Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Because he has a wife to pick up the slack. He takes the path of least resistance. OP doesn’t have a lot of good choices. If she divorces she still has to quit breastfeeding the toddler because it will be all on her to take both kids to the ER next time. Breast milk and rigid bedtime routines be damned.

NP

" rigid bedtime routines" What's that mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because he has a wife to pick up the slack. He takes the path of least resistance. OP doesn’t have a lot of good choices. If she divorces she still has to quit breastfeeding the toddler because it will be all on her to take both kids to the ER next time. Breast milk and rigid bedtime routines be damned.

NP

" rigid bedtime routines" What's that mean?

A routine that allows only one parent to perform it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because he has a wife to pick up the slack. He takes the path of least resistance. OP doesn’t have a lot of good choices. If she divorces she still has to quit breastfeeding the toddler because it will be all on her to take both kids to the ER next time. Breast milk and rigid bedtime routines be damned.

NP

" rigid bedtime routines" What's that mean?

A routine that allows only one parent to perform it.

NP: it does indeed sound a bit rigid but toddler ages tend to be the worst age for this (IME) and I don’t think it is super uncommon. 2 of my 3 kids were difficult at that age, but none were by the time they were 3ish+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP is a SAHM and she makes her DH get up in the night for a nosebleed????

I am trying to imagine being married to a man so wimpy and delicate that he couldn’t do that without issue. Omg.

Needing sleep is a standard issue requirement for all adults. The one who has to drag his ass out of bed and be presentable at work is the one who gets to have an issue with getting up for a nosebleed when the SAHP should be able to handle it herself.

This is so bizarre to me. DH and I both work FT, and both are able to handle nighttime issues without acting in such a way. Most normal people can. There is clearly something wrong with this guy.

[Anonymous]

As a victim of domestic violence, get out now. This may end up being more than a temper tantrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP is a SAHM and she makes her DH get up in the night for a nosebleed????

I am trying to imagine being married to a man so wimpy and delicate that he couldn’t do that without issue. Omg.

Needing sleep is a standard issue requirement for all adults. The one who has to drag his ass out of bed and be presentable at work is the one who gets to have an issue with getting up for a nosebleed when the SAHP should be able to handle it herself.

Did she say that she woke him up? It doesn’t appear so.

If the toddler was screaming, the DH was probably woken up as well. The nosebleed may have involved a lot more time and rustling around (cleaning the kid up in the bathroom, potentially changing sheets, toddler frightened and crying more about all the blood etc) that your regular “toddler wakes up fussy, soothe and quietly head to the rocking chair” type thing. So the DH had to deal with more noise and was truly woken up with all of the ruckus (and got ticked off). That is pretty pathetic on the DH’s part.

She didn’t say that she purposely woke him up to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So OP is a SAHM and she makes her DH get up in the night for a nosebleed????

I am trying to imagine being married to a man so wimpy and delicate that he couldn’t do that without issue. Omg.

Needing sleep is a standard issue requirement for all adults. The one who has to drag his ass out of bed and be presentable at work is the one who gets to have an issue with getting up for a nosebleed when the SAHP should be able to handle it herself.

This is so bizarre to me. DH and I both work FT, and both are able to handle nighttime issues without acting in such a way. Most normal people can. There is clearly something wrong with this guy.

Agree!

I have 4 kids and they all knew we split bedtime routine by day "dad's night" or "mom's night". The routine varied slightly - I did math story problems after reading and DH did hidden pictures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because he has a wife to pick up the slack. He takes the path of least resistance. OP doesn’t have a lot of good choices. If she divorces she still has to quit breastfeeding the toddler because it will be all on her to take both kids to the ER next time. Breast milk and rigid bedtime routines be damned.

NP

" rigid bedtime routines" What's that mean?

A routine that allows only one parent to perform it.

She's breastfeeding. But I'm sure this guy is totally dying to perform the nighttime routine and it's mean mommy who devised this plot to alienate him from the kids, since he's such a loving, patient father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
These are both medical examples but he loses it during any kind of mundane stress, kid won't get ready for school on time, kid isn't hungry and won't eat at dinner, kid isn't listening, whatever. Just normal everyday parental interactions he manages to get so worked up and makes every situation worse and way more stressful than it needs to be. We use an easy 1,2,3 then time-out strategy at our house when our kids our misbehaving, which works well for them, and he never remembers to use it, just lets himself get super annoyed and angry instead and then blows up. We talk about it and he admits he loses his patience too easily and feels bad but we never get beyond that.

