To my husband’s work AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Won't someone please think of the homewreckers!?" --DCUM cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) thinking it's perfectly fine for OP's life to be destroyed, but don't dare hurt the people who were the destroyers.

The moment you cheat on your spouse, is the moment you forego any consideration by your spouse. The spouse who has been betrayed, gets to decide how they react, not some stranger whose own marriage is undoubtedly unhappy and you empathize w/ a cheater because you are one or want to be one.

OP, don't do anything before you really think about it, but ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think people are thinking about the OW's husband. OP seems to be gleeful about wrecking that marriage without regard to the innocent people involved. I, for one, am not sure I'd want to know if my spouse were cheating.

The cheating whore had zero regard to the innocent wife and kids.

If you blew your husband more often he wouldn’t have had to find someone who would.

You have fun with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Won't someone please think of the homewreckers!?" --DCUM cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) thinking it's perfectly fine for OP's life to be destroyed, but don't dare hurt the people who were the destroyers.

The moment you cheat on your spouse, is the moment you forego any consideration by your spouse. The spouse who has been betrayed, gets to decide how they react, not some stranger whose own marriage is undoubtedly unhappy and you empathize w/ a cheater because you are one or want to be one.

OP, don't do anything before you really think about it, but ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think people are thinking about the OW's husband. OP seems to be gleeful about wrecking that marriage without regard to the innocent people involved. I, for one, am not sure I'd want to know if my spouse were cheating.

The cheating whore had zero regard to the innocent wife and kids.

You seem to miss the point. The OW's husband is an innocent party here, and OP is getting her revenge at his expense. She is pretending that she's doing it in part to help him, but the reality is that she is doing it for spite and without regard to the OW's husband. That's selfish. It makes OP less sympathetic.

I disagree. There are a few people who say they wouldn't want to know their partner is cheating, but the vast majority seem to want to know. It's not getting revenge at his expense - it's giving him the option to liberate himself from a cheating whore who doesnt respect him or their marriage vows. It's not pretending to help him - it IS helping him. If he chooses to stay, he chooses with full knowledge of what shes done and capable of. He can adjust expectations accordingly. Keeping him in the dark only benefits the cheaters. Don't be a cheater and you dont have to worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Won't someone please think of the homewreckers!?" --DCUM cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) thinking it's perfectly fine for OP's life to be destroyed, but don't dare hurt the people who were the destroyers.

The moment you cheat on your spouse, is the moment you forego any consideration by your spouse. The spouse who has been betrayed, gets to decide how they react, not some stranger whose own marriage is undoubtedly unhappy and you empathize w/ a cheater because you are one or want to be one.

OP, don't do anything before you really think about it, but ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think people are thinking about the OW's husband. OP seems to be gleeful about wrecking that marriage without regard to the innocent people involved. I, for one, am not sure I'd want to know if my spouse were cheating.

The cheating whore had zero regard to the innocent wife and kids.

You seem to miss the point. The OW's husband is an innocent party here, and OP is getting her revenge at his expense. She is pretending that she's doing it in part to help him, but the reality is that she is doing it for spite and without regard to the OW's husband. That's selfish. It makes OP less sympathetic.

The AP’s husband is going to be hurt because of the AP (his wife)’s actions. OP is just the messenger. The second the wife banged some other dude she hurt her spouse, he just doesn’t know it yet.

I don’t think OP is gleeful about the other husband getting hurt, I think she wants to be able to call out the people who hurt her and have them suffer the consequences of their choices. This is an understandable feeling. If a coworker told a lie at work to blame a mistake on you, you would be justified at wanting to prove they lied even if it meant they could lose their job, which would hurt their innocent family members. It’s a normal human feeling to want to see someone who wronged you suffer consequences (on a much larger scale rape victims testify against criminals, sorry to the criminal’s family, but that isn’t the victim’s fault).

Don’t go out and behave in a way that will hurt your family, and if you get caught it is your fault alone that you hurt innocent people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Won't someone please think of the homewreckers!?" --DCUM cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) thinking it's perfectly fine for OP's life to be destroyed, but don't dare hurt the people who were the destroyers.

The moment you cheat on your spouse, is the moment you forego any consideration by your spouse. The spouse who has been betrayed, gets to decide how they react, not some stranger whose own marriage is undoubtedly unhappy and you empathize w/ a cheater because you are one or want to be one.

OP, don't do anything before you really think about it, but ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think people are thinking about the OW's husband. OP seems to be gleeful about wrecking that marriage without regard to the innocent people involved. I, for one, am not sure I'd want to know if my spouse were cheating.

