Parents- nix these behaviors in your kids before they go to college

[Anonymous]

For the person who asked for a definition of ADHD and how it differs from ASD, here is one:

"Keep an eye on how your child pays attention. Children with autism struggle to focus on things that they don't like, such as reading a book or doing a puzzle. And they may fixate on things that they do like, such as playing with a particular toy.

Kids with ADHD often dislike and avoid things they'll have to concentrate on.

You should also study how your child is learning to communicate. Although kids with either condition may struggle to interact with other people, those with autism can have less social awareness of others around them. They often have a hard time putting words to their thoughts and feelings. And they may not be able to point to an object to give meaning to their speech. They find it hard to make eye contact.

A child with ADHD, on the other hand, may talk nonstop. They're more likely to interrupt when someone else is speaking or butt in and try to monopolize a conversation. Also, consider the subject. Some kids with autism can talk for hours about a topic that they're interested in.

A child with autism usually loves order and repetition. But a kid with ADHD might not, even if it helps them."

https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/childhood-adhd/adhd-or-autism#:~:text=Autism%20spectrum%20disorders%20are%20a,or%20think%20before%20you%20act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Professor,

If you would accord college students the courtesy of allowing them to take sick leave when they have COVID, that would be great.

Mom of kid at Top 10 school, whose kid contracted COVID first week of school, and FOLLOWING SCHOOL POLICY, kid emailed professor to say she would miss the class, only for one of 5 professors to drop kid from class enrollment because she missed a class in the first week.

That is a jerk move.

That's infuriating. I just heard from my kid at a not top 10 school that professors are requiring doctor's notes to excuse COVID absences. It's crazy that after so many professors refused to work in person even after vaccines, they are now punishing students for doing the right thing to avoid spreading COVID.

I'm pretty sure the profs who chose to work remotely are not the same ones who are penalizing students for missing class. You do realize profs are not some monolithic group, right? First, I'd confirm that your DC's story is accurate. Second, I'd check in on that--it could have been a mistake and she could be re-enrolled. There are a lot of kids who register for more classes than they will actually take so they can adjust their schedules and that first week or so is chaotic. Almost all schools also have an add-drop deadline so a prof wouldn't drop a student from the class the first week anyway. I think there's more to this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the person who asked for a definition of ADHD and how it differs from ASD, here is one:

"Keep an eye on how your child pays attention. Children with autism struggle to focus on things that they don't like, such as reading a book or doing a puzzle. And they may fixate on things that they do like, such as playing with a particular toy.

Kids with ADHD often dislike and avoid things they'll have to concentrate on.

You should also study how your child is learning to communicate. Although kids with either condition may struggle to interact with other people, those with autism can have less social awareness of others around them. They often have a hard time putting words to their thoughts and feelings. And they may not be able to point to an object to give meaning to their speech. They find it hard to make eye contact.

A child with ADHD, on the other hand, may talk nonstop. They're more likely to interrupt when someone else is speaking or butt in and try to monopolize a conversation. Also, consider the subject. Some kids with autism can talk for hours about a topic that they're interested in.

A child with autism usually loves order and repetition. But a kid with ADHD might not, even if it helps them."

https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/childhood-adhd/adhd-or-autism#:~:text=Autism%20spectrum%20disorders%20are%20a,or%20think%20before%20you%20act.

? I don't have autism, and I don't pay attention to things I don't like, and I'm pretty sure a lot of people are like this. It would be even more applicable to young children who don't understand why it's important to pay attention to something. That part of the definition seems idiotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Professor,

If you would accord college students the courtesy of allowing them to take sick leave when they have COVID, that would be great.

Mom of kid at Top 10 school, whose kid contracted COVID first week of school, and FOLLOWING SCHOOL POLICY, kid emailed professor to say she would miss the class, only for one of 5 professors to drop kid from class enrollment because she missed a class in the first week.

That is a jerk move.

That's infuriating. I just heard from my kid at a not top 10 school that professors are requiring doctor's notes to excuse COVID absences. It's crazy that after so many professors refused to work in person even after vaccines, they are now punishing students for doing the right thing to avoid spreading COVID.

