What I’m noticing from millennial high achieving moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? I’m an elder millennial who has noticed that phrases like Trad Wife, Passenger Princess, and Soft Life are trending on TikTok.

Oink
Oink

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? I’m an elder millennial who has noticed that phrases like Trad Wife, Passenger Princess, and Soft Life are trending on TikTok.

I have no idea what this means. I don’t go on TikTok. Raising my three kids, running every day, making $$, and trying to do my part to help rescue animals and wildlife is what I care about. I don’t care about people baking sourdough or dancing to weird songs. I don’t even check the gram or Facebook. Waste of time. DCUM is also a waste but I try to keep it to 20 minutes a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? I’m an elder millennial who has noticed that phrases like Trad Wife, Passenger Princess, and Soft Life are trending on TikTok.

those are actually all gen z focused trends.
They are possible only because of the creator economy. A couple of them have super high net worth and thus it's a flex.

Pls read the WSJ article about how influences don’t make money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 1982 millennial and I seem to know a ton of couples who are one-and-done. Are these 3-kid families not in urban areas I wonder?

You are in your 40s and some millennials are still in their 20s. That would be the same as lumping you in with 56 year old mothers. It’s Too big a gap to use the term millennial.

But they are still a millennial…millennials are people born between 1981-1996. All generations have a big gap between the oldest in the generation and the youngest in the generation.

[Anonymous]

Of course millennials aren’t becoming sahms. With remote work, they get paid for more of the time they spend parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1990 here, also Ivy grad. I've observed One And Done -OR- no kids actually. I had a kid at 30 and was the earliest one in my friend group.

Not for rich folks in this age group. 3-5 kids seems to be the norm at our country club.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Interesting convo. Oldest of the millennials here. Wife has been a SAHM to 3 kids for well over a decade. She worked for a F100 in management when she stepped away. If she’d stayed on track she’d make about 20-25% of what I make today. The money would be nice. But she was upfront with me from day 1 about wanting to SAHM.

Perhaps there is an assortment issue here. Overwhelming majority of our circle are in our boat with a SAHM. Of the few that do work, it is typically in a scaled back, flex role. The only exception is a mom of four in a big fed atty job and she makes about 10-15% of what her husband makes. So, not needed financially, but she likes to work.

I think what you describe is more typical of middle or lower middle class.
Op is describing upper middle class millennials

Really, middle or lower class would be making 10 - 15% of HHI with a fed attorney salary?? I didn't realize lower or middle class hhi was 1 mil but this is DCUM

Ha! I had that thought too. What is pp talking about that a seven figure HHI is lower middle class?

This thread isn’t about husbands income. It’s about a woman’s status regardless of their husband’s job. The question is if these women were high achievers/ Ivy League type grad in fields like law, medicine , engineering, etc. these are the woman we are discussing.

Many posters conflate high-achieving and high-earning. I know know many academics (PIs, tenured professors). Many of them are well-recognized in their respective fields but not necessarily highly compensated.

I don’t think it’s a conflation. Being an award winning NIH scientist is very impressive but making $160K at 36 in DC after attending Harvard and Cambridge for years is not that impressive. Barely or not being able to afford a house in your late 30s or not being able to have your first kid until 35 or 36 due to post doc obligations is not really a flex. Two of my friends meet the above criteria except one is at NIH and one is a professor in Europe (trying to be deliberately vague so I don’t identify them). They are both 36 and married to nice guys who are not high earners. Neither owns a house. One has two children and one just had her first. Kids are all in daycare settings all day due to work obligations and the cost of a nanny. I am in tech and thankful every day that I did not pursue a DPhil and that life. I make double what they do and am remote. I also met my very successful husband working in the real world. Having money is a total flex.

NIH scientists are doing admirable work making a difference in the world and you just have a job. I would take the scientists life over yours in a minute. You are ordinary which is fine but the work and intelligence it takes to be one of the scientists at NIH is extraordinary

I am a former NIH scientist and I wouldn't go back to that toxic swamp for anything. They have the bad characteristics of other fed jobs but hide behind the greater purpose BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cost benefit. Depends how invested they are in their careers, how deeply involved the mother wants to be in their children’s lives. Even if you have a flexible wfh job, you will still not be able to spend as much time with DCs as a SAH. I like to spend my time in each aspect with my kids (tutoring, making sure they’re high achievers in school and activities, taking my time to make them healthy meals, etc) and pass on everything I know to them, so SAH works. Others need a job to be fulfilled so their choice works for them. I personally think my mode of SAH confers more advantage for my kids, but to each their own.