The cheating whore had zero regard to the innocent wife and kids.

You seem to miss the point. The OW's husband is an innocent party here, and OP is getting her revenge at his expense. She is pretending that she's doing it in part to help him, but the reality is that she is doing it for spite and without regard to the OW's husband. That's selfish. It makes OP less sympathetic.

The AP’s husband is going to be hurt because of the AP (his wife)’s actions. OP is just the messenger. The second the wife banged some other dude she hurt her spouse, he just doesn’t know it yet.

I don’t think OP is gleeful about the other husband getting hurt, I think she wants to be able to call out the people who hurt her and have them suffer the consequences of their choices. This is an understandable feeling. If a coworker told a lie at work to blame a mistake on you, you would be justified at wanting to prove they lied even if it meant they could lose their job, which would hurt their innocent family members. It’s a normal human feeling to want to see someone who wronged you suffer consequences (on a much larger scale rape victims testify against criminals, sorry to the criminal’s family, but that isn’t the victim’s fault).

Don’t go out and behave in a way that will hurt your family, and if you get caught it is your fault alone that you hurt innocent people.

OP is 100% gleeful about destroying OW's marriage and hurting the husband. It's selfish, and she's doing it for her own gratification. It's selfish. Your whole post is such nonsense mental gymnastics to avoid the obvious.

[Anonymous]

All betrayal marriage therapists believe exposure to all is the best course of action when dealing with an affair. It helps snap people out of affair fog and to minimize the damage as much as possible.

Truth is good. Secrets and lies are bad. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Won't someone please think of the homewreckers!?" --DCUM cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) thinking it's perfectly fine for OP's life to be destroyed, but don't dare hurt the people who were the destroyers.

The moment you cheat on your spouse, is the moment you forego any consideration by your spouse. The spouse who has been betrayed, gets to decide how they react, not some stranger whose own marriage is undoubtedly unhappy and you empathize w/ a cheater because you are one or want to be one.

OP, don't do anything before you really think about it, but ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think people are thinking about the OW's husband. OP seems to be gleeful about wrecking that marriage without regard to the innocent people involved. I, for one, am not sure I'd want to know if my spouse were cheating.

The cheating whore had zero regard to the innocent wife and kids.

You seem to miss the point. The OW's husband is an innocent party here, and OP is getting her revenge at his expense. She is pretending that she's doing it in part to help him, but the reality is that she is doing it for spite and without regard to the OW's husband. That's selfish. It makes OP less sympathetic.

no, the OW did this to husband. That he finds out from someone else is beside the point.
OP I'm sure doesn't care if she appears sympathetic or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Won't someone please think of the homewreckers!?" --DCUM cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) thinking it's perfectly fine for OP's life to be destroyed, but don't dare hurt the people who were the destroyers.

The moment you cheat on your spouse, is the moment you forego any consideration by your spouse. The spouse who has been betrayed, gets to decide how they react, not some stranger whose own marriage is undoubtedly unhappy and you empathize w/ a cheater because you are one or want to be one.

OP, don't do anything before you really think about it, but ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think people are thinking about the OW's husband. OP seems to be gleeful about wrecking that marriage without regard to the innocent people involved. I, for one, am not sure I'd want to know if my spouse were cheating.

The cheating whore had zero regard to the innocent wife and kids.

You seem to miss the point. The OW's husband is an innocent party here, and OP is getting her revenge at his expense. She is pretending that she's doing it in part to help him, but the reality is that she is doing it for spite and without regard to the OW's husband. That's selfish. It makes OP less sympathetic.

The AP’s husband is going to be hurt because of the AP (his wife)’s actions. OP is just the messenger. The second the wife banged some other dude she hurt her spouse, he just doesn’t know it yet.

I don’t think OP is gleeful about the other husband getting hurt, I think she wants to be able to call out the people who hurt her and have them suffer the consequences of their choices. This is an understandable feeling. If a coworker told a lie at work to blame a mistake on you, you would be justified at wanting to prove they lied even if it meant they could lose their job, which would hurt their innocent family members. It’s a normal human feeling to want to see someone who wronged you suffer consequences (on a much larger scale rape victims testify against criminals, sorry to the criminal’s family, but that isn’t the victim’s fault).

Don’t go out and behave in a way that will hurt your family, and if you get caught it is your fault alone that you hurt innocent people.

