Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did they omit the first three years,
"The Foundation Years"?

Because the truth would not be popular. There is no study in this world that would suggest leaving an 8 week old baby in a daycare center for 10 hours a day is a good thing.

And that's exactly why most countries have paid maternity leave for up to a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the deal. The very existence of SAHMs makes working moms guilty. The very existence of working moms makes SAHMs guilty. Many commenters here have simply summarized their current situations, and then someone has come along and said "stop making me feel guilty." No one makes you feel anything. Your feelings originate in your own brain.

Yeah, I don't see a lot of WOHMs telling SAHMs they're doing it wrong. This "debate" seems to be WOHMs saying "Really, we're fine" and SAHMs saying "NO YOU'RE NOT!"

You've got to be joking. Read the entire thread, or read the Mommy Wars thread. Plenty of WOHMs trying to tell SAHMs that what they do is "pointless". And those are the most pathetic posts of all because the people writing them really do consider taking care of their own kids a "pointless" task.

I think when WOHMs say "we're fine" you're hearing "what you do is pointless". You seem really invested in believing that other people's kids are damaged. Very sad.

FYI, you're talking to multiple posters. Again, if you had bothered to read these threads in their entirety, you would clearly have seen multiple instances of WOHMs telling SAHMs that what they're doing is, yes, pointless. No one is extrapolating anything here.

[Anonymous]

Neither extreme of parenting is good for helping kids become mature, confident, and well-adjusted adults.

I'd actually like to see a study explore if there is such a thing as spending too much time with one's kids. I think we all know some SAHMs who quit high-powered jobs to stay at home and then obsess over every aspect of their children's lives. I for one know of 2 SAHMs who have NEVER left their children with a babysitter. (kids are in middle/elementary school). The SAHM whose daughter is in middle school has had some severe emotional/social problems. I honestly wonder the degree to which these problems were exacerbated (or even cause) by having a mother whose entire life absolutely revolves around her child.

(and before the flaming begins, OF COURSE this is not a generalization to all SAHMs. I'm talking about SAHMs that obsess over their children. We all know the kind I'm talking about).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All our children should learn that little ones require
competent, loving, and stable care.

One of the most effective ways of teaching,
is to model it.

This is exactly right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The saddest part about this thread is that some of the SAHMs who are so intent on making WOHM feel bad about themselves have daughters of their own, and will teach these daughters that they cannot both have a fulfilling career and be a good mom. Such a false choice. And when some of these daughters do try to maintain careers they've worked their entire lives for and also have children, these women will do their best make them feel awful about it.

Sorry, but you are wrong. I'm the nanny and most of the children I care for, are neglected by their parents. Just sharing my observations here.

Btw, of the handful of nannies I've known, all but one were complete idiots who I would never leave my children with. I would not, however, purport to generalize my limited anecdotes to all nannies, because that would make me an idiot.

But somehow your nanny is just wonderful, a veritable Mary Poppins, right? I'm always amazed at parents who actually believe their nannies adore their children. It's simply a job to them, and one they don't get paid nearly enough to do. Same goes for daycare workers.

Well, I'm the nanny poster on this thread, and I have been described by a reporter as "a modern day Mary Poppins." I have adored 99% of the children who have been entrusted in my care over the years. My work is not only a job, but also my passion and my calling. But you're right, that most so-called nannies, really aren't interested in the optimal development of your child.

I agree I'm not compensated nearly enough in accordance with my accomplishments, even though I may be one of the most pricey nannies in town. Many of my charges have already become very successful adults. One former employer recently introduced me to her friends, saying her daughter is who she is today, because of me. The daughter is a well-known physician. Of course, the compliment was way over the top.

I'm also the poster who knows the critical importance of a primary caregiver who is competent, loving, and stable, especially during the first three foundation years of life. That person can either be a family member, or someone else who is dedicated to her work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the deal. The very existence of SAHMs makes working moms guilty. The very existence of working moms makes SAHMs guilty. Many commenters here have simply summarized their current situations, and then someone has come along and said "stop making me feel guilty." No one makes you feel anything. Your feelings originate in your own brain.

