Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Then why do you guys complain about paying alimony after the divorce?

She’s no longer my wife, she’s not my responsibility. Oh and if she’s dating some other guy, why the hell am I subsidizing her? She’s his problem now.

But she lost years of income and it's impossible to support herself now, with stale skills and ageism looming in the workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused. So in this thread all men say that they don't care if their wives make any money, as long as they are pretty and nice. Then why do you guys complain about paying alimony after the divorce? There are so many threads about men being angry about having to support the wife after the divorce, having to split the assets, the wife not wanting to work. Isn't this what you wanted?

Easy. Because one is a wife. The other is an ex wife. Divorced guys would hate the ex wife who works too and find something to complain about.

So the woman is allowed not to work outside the home only if she's servicing the husband? And as soon as she's no longer usable, she needs to start supporting herself? Wow.

Welcome to the harsh truth of the world. Everyone is inherently out for themselves man or woman. Grow up.

So this is why I cringe when I hear women giving up their careers to stay home. Men like PP and my FIL had no qualms abandoning their wives. My MIL is in her 60s and still working. Statistically, so many women fall into poverty after the divorce., so they stay in abusive relationships. Sometimes there's no plan B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Then why do you guys complain about paying alimony after the divorce?

She’s no longer my wife, she’s not my responsibility. Oh and if she’s dating some other guy, why the hell am I subsidizing her? She’s his problem now.

But she lost years of income and it's impossible to support herself now, with stale skills and ageism looming in the workplace.

Who precisely owes her? The courts have decided her ex owes her something, but you can’t squeeze blood from a stone ya know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused. So in this thread all men say that they don't care if their wives make any money, as long as they are pretty and nice. Then why do you guys complain about paying alimony after the divorce? There are so many threads about men being angry about having to support the wife after the divorce, having to split the assets, the wife not wanting to work. Isn't this what you wanted?

Easy. Because one is a wife. The other is an ex wife. Divorced guys would hate the ex wife who works too and find something to complain about.

So the woman is allowed not to work outside the home only if she's servicing the husband? And as soon as she's no longer usable, she needs to start supporting herself? Wow.

Welcome to the harsh truth of the world. Everyone is inherently out for themselves man or woman. Grow up.

So this is why I cringe when I hear women giving up their careers to stay home. Men like PP and my FIL had no qualms abandoning their wives. My MIL is in her 60s and still working. Statistically, so many women fall into poverty after the divorce., so they stay in abusive relationships. Sometimes there's no plan B.

Hopefully the new generation signs prenups now. The abandonment and physical abuse is ridiculous. Especially when it involves children. Whether a woman works or stays home she now needs to plan for a divorce should it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused. So in this thread all men say that they don't care if their wives make any money, as long as they are pretty and nice. Then why do you guys complain about paying alimony after the divorce? There are so many threads about men being angry about having to support the wife after the divorce, having to split the assets, the wife not wanting to work. Isn't this what you wanted?

No one goes into marriage thinking they will divorce.

If you ask men who you want to marry, it's pretty and nice and good in bed (of course, fun to be around, good conversation, all those things are also important).

If you ask men who they want to divorce, it's rich. That's it. Who cares if she's ugly and mean if you are divorcing her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How true is it that men would rather marry a hot woman with no career of her own than marry an average woman with a career that matched his?

Man here.

This isn’t the case. While a young man in his 20s might want to date a “hot woman”, as men mature they realize that there is more to life than dating a “hot woman”. Shared interests and relatively similar backgrounds become important to carry a relationship through the natural course of a marriage. That said, very few men (and I would presume women as well, for that matter) are looking to marry a workaholic. Work-life balance is key, as are interests that extend beyond the workplace.

[Anonymous]

My wife and I are both professionals, we make similar salaries and share the child care and household duties evenly. She would be terribly unhappy without her career and is a highly skilled professional. I support her and her career just as she supports me in mine. There are certainly some men who deep down just want a wife barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but most of us have evolved beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are both professionals, we make similar salaries and share the child care and household duties evenly. She would be terribly unhappy without her career and is a highly skilled professional. I support her and her career just as she supports me in mine. There are certainly some men who deep down just want a wife barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but most of us have evolved beyond that.

It’s not a question of wanting her barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. It’s a matter of not sneering at her job even if it doesn’t match mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Then why do you guys complain about paying alimony after the divorce?