I'm pretty sure the profs who chose to work remotely are not the same ones who are penalizing students for missing class. You do realize profs are not some monolithic group, right? First, I'd confirm that your DC's story is accurate. Second, I'd check in on that--it could have been a mistake and she could be re-enrolled. There are a lot of kids who register for more classes than they will actually take so they can adjust their schedules and that first week or so is chaotic. Almost all schools also have an add-drop deadline so a prof wouldn't drop a student from the class the first week anyway. I think there's more to this story.

You'd be wrong in thinking that. She is petitioning the department to be allowed to re-enroll, but no guarantees because they have since allowed more students to add into the class. The rules on the syllabus clearly state that students must attend classes during the first week. DD clearly did not, but she was just unable to get to class with a 101.5 degree fever and a positive COVID test.

I know professors are not monoliths, but this professor is being a jerk. Take that as a data point that it isn't just the students who have room for improvement. This is a class that she needs for her major, so it will have real consequences for her.

I am disappointed in the jerk professor, and I am also disappointed that that department and college won't tell the professor that he can't do that. Professors are not gods who we have to appease and beg from. They are humans who make up the community of a university.

It's been a lesson learned for my DD. Winning all sorts of awards and research grants does not make you a decent person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I do agree that EF challenges or ADHD do NOT preclude someone from having a customer-facing job. Heck, even autistic people can have those jobs. But, just wanted to clarify that ADHD/EF difficulties can absolutely manifest with social concerns. The presentation would be different than autism, but they can (and very often do) exist. here's a great article that breaks it down: https://chadd.org/for-adults/relationships-social-skills/"

The thing is that SOME people with ADHD have social skill problems. But having social skill problems is NOT required for someone to be diagnosed as having it. In fact, most people with ADHD do not have any problems in this regard.

None of the several ADHD people in my extended family have social skills problems. If anything, this is their strong suit and it helps them get away with things they screw up. And they have really high intelligence, which helps them get by in school or at work. They also aren't a hot mess when it comes to body cleanliness or dressing and grooming appropriately. They may need reminders to get their biannual teeth cleaning scheduled, but they brush their teeth every day before leaving the house because they don't want to have bad breath. And they probably can't remember where they left that syllabus. But I wish people would stop blaming every lack of life skills on ADHD.

If I didn't put my biannual cleaning on my Outlook calendar, I would probably forget too. At some point, I would think...gee it seems like it has been a while.

I mean, why are they considered to have ADHD? Where is the disability?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Professor,

If you would accord college students the courtesy of allowing them to take sick leave when they have COVID, that would be great.

Mom of kid at Top 10 school, whose kid contracted COVID first week of school, and FOLLOWING SCHOOL POLICY, kid emailed professor to say she would miss the class, only for one of 5 professors to drop kid from class enrollment because she missed a class in the first week.

That is a jerk move.

That's infuriating. I just heard from my kid at a not top 10 school that professors are requiring doctor's notes to excuse COVID absences. It's crazy that after so many professors refused to work in person even after vaccines, they are now punishing students for doing the right thing to avoid spreading COVID.

I'm pretty sure the profs who chose to work remotely are not the same ones who are penalizing students for missing class. You do realize profs are not some monolithic group, right? First, I'd confirm that your DC's story is accurate. Second, I'd check in on that--it could have been a mistake and she could be re-enrolled. There are a lot of kids who register for more classes than they will actually take so they can adjust their schedules and that first week or so is chaotic. Almost all schools also have an add-drop deadline so a prof wouldn't drop a student from the class the first week anyway. I think there's more to this story.

You'd be wrong in thinking that. She is petitioning the department to be allowed to re-enroll, but no guarantees because they have since allowed more students to add into the class. The rules on the syllabus clearly state that students must attend classes during the first week. DD clearly did not, but she was just unable to get to class with a 101.5 degree fever and a positive COVID test.

I know professors are not monoliths, but this professor is being a jerk. Take that as a data point that it isn't just the students who have room for improvement. This is a class that she needs for her major, so it will have real consequences for her.

