as if they are going to a disco.

[Anonymous]

My sil is 23 and she really is an amazing, kind, person but I do see these traits in her. What’s odd is she was more responsible and well mannered in her teens, it almost feels like this type of behavior is normalized within her peer group and she is feeding off of that energy.

I’m sure she will grow out of it but this is just to say, I’m not sure all of these behaviors in all kids are due to parents not teaching their kids these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just one point: how are parents supposed to know about and address "talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom" even what kinds of questions they ask in class -- maybe you should be addressing high school teachers. Parents get zero information about what their kids are like in school.

How about you just teach general respectful behaviors and emotional regulation.

The responses from so many of the defensive parents on here are embarrassing.

I said nothing defensive. As far as I know, all kids are respectful in the classroom, as they are at home. If they aren’t, then that’s terrible; only the teachers know about that and only the teachers can correct that behavior or at least tell someone about it.