OP is 100% gleeful about destroying OW's marriage and hurting the husband. It's selfish, and she's doing it for her own gratification. It's selfish. Your whole post is such nonsense mental gymnastics to avoid the obvious.

"The obvious" what, exactly? The fact that OP wants to lash out? So?

Another PP above has nailed what you simply refuse to see: "OP is just the messenger. The second the wife banged some other dude she hurt her spouse, he just doesn’t know it yet."

OP's motivations really don't matter, even if she does want to tell the AP's DH because her motivation is punishing the AP. Even if that's a terrible motivation. The DH still should know. And the OP isn't the one harming the AP's spouse. That person is 100 percent his wife, the AP.

If telling the DH does not give OP the gratification or closure or "gleeful" pleasure you think she wants, so what? That's HER outcome.

The cheated-on DH's outcome, whatever it ends up being, wlll at least be one fully informed by knowing his wife's actions. He likely will know exactly where to place blame, and it won't be on OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Won't someone please think of the homewreckers!?" --DCUM cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) thinking it's perfectly fine for OP's life to be destroyed, but don't dare hurt the people who were the destroyers.

The moment you cheat on your spouse, is the moment you forego any consideration by your spouse. The spouse who has been betrayed, gets to decide how they react, not some stranger whose own marriage is undoubtedly unhappy and you empathize w/ a cheater because you are one or want to be one.

OP, don't do anything before you really think about it, but ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think people are thinking about the OW's husband. OP seems to be gleeful about wrecking that marriage without regard to the innocent people involved. I, for one, am not sure I'd want to know if my spouse were cheating.

The cheating whore had zero regard to the innocent wife and kids.

You seem to miss the point. The OW's husband is an innocent party here, and OP is getting her revenge at his expense. She is pretending that she's doing it in part to help him, but the reality is that she is doing it for spite and without regard to the OW's husband. That's selfish. It makes OP less sympathetic.

I disagree. There are a few people who say they wouldn't want to know their partner is cheating, but the vast majority seem to want to know. It's not getting revenge at his expense - it's giving him the option to liberate himself from a cheating whore who doesnt respect him or their marriage vows. It's not pretending to help him - it IS helping him. If he chooses to stay, he chooses with full knowledge of what shes done and capable of. He can adjust expectations accordingly. Keeping him in the dark only benefits the cheaters. Don't be a cheater and you dont have to worry about it.

100%

Cheating wives are often secretly plotting divorce for when kids go to college or lining things up for a hopeful exit affair. They are positioning themselves to get spouses $$, even meeting attornies and will use the “grew apart” while he is hit out of the blue and zero agency or knowledge she has been cheating. Some are even siphoning $ off.

It’s best they know.

[Anonymous]

^ these nice guys are clueless and will concede in a divorce. It’s best they know their truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Won't someone please think of the homewreckers!?" --DCUM cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) thinking it's perfectly fine for OP's life to be destroyed, but don't dare hurt the people who were the destroyers.

The moment you cheat on your spouse, is the moment you forego any consideration by your spouse. The spouse who has been betrayed, gets to decide how they react, not some stranger whose own marriage is undoubtedly unhappy and you empathize w/ a cheater because you are one or want to be one.

OP, don't do anything before you really think about it, but ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think people are thinking about the OW's husband. OP seems to be gleeful about wrecking that marriage without regard to the innocent people involved. I, for one, am not sure I'd want to know if my spouse were cheating.

The cheating whore had zero regard to the innocent wife and kids.

You seem to miss the point. The OW's husband is an innocent party here, and OP is getting her revenge at his expense. She is pretending that she's doing it in part to help him, but the reality is that she is doing it for spite and without regard to the OW's husband. That's selfish. It makes OP less sympathetic.

I disagree. There are a few people who say they wouldn't want to know their partner is cheating, but the vast majority seem to want to know. It's not getting revenge at his expense - it's giving him the option to liberate himself from a cheating whore who doesnt respect him or their marriage vows. It's not pretending to help him - it IS helping him. If he chooses to stay, he chooses with full knowledge of what shes done and capable of. He can adjust expectations accordingly. Keeping him in the dark only benefits the cheaters. Don't be a cheater and you dont have to worry about it.

100%

Cheating wives are often secretly plotting divorce for when kids go to college or lining things up for a hopeful exit affair. They are positioning themselves to get spouses $$, even meeting attornies and will use the “grew apart” while he is hit out of the blue and zero agency or knowledge she has been cheating. Some are even siphoning $ off.

It’s best they know.