I am disappointed in the jerk professor, and I am also disappointed that that department and college won't tell the professor that he can't do that. Professors are not gods who we have to appease and beg from. They are humans who make up the community of a university.

It's been a lesson learned for my DD. Winning all sorts of awards and research grants does not make you a decent person.

I'm the PP and agree that the professor sounds like a jerk. And, of course, there are profs with plenty of room for improvement--jeez, some are found to sexually harass students, plagiarize etc. They are human like anyone else. And some top universities do allow star profs to get away with bad behavior (though on average I think profs are the strongest part of the university and in most cases they deserve more not less support). I think OP's point is not should students be perfect, but that OP sees a trend in student behavior overall that parents should be aware of before sending their kids off to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank god for Rate my Professor.

My nephew was starting freshman year this year and a bunch of recent graduates had 1 piece of advice for him at his going away party ... do not take a class from a professor like OP.

1. Check Rate my Professor before registering
2. The 1st class, feel the professor out, if he is like OP DROP.THE.CLASS. You can't out IQ a bad professor, you can't teach yourself the class, drop.the.class. There is no getting around a bad arrogant professor, just drop the class and take an elective that is open. It gets better when you are in your last 2 years, ask friends who can teach, who is good.. take their classes.

Hey Professor care to share your name so we can look you up in Rate My Professor?

RatemyProfessor often ends up favoring easy profs--and often adjuncts who are young. What a waste of resources for your kids to take classes from the people who are not the top in their field and who may be nice and understanding but have lower demands. I guess if your aim is to get through school with the least amount of work possible.

Well they all graduated and have great jobs.

So sad you think college has to be a slog.

Works Smart not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank god for Rate my Professor.

My nephew was starting freshman year this year and a bunch of recent graduates had 1 piece of advice for him at his going away party ... do not take a class from a professor like OP.

1. Check Rate my Professor before registering
2. The 1st class, feel the professor out, if he is like OP DROP.THE.CLASS. You can't out IQ a bad professor, you can't teach yourself the class, drop.the.class. There is no getting around a bad arrogant professor, just drop the class and take an elective that is open. It gets better when you are in your last 2 years, ask friends who can teach, who is good.. take their classes.

Hey Professor care to share your name so we can look you up in Rate My Professor?

NP. I have a 5/5 rating on Rate My Professor (not that I care, but you asked so I looked) and have received multiple awards for teaching and mentorship. I agree with every word the OP said.

So you’re still an easy teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Professor,

If you would accord college students the courtesy of allowing them to take sick leave when they have COVID, that would be great.

Mom of kid at Top 10 school, whose kid contracted COVID first week of school, and FOLLOWING SCHOOL POLICY, kid emailed professor to say she would miss the class, only for one of 5 professors to drop kid from class enrollment because she missed a class in the first week.

That is a jerk move.

That's infuriating. I just heard from my kid at a not top 10 school that professors are requiring doctor's notes to excuse COVID absences. It's crazy that after so many professors refused to work in person even after vaccines, they are now punishing students for doing the right thing to avoid spreading COVID.

I'm pretty sure the profs who chose to work remotely are not the same ones who are penalizing students for missing class. You do realize profs are not some monolithic group, right? First, I'd confirm that your DC's story is accurate. Second, I'd check in on that--it could have been a mistake and she could be re-enrolled. There are a lot of kids who register for more classes than they will actually take so they can adjust their schedules and that first week or so is chaotic. Almost all schools also have an add-drop deadline so a prof wouldn't drop a student from the class the first week anyway. I think there's more to this story.

You'd be wrong in thinking that. She is petitioning the department to be allowed to re-enroll, but no guarantees because they have since allowed more students to add into the class. The rules on the syllabus clearly state that students must attend classes during the first week. DD clearly did not, but she was just unable to get to class with a 101.5 degree fever and a positive COVID test.

I know professors are not monoliths, but this professor is being a jerk. Take that as a data point that it isn't just the students who have room for improvement. This is a class that she needs for her major, so it will have real consequences for her.