Yeah, I don't see a lot of WOHMs telling SAHMs they're doing it wrong. This "debate" seems to be WOHMs saying "Really, we're fine" and SAHMs saying "NO YOU'RE NOT!"

You've got to be joking. Read the entire thread, or read the Mommy Wars thread. Plenty of WOHMs trying to tell SAHMs that what they do is "pointless". And those are the most pathetic posts of all because the people writing them really do consider taking care of their own kids a "pointless" task.

I think when WOHMs say "we're fine" you're hearing "what you do is pointless". You seem really invested in believing that other people's kids are damaged. Very sad.

FYI, you're talking to multiple posters. Again, if you had bothered to read these threads in their entirety, you would clearly have seen multiple instances of WOHMs telling SAHMs that what they're doing is, yes, pointless. No one is extrapolating anything here.

Not the PP, and I certainly have not read all the threads in this topic, but I have read most of this thread and don't recall any posts like you describe. There are many decrying working moms for letting someone else raise their children, blah blah blah, but I suspect many of these could be attributed to a couple posters, such as the disgruntled nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the deal. The very existence of SAHMs makes working moms guilty. The very existence of working moms makes SAHMs guilty. Many commenters here have simply summarized their current situations, and then someone has come along and said "stop making me feel guilty." No one makes you feel anything. Your feelings originate in your own brain.

Yeah, I don't see a lot of WOHMs telling SAHMs they're doing it wrong. This "debate" seems to be WOHMs saying "Really, we're fine" and SAHMs saying "NO YOU'RE NOT!"

You've got to be joking. Read the entire thread, or read the Mommy Wars thread. Plenty of WOHMs trying to tell SAHMs that what they do is "pointless". And those are the most pathetic posts of all because the people writing them really do consider taking care of their own kids a "pointless" task.

I think when WOHMs say "we're fine" you're hearing "what you do is pointless". You seem really invested in believing that other people's kids are damaged. Very sad.

FYI, you're talking to multiple posters. Again, if you had bothered to read these threads in their entirety, you would clearly have seen multiple instances of WOHMs telling SAHMs that what they're doing is, yes, pointless. No one is extrapolating anything here.

Not the PP, and I certainly have not read all the threads in this topic, but I have read most of this thread and don't recall any posts like you describe. There are many decrying working moms for letting someone else raise their children, blah blah blah, but I suspect many of these could be attributed to a couple posters, such as the disgruntled nanny.

Just not so bright, are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The saddest part about this thread is that some of the SAHMs who are so intent on making WOHM feel bad about themselves have daughters of their own, and will teach these daughters that they cannot both have a fulfilling career and be a good mom. Such a false choice. And when some of these daughters do try to maintain careers they've worked their entire lives for and also have children, these women will do their best make them feel awful about it.

Sorry, but you are wrong. I'm the nanny and most of the children I care for, are neglected by their parents. Just sharing my observations here.

Btw, of the handful of nannies I've known, all but one were complete idiots who I would never leave my children with. I would not, however, purport to generalize my limited anecdotes to all nannies, because that would make me an idiot.

But somehow your nanny is just wonderful, a veritable Mary Poppins, right? I'm always amazed at parents who actually believe their nannies adore their children. It's simply a job to them, and one they don't get paid nearly enough to do. Same goes for daycare workers.

Well, I'm the nanny poster on this thread, and I have been described by a reporter as "a modern day Mary Poppins." I have adored 99% of the children who have been entrusted in my care over the years. My work is not only a job, but also my passion and my calling. But you're right, that most so-called nannies, really aren't interested in the optimal development of your child.

I agree I'm not compensated nearly enough in accordance with my accomplishments, even though I may be one of the most pricey nannies in town. Many of my charges have already become very successful adults. One former employer recently introduced me to her friends, saying her daughter is who she is today, because of me. The daughter is a well-known physician. Of course, the compliment was way over the top.

I'm also the poster who knows the critical importance of a primary caregiver who is competent, loving, and stable, especially during the first three foundation years of life. That person can either be a family member, or someone else who is dedicated to her work.

