Svelte teen girls -- being the ugly duckling in a school of swans

[Anonymous]

As someone LMC who went and graduated from private school OP, you may want to reconsider that private school.

She already stands out by being less well to do (like I did) and it's going to be a lot harder to look the same as all the other girls without a lot of $$$ for clothing and for exercise activities etc ...

There is a lot more to private school than tuition, and it's going to incredibly hard for her to fit in with out the money. And I am afraid she will develop an eating disorder trying to keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A BMI of 25 is not overweight. Do not bring this up with her. If anything those other girls will put on weight as their bodies change.

Oh man this is very delusional.

First of all, the teens are in the same grade so they’re all the same age and similar development. The other girls are used to a culture of fitness and have incorporated it into their lives. Plus, sports like tennis are things that are easy to continue recreationally and socially as they get older—that’s a big part of why wealthy families encourage them. Long after these girls have aged out of tournaments, they will get together for friendly games.

It’s very silly to pretend that it’s more likely the sedentary girl who hates to work out is going to end up being fit while the girls working hard to win tournaments are going to end up fat.

And this is the thing: it takes money to pursue tennis and golf and horse riding, etc... Yes, you can practice on public courts and so on, but that's not usually where private school students are getting together for games. (I'm the former private lifer from the above post.)

I wanted so much to fit in, and took those rec lessons, and went with a public school friend to the public tennis courts to practice, and I never could catch up to all the rich girls even during gym class tennis. There was a special "B" group in our private school gym class so all us poors with suboptimal skills could play each other.

[Anonymous]

And, I know I'm on a soap box here, but going to a private where I could never keep up or compete in most anything (although smart and actually slim and in good shape) didn't help me.

I just learned I didn't have a chance, which is what your dad seems to be learning, and to just stay in my lane. Problem is I didn't get to have fun trying a whole bunch of different things while in high school because those doors were already closed to me in my private school by that point.

On the plus side, I learned early on how much difference money makes, downside was it just demoralized me at that age.

[Anonymous]

Dad should be "dd"

[Anonymous]

Butt mr why is this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I have noticed with my kids is that being serious about a sport leads to being more conscious about food and about general physical health. My ds was a chubby tween and sports changed that. My dd was always thin, and she runs cross country so it burns a ton of calories. Both kids also go to the gym 4+ times a week. I'd guess the kids you see looking thin just spend a lot of time working out AND also generally eat pretty well.

Growing up in the 70s and 80s and 90s teens didn’t have to run cross country to be thin. They also didn’t have to go to a gym 4x a week. That was adults trying to stay thin.

Most girls were naturally thin because portion sizes were appropriate. Some families had the lousy genetics and/or food choices but most teens lived their lives without worry about gaining weight, they just didn’t. It must be the food that changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A BMI of 25 is not overweight. Do not bring this up with her. If anything those other girls will put on weight as their bodies change.

Oh man this is very delusional.

First of all, the teens are in the same grade so they’re all the same age and similar development. The other girls are used to a culture of fitness and have incorporated it into their lives. Plus, sports like tennis are things that are easy to continue recreationally and socially as they get older—that’s a big part of why wealthy families encourage them. Long after these girls have aged out of tournaments, they will get together for friendly games.

It’s very silly to pretend that it’s more likely the sedentary girl who hates to work out is going to end up being fit while the girls working hard to win tournaments are going to end up fat.

I don’t know why people keep saying this. I was a rail-thin private school teen for whom the aggressively unathletic Daria was my alter-ego. I came home from school and ate a massive bowl of ice cream every day. A lot of it is just youth. Not everyone is out running around with a hockey stick for hours every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Protein.

I have been overweight my entire life. Finally losing. Always thought I ate relatively healthy. Nope. Too many (lower nutrition) carbs and not enough protein. Not saying keto level of rigidity. Just prioritizing protein at meals.

And then just make sure she's moving each day. Take walks together after dinner. Tell her you are doing it for you..but would love the company if she's up for it. Also a great time to just chat about life.

My lean boys are trying to gain weight and eat more protein. I’m not sure this is the answer.

Make sure your boys know they should be eating protein to help build *muscle*, but they need to be in a caloric surplus in order to do so, and for that they need to be eating lots and lots of carbs.