I am disappointed in the jerk professor, and I am also disappointed that that department and college won't tell the professor that he can't do that. Professors are not gods who we have to appease and beg from. They are humans who make up the community of a university.

It's been a lesson learned for my DD. Winning all sorts of awards and research grants does not make you a decent person.

I think OP's point is not should students be perfect, but that OP sees a trend in student behavior overall that parents should be aware of before sending their kids off to school.

The most important & disturbing aspect of this discussion is that this trend has been going on for decades & it keeps getting WORSE EVERY YEAR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These issues also come from middle school/high school policies that are too accommodating. Direct some of that energy to those schools and the school boards.

God forbid parents do anything.

God forbid a high school teacher teach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of parents, I think a lot of this is lax discipline in K-12. Seems like you can retake tests for any made up reason and there are no consequences for anything.

This is exactly the problem! No consequences for poor grades, rude or inappropriate behavior, physical violence because of equity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank god for Rate my Professor.

My nephew was starting freshman year this year and a bunch of recent graduates had 1 piece of advice for him at his going away party ... do not take a class from a professor like OP.

1. Check Rate my Professor before registering
2. The 1st class, feel the professor out, if he is like OP DROP.THE.CLASS. You can't out IQ a bad professor, you can't teach yourself the class, drop.the.class. There is no getting around a bad arrogant professor, just drop the class and take an elective that is open. It gets better when you are in your last 2 years, ask friends who can teach, who is good.. take their classes.

Hey Professor care to share your name so we can look you up in Rate My Professor?

NP. I have a 5/5 rating on Rate My Professor (not that I care, but you asked so I looked) and have received multiple awards for teaching and mentorship. I agree with every word the OP said.

So you’re still an easy teacher.

Ha! NO. Actually I have a reputation around campus of being a hard-ass/stickler. From Rate my Professor: "My favorite professor at Clown College. I've never had another professor so dedicated to helping her students grow in [insert subject]. She might be the hardest grader I've had for both [my subject] and beyond, but she makes you want to do well in her class so I did well. Funny, easy to talk to, supportive, and challenging."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank god for Rate my Professor.

My nephew was starting freshman year this year and a bunch of recent graduates had 1 piece of advice for him at his going away party ... do not take a class from a professor like OP.

1. Check Rate my Professor before registering
2. The 1st class, feel the professor out, if he is like OP DROP.THE.CLASS. You can't out IQ a bad professor, you can't teach yourself the class, drop.the.class. There is no getting around a bad arrogant professor, just drop the class and take an elective that is open. It gets better when you are in your last 2 years, ask friends who can teach, who is good.. take their classes.

Hey Professor care to share your name so we can look you up in Rate My Professor?

RatemyProfessor often ends up favoring easy profs--and often adjuncts who are young. What a waste of resources for your kids to take classes from the people who are not the top in their field and who may be nice and understanding but have lower demands. I guess if your aim is to get through school with the least amount of work possible.

Well they all graduated and have great jobs.

So sad you think college has to be a slog.

Works Smart not hard.

If I'm going to send my kids to a top college, I'd rather they'd learn from the faculty that make it a top college, not the adjuncts that are there to fill in the gaps. I think it's good to work smart and hard--not just grab the credential the easiest way possible. Life is long and a solid education builds your brain, not just gets you a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Thank you for saying this so articulately. I agree 1000%. I would add to this thank you professor for violating my child’s civil rights by not allowing the accommodation that is clearly allowed for such as recording in class just because you didn’t particularly like that idea. Or not allowing a computer in the year 2023, again when a child has this as an accommodation (or truly ANY kid of this generation). Remember, there are very many Neuro diverse kids in your classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Thank you for saying this so articulately. I agree 1000%. I would add to this thank you professor for violating my child’s civil rights by not allowing the accommodation that is clearly allowed for such as recording in class just because you didn’t particularly like that idea. Or not allowing a computer in the year 2023, again when a child has this as an accommodation (or truly ANY kid of this generation). Remember, there are very many Neuro diverse kids in your classroom.

If your kid goes to the disability office and gets a specific accommodation and communicates it to the professor through the disability office, the prof is required to honor it.