I'm the above poster. 13:38 thinks I'm a disgruntled nanny.
Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All our children should learn that little ones require
competent, loving, and stable care.

One of the most effective ways of teaching,
is to model it.

Are you trying to write haikus?

One of the most appropriate ways of using commas,
Is not like this.

I just stumbled into this nightmare thread, but whoever you are (the part I bolded) I want to quote David Cassidy. I think I love you.

[Anonymous]

I don't consider an hour at tr bounce house quality time. Being around to have a conversation with my kid about a problem they are having or answering a hard question or helping them to learn a new skill - that I consider quality time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the deal. The very existence of SAHMs makes working moms guilty. The very existence of working moms makes SAHMs guilty. Many commenters here have simply summarized their current situations, and then someone has come along and said "stop making me feel guilty." No one makes you feel anything. Your feelings originate in your own brain.

Yeah, I don't see a lot of WOHMs telling SAHMs they're doing it wrong. This "debate" seems to be WOHMs saying "Really, we're fine" and SAHMs saying "NO YOU'RE NOT!"

You've got to be joking. Read the entire thread, or read the Mommy Wars thread. Plenty of WOHMs trying to tell SAHMs that what they do is "pointless". And those are the most pathetic posts of all because the people writing them really do consider taking care of their own kids a "pointless" task.

I think when WOHMs say "we're fine" you're hearing "what you do is pointless". You seem really invested in believing that other people's kids are damaged. Very sad.

FYI, you're talking to multiple posters. Again, if you had bothered to read these threads in their entirety, you would clearly have seen multiple instances of WOHMs telling SAHMs that what they're doing is, yes, pointless. No one is extrapolating anything here.

Not the PP, and I certainly have not read all the threads in this topic, but I have read most of this thread and don't recall any posts like you describe. There are many decrying working moms for letting someone else raise their children, blah blah blah, but I suspect many of these could be attributed to a couple posters, such as the disgruntled nanny.

Just not so bright, are you?

Just not so nice, are you? And yeah, for the very reason that I keep checking back on this toxic thread, no I must not be very bright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't consider an hour at tr bounce house quality time. Being around to have a conversation with my kid about a problem they are having or answering a hard question or helping them to learn a new skill - that I consider quality time.

So taking a child to an enjoyable, shared experience isn't quality time? What if I take my kid to the beach? Fishing? A water park? Disney?

I'm curious how old your kids are because if having a conversation is a requisite for quality time, you can write off ages 12-15 right now.

[Anonymous]

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/04/02/upshot/yes-your-time-as-a-parent-does-make-a-difference.html

A counter opinion to the article the OP cited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't consider an hour at tr bounce house quality time. Being around to have a conversation with my kid about a problem they are having or answering a hard question or helping them to learn a new skill - that I consider quality time.

So taking a child to an enjoyable, shared experience isn't quality time? What if I take my kid to the beach? Fishing? A water park? Disney?

I'm curious how old your kids are because if having a conversation is a requisite for quality time, you can write off ages 12-15 right now.

As I'd mentioned, it's not so much WHAT you do,
but HOW you do it.

To that I'll add, you need to be meeting
your child's needs on some level.

The better you know your child,
the better equipped you are to do that.

Hence, what IS quality time with one child,
might not be quality with another child.

~The Nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't consider an hour at tr bounce house quality time. Being around to have a conversation with my kid about a problem they are having or answering a hard question or helping them to learn a new skill - that I consider quality time.

So taking a child to an enjoyable, shared experience isn't quality time? What if I take my kid to the beach? Fishing? A water park? Disney?

I'm curious how old your kids are because if having a conversation is a requisite for quality time, you can write off ages 12-15 right now.

As I'd mentioned, it's not so much WHAT you do,
but HOW you do it.

To that I'll add, you need to be meeting
your child's needs on some level.

The better you know your child,
the better equipped you are to do that.

Hence, what IS quality time with one child,
might not be quality with another child.

~The Nanny

Well thanks for the advice. Are you currently between jobs? Guessing so do to the amount of daytime posts.