That was my ex’s AP’s plan. She talked about future divorce. Soured things for him when the no-strings agreement of course morphed into finding a lucrative, new man to support her—and slowly started indicating it would be him. Dropped her fast after that. These are not good people. They have motives. They are sneaky, lying, unscrupulous low value people. Spouses definitely need to know their truths.

[Anonymous]

Jeffs blog post today seems to confirm that OP IS the author of the previous thread (50 year old dude and 20 something married pregnant business partner).

Interesting development!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Won't someone please think of the homewreckers!?" --DCUM cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) thinking it's perfectly fine for OP's life to be destroyed, but don't dare hurt the people who were the destroyers.

The moment you cheat on your spouse, is the moment you forego any consideration by your spouse. The spouse who has been betrayed, gets to decide how they react, not some stranger whose own marriage is undoubtedly unhappy and you empathize w/ a cheater because you are one or want to be one.

OP, don't do anything before you really think about it, but ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think people are thinking about the OW's husband. OP seems to be gleeful about wrecking that marriage without regard to the innocent people involved. I, for one, am not sure I'd want to know if my spouse were cheating.

The cheating whore had zero regard to the innocent wife and kids.

You seem to miss the point. The OW's husband is an innocent party here, and OP is getting her revenge at his expense. She is pretending that she's doing it in part to help him, but the reality is that she is doing it for spite and without regard to the OW's husband. That's selfish. It makes OP less sympathetic.

The AP’s husband is going to be hurt because of the AP (his wife)’s actions. OP is just the messenger. The second the wife banged some other dude she hurt her spouse, he just doesn’t know it yet.

I don’t think OP is gleeful about the other husband getting hurt, I think she wants to be able to call out the people who hurt her and have them suffer the consequences of their choices. This is an understandable feeling. If a coworker told a lie at work to blame a mistake on you, you would be justified at wanting to prove they lied even if it meant they could lose their job, which would hurt their innocent family members. It’s a normal human feeling to want to see someone who wronged you suffer consequences (on a much larger scale rape victims testify against criminals, sorry to the criminal’s family, but that isn’t the victim’s fault).

Don’t go out and behave in a way that will hurt your family, and if you get caught it is your fault alone that you hurt innocent people.

OP is 100% gleeful about destroying OW's marriage and hurting the husband. It's selfish, and she's doing it for her own gratification. It's selfish. Your whole post is such nonsense mental gymnastics to avoid the obvious.

"The obvious" what, exactly? The fact that OP wants to lash out? So?

Another PP above has nailed what you simply refuse to see: "OP is just the messenger. The second the wife banged some other dude she hurt her spouse, he just doesn’t know it yet."

OP's motivations really don't matter, even if she does want to tell the AP's DH because her motivation is punishing the AP. Even if that's a terrible motivation. The DH still should know. And the OP isn't the one harming the AP's spouse. That person is 100 percent his wife, the AP.

If telling the DH does not give OP the gratification or closure or "gleeful" pleasure you think she wants, so what? That's HER outcome.

The cheated-on DH's outcome, whatever it ends up being, wlll at least be one fully informed by knowing his wife's actions. He likely will know exactly where to place blame, and it won't be on OP.

You just assert that OW's husband should know, but you don't know that he wants to or needs to know. It's just what a selfish person says to justify hurting someone else for your own spiteful purposes. "The obvious" is that OP doesn't care about hurting someone else for her own pleasure -- ironically, just like the cheaters. You just want to suggest it is righteous by asserting, without any basis, that the husband wants to or "should" know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Won't someone please think of the homewreckers!?" --DCUM cheaters (or wannabe cheaters) thinking it's perfectly fine for OP's life to be destroyed, but don't dare hurt the people who were the destroyers.

The moment you cheat on your spouse, is the moment you forego any consideration by your spouse. The spouse who has been betrayed, gets to decide how they react, not some stranger whose own marriage is undoubtedly unhappy and you empathize w/ a cheater because you are one or want to be one.

OP, don't do anything before you really think about it, but ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your family.

I think people are thinking about the OW's husband. OP seems to be gleeful about wrecking that marriage without regard to the innocent people involved. I, for one, am not sure I'd want to know if my spouse were cheating.

The cheating whore had zero regard to the innocent wife and kids.

You seem to miss the point. The OW's husband is an innocent party here, and OP is getting her revenge at his expense. She is pretending that she's doing it in part to help him, but the reality is that she is doing it for spite and without regard to the OW's husband. That's selfish. It makes OP less sympathetic.