Everyone's focused on the details of the two medical things, but the OP also wrote a third paragraph noting that he's a b**ch all of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because he has a wife to pick up the slack. He takes the path of least resistance. OP doesn’t have a lot of good choices. If she divorces she still has to quit breastfeeding the toddler because it will be all on her to take both kids to the ER next time. Breast milk and rigid bedtime routines be damned.

NP

" rigid bedtime routines" What's that mean?

A routine that allows only one parent to perform it.

She's breastfeeding. But I'm sure this guy is totally dying to perform the nighttime routine and it's mean mommy who devised this plot to alienate him from the kids, since he's such a loving, patient father.

Breastfeeding a toddler is a choice, not a necessity. This mean mommy had not one but two kids with this man. What was she thinking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
These are both medical examples but he loses it during any kind of mundane stress, kid won't get ready for school on time, kid isn't hungry and won't eat at dinner, kid isn't listening, whatever. Just normal everyday parental interactions he manages to get so worked up and makes every situation worse and way more stressful than it needs to be. We use an easy 1,2,3 then time-out strategy at our house when our kids our misbehaving, which works well for them, and he never remembers to use it, just lets himself get super annoyed and angry instead and then blows up. We talk about it and he admits he loses his patience too easily and feels bad but we never get beyond that.

Everyone's focused on the details of the two medical things, but the OP also wrote a third paragraph noting that he's a b**ch all of the time.

Yes, blowing up and being angry signals possible abuse if not already

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just really over my husband's inability to control his temper during any kind of stressful parenting situation. Case in point, a couple days ago my 6 yo daughter came home from camp where she had a basketball hit her on the side of the head. Initially she seemed ok but around dinnertime started complaining of severe ear pain and a headache. Called her pediatrician who advised us to go to urgent care to get her checked out. As I'm still breastfeeding a young toddler, my husband was to take her and spent the entire time they were getting ready to go huffing around the house, slamming dresser drawers or whatever, because he was pissed that he had to go, because he didn't think her pain was "that bad" and "nobody gets a concussion from a basketball." Meanwhile this is while I'm comforting my daughter who is in a lot of pain. On the way out he slammed the front door. Cute. Turns out she had a pretty severe injury and ended up vomiting and dizzy and needed to be admitted to the hospital.. she's doing a lot better now but I'm just still so angry when I think about his temper tantrum about taking his injured kid to urgent care.

Oh and a few weeks ago our toddler had a nosebleed in the middle of the night and my husband and I were with him to help, and my husband was just so angry at having been woken up that he was cussing out the toddler,"WTF (toddler name!)! It's the middle of the night! ARRRGHHHH", and stomping around, meanwhile the poor kid can't help that he had a nosebleed and is scared and stressed out already and I'm trying to get both of them to calm down.

These are both medical examples but he loses it during any kind of mundane stress, kid won't get ready for school on time, kid isn't hungry and won't eat at dinner, kid isn't listening, whatever. Just normal everyday parental interactions he manages to get so worked up and makes every situation worse and way more stressful than it needs to be. We use an easy 1,2,3 then time-out strategy at our house when our kids our misbehaving, which works well for them, and he never remembers to use it, just lets himself get super annoyed and angry instead and then blows up. We talk about it and he admits he loses his patience too easily and feels bad but we never get beyond that.

BTDT. Tried tons of counseling, meds, more counseling, more meds, for years. Don't waste the time. Divorce is the only path forward though not a solution for the problem. People like this are incapable of change. Be aware that you will still have to deal with it if you have kids, it will just be a bit less. But he will call you whenever these things happen when kids are with him, and you will have to solve it for the sake of the children. Eventually, kids will realize he is an idiot and that is slightly redeeming to know that others see the same deficits that you do, but the underlying problem will still be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because he has a wife to pick up the slack. He takes the path of least resistance. OP doesn’t have a lot of good choices. If she divorces she still has to quit breastfeeding the toddler because it will be all on her to take both kids to the ER next time. Breast milk and rigid bedtime routines be damned.

NP

" rigid bedtime routines" What's that mean?

