Parents- nix these behaviors in your kids before they go to college

[Anonymous]

Where do you teach, OP? You don’t have to name it but how about public/private and median test scores, gpa and acceptance rate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dear college professor,

why did you go into education if you are not willing to do the job of educating people?

you sound like the kind of professor that nobody says take their class, they are awesome.

signed most people

Profs are subject matter experts, not etiquette or communication educators.

nah they are teachers that made up some fancy title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you teach, OP? You don’t have to name it but how about public/private and median test scores, gpa and acceptance rate?

DP here. This applies at most colleges, frankly. I have seen it in my own family, and DH's, too - the family enables, and the kid does not have what they need to do well, even though they are perfectly capable. The parents mean well, and mean to help, but it is just too much and it is too hard for them to back away and watch their kid struggle when they are young, but it gets worse as they get older.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for teachers/professors. All this poster wanted is for people to teach their kids manners and common sense. I work in education and honestly I thank parents who have taught their kids to act respectful. And no, disability is no excuse, because those kids tend to have true empathy.

[Anonymous]

As a parent, I’ve been giving feedback to my kids on their emails to teachers and other adults since middle school. Fully recognize my privilege but I think OP’s post is directed to the parents of privilege on DCUM. I agree more grace and education are needed for kids without those skills and that professors should provide that where needed (it’s crucial to social mobility!). But if you’re a parent on here and able, I agree you should be helping your middle or high schooler recognize where their tone isn’t appropriate in an email, where they are putting a burden on the teacher (or future boss!) to answer something easily found elsewhere, etc. It’s an important lifelong skill. And some kids will need more help with it than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dear college professor,

why did you go into education if you are not willing to do the job of educating people?

you sound like the kind of professor that nobody says take their class, they are awesome.

signed most people

Profs are subject matter experts, not etiquette or communication educators.

+1

-1

If you want a pure SME role, don’t go into education at any level. Professors often wear many hats, one of which is teaching. If it’s *that* odious, find a different use of your subject matter expertise.

This is utterly ridiculous. You're probably one of those people who think kindergarten teachers should wipe kids' butts. Sorry, no. Some things need to be taught by parents. If your children are rude and feral that's on you, not anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dear college professor,

why did you go into education if you are not willing to do the job of educating people?

you sound like the kind of professor that nobody says take their class, they are awesome.

signed most people

Profs are subject matter experts, not etiquette or communication educators.

nah they are teachers that made up some fancy title.

Professor is a fancy title? I'm sure if you sound out the syllables, you can figure out how to say it.

[Anonymous]

I agree with all of these but I will say that the syllabus thing is tricky.

I am in grad school currently (at 47) and there have been multiple times when the professors has gone off course from the syllabus or what is on the syllabus doesn't match what is elsewhere on Canvas, etc. So even if you are a professor who sticks to it, not all do and sometimes that could result in questions that you might interpret as not reading the syllabus but could just be clarifying etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Oh FFS stop using their disabilities like a crutch. The professor is right and if your poor addled ADHD kids you have probably hovered over and made excuses for and bulldozed a path for over the years can’t meet basic expectations, you failed them.

dp.. obviously, people with ADHD have a harder time, but seriously, you cannot keep using this crutch into the workplace. Your boss won't care that you miss deadlines, and your coworkers won't care if you have adhd when you smell so badly no one wants to be in the conference room with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

This. I have two SN kids - yes working with Disability Services at both schools - Professor needs to realize that not every child can measure up to his expectations. Learn some charity

If your kid can't meet expectations, he or she should not be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Oh FFS stop using their disabilities like a crutch. The professor is right and if your poor addled ADHD kids you have probably hovered over and made excuses for and bulldozed a path for over the years can’t meet basic expectations, you failed them.

dp.. obviously, people with ADHD have a harder time, but seriously, you cannot keep using this crutch into the workplace. Your boss won't care that you miss deadlines, and your coworkers won't care if you have adhd when you smell so badly no one wants to be in the conference room with you.

I often wonder what the plan is for all these SNs college grads. Do you steer them into becoming a CPA or actuary or computer programmer, etc. where they perhaps don't have to interact much with clients/customers? I mean the descriptions seem to indicate they have real problems functioning in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

This. I have two SN kids - yes working with Disability Services at both schools - Professor needs to realize that not every child can measure up to his expectations. Learn some charity

If your kid can't meet expectations, he or she should not be there.

You keep saying that and you're super annoying but also super wrong. Yes, they should absolutely be there. Sometimes it takes these kids a little longer to grow up and mature but they get there eventually. To exclude them from the opportunity to attend college because of laundry or wrongly worded email is ridiculous and extremely short-sighted. They are talented and smart and often overcome a lot more than the kids who can coast through life with half the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they need to shower and do laundry, that's on them. I taught them, sorry. Not sure how they learn that lesson the hard way, except perhaps socially.

Then don't complain when a professor kicks them out of office hours and tells them to come back after they've showered and put on freshly-laundered clothes and your kid calls you crying. Back up the professor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

Oh FFS stop using their disabilities like a crutch. The professor is right and if your poor addled ADHD kids you have probably hovered over and made excuses for and bulldozed a path for over the years can’t meet basic expectations, you failed them.

dp.. obviously, people with ADHD have a harder time, but seriously, you cannot keep using this crutch into the workplace. Your boss won't care that you miss deadlines, and your coworkers won't care if you have adhd when you smell so badly no one wants to be in the conference room with you.

I often wonder what the plan is for all these SNs college grads. Do you steer them into becoming a CPA or actuary or computer programmer, etc. where they perhaps don't have to interact much with clients/customers? I mean the descriptions seem to indicate they have real problems functioning in the world.

A lot of them become academics actually. Please stop wondering about our children since it has no impact on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:dear college professor,

why did you go into education if you are not willing to do the job of educating people?

you sound like the kind of professor that nobody says take their class, they are awesome.

signed most people

Dear Nitwit,

It is not the job of professors to teach kids to work hard, be respectful, write proper emails, bathe, do laundry, and show up on time. That's the job of parents, many of whom are failing.

Signed,

Not the OP