The AP’s husband is going to be hurt because of the AP (his wife)’s actions. OP is just the messenger. The second the wife banged some other dude she hurt her spouse, he just doesn’t know it yet.

I don’t think OP is gleeful about the other husband getting hurt, I think she wants to be able to call out the people who hurt her and have them suffer the consequences of their choices. This is an understandable feeling. If a coworker told a lie at work to blame a mistake on you, you would be justified at wanting to prove they lied even if it meant they could lose their job, which would hurt their innocent family members. It’s a normal human feeling to want to see someone who wronged you suffer consequences (on a much larger scale rape victims testify against criminals, sorry to the criminal’s family, but that isn’t the victim’s fault).

Don’t go out and behave in a way that will hurt your family, and if you get caught it is your fault alone that you hurt innocent people.

OP is 100% gleeful about destroying OW's marriage and hurting the husband. It's selfish, and she's doing it for her own gratification. It's selfish. Your whole post is such nonsense mental gymnastics to avoid the obvious.

"The obvious" what, exactly? The fact that OP wants to lash out? So?

Another PP above has nailed what you simply refuse to see: "OP is just the messenger. The second the wife banged some other dude she hurt her spouse, he just doesn’t know it yet."

OP's motivations really don't matter, even if she does want to tell the AP's DH because her motivation is punishing the AP. Even if that's a terrible motivation. The DH still should know. And the OP isn't the one harming the AP's spouse. That person is 100 percent his wife, the AP.

If telling the DH does not give OP the gratification or closure or "gleeful" pleasure you think she wants, so what? That's HER outcome.

The cheated-on DH's outcome, whatever it ends up being, wlll at least be one fully informed by knowing his wife's actions. He likely will know exactly where to place blame, and it won't be on OP.

You just assert that OW's husband should know, but you don't know that he wants to or needs to know. It's just what a selfish person says to justify hurting someone else for your own spiteful purposes. "The obvious" is that OP doesn't care about hurting someone else for her own pleasure -- ironically, just like the cheaters. You just want to suggest it is righteous by asserting, without any basis, that the husband wants to or "should" know.

You don't think he has any right to know? That his wife is cheating on him? Exposing him to STDs? Potentially planning to blindside him? What is wrong with you? Stop protecting cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how the cheaters/aps always out themselves in the comments. It’s fine if you wouldn’t tell anyone that your husband and his coworker are banging, but trying to dissuade other women from telling the truth? Disgusting and truly nasty.

Eh, it’s not about not telling the truth. If she had come on here and said that was her purpose I think she wouldn’t have gotten pushback. Her purpose is clearly revenge. Ruining the other woman’s life. Etc.

Sorry, but you don’t have that kind of power! So you tell him. You have no idea what’s going to happen after that. Maybe they reconcile. Maybe it helps them fix their marriage to see how far it’s gone. Or maybe it pushes your DH and his AP closer together.

You just don’t control other people’s lives. And frankly, living from that place instead of trying to get your life together is just not healthy. What does OP need to do to heal?

Who are you to tell someone else what is ‘healthy’ in handling this kind of betrayal? Maybe it’s not healthy for you, maybe it’s totally healthy for others. Maybe getting everything out in the open IS the healthier way, rather than rug sweeping or bottling it up for the sake of random internet people judging 🙄

Boundaries are healthy. Yes, it’s her right to inform him if that’s what she chooses. It’s her right to tell her truth.

But she oversteps when she talks about ruining someone else’s life, marriage, and career. That kind of talk is frankly abusive and shows a misunderstanding of what her own responsibility is in this. She has been hurt and her main responsibility is to address her own hurt. Sorry, but you can’t do that by hurting or trying to control someone else. That is codependency.

She is upset that her trust was misplaced and the plans she had can’t be realized. This is grief.

Victims can do whatever they need to heal. Period. If they want to tell, you can’t stop them. Period. You can’t expect people you harm to help hide your dirty deeds and secrets. Why should they? And why should you get to sleep soundly at night with no consequences when another woman’s life has been destroyed partly by you? You can have countless sleepless nights and torment, hey, at least it was your own will that caused them unlike the unsuspecting spouse.

Murder?

FFS, dummy. Of course they mean “legal”.

That’s not what she said. She said whatever. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeffs blog post today seems to confirm that OP IS the author of the previous thread (50 year old dude and 20 something married pregnant business partner).

Interesting development!

Sad that in 50+ years OP hasn’t learned emotional regulation. This is the kind of behavior I’d expect from a 30 year old.