She’s no longer my wife, she’s not my responsibility. Oh and if she’s dating some other guy, why the hell am I subsidizing her? She’s his problem now.

This is exactly why the relevant question is not whether the guy cares about your career, but whether YOU care about your career.

Women not working was never meant to be a good deal for women. Wake up, ladies! How is it good for you if your primary access to resources is through your man?

A guy who genuinely respects women will understand that women having their power and independence makes the relationship better, not worse. If you’re with a guy who wants a SAHM in this day and age I would really think twice about what it is he expects. And most men of substance, while not caring whether you invented the COVID vaccine or do underwater basket weaving, want a companion who is an intellectual match so they can enjoy your company for years to come as PPs have said. Someone who can challenge them, introduce them to new things, stand up to them and elicit their respect, in addition to the attraction and nurturing. That’s a real partnership. Not someone who only wants to f* you — that’s a dime a dozen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are both professionals, we make similar salaries and share the child care and household duties evenly. She would be terribly unhappy without her career and is a highly skilled professional. I support her and her career just as she supports me in mine. There are certainly some men who deep down just want a wife barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but most of us have evolved beyond that.

having kids and taking care of a house is work. Anyone can see that which is why there are all these arguments. The problem is when there is still that work to do with the kids and a house and the man runs off with the money. Money, safety, and raising kids can't be divorced from each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are both professionals, we make similar salaries and share the child care and household duties evenly. She would be terribly unhappy without her career and is a highly skilled professional. I support her and her career just as she supports me in mine. There are certainly some men who deep down just want a wife barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but most of us have evolved beyond that.

having kids and taking care of a house is work. Anyone can see that which is why there are all these arguments. The problem is when there is still that work to do with the kids and a house and the man runs off with the money. Money, safety, and raising kids can't be divorced from each other.

I think what you mean is that they can be divorced from one another. That’s why a woman should not depend on a man to bring in the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Then why do you guys complain about paying alimony after the divorce?

She’s no longer my wife, she’s not my responsibility. Oh and if she’s dating some other guy, why the hell am I subsidizing her? She’s his problem now.

Ha. Not your problem. Well you sure as hell are her problem. She has no earning power because she was cooking your food and raising your kids and cleaning your house while you were getting regular raises? You owe her, like it or not, you have to pay up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are both professionals, we make similar salaries and share the child care and household duties evenly. She would be terribly unhappy without her career and is a highly skilled professional. I support her and her career just as she supports me in mine. There are certainly some men who deep down just want a wife barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but most of us have evolved beyond that.

having kids and taking care of a house is work. Anyone can see that which is why there are all these arguments. The problem is when there is still that work to do with the kids and a house and the man runs off with the money. Money, safety, and raising kids can't be divorced from each other.

Yep - WOH mom here. It is hard, never ending, thankless work. This is why I think it's so unfair when Hs leave and the courts decide that a SAHM has max 2 years to get on her feet and start making $$$. Good luck trying to find a position that can allows survival in DC area after being out of work for 10+ years. What if you have teenagers and you want them to stay in the same schools? You need at least 3.5K to rent an old rancher in McLean High School.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Then why do you guys complain about paying alimony after the divorce?

She’s no longer my wife, she’s not my responsibility. Oh and if she’s dating some other guy, why the hell am I subsidizing her? She’s his problem now.

Ha. Not your problem. Well you sure as hell are her problem. She has no earning power because she was cooking your food and raising your kids and cleaning your house while you were getting regular raises? You owe her, like it or not, you have to pay up.

Why do you assume my wife wasn’t earning money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Then why do you guys complain about paying alimony after the divorce?

She’s no longer my wife, she’s not my responsibility. Oh and if she’s dating some other guy, why the hell am I subsidizing her? She’s his problem now.

Ha. Not your problem. Well you sure as hell are her problem. She has no earning power because she was cooking your food and raising your kids and cleaning your house while you were getting regular raises? You owe her, like it or not, you have to pay up.

Why do you assume my wife wasn’t earning money?

Good grief, "no" is hyperbole. But I assumed she wasn't making a lot because alimony isn't usually going to the spouse who doesn't have the big salary in the marriage. If your situation is an exception I'd be curious to hear the details.