A routine that allows only one parent to perform it.

She's breastfeeding. But I'm sure this guy is totally dying to perform the nighttime routine and it's mean mommy who devised this plot to alienate him from the kids, since he's such a loving, patient father.

I didn’t breastfeed my kids for long (hated it) but isn’t the toddler 14 months old? I don’t think breastfeeding at bedtime is considered terribly out of the norm is it? I had a really hard time getting one of mine to give up the bedtime bottle.

I think in the same situation my DH would rather be the parent who takes the older one to urgent care vs being left struggling with the toddler (if memory serves, they are particularly unreasonable at that age, lol).

I suppose OP could’ve just taken both of the kids to urgent care, but really, that shouldn’t be necessary. Whether she is the primary parent or whether DH has to work the next day or not. And the DH should be able to pitch in without becoming irrational. A nighttime trip to urgent care isn’t exactly an everyday situation. Imagine if a WOHM just stated that “well, it’s 8pm and I have to work tomorrow. I’m not to be bothered for any reason, even if there is a medical issue!” And then pitched a fit if she was woken. Can you imagine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just really over my husband's inability to control his temper during any kind of stressful parenting situation. Case in point, a couple days ago my 6 yo daughter came home from camp where she had a basketball hit her on the side of the head. Initially she seemed ok but around dinnertime started complaining of severe ear pain and a headache. Called her pediatrician who advised us to go to urgent care to get her checked out. As I'm still breastfeeding a young toddler, my husband was to take her and spent the entire time they were getting ready to go huffing around the house, slamming dresser drawers or whatever, because he was pissed that he had to go, because he didn't think her pain was "that bad" and "nobody gets a concussion from a basketball." Meanwhile this is while I'm comforting my daughter who is in a lot of pain. On the way out he slammed the front door. Cute. Turns out she had a pretty severe injury and ended up vomiting and dizzy and needed to be admitted to the hospital.. she's doing a lot better now but I'm just still so angry when I think about his temper tantrum about taking his injured kid to urgent care.

Oh and a few weeks ago our toddler had a nosebleed in the middle of the night and my husband and I were with him to help, and my husband was just so angry at having been woken up that he was cussing out the toddler,"WTF (toddler name!)! It's the middle of the night! ARRRGHHHH", and stomping around, meanwhile the poor kid can't help that he had a nosebleed and is scared and stressed out already and I'm trying to get both of them to calm down.

These are both medical examples but he loses it during any kind of mundane stress, kid won't get ready for school on time, kid isn't hungry and won't eat at dinner, kid isn't listening, whatever. Just normal everyday parental interactions he manages to get so worked up and makes every situation worse and way more stressful than it needs to be. We use an easy 1,2,3 then time-out strategy at our house when our kids our misbehaving, which works well for them, and he never remembers to use it, just lets himself get super annoyed and angry instead and then blows up. We talk about it and he admits he loses his patience too easily and feels bad but we never get beyond that.

BTDT. Tried tons of counseling, meds, more counseling, more meds, for years. Don't waste the time. Divorce is the only path forward though not a solution for the problem. People like this are incapable of change. Be aware that you will still have to deal with it if you have kids, it will just be a bit less. But he will call you whenever these things happen when kids are with him, and you will have to solve it for the sake of the children. Eventually, kids will realize he is an idiot and that is slightly redeeming to know that others see the same deficits that you do, but the underlying problem will still be there.

This is 18:07. Also, he may escalate and break objects. These are early signals of abuse. Ask me how I know. Immediately call policy and apply for a restraining order to document for divorce proceedings. Hopefully this will get you more custody, though not 100pct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because he has a wife to pick up the slack. He takes the path of least resistance. OP doesn’t have a lot of good choices. If she divorces she still has to quit breastfeeding the toddler because it will be all on her to take both kids to the ER next time. Breast milk and rigid bedtime routines be damned.

NP

" rigid bedtime routines" What's that mean?

A routine that allows only one parent to perform it.

She's breastfeeding. But I'm sure this guy is totally dying to perform the nighttime routine and it's mean mommy who devised this plot to alienate him from the kids, since he's such a loving, patient father.

Breastfeeding a toddler is a choice, not a necessity. This mean mommy had not one but two kids with this man. What was she thinking?

Do you know how babies are made? The man has a part in it.