This is actually the #1 reason I choose to work. I could quit tomorrow and we would be just fine financially, but then I would be tempted to make my children my new "project". Better to model high achievement than to snowplow your way to it.

For you maybe.

I have a longer range perspective as an older GenX who runs in the professionally elite circles of Ward 3. [b]The kids whose mom took some time off when they were young — say 0-8 — are more impressive as a cohort, generally. Smarter, better personalities, more poise.

Having a low-education nanny for years, then Lord of the Flies aftercare, has a more durable and negative impact on the youngest minds than striver parents care to admit. [/b]

And we all went back to work or resumed full time. Medicine, law, nonprofit and corporate real estate.

I think you have a vested interest in maintaining this point of view.

As someone who is a parent and has worked in well regarded DC independent schools...this is absolutely true. The striver moms do not know or do not want to know that the teachers can tell who had an engaged mom at home during the early years. The key is engaged. Because many of the SAHMs also have nannies while they played tennis and volunteered all around town in lieu of developing their children. So it isn't just a working mother problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? I’m an elder millennial who has noticed that phrases like Trad Wife, Passenger Princess, and Soft Life are trending on TikTok.

those are actually all gen z focused trends.
They are possible only because of the creator economy. A couple of them have super high net worth and thus it's a flex.

Pls read the WSJ article about how influences don’t make money.

A lot of them don’t make money but 1) that doesn’t stop a person from pretending like being an influencer is lucrative - the old “fake it til you make it” thing, 2) it doesn’t matter if you only make $30k/year if your own parents/family are supporting your lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? I’m an elder millennial who has noticed that phrases like Trad Wife, Passenger Princess, and Soft Life are trending on TikTok.

those are actually all gen z focused trends.
They are possible only because of the creator economy. A couple of them have super high net worth and thus it's a flex.

Pls read the WSJ article about how influences don’t make money.

Anyone have a link to non-paywall version?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1990 here, also Ivy grad. I've observed One And Done -OR- no kids actually. I had a kid at 30 and was the earliest one in my friend group.

I don't think of one and done or no kids as a flex. Three kids is very common in my area (Greenwich). That's the flex. Everything on the initial list is accurate. The running marathons is not something that I see (and I'm a former college runner so these are my people) but being very fit is definitely a flex.

PP here. I wasn't trying to say it's a flex. Just that it's the trend I see in my cohort. I'm 34 and I don't know anyone with 3 kids, a few with two kids, and quite a lot with one kid or no kids.

b/c you are only 34! most people have one kid at that age, i'm surprised you know some with 2 unless its a toddler & newborn. the only people i know who have kids before age 30 are south asian doctors- most people arent even married before then!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? I’m an elder millennial who has noticed that phrases like Trad Wife, Passenger Princess, and Soft Life are trending on TikTok.

those are actually all gen z focused trends.
They are possible only because of the creator economy. A couple of them have super high net worth and thus it's a flex.

Pls read the WSJ article about how influences don’t make money.

Anyone have a link to non-paywall version?

I didn't see a gift link option, only a general share link so not sure if this will work:

https://www.wsj.com/tech/social-media-influencers-arent-getting-richtheyre-barely-getting-by-71e0aad3?st=b9xkmww04vo3dvs&reflink=article_copyURL_share

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? I’m an elder millennial who has noticed that phrases like Trad Wife, Passenger Princess, and Soft Life are trending on TikTok.

those are actually all gen z focused trends.
They are possible only because of the creator economy. A couple of them have super high net worth and thus it's a flex.

Pls read the WSJ article about how influences don’t make money.

Yes but they all think they will

[Anonymous]

Jeff was right. This thread is effing weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 1982 millennial and I seem to know a ton of couples who are one-and-done. Are these 3-kid families not in urban areas I wonder?

You are in your 40s and some millennials are still in their 20s. That would be the same as lumping you in with 56 year old mothers. It’s Too big a gap to use the term millennial.

But they are still a millennial…millennials are people born between 1981-1996. All generations have a big gap between the oldest in the generation and the youngest in the generation.

The big gap makes these terms virtually useless. I don’t know why people use them.