Protein is the most satiating macro.

They eat a ton but they are athletes and burn a lot of calories. They eat a lot of everything.

That’s all well and good, but your previous response (“I’m not sure [protein] is the answer [for losing weight]”) must have been deliberately disingenuous.

Your boys aren’t eating *protein* to gain weight. They are eating “a ton” to gain weight.

You're being disingenious. Bc when people say that their teen boys are trying to put on weight, they don't just mean a higher number on the scale; those boys are trying to put on muscle mass.

So yes, those boys are eating a ton of protein. My 14yo hits the weights hard. He's 5'9 and about 160-165 lbs (still very lean) and he consumes over 200 grams of protein a day. As he gets up to 185-200 lbs, we'll increase his protein to closer to 225 grams.

But nobody just wants to put on "weight" They want a clean bulk. and the teenagers that are smart about it are consuming a TON of protein

You think about your sons’ bodies too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Protein.

I have been overweight my entire life. Finally losing. Always thought I ate relatively healthy. Nope. Too many (lower nutrition) carbs and not enough protein. Not saying keto level of rigidity. Just prioritizing protein at meals.

And then just make sure she's moving each day. Take walks together after dinner. Tell her you are doing it for you..but would love the company if she's up for it. Also a great time to just chat about life.

My lean boys are trying to gain weight and eat more protein. I’m not sure this is the answer.

Make sure your boys know they should be eating protein to help build *muscle*, but they need to be in a caloric surplus in order to do so, and for that they need to be eating lots and lots of carbs.

Protein is the most satiating macro.

They eat a ton but they are athletes and burn a lot of calories. They eat a lot of everything.

That’s all well and good, but your previous response (“I’m not sure [protein] is the answer [for losing weight]”) must have been deliberately disingenuous.

Your boys aren’t eating *protein* to gain weight. They are eating “a ton” to gain weight.

You're being disingenious. Bc when people say that their teen boys are trying to put on weight, they don't just mean a higher number on the scale; those boys are trying to put on muscle mass.

So yes, those boys are eating a ton of protein. My 14yo hits the weights hard. He's 5'9 and about 160-165 lbs (still very lean) and he consumes over 200 grams of protein a day. As he gets up to 185-200 lbs, we'll increase his protein to closer to 225 grams.

But nobody just wants to put on "weight" They want a clean bulk. and the teenagers that are smart about it are consuming a TON of protein

JFC no sh!t Sherlock. That’s the point. Teen boys eating a sh!t ton of protein to put on muscle has absolutely NOTHING to do with a teen girl eating more protein to curb her appetite and lose weight.

The boys are consuming protein PLUS an absolute sh!t ton of CALORIES to put on weight. If they stick to JUST eating more protein more likely than not they will be under eating and won’t see the results they want at the gym. Because protein is incredibly SATIATING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most teens seem thin so if your child is even a slightly overweight, she may be the odd one out.

My kids all have no fat and they eat tons of junk.

My DD finds it completely unfair that her friends' parents let them eat all the junk food they want and are thin. She's not thin and we definitely limit junk food (basically, one dessert a day, which is still a lot.) The responses to this post will be evenly split with parents saying an overweight kid shouldn't get a dessert a day... and parents saying that by restricting food we are headed toward an eating disorder. It's a struggle EVERY DAY.

My daughter is very skinny but loves to eat. She has the eating habits of an overweight child but she is stick skinny. She eats dessert everyday. She loves ice cream, chips, cookies and chocolate. I don’t know how she is underweight. At he last check up, she was 18th percentile in weight.

We are a thin family who eats the same desserts daily too. It’s portion control. Does she eat a normal size bowl of ice cream everyday, so what? Two pints a day is the problem. A few cookies a day is no big deal. Two sleeves of Oreos are a big deal. Common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid does two travel sports (all her choice) and she is in great shape because of it. That is the way to get that body type.

Encourage health eating and does she want to get involved in a sport that is less popular at her school? I am thinking XC, track? Family walk around the neighborhood.

Also I worry about this school being a good fit

Teens who play in sports have all kinds of body types. You don’t get “that body type” whatever that means. Some softball players are built like Mac trucks. Some soccer players have thick legs. Genetics don’t go away because someone plays a sport. You can get in better shape and a healthy weight but your body type stays the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Protein.

I have been overweight my entire life. Finally losing. Always thought I ate relatively healthy. Nope. Too many (lower nutrition) carbs and not enough protein. Not saying keto level of rigidity. Just prioritizing protein at meals.

And then just make sure she's moving each day. Take walks together after dinner. Tell her you are doing it for you..but would love the company if she's up for it. Also a great time to just chat about life.

My lean boys are trying to gain weight and eat more protein. I’m not sure this is the answer.

Make sure your boys know they should be eating protein to help build *muscle*, but they need to be in a caloric surplus in order to do so, and for that they need to be eating lots and lots of carbs.

Protein is the most satiating macro.

They eat a ton but they are athletes and burn a lot of calories. They eat a lot of everything.

That’s all well and good, but your previous response (“I’m not sure [protein] is the answer [for losing weight]”) must have been deliberately disingenuous.

Your boys aren’t eating *protein* to gain weight. They are eating “a ton” to gain weight.

You're being disingenious. Bc when people say that their teen boys are trying to put on weight, they don't just mean a higher number on the scale; those boys are trying to put on muscle mass.

So yes, those boys are eating a ton of protein. My 14yo hits the weights hard. He's 5'9 and about 160-165 lbs (still very lean) and he consumes over 200 grams of protein a day. As he gets up to 185-200 lbs, we'll increase his protein to closer to 225 grams.

But nobody just wants to put on "weight" They want a clean bulk. and the teenagers that are smart about it are consuming a TON of protein

You think about your sons’ bodies too much.

I’m not that pp but pp who said my sons are trying to gain weight. They are 135 and 125 pounds. They are very lean and trying to gain muscle. I was not being disingenuous. I was simply saying that focusing on eating protein is not the best way to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

Obesity is a major problem in this country. It would be solved if people didn’t eat constantly and snack all day long. Instead have one or two healthy meals a day and have light, healthy snacks if you get hungry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Protein.

I have been overweight my entire life. Finally losing. Always thought I ate relatively healthy. Nope. Too many (lower nutrition) carbs and not enough protein. Not saying keto level of rigidity. Just prioritizing protein at meals.

And then just make sure she's moving each day. Take walks together after dinner. Tell her you are doing it for you..but would love the company if she's up for it. Also a great time to just chat about life.

My lean boys are trying to gain weight and eat more protein. I’m not sure this is the answer.

Make sure your boys know they should be eating protein to help build *muscle*, but they need to be in a caloric surplus in order to do so, and for that they need to be eating lots and lots of carbs.

Protein is the most satiating macro.

They eat a ton but they are athletes and burn a lot of calories. They eat a lot of everything.

That’s all well and good, but your previous response (“I’m not sure [protein] is the answer [for losing weight]”) must have been deliberately disingenuous.

Your boys aren’t eating *protein* to gain weight. They are eating “a ton” to gain weight.

You're being disingenious. Bc when people say that their teen boys are trying to put on weight, they don't just mean a higher number on the scale; those boys are trying to put on muscle mass.

So yes, those boys are eating a ton of protein. My 14yo hits the weights hard. He's 5'9 and about 160-165 lbs (still very lean) and he consumes over 200 grams of protein a day. As he gets up to 185-200 lbs, we'll increase his protein to closer to 225 grams.

But nobody just wants to put on "weight" They want a clean bulk. and the teenagers that are smart about it are consuming a TON of protein

You think about your sons’ bodies too much.

I’m not that pp but pp who said my sons are trying to gain weight. They are 135 and 125 pounds. They are very lean and trying to gain muscle. I was not being disingenuous. I was simply saying that focusing on eating protein is not the best way to lose weight.

It’s also not the best way to gain weight. You claim to understand this point, but you clearly don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is a major problem in this country. It would be solved if people didn’t eat constantly and snack all day long. Instead have one or two healthy meals a day and have light, healthy snacks if you get hungry.

Yes, OP should just tell her 14 year old child that she is a pathetic failure if she feels the need to eat more than once a day. That won't be